s/o: Generational sin

[joysworld]

The Nancy Cambell's post got me thinking about generational sin. Now, I'm not sure of the Biblical definition, but I will share what I see it as.

I was 16 when I moved out of my mothers house; I moved because I could no longer take the abuse. That is when I started my journey to finding a better (healthier) life.

A few years after that, I participated in group art therapy. I had to make a picture that represented what others saw in me, and I what I saw in myself, then I had to explain it to the rest of the group. When I did this, I was bawling, because the picture I made, I saw my mother. I remember being so angry that the sin I was dealing with was hers, and because of her sin, I had sin in myself that I more than likely would not have had, had I a different mother. I was just so angry, and I thought it so unfair (can't think of a stronger word than that at the moment) that I had certain sin because of my mother's sin.

*That* is what I see generational sin as. No clue if it's Biblical or not, but I just can not for the life of me wrap my mind around people thinking that it literally passes through the blood line.

[Wonder Woman]

a large portion of my family are alcoholics :shrug Had I been adopted out as an infant, I believe that the genetic tendency toward alcoholism would still be with me :think It's why I don't drink, at all, ever - because I'm scared that I would be more vulnerable to addiction/alcoholism.

My parents were abusive toward me. Because of that, I've had a huge struggle to get healthy, and have had many things to work through that I would not otherwise have faced. I've been able to find healing, and as far as my son is concerned, he has no legacy of this to deal with.

Had I been adopted out as an infant, I truly don't believe I would have struggled with the issues I've struggled with now - because my parent's sin/abusive tendencies aren't genetic, and I would not have had to struggle with finding health if I had never been abused.

So to me, the first would be a 'generational curse' if you will - genetic tendencies that can be inherited. The latter was certainly a curse, but it's not something my son or myself were born with :think

[NeshamaMama]

:popcorn I was going to s/o on this too, I'll be interested to see the responses because it's something I really don't even know where to begin to understand.

[Kiara.I]

I don't believe in generational sin. I don't remember reading about it in the bible.

I do think there are genetic predispositions to things like alcoholism, as WonderWoman mentioned. There are probably other things like that which can be genetic predisposition. :shrug

I also think that there is environment. For sure, what we grew up with does affect us, and how we respond to that will affect our children. For instance, if my parents were workaholics, my upbringing would be affected by that. I might admire what they got accomplished, and tend toward workaholism myself. Or, I might hate that they had never had time for me, and so tend away from that and toward shirking tasks that need doing instead. Or, I might be able to look at it critically and strike a healthy balance, but would need to constantly be checking that balance, whereas a child who grew up in a home with a healthy balance might take that for granted and not need to really think about it.

That's sort of what you're talking about, I think, joysworld. Where your parents' actions had an effect on you, and you deal with the results of that, whether good or bad.

But I have a lot of trouble calling that "generational sin", because that tends to have these weird overtones of...I don't know, superstition, I guess.

[BarefootBetsy]

I agree with Kiara :yes

[Virginia]

The verse I most often hear used to support the idea of generational curses or sin is the following:

"The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation." Numbers 14:18 (similar verses in Exodus 20:5 and Deut. 5:9).



I've also read that generational sin is actually caused by demons, and the demons get passed down through generations.



I just found this website, which includes some more verses:
http://www.bibleprobe. com/curses.htm


Any thoughts?? :)

[Domina]

I was raised with this concept, and it never seemed right to me. Then one day I found this:

Ezekiel 18:1-4
The word of the LORD came to me again, saying,"What do you mean when you use this proverb concerning the land of Israel, saying: The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge? As I live, says the Lord GOD, 'you shall no longer use this proverb in Israel.' Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine; the soul who sins shall die. Yet you say, 'why should the son not bear the guilt of the father?' Because the son has done what is lawful and right, and has kept all My statutes and observed them, he shall surely live.The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.

