BlueWaterAnnie
08-01-2011, 08:07 PM
....and winning....
My dd is two and two and four months. We practice a modified co-sleeping. DH or I stay with her until she falls asleep in her own bed. If/when she cries for us in the middle of the night, one of us goes in and co-sleeps with her in her full size bed and the other gets a chance to get a good, full nights rest in the master bed.
This works well for all of us. Both DH and I are very content with this set up, feeling it gives us what we need: time alone with each other for "whatever" after she falls asleep, co-sleeping with her and turns at a good night's sleep.
It works for our family beautifully.
And then I start driving myself nuts. A friend with a boy close to DD's age and one year old TWINS just puts them down in their cribs, fully awake, walks out of the room and they go to sleep. :scratch
I start telling myself, DD SHOULD be doing this too. Then other mothers in my playgroup describe the exact same thing, just leaving their two year olds or younger, in their own rooms, alone.
I start to think, "am I doing this wrong? why does DD need me or dh to fall asleep."
(side note: the friend mentioned above also has the tv on all day and lets her kids watch any and every show that comes on. We don't even have a tv. I don't compare myself to her in that area, I don't think, "well, DD SHOULD be watching lots of tv!" So, why do I do it with co-sleeping??)
So, tonight I decide its time for my two year old to just sleep alone and deal with it! :blush
I do our bedtime routine, tell her mommy is going to sleep in her own bed and I'll see her in the morning. I walk out. And DD starts whimpering, then fully crying and saying, "mommy, where ARE you?!" I call into her room, "I'm here, go to sleep."
Nope. More crying, heading into the sobbing, catching your breath kind.
I argue with myself:
"stick it out, it'll be bad tonight, but it'll get better. DON'T GO IN."
"wait, she's only two, not even two and a half, I have to go in"
"don't go in, she has to learn"
"she's really upset and now saying she's scared, I have to go in!!"
"don't go in! you'll just spoil her!"
"I'm going in, that's my baby!"
And I go in, get DD calmed down. But as she's falling asleep with me, she keeps letting out little cries and then grasping my shirt or my arm and holding tight to make sure I stay.
And I realize: she's two. A baby. I still consider children under three "babies" even though my friends/family think I'm nuts for that. They tell me two is old enough to be independent.
My DD is ahead in a lot of areas, she is extremely verbal and tall. Most think she is 3 or even 4 when she talks. So, I tend to forget that she is still a baby emotionally. I have to watch other young two's and remind myself, "that's really where DD is, her verbal ability has nothing to do with her emotional development. "
So, I have to tell myself not to care what other people think, not to care how they put their kids to bed. My gut, my mommy instinct is telling me to stick with what is working beautifully for my family-even if people think we're weird.
DH said something that really struck me about this. As I said, she's advanced in a lot of areas like language, math, etc. When I was complaining about her not sleeping by herself and having no interest in potty training/no idea when she is even peeing, DH says, "isn't she allowed to be behind in a few areas? Does she have to be ahead or like other kids in everything?"
Wow. That put it in perspective. No, DD doesn't "have" to be anything. So, even if others say I am babying her....to bad, we will continue our modified co-sleeping!
My dd is two and two and four months. We practice a modified co-sleeping. DH or I stay with her until she falls asleep in her own bed. If/when she cries for us in the middle of the night, one of us goes in and co-sleeps with her in her full size bed and the other gets a chance to get a good, full nights rest in the master bed.
This works well for all of us. Both DH and I are very content with this set up, feeling it gives us what we need: time alone with each other for "whatever" after she falls asleep, co-sleeping with her and turns at a good night's sleep.
It works for our family beautifully.
And then I start driving myself nuts. A friend with a boy close to DD's age and one year old TWINS just puts them down in their cribs, fully awake, walks out of the room and they go to sleep. :scratch
I start telling myself, DD SHOULD be doing this too. Then other mothers in my playgroup describe the exact same thing, just leaving their two year olds or younger, in their own rooms, alone.
I start to think, "am I doing this wrong? why does DD need me or dh to fall asleep."
(side note: the friend mentioned above also has the tv on all day and lets her kids watch any and every show that comes on. We don't even have a tv. I don't compare myself to her in that area, I don't think, "well, DD SHOULD be watching lots of tv!" So, why do I do it with co-sleeping??)
So, tonight I decide its time for my two year old to just sleep alone and deal with it! :blush
I do our bedtime routine, tell her mommy is going to sleep in her own bed and I'll see her in the morning. I walk out. And DD starts whimpering, then fully crying and saying, "mommy, where ARE you?!" I call into her room, "I'm here, go to sleep."
Nope. More crying, heading into the sobbing, catching your breath kind.
I argue with myself:
"stick it out, it'll be bad tonight, but it'll get better. DON'T GO IN."
"wait, she's only two, not even two and a half, I have to go in"
"don't go in, she has to learn"
"she's really upset and now saying she's scared, I have to go in!!"
"don't go in! you'll just spoil her!"
"I'm going in, that's my baby!"
And I go in, get DD calmed down. But as she's falling asleep with me, she keeps letting out little cries and then grasping my shirt or my arm and holding tight to make sure I stay.
And I realize: she's two. A baby. I still consider children under three "babies" even though my friends/family think I'm nuts for that. They tell me two is old enough to be independent.
My DD is ahead in a lot of areas, she is extremely verbal and tall. Most think she is 3 or even 4 when she talks. So, I tend to forget that she is still a baby emotionally. I have to watch other young two's and remind myself, "that's really where DD is, her verbal ability has nothing to do with her emotional development. "
So, I have to tell myself not to care what other people think, not to care how they put their kids to bed. My gut, my mommy instinct is telling me to stick with what is working beautifully for my family-even if people think we're weird.
DH said something that really struck me about this. As I said, she's advanced in a lot of areas like language, math, etc. When I was complaining about her not sleeping by herself and having no interest in potty training/no idea when she is even peeing, DH says, "isn't she allowed to be behind in a few areas? Does she have to be ahead or like other kids in everything?"
Wow. That put it in perspective. No, DD doesn't "have" to be anything. So, even if others say I am babying her....to bad, we will continue our modified co-sleeping!