Oh please, make the fighting stop!

[Mum2Es]

I can't stand it! :banghead

Princess is 6. She's a fairly gentle natured kid, with a tendency to attempt to parent her younger sister (often in sweet ways like trying to comfort after an injury or help with toileting; sometimes in bossy, dictatorial ways.) Chicken is 3. She is fairly intense and very attached to me, unwilling to take any sort of direction or care from her Dad, Grandma, aunties, etc, and certainly not from her sister.

They fight ALL.THE.TIME lately. I can't stand it, it really pushes my buttons. Princess will correct Chicken on something, Chicken will contradict her, Princess will insist, Chicken will amp it up, then Princess will SCREAM at Chicken and then Chicken will explode into a massive feral meltdown including screaming and hitting. Princess often pushes or slaps Chicken too in these situations. :(

I try to intervene al la Siblings Without Rivalry before the bickering amps up, but it all happens in about 3 seconds and I often don't get there in time.

Then I lose my temper, and scream at them not to scream at each other :blush and in the last couple of days I've even lost my cool enough to slap Princess on two occasions. :bheart Then I beat myself up for setting such a bad example; how can I expect them to handle situations calmly and rationally if I lose my temper and yell and hit? :( Then I apologise and soothe hurt feelings and comfort them both.

It's an oft repeated cycle over the last couple of weeks.

Can you help me make it stop? Please?

[Mum2Es]

Thank you Rene. :heart

My immediate gut reaction to your advice was "NO!! I don't want to have to do that!" Because they have always played for endless periods of time happily and harmoniously together without need for intervention, and I've treasured that. I could even have a 10 minute shower and trust that they wouldn't kill each other while I was in there.

But I've just re-read your post and I'm thinking :think you may be right. You're not suggesting that they have to be separated at all times and not allowed to play together. Right? Just that I set them up to succeed. So rather than leaving them to play in their room at the other end of the house while I am on GCM :shifty, optimistically hoping things will revert to how they used to be and they will play pleasantly, I need to structure the situation a bit more intentionally. :think

I think I could do that. I have been really really busy (overcommitted) lately, and I admit that my time for my children has been what has suffered. Things are settling down as I get into the swing of my new work and therefore need to spend less time in preparation, so hopefully I can give the kids more of my energy and attention.

[mamacat]

Sinlings hit stagees like that where the age difference dynamics change and they dont play as happily together as they once did but it will most likely change back when they are a bit older.Right now chick is not the little compliant baby anymore who was probably once happy toddling after big sis and doing whatever she wanted her to and P isnt mature enough to handle the 3 yr old C.I agree with trying to have them engage with diff. activities and only do things together like playing outside or watching a DVD that are more general or when you are right there with them.

[The Tickle Momster]

This was super helpful to me as well. :hug and :ty3 I've been :hiding cause I'm so sick of dealing with it. :( :sigh

Mine are a bit older, but similar stuff going on. It's harder to separate them in advance just because I don't like to interrupt their play. Guess I need to start doing that. :think

[MomtoJGJ]

We are in a similar place... And I can tell you that just a week of active involvement with them constantly, even though that's something I actually dread doing, has helped tremendously. They still each have their individual issues (sassy-ness from the 8yo, insanity from the 6yo, belligerence from the almost 5yo, and a spoiled ;) 2yo.) but they aren't physically hurting each other as much. And their individual issues are much easier to deal with actually. Like Grace was being 6 this morning and I was easily able to separate her from everyone else until she was ready to act appropriately. And it didn't actually affect anyone else.