There are places in the Bible that mention God visiting the iniquities of the fathers upon the third and fourth generations, but Titus 2:14, says, "Jesus Christ who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works."

More freedom from bondage verses:

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made [you] me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:12

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. John 8:36

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage." Galatians 5:1

I think it safe to conclude that generational curses, like other curses, have been covered by the blood of Christ and we, as Christians, are not obligated to live them out.

[klpmommy]

I view generational sin as the learned and genetic traits. Nature and nuture.

Before I became a Christian (I was an adult) and even in the beginning of my Christian journey all I was familiar with was this:

I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, (Ex20:5)


I remember counting the generations to figure out if I was going to be "free" or not. :(

Then one day I found this, the very next verse:


but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Ex 20:6)


That verse changed my whole outlook on life. It gave me so much hope.

[CelticJourney]

I have a unique perspective. My son is not genetically related to me. What sort of genetic issues he might encounter are completely unknown to me. (I had an orthopedist ask about his birth and look at me funny when I answered 'no idea, wasn't there') But I know that he loves Celtic music and has a touch (ok, much more than a touch) of my Scots stubborn:giggle

The problem with the Nancy Campbell types is that they view whatever sin his biological mother and father might have committed as being upon him. Might he have a consequence of their sins - yes. Because his parents were not married and his father did not take responsbility for him, he will have to deal with the reality of international adoption, of being named Collins and looking anything but Irish....but some of that goes with the wide variety of experiences that make humans unique:shrug3 I think the Nancy Campbell idea of generational sin is hearsy and covered by the verse that says 'any that would harm the little ones would have been better not to have been born'.

[QuiltinGramma]

I do not agree with generational sin. Each person is responsible for their own sin not the sin a parent or grandparent may make. The consequences of a person's sin can/will affect the lives of their children and grandchildren as stated above.

It's like a person who looks upon another person and has a sexual desire for that person. Is that sin? No, that is a temptation to have sex with a person outside the confines of marriage. Temptation is not a sin. But when a person starts taking steps mentally and physically toward that temptation, to make it happen, there is the sin. Then the consequences of that sin is shared by all those who are associated with that person.

because of her sin, I had sin in myself
No... You may bear the result/consequences of her sin but you are not held accountable for her sin. Only she is accountable for her sin. Adam and Eve and their disobedience is the reason that we sin. Because of their actions, we were separated from God...your mother's actions did not separate you from God.

[Kiara.I]

The verse I most often hear used to support the idea of generational curses or sin is the following:

"The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation." Numbers 14:18 (similar verses in Exodus 20:5 and Deut. 5:9).



And you can just as easily consider that it's consequences being experienced for three or four generations. You can't "visit" sin on someone--sin is something that they produce/do themselves. But you *CAN* visit consequences on someone.

Let's consider a sport, like hockey. If the goaltender trips a player, that's a penalty. But it can't be served by the goalie. That's just not how the rules work. The penalty gets served by another member of the team, instead of by the goalie. The minutes still count against the goalie, but another player serves them. And, the whole team suffers from having one less player on the ice for the duration of the penalty. But that other player, the one that had the penalty visited upon them--did NOT have the actual "sin" visited upon them. Everybody is clear on the fact that the penalty was due to the *goalie's* actions. Make sense?

I've also read that generational sin is actually caused by demons, and the demons get passed down through generations.


Well, it's probably possible. But I bet it's really, really rare. Have you ever noticed that it doesn't seem to be at all common in churches that don't spend much time preaching/thinking about that kind of thing?

While I do believe that possession is possible, and it's probably possible for the demons to pass down a line of family, I also think that primarily that happens if people have invited them to. :shrug For most of us, I don't think looking in every shadow for demonic influence in our lives is practical. We have the Spirit in us, Satan does not have power over us.



