How do you take care of yourself?

[LovelyGourmet]

As an AP momma I love having my babies close to me :heart. And I hate leaving them for any length of time. But lately I've been feeling SO burned out. I feel like the only reason anyone wants me around is because they need something from me.

K is my baby, he's 10 months. He has severe eczema and is EBF so he's very attached to me. If I'm not right there when he gets upset he will shred any part of his skin he can get ahold of :(. And he doesn't nap :sadno. I'm always nursing him, carrying him or holding his arms down.

When K is happy playing on the floor. C (my 3 year old) is torturing him (holding on to his leg so he can't crawl, throwing blankets over his head, taking any toy that seems at all interesting to K and running away with it.)

I feel so behind in housework. I feel like a mean mom because I "lose it" all the time even over stupid stuff. I feel like I just need a break! (But not at the expense of my kids and Dh, just something to keep me sane!)

What do you do for yourself to stay sane as a mom and wife? What do you do when you just need a break but you have a baby who won't let you out of his sight? How do you take care of yourself but make sure your taking care of everyone else too? :scratch

[nessnco]

I used to have a bath at night when I felt touched out and if I was over being touched during the day we went for a walk to the park, for me the change of scenery made a big difference.

[staceylayne]

:popcorn

[mommychem]

:hug2 It has been tough for me now that I have two DC. For the last three weeks, I have taken one night to drive to Whole Foods alone, mostly to browse, but that has done wonders for me. I haven't been out for more than an hour so my babies have not felt terribly deprived of my presence. :heart

[greengirl19]

When we were in the rough phase of very needy baby who couldn't be put down and a DH who's not much help if he's even home, I went for a lot of walks. A stroller if it was super hot or in a back carrier. Or sat on the porch and helped G hold and throw a ball for the dog. So, fresh air was really helpful for my sanity. It's tough mama, hang in there!

[MommyKlein]

Going for lunch or shopping with a friend for a few hours is always good. Going to the gym by myself was something I always enjoyed. Just an hour alone at the house with the music turned up dancing around. :)

[Tandem mama]

I got DH to start giving me time to take a shower ALONE in the mornings.

I just dyed my hair. I'm still working on this as I have two very HN babies.

[katiekind]

That sounds really rough with the eczema, Tosha. Poor baby! Poor momma! My husband and I worked out a signal system, so that when I was near the end of my rope, if I would let him know that in enough time for him to make a plan, his promise to me was that relief would be in sight--he would rearrange his schedule at the earliest possibility to give me at least a couple hours off, if not a whole afternoon, if not a whole day. You know, just depending on the age of the children at the time. It was so nice to know I had that backup plan available to me.

As an introvert, going to the library for a couple hours would help me a lot. That's often what I would do if I could only be gone for a couple of hours because of the baby's needs.

Hope you find something that works for you, momma.

[Kailie]

I go to the gym before my baby wakes up. I take an early morning boot camp class.

I make sure I'm eating well. I find my ability to deal with stuff goes WAY down when I'm not eating well or drinking enough water.

When dh is around I sometimes take a walk to Starbucks and pick myself up a treat. It is about 1/2 a block away so I'm there and back in about 15 minutes but sometimes 15 minutes by myself is amazing.

DH wakes up with dd on Saturday. I usually on get an extra hour or so of sleep but it is awesome. Sometimes I'm even able to sneak a nap in.

I make time to have friends over to the house to visit.

I'm a BIG E so we get out of the house at least once a day. We go for lots of walks, go swimming, visit my mom.

[gentlemommy]

What do you do for yourself to stay sane as a mom and wife? What do you do when you just need a break but you have a baby who won't let you out of his sight? How do you take care of yourself but make sure your taking care of everyone else too? :scratch

Currently, I am going to the gym every morning before the kids wake up. It's working great. I also usually go out and do something alone for a few hours a few times a month, on the weekend when dh can stay with the girls.

