Do I look like I need help?

[Tandem mama]

How do you politely tell people, quickly, to keep their hands off when you are wrapping on your back? I'm a skilled wrapper and wear dd out at the store. I have at LEAST one person, very well meaning but unknowledgable as to what on earth I'm doing, grab my wrap every time. I've had people almost cause me to drop her and I've no idea how to respond other than a quick, probably sharp, "no!" since I fear my child's safety if I let the well meaning passersby too close. My other local bw friend's never get this. Every. Single. Time. I get it...I must look incompetent. :lol or twelve. Or maybe I just seem approachable. I get kudos on a regular basis for erf and nip and bw. Most of my locl crunchy friend's get weird looks. People ask me questions. Which I love!

I digress. Any good kind ideas for dissenting to help?:shrug3

[ThreeKids]

From your writing style, I'm guessing you have a no nonsense air about you. That might account for some of the difference in how people interact with you.

Yeah, if it's a safety issue, "no!" gets the point across the quickest. If that's not enough to get someone to back off, you can't put your dd in a vulnerable position by doing a wrap around strangers, but I'm guessing you will be able to figure out the right words and tone to get someone to back off.

[Radosny Matka]

That has to be really annoying. Maybe tape a sign to the wrap that says "Do NOT touch my baby. That means you."

[Starfish]

I think I would try to say "I've got it" if you want a better short answer rather than 'no'. Then when your baby is all wrapped up and safe, you could explain what you were doing or soften your short remark by saying "I can see that you wanted to help me, but..."

[Barefoot Bookworm]

People never fail to offer help when I'm putting the baby on my back. I think they get scared that people will drop their baby because they aren't used to seeing it. I just watched my mom do that to my husband today when he was putting Lila on his back. He's used to it, he does it all of the time. I find the nicest answer is a simple, "I've got it, thanks." Then once the baby's on, I'll explain that we wear her on our backs all of the time.

[Tandem mama]

It's definitely a safety issue. My "no!" usually sends them running from me. I may be slightly wild eyed and crazy looking for fear they'll sneak upon me (this has happened!) I don't get time to explain. So I'd LIKE to be quick and nice. But also effective. I prefer to treat others with respect and kindness. I feel shouting at them as I do foreign (in my rural town) activities with crazy eyes looking out for sneaky "Helpers" isn't probably the mos respectful way. :lol maybe I need to work on my "stern and SANE" tone and add a "thanks"

I enjoy answering questions and talking to others. I am very no nonsense but I'm also pretty friendly and extremely outgoing. This is probably why I'm approached about my alternative parenting. I've proudly had many a grandparent say "I'm going to tell my daughter/son about this, they just had/are about to have a baby" it makes me happy :D

---------- Post added at 10:29 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:28 PM ----------

People never fail to offer help when I'm putting the baby on my back. I think they get scared that people will drop their baby because they aren't used to seeing it. I just watched my mom do that to my husband today when he was putting Lila on his back. He's used to it, he does it all of the time. I find the nicest answer is a simple, "I've got it, thanks." Then once the baby's on, I'll explain that we wear her on our backs all of the time.

Glad I'm not alone! My friend saidnshe never gets help offers! Also, she only gets negative comments about nip and such. Weird! She's a LLL leader and very nice :shrug3

[NeshamaMama]

My pet peeve is when people try to "spot" me while I'm putting a baby on my back. I try to tell myself that it probably does look relatively dangerous to someone whose never slung an infant around into a rucksack carry before, but I still get seriously irritated. I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't know what I was doing!

[Happygrl]

I've gotten it a few times and I say something like "I've done this so many times, it really is safer for me to do it without help. Thank you but it throws me off."

Sometimes I've even thrown in a "If you'd like to help, could you hand me that bag at my feet/make sure #2 doesn't run into the road/whatever." I've always gotten a positive response with that tacked with some variation of 'Just thought you could use a hand'. I used to resist people's desires to help, now I love to give strangers the opportunity to be blessed by my amazing kids. :shifty :giggle (Coincidentally, happened about the same time my hands became outnumbered by kids. :giggle)

[MiriamRose]

I was going through security by myself at an airport once and was shimmying Z onto my back and into the BabyHawk. One of the TSA agents briefly looked alarmed and started moving to help but before he could even take 2 steps I was already tying the tails and he laughed and said "It looks like you do this often!" I chuckled back and said "Yes I do, all the time!" He seemed impressed so I thought nothing of it. I guess I was more relieved that no one hassled me at security and in fact were really helpful in getting me through since I was alone with a baby, that I didn't even think about what they thought about the carrier.

[cro]

I enjoy answering questions and talking to others. I am very no nonsense but I'm also pretty friendly and extremely outgoing. This is probably why I'm approached about my alternative parenting. I've proudly had many a grandparent say "I'm going to tell my daughter/son about this, they just had/are about to have a baby" it makes me happy :DYou sound a lot like me. :heart ;) And yeah, I'd often get people trying to help me any time I'd put a baby on my back. (Moreso w/ a baby than a toddler, though.) I think my response was something like "Please don't!!!" If they hadn't already fled by the time I was done tying, then I'd explain how it's safer for me to do myself, etc.

oh, and fwiw, most other BWers in my area get the same offers of "help" and questions. Probably b/c it's still so obscure around here.

[Tandem mama]

I have people who offer as they grab my wrap. It's the safety I worry about, not the offer of help. kwim? I am so impressed in the kindness of others wishing to help. I'm not impressed by my panicked reaction to their offers I'll add thanks to te end of my no. And try not being so wild eyed haha.

[MercyInDisguise]

I think since it's such a foreign concept to most people here in the states, they assume it is unsafe, when really it is much MORE unsafe for them to try to grab your baby or your wrap/carrier. I actually get more comments when I'm trying to get C down OFF my back.

And for what it's worth, I don't think you look incompetant while wrapping. :lol

[amieids]

I say 'it's easier for me to do it myself'. I say it a lot. People offer to help A LOT. Usually random strangers in the park who look on with horror!

It's a good job I'm a secret attention seeker...maybe that's why I got in to baby wearing!

[nadezhda]

I've had people offer to help me (or just grab my wrap :mad) w/a front carry! It's so irritating. My stock response is, "I've got it, thanks." Those who stick around usually end up saying something like, "That looked like it would be difficult, thought you could use some help. :shrug" Even if people have seen someone bw, they aren't necessarily familiar w/the process of using a wrap.

[BlissfullyEsther]

My standard answer is "It's easier by myself, thanks". But it rarely helps.

The only thing I've found to help is to find quiet spot and put my back facing a bare wall or a corner. That way I can fend people off with my body language before they can reach for the wrap/strap. If someone comes towards me from one side I turn my body a little to face them so they can't reach the wrap/strap and at the same time decline their offer of help. By the time they're touching it the damage is done and we have to start again.

[rjy9343]

Honestly that happened so much while I did the front carry, I quit using my Moby outside the home before she was six months. It is just easier to use my ring sling or Ergo.