I just found this website, which includes some more verses:
http://www.bibleprobe. com/curses.htm

Any thoughts?? :)

I think that the webpage you linked is busy contradicting itself. :shrug3

Consider:
There are four Curses in the Bible I think it would be wise to plead the blood of the lamb for removal of -- with ALL sincerity. UNLESS - you are already saved by the blood of Christ. In that case - rest assured even the curses below are forgiven.....


So, if you're already saved, then NONE OF THIS APPLIES! Great! :tu
But they also say that you should "plead the blood of the lamb for removal of" the curses. Ummm....does anyone care to venture a guess why someone who isn't saved would even want to talk to a God they either don't believe in or don't want? :scratch

[Virginia]

Thanks for all the feedback :)

Just to clarify, I tend to be a "devil's advocate" sometimes... so I don't actually believe in generational curses :no BUT, I did read some disturbing materials on it when I was in middle school (I think there was an author named Rebecca Brown? Maybe? :shrug). And I remember that they really confused me. I feel like I also read somewhere that demons could be passed through bodily fluids (like birth or sexual experiences, including abuse).

Anyway, I definitely believe that Jesus' blood covers ALL sin and that we are free through His sacrifice :yes

And in response to this excellent question that Kiara posed Have you ever noticed that it doesn't seem to be at all common in churches that don't spend much time preaching/thinking about that kind of thing?

...I would have to say that maybe churches in the Western world don't focus on it, but I am told by friends and missionaries that in other parts of the world, demonic issues we don't seem to have in the West such are VERY prominent :shrug I wonder why this is...?

But that's kind of off topic.

[Domina]

...I would have to say that maybe churches in the Western world don't focus on it, but I am told by friends and missionaries that in other parts of the world, demonic issues we don't seem to have in the West such are VERY prominent :shrug I wonder why this is...?

But that's kind of off topic.

I think Kiara.I nailed it. It's "common" because it's believed in. If you think you know why something is happening, you needn't look further for an explanation. For example, mental illness is often interpreted as demonic possession.

[Kiara.I]

Also, this probably applies:
While I do believe that possession is possible, and it's probably possible for the demons to pass down a line of family, I also think that primarily that happens if people have invited them to. :shrug

Much of the third world has dealt with animistic religions for centuries. Some of that may involve inviting demonic involvement.

[jenny_islander]

I side-eye generational sin because I have only heard it preached (and never, ever, in the Lutheran or Episcopalian churches I grew up in, and it's not in any book in their libraries--I would know!) for two reasons:

1. Why white people shouldn't adopt nonwhite and/or foreign babies, or why they should throw up their hands and send the adopted children away when the kids act up, or why they should be extra harsh to those children.

2. Why nothing can be done to help people in need. If a little kid goes to bed hungry, it's the parents' generational sin and they have to repent for it, which will somehow cause food to appear, or something. Never mind that they can't feed their kids because nobody is hiring people with their skillset within feasible travel distance.

[MissusLeata]

Ex. 20 adds a qualifier in sins being visited onto the children. It says "to those who hate Me."

Even if this concept were still in effect today, it would have nothing to do with me. I do not hate God. My children are not under any possible curse from my sins or their grandparent's sins. We are not God-haters. And I see no reason why that wouldn't apply to any children I might adopt. God adopts us and we are *really* His, so if I adopt a child and I am not a God-hater, why wouldn't that child be free from any possible generational curse?

(Not to mention the fact that the God sets us free and all the other concepts that have already been mentioned!)

[joysworld]

a large portion of my family are alcoholics :shrug Had I been adopted out as an infant, I believe that the genetic tendency toward alcoholism would still be with me :think It's why I don't drink, at all, ever - because I'm scared that I would be more vulnerable to addiction/alcoholism.

My parents were abusive toward me. Because of that, I've had a huge struggle to get healthy, and have had many things to work through that I would not otherwise have faced. I've been able to find healing, and as far as my son is concerned, he has no legacy of this to deal with.

Had I been adopted out as an infant, I truly don't believe I would have struggled with the issues I've struggled with now - because my parent's sin/abusive tendencies aren't genetic, and I would not have had to struggle with finding health if I had never been abused.