During different stages in their lives, it has worked better for dh to take them out so they were going to do something fun rather than me "leaving" them at home. It was easier on my dd that way when she was younger. We also used to all go out somewhere (mall, strip mall with lots of stores, etc.) and dh would go off with my dd and I'd go off in the other direction. That worked well too. The distractions helped her accept the separation, and I was always nearby if she really needed to nurse or whatever. But I had time to myself to browse the bookstore, or just walk around and enjoy the peace and quiet.

As far as housework, does your dh help? Have you been able to work out a routine/balance that works for all members of the household so no one is getting burned out?

When needing breaks and help with housework, it has worked well if I am very direct with dh and tell him what I am feeling and needing, very specifically.

[J3K]

What do you do for yourself to stay sane as a mom and a wife?

I like to read. I must read daily. Sometimes I only get a chapter in before my eyes drift shut , sometimes I'm up all night. But..it has that tawdry escapist quality that many find in tv shows. I'm not a tv show kinda girl. :giggle

What do you do when you just need a break but you have a baby who won't let you out of his sight ?
I learned my limit and learned to ask for help BEFORE I hit that limit. I stopped considering it an embarrassment to ask for help from others. Dh and I had code words that we'd use to show we were approaching the cliffs edge. I also repeated to myself all the time "this is a phase and it WILL pass." It may take years to pass , but it will pass. And now that it's passed (for me) I can tell you that the mantra a) really works and b) isn't a lie. It really does pass.

How do you take care of yourself but make sure that taking care of everyone else too? by taking care of myself I AM taking care of others. By refueling my gas tank even when I'm not on empty. By taking those few minutes wherever I could grab them and praying , singing a worship song , taking a power nap , working out in ten minute bites , going shopping by myself , etc... Those little things really do add up to a full tank. I allowed myself to be cared for.

[Bethany89]

Poor baby :(

I think it is sooo important to take care of ourselves as well as we take care of our DC. I make sure to take a shower whenever Andrew is home, whether in the morning or night, so I can make sure it is a nice, hot one without having to worry about my DD.

I read; I love to read.

Sometimes, I make a trip to Joann's to get some project stuff. I love crocheting and sewing, so I get things for new projects. I go by myself in the evening, usually no more than 30-45 minutes away, but wandering the store can do a lot! Also, I grocery shop alone. I am a couponer and have found that I can save the most when I can concentrate, so on Andrew's days off, I go grocery shopping every two weeks. It takes me like an hour. Plus, they love their alone time together so it helps us both since he works long hours and doesn't have alone time with her like I do.

[marbles]

My time is in the evenings. I usually take that time to just sit down and eat chocolate and watch a show. When not pregnant, I would do some cleaning while Lucca slept but that's out the window and now I just sit :) if Daniel is home I take a bath sometimes (I don't take a bath when he's working because I don't like that waiting for something to happen feeling)

[staceylayne]

No lie, yesterday was rough. And I was already running on empty (my own fault). I sent DH a text that said "I want to run away. If dinner is ready when you get home can I run away until bedtime?".

I got baby to sleep just before he arrived and I ended up having a couple hours to myself...even if the plan was to just get a nap mat and gallon of milk from Walmart. (Shh...I made a detour on the way and stopped at a cheap nail salon for pretty toenails. They are blue!)

Someday I want to be a get-up-before-the-kids mama. Working out in the morning sounds so awesome in theory. But I really gotta learn to be a go-to-bed-before-1am mama. Oh, willpower, where art thou?

[DahliaRW]

I definitely found it the hardest when mine were too young to sustain themselves on solids and I had to be around frequently enough to nurse. Once they would eat, and go to bed for dh, it really really was a huge help.

To the OP, 10 months is a hard age. But keep in perspective, a few months down the road your LO won't be as needy. It will happen, even if it's not as soon as you'd like. I find that it helps to keep in mind that this phase is not forever...even if it feels like it!

