bedtime

[Sparrow]

:ph and :banghead

I hate bedtime.

I don't know if I need hugs, or advice or both. :-/

In a nutshell - we've I've always stayed with the kids til they fell asleep. I think part of it stemmed from my childhood, being alone and terrified and waiting for sleep.... and part of it is not knowing what else to do IRT CIO, because, well, if I refuse to let my near 3 Max out of his room, and "just leave him" he will cry.

I'm sick of waiting for him to fall asleep. The wide eyed blinky whites of his eyes (and he has beautiful eyes) makes me want to say things I shouldn't say. I want to punch holes in the wall.

And I don't know what to do. He is currently alone in his room. Kicking the wall. Not in anger, just laying on his bed, legs in air, and then letting them land on the wall.

I'm done with bedtime going this way. D-O-N-E. I feel in my quest for a gentle bedtime I've dug myself a hole I will never be able to crawl out of, and created a plethora of sleep issues.

Please. :help

[joysworld]

Not sure how helpful this is, but I got tired of it, and now give them melatonin :bag I'm thinking of doing a sticker chart. They like to sleep in the living rooms, so I'm thinking of setting a goal of a certain amount of stickers, and that if they earn that many stickers, then they earned a sleep over in the living room. I don't know if that's punitive or not though. They don't have to earn the stickers by laying in their bed and going straight to sleep, but rather as long as they stay in their bed quietly, they'll earn a sticker. I'm still mulling this over.

[Sparrow]

:scratch melatonin.... good idea!
I'm toying with the idea of getting dh to pick up some bendryl tonight. I've had a stupid day, and want to crack open some wine.

He's been quiet for 10 minutes. I'm going to peek in a him now.

ETA - he sat up and said "I sad you are gone" I kissed him, made an excuse to leave, and promised to come back. I guess I'll keep repeating until he falls asleep, gradually leaving longer gaps between times..... :shrug

[nessnco]

I know you've had enough of lying down maybe as a transition you can set a timer for 5 mins and say I'll lie here and snuggle for 5 mins and then I'm getting up and its time for sleep. I used to leave my kids books to look at when I left the room (One of my girls didn't sleep for long and didn't fall asleep till about an hour after I put her to bed so my main objective was keeping her in bed) sticker charts are great, even getting to choose breakfast is a great reward. As a side note that same child is now 21 and still barely sleeps (about 5/6 hours a night) and she moves like the energizer bunny.

[Aerynne]

This might not be great, but we put our kids to bed around 9. If we try around 8, they are so frustrating to get to bed. At nine, they just go to bed so easily!

[Pearl In Oyster]

A few weeks ago, I got to the same point you are at now in terms of frustration with needing to stay in the room while C fell asleep and it taking FOREVER.

So I changed up our routine, first at naptime. I did our wind-down routine for naptime and then told her it was time for her to sleep. She asked me to stay, and I said I would stay for five minutes. After that time, I got up and found things to do. The first day, I stayed mostly in her room as there was laundry to put away and toys to pick up. I had to leave the room at some point to put something away. Before I left, I told her I wanted her to practice her self-control and keep herself on her bed. If she couldn't I would help her by putting her back.

Sure enough, as soon as I left, she got out of bed and followed me into the hall. I wordlessly followed through and took her back to her bed and continued working in her room for a while before I came upon another task that took me out of the room. She stayed on her bed longer before following me out into the hall, and again I wordlessly took her back.

After a few times of that, she would get out of bed, but not leave the room. She'd run back to her bed when she saw me coming back into the room.

Eventually she stayed on her bed long enough to fall asleep.

After a few days of that at nap time, I implemented the same at bedtime. It wasn't quite as smooth, and she had some big feelings about it. I empathized with her and encouraged her that she could do it and Mommy and Daddy were just in the next room, but didn't move the limit that she needed to stay on her bed until she fell asleep. She came out a few times, to ask to go potty, to ask for the fan on or off, to ask for help with her covers, etc. But after the initial burst of big feelings, there were no tears, and it was less frustrating than sitting there feeling trapped and watching her fidget and blink wide awake when I wanted her to be sleeping!

That's been our bedtime pattern for about a week now. She's getting better and better at staying on her bed.

Interesting side effect: She's waking up happier. She used to always wake up from her naps crying and disoriented. Now she toddles out to find me, all smiles. May just be a coincidence though.

[mamacat]

I weaned my first the way you said.I would snuggle and read a story for a bit and then say that I was going to the bathroom and would be back in a minute to check on her.Would go into bathroom and usually clean etc. for a ew minutes and then peek in.Usually she was asleep.You can turn on some music when you go or something.

[Sparrow]

This might not be great, but we put our kids to bed around 9. If we try around 8, they are so frustrating to get to bed. At nine, they just go to bed so easily!

It doesn't work, he gets up earlier that way go figure.

I've been not napping him and he's been falling asleep with 10 minutes of snuggling.

---------- Post added at 05:38 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:35 PM ----------



Interesting side effect: She's waking up happier. She used to always wake up from her naps crying and disoriented. Now she toddles out to find me, all smiles. May just be a coincidence though.

Oh, Max wakes up screaming and crying from his naps too.

I see that C and Max are only a month apart too. And lucky you with her using the potty :shifty

---------- Post added at 05:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:38 PM ----------

I weaned my first the way you said.I would snuggle and read a story for a bit and then say that I was going to the bathroom and would be back in a minute to check on her.Would go into bathroom and usually clean etc. for a ew minutes and then peek in.Usually she was asleep.You can turn on some music when you go or something.

I'm really feeling this is the best course of action. DH keeps saying that he doesn't know what 5 minutes is, or whatever. But I want to pop back in, so if he is awake, then he trusts me. Once he trusts that I will do what I say, I think he'll be able to fall asleep with less anxiety.
:kiss :kiss:cool (says Max right now :giggle)

[cheri]

My dd1 was about 2.5 when I stopped lying in bed waiting for her to fall asleep. It just became ridiclous. She could draw it out for 2 hours sometimes- rolling around, kicking her legs, sitting up, putting her arms on me, kicking me, pinching me sometimes.

Finally when I said enough, I put her to bed, would lie with her for a few minutes, and then would tell her that it was time to go to sleep, and walk out of the room. In the beginning, she wasn't happy about it, but it didn't take long for her to get used to that routine. And then she was taking maybe 5-10 minutes to fall asleep vs. the 2 hours that it took when I was with her.

[Sparrow]

My dd1 was about 2.5 when I stopped lying in bed waiting for her to fall asleep. It just became ridiclous. She could draw it out for 2 hours sometimes- rolling around, kicking her legs, sitting up, putting her arms on me, kicking me, pinching me sometimes.



And this is what drives me to want to kick the wall. Because he kicks and rolls, and pinches.... and those sweet little whites of his eyes...... man, I really hate feeling this way about wanting him to just close his leaping eyes. :bag

[hey mommy]

And this is what drives me to want to kick the wall. Because he kicks and rolls, and pinches.... and those sweet little whites of his eyes...... man, I really hate feeling this way about wanting him to just close his leaping eyes. :bag

I feel the exact same way while rocking my 20 month old to sleep..

[twentysixcats]

I'm with you here. I'm struggling with bedtime a lot. I am subbing so I can come back and read later when I have more time.

[mommychem]

Oh the bedtime struggle. :mad I need to post about my own but get exhausted just thinking about it. Subbing to get some ideas... :hugheart

[Sparrow]

No naps seem to do the trick so far.... its now taking 20 minutes from going into the room and being sound asleep (this includes 2 stories). This is totally manageable.