So to me, the first would be a 'generational curse' if you will - genetic tendencies that can be inherited. The latter was certainly a curse, but it's not something my son or myself were born with :think

But isn't that a genetic disposition and not a generational curse?

---------- Post added at 09:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:15 PM ----------

I do not agree with generational sin. Each person is responsible for their own sin not the sin a parent or grandparent may make. The consequences of a person's sin can/will affect the lives of their children and grandchildren as stated above.

It's like a person who looks upon another person and has a sexual desire for that person. Is that sin? No, that is a temptation to have sex with a person outside the confines of marriage. Temptation is not a sin. But when a person starts taking steps mentally and physically toward that temptation, to make it happen, there is the sin. Then the consequences of that sin is shared by all those who are associated with that person.


No... You may bear the result/consequences of her sin but you are not held accountable for her sin. Only she is accountable for her sin. Adam and Eve and their disobedience is the reason that we sin. Because of their actions, we were separated from God...your mother's actions did not separate you from God.

Sorry I didn't make myself clearer:) What I meant was, her sin caused me to sin because as a child that was all I knew, and then as an adult, I had to fight against those sins. I know that her sins in no way separated me from God.

[Wonder Woman]

But isn't that a genetic disposition and not a generational curse?

:yes I believe genetic disposition accounts for a lot of 'generational curses' :yes

[rjy9343]

Thanks for all the feedback :)

Just to clarify, I tend to be a "devil's advocate" sometimes... so I don't actually believe in generational curses :no BUT, I did read some disturbing materials on it when I was in middle school (I think there was an author named Rebecca Brown? Maybe? :shrug). And I remember that they really confused me. I feel like I also read somewhere that demons could be passed through bodily fluids (like birth or sexual experiences, including abuse).

Anyway, I definitely believe that Jesus' blood covers ALL sin and that we are free through His sacrifice :yes

And in response to this excellent question that Kiara posed

...I would have to say that maybe churches in the Western world don't focus on it, but I am told by friends and missionaries that in other parts of the world, demonic issues we don't seem to have in the West such are VERY prominent :shrug I wonder why this is...?

But that's kind of off topic.
I have read three of Rebecca Brown's books and know what you mean. I think she is right on somethings, but way off base in others. Generational sin is one I think she got half right. I think that we can suffer the consequences of the sins of our parents, grandparents and so forth. I also believe that curses, like blessings can be passed on through blood lines. But, I also believe that we have the gift (for want of a better term) to break those curses and that once broken, they are gone. I am not saying that God will allow evil to run roughshod over us until some celestial brick hits us over the head and we figure it out. In my limited experience he will show us the how and why of what is happening when it is a curse and what to do. We do have some responsibility to deal with it, just like we are responsible for any other sin in our lives. But God is not going to tell us to beat the sin/curse out of our child. Nor is he going to abandon said child or condemn him/her to hell for the misfortune of the wrong family. Or us for that matter.
I think the reason your missionary friends run into the demonic issues in the other countries is because our culture is not steeped in the occult. Unlike some cultures. I say this as someone who's family was under very serious attacks by a woman who wanted to end my parents' marriage and sadly succeeded in breaking up my family and managed to drive a serious wedge between my father and the four of us. To say nothing of the problems she has created between my three brothers and me. This was almost ten years ago and we are still dealing with the effects of the original attacks and she will still send a little something our way every now and then. Why she does this is beyond me, but there you have it.

[Domina]

I side-eye generational sin because I have only heard it preached (and never, ever, in the Lutheran or Episcopalian churches I grew up in, and it's not in any book in their libraries--I would know!) for two reasons:

1. Why white people shouldn't adopt nonwhite and/or foreign babies, or why they should throw up their hands and send the adopted children away when the kids act up, or why they should be extra harsh to those children.