As for time for yourself, find little things now that work around your LOs schedule. A shower, your dh takes your 3yo out so you only have to deal with one child for a bit, a half hour to go grocery shopping, by yourself, read a book (or watch your favorite tv show or something) while your 3yo naps and your baby is nursing, etc.

Hang in there!

[Joanne]

Have you explored dairy allergy with your baby? The excema and sleep pattern are classic. You might be dairy free for all I know, but I thought I'd mention it.

[ReadingMommy]

I try to get to the YMCA about 3 times/wk for about an hour each time (my kids are 3 and 13mos and have to go with me, but thankfully my Y has a very good childcare room. I'm not totally thrilled about leaving my 13 mo old, but she has gotten used to it and it's become really important for my sanity and our routine!) Then there're weeks like this one, where both the kids have been sick and we haven't left the house at all for 2 days. I can definitely tell a difference in MY mood! The other thing I do is stay up entirely too late reading at night. It's like I can't fall asleep without that mental "me break":-/

[1day@time]

I can empathize with this post completely! In Dr. Sears book he has a list of high needs characteristics and my children cover them all. I have one super independent, high spirited and one clinger. My escape is also the gym. Two nights a week hubby straps on the babyhawk and hits the track while I go to a weight lifting class.....I'm so worn out after the hour that I can't stress anymore. :yawn

[PinkPearlGirl]

I take a long hot shower at night once baby is asleep. My DH used to have to bounce baby while I was showering and he would step in the bathroom to talk to me while he was doing it. I finally said, "honey, this is the only time I have to myself all day." He totally got it then and now I look forward to my evening hot, long shower to wind down! :hugheart

[glasslilies]

For me, I make sure to pick a time during the day when Baby is happiest and go for a run; by myself if hubby is home or pushing the stroller if the big boy's at school. Sometimes, even if it's quick, the fresh air and new scenery works wonders.

Like many previous posters, if I haven't been eating or sleeping well or staying hydrated, I don't deal as well.

Now I know how fleeting the phase of needing mommy constantly is so it's easier to realize that with each baby. It's like a quote I once heard "the days are long but the years are short"

[LovelyGourmet]

Have you explored dairy allergy with your baby? The excema and sleep pattern are classic. You might be dairy free for all I know, but I thought I'd mention it.

I tried going of dairy for a little while, we didn't see much of a difference but I personally didn't think I was DF long enough to tell. Me being DF drove Dh crazy though and I have a hard time getting enjoy food in me when I cut out dairy :(

****Oh DUR! :doh that was supposed to say ENOUGH not ENJOY!****

[J3K]

It'd be worth it to try again for a longer period. Yeah , it's a pain , but it's so worth it. Gut issues , skin issues , health issues , if they can be solved with something as "easy" and "pain free" as going without dairy , it should be tried.

Today I did for myself:

I got a grande iced caramel macchiato and drank the whole thing. :giggle

I'm going to bed early (after I finish typing this post) and I'm going to read a cheesy romance book.

[mum2abby]

I found as they get older its easier. Make a little time to do something for yourself that you enjoy...

Maybe you just want to sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and read...could you send DH out with the kids? My DH often takes them to the park or for a walk or down to the mailbox or heck yesterday he took them shoe shopping! :shrug3 Even 20 minutes will be a huge relief for you...

[mom-n-training]

These ideas are really helpful! I often feel like I'm being a bad mom if I just spend an extra five minutes in the bathroom going number two once my hubby gets home, and my son is almost 14 months. We can put so much pressure on ourselves. It helps to know other moms are taking time for them.

Keep the ideas coming!

[Llee]

Now that both girls are old enough to go without nursing, and dh and I are both in a place of good mental health again :shifty, once a week or so, I get to go out in the evening. There's another GCMer in the area and a friend who also needs to get out, so I'll probably get together with them.

Each girl will also go on a daddy/daughter and mommy/daughter date once a month.