2. Why nothing can be done to help people in need. If a little kid goes to bed hungry, it's the parents' generational sin and they have to repent for it, which will somehow cause food to appear, or something. Never mind that they can't feed their kids because nobody is hiring people with their skillset within feasible travel distance.

:jawdrop:jawdrop:jawdrop:jawdrop:jawdrop:jawdrop

I guess there is no wickedness that someone won't use Scripture to justify.

[marbles]

I don't believe in generational sin as it is often presented. Of course my kids will often struggle with the same things I do, but I don't think that's part of a curse other than the broad curse of sin. The verse referenced above keeps going to talk about blessing. I think it's less a rule and more a principle of "sin will be justly judged but righteousness will receive double blessing". That's something you see over and over.
Afa demonic influence, they are smart. They know a lot. They're not going to use ineffective tactics. It looks different in different places because people (and their weaknesses) are different. It's the same reason you see many people coming to know Jesus in the Muslim world through dreams. In the western mindset, dreams have no meaning so a dream about Jesus would just be laughed at. To a Muslim, a dream about Jesus is cause to convert.

[Tasmanian Saint]

I see those verses about 3rd & 4th generation a bit differently. I think it's about God mitigating the effects of evil. Because we do learn things from our parents that we need to overcome - or don't overcome - down the track. So if God did nothing each generation would add layer upon layer of filth and become more and more depraved. But instead he works against that flow. Sometimes, like with Sodom, he has to do this by eradicating a group. More often he works through changes in societal norms, etc, and by working in the hearts of his people - who may then be the agents for the social change.
I wonder, for example, how many generations the British slave trade had been the way it was before Wilberforce took his stand?

I know that's oversimplification, no doubt there are societal issues that stick around for many more than 4 generations - eg the Indian caste system... so maybe I'm totally wrong, but that's the way I see it atm :shrug

[joysworld]

I see those verses about 3rd & 4th generation a bit differently. I think it's about God mitigating the effects of evil. Because we do learn things from our parents that we need to overcome - or don't overcome - down the track. So if God did nothing each generation would add layer upon layer of filth and become more and more depraved. But instead he works against that flow. Sometimes, like with Sodom, he has to do this by eradicating a group. More often he works through changes in societal norms, etc, and by working in the hearts of his people - who may then be the agents for the social change.
I wonder, for example, how many generations the British slave trade had been the way it was before Wilberforce took his stand?

I know that's oversimplification, no doubt there are societal issues that stick around for many more than 4 generations - eg the Indian caste system... so maybe I'm totally wrong, but that's the way I see it atm :shrug

This is how I see it:), but you stated it much more eloquently than I:D

[ArmsOfLove]

"The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation." Numbers 14:18 (similar verses in Exodus 20:5 and Deut. 5:9).

I can share one of the Hebraic understandings I have read that really helped me with these verses :heart

As it turns out, Paul's "Olive Tree" metaphor from Romans 12 is not unique to him and wasn't new when he used it. It actually was quite old--and he changed one key element of the picture to make his point.

The ancient understanding is that after Adam and Eve the entire world had the opportunity to pursue righteousness and seek to reconcile with God--during the time of the "roots" which was from Adam and Eve until the Tower of Babel. Only Abraham was found to be righteous before the Lord and he was chosen to be the "trunk" of God's domestic tree. He was the trunk together with his son Isaac and his grandson Jacob--who had his name changed to Israel and the tree became known as Israel.

In addition to God's domestic tree of Israel there were 70 wild olive trees that represented the nations. They grew wild and according to their own will.

Jacob/Israel's 12 sons were the branches of the domestic tree, while various people represented the branches of the wild trees. But as children were born to men the children started at the level of their father's righteousness at the time of their birth. Imagine a tree branch, and the offshoot of the tree branch coming out of it--that is that branches "starting point".

On God's domestic tree grew the righteous branches--and they bore offshoot branches that were born at their level of righteousness.

On the wild branches grew the wicked branches--and they bore offshoot branches that were born at their level of wickedness.

Any branch growing on God's domestic tree of Israel could choose to be cut off from that tree and could, by choice, attach itself to any of the wild trees and become a wicked branch--whose children would then be born at their level of wickedness. AND any branch growing on any of the 70 wild trees could choose to become righteous and might decide to be cut off from their wild tree and attached to Israel--and then their future children would be born at their level of righteousness.

What Paul changes in this metaphor is that the wild branches that are grafted into the domestic tree of Israel are not able to claim that they got there by their own works--lest anyone should boast. They needed to understand they were moved from the wild tree to the domestic tree of Israel because of Messiah--by grace through faith in Him.

The idea of generational curses/blessings is a picture of the child starting at the point of the father when they are born. Our parents lay a path for us before us--and we lay a path before our children--and it is the one we are walking on. We learn from our parents.

How this would apply to adopted children is that the children are moved from whatever tree they were birthed onto and they become part of the tree that their adoptive parents are growing on and join them at the point of righteousness or wickedness that their adoptive parents are at when they join their family. They may have actual genetic predispositions, but those may or may not ever be realized. The same as all genes.

[QuiltinGramma]

Wonderful thought there, Crystal.

About demons....a demon cannot possess a person unless it is asked in. Innocent children and babies are not possessed....tormented, maybe, if they parents have willed it.

People can be oppressed and tormented w/o being possessed. Possession would be an act of will on the person's part. Being tormented and oppressed by a demon could possibly be brought on by another person or by the person "playing with fire", doing things on the edge of the occult as a game and getting a little too close to the fire and getting burnt.

[erinee]

Didn't Jesus directly refute the concept of generational sin when they brought the blind man to him and asked him what his parents did to cause his blindness? :think I can't find the reference right now to double-check it, so maybe I'm remembering it wrong. I agree that consequences can last through generations, and maybe the verses that talk about God visiting iniquities for generations are just another way of saying that. Not just consequences, but children tend to repeat what they've lived with -- it's not that they HAVE to, it's just the way it is. So my SIL is not raising her great-grandchild just as she had to raise her grandchild. Because her grandson learned from his father not to take responsibility for his child. :(

2. Why nothing can be done to help people in need. If a little kid goes to bed hungry, it's the parents' generational sin and they have to repent for it, which will somehow cause food to appear, or something. Never mind that they can't feed their kids because nobody is hiring people with their skillset within feasible travel distance.

There's no need to even look for a reference here. The whole spirit of the Bible refutes that, as well as a myriad of specific verses. This is the danger of proof-texting and bad theology. :mad

[nombats]

I think Kiara.I nailed it. It's "common" because it's believed in. If you think you know why something is happening, you needn't look further for an explanation. For example, mental illness is often interpreted as demonic possession.


I'm being off-topic from the original post, but I just read something related to this side discussion on thebereancall (.org, if anyone wants to read it; look under topics, "psychology, " then "Can People Still Be Demon-possessed?").

I believe people can be mentally ill due to medical reasons (not sure if the author of the berean call article does or not), but can see how there may be people who are possessed who are diagnosed as being mentally ill.

Another side note, I've read a lot of good info on that site as well as wayoflife (.org) on occultic influences on psychology and alternative health practices...I would strongly suggest anyone involved in yoga, chiropractor treatments, etc. to read the articles on it...it's pretty scary stuff.

[Auroras mom]

Hmm, I tend to look at it this way:

The sins of the fathers are visited down upon the children...

How is this not simply a "truth"? I don't buy the entire generational curses thing, per se (and my church actually preaches this concept way over the top, in my opinion).

But I do think a great-grandfather who beats his wife and children creates woundings that continue down the line and behaviors are repeated and re-created and passed to the next generation - *unless* something changes - someone tries to do better, get better, learn better.

Even still, the first generation that tries to get better will often fail a bunch, so you see sort of steady rise in behaviors and patterns, as long as each successive generation turns to God and works on their stuff.

You see this with incest, poverty/laziness, violence, witchcraft, gambling/poor money handling, etc. These things can and do happen in families that professed to be believers in/followers of Christ. We are all well aware of atrocities committed in religious/Christian families, sometimes even in the *name* of the Lord (shudder). Of course these people were "free" by the sacrifice of Christ - but they still live as slaves - and that yoke of slavery is real easy to put around the necks of your children.

So, somewhere along the line, someone has to start trying to change or do things differently, and fortunately that happens often enough for whatever reason. I think this is where God's grace comes into play.

[Wonder Woman]

I will say that sometimes it's possible to make a dramatic break in family traits :heart I wasn't content to be a little better than the previous generation, which was slightly better than the one before that - I didn't want my son's legacy to be that his Mom was just a little less horrible. :shrug
So I've worked *hard* and prayed hard and gone through counseling and therapy and work every single day to reboot my son's family tree :shrug I'm determined to be one of the righteous, one that the blessings flow down from, instead of one that my son has to struggle to overcome :heart

[klpmommy]

I *always* knew I was not going to be like my parents. Always. I knew I was not going to drink, etc. I didn't know what I was going to do different or even HOW, but I remember knowing I would be different even from a young age. My early daydreams were confused about a lot of the hows (like I still imagined I would end up marrying someone who drank and end up divorced). It wasn't until college and beyond that I saw more potential and possibilities for myself beyond just "not drinking".

[Auroras mom]

I will say that sometimes it's possible to make a dramatic break in family traits :heart I wasn't content to be a little better than the previous generation, which was slightly better than the one before that - I didn't want my son's legacy to be that his Mom was just a little less horrible. :shrug
So I've worked *hard* and prayed hard and gone through counseling and therapy and work every single day to reboot my son's family tree :shrug I'm determined to be one of the righteous, one that the blessings flow down from, instead of one that my son has to struggle to overcome :heart

Well, yeah - absolutely - you are a remarkable testimony to making that break.

I, however, am not. :shrug3 I am absolutely night and day better than my mom, but her miserable, nasty words still come spilling out of my mouth on occasion, and my own untreated SPD and other issues work against me as well. If I say something mean or yell, I apologize and talk about it with my dd, which is something no adult ever did with me when I was a kid, but I would still rather not even ever say or do a thing out of line.

I would love to be perfect (not saying that you are making that claim), but the fact is, how I was raised profoundly affected my psyche, and I still struggle daily to change, be better, and make different choices (but honestly, who I am on the inside is a hideous, damaged creature, so I am not working from a place of health - but awareness is a good thing, and a beginning).

[Wonder Woman]

I didn't mean to imply that I'm perfect! :hug I struggle, and fail, often :yes
I just meant that I'm truly at a place that is 1,000x better than where I came from, in one generation :think Considering where I came from, that certainly doesn't make me a candidate for sainthood or Mom-of-the-year :shifty :giggle

I think it is possible to make a dramatic, heritage-altering change in one generation :heart I think you're further along that path than you think you are :wink

I'd rather not mess up, too! But being able to recognize when I fail, admit it to my son, and make amends? That's 1000x better than where I come from :hug

---------- Post added at 02:47 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:43 PM ----------

It wasn't until recently that I stopped viewing myself as "broken" :think That's a step along the way to healing :yes

For my son, though? He doesn't see how I felt inside all those years. He didn't see the times I ran in my room and punched my pillow instead of 'spanking' him. He didn't overhear the counseling sessions where I poured out all the nastiness that was inside me that needed to be purged so I could begin to heal.

So as far as he's concerned...he has a healthy mom. That's becoming more and more true every day. I'm so thankful our children can't see what's inside us as we are on this path! :heart

[QuiltinGramma]

Rebekka ((hugs))

(Sorry if I spelled your name wrong...I couldn't remember if it was with "c" or "k" :)