"I don't want to"

[Christina+5]

My sweet 21 month old just started saying "I don't want to" in response to EVERYTHING I ask her to do. If I understand right, I am just supposed to take her hand and help her do it if she refuses? (This AP style is very new to me). What do I say to her? I have been saying "I know you don't want to, but I need you to be a good listener" or "well you have to do this". We taught my first three to respond "o.k. mommy, I will" to any request we made of them-but we also spanked them too. So, what is the appropriate response?:shrug3

[Waterlogged]

Stop "asking".

Say, "It's time to XYZ" AS YOU ARE REACHING TO HELP HER. Matter of fact. THen she doesn't really have an option.

And if she does it (with your help), it doesn't really matter what her words say.

[bookworm-mama]

That's pretty much what I do with my son, whose just a couple months older than your dd. If he throws a fit, then while I am "helping" him, I will say something along the lines of, "I know you are mad, but if you make a mess you need to clean it up" He's been dumping food a lot lately, so that reply is fresh on my mind.

[wisdomjourney]

I do the same as the above. Another thing I often do is use a song. I'll just make one up to a tune I know--Twinkle Twinkle or Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush--only I change the words to suit the task.

Example: This is the way we clean up our toys
Clean up our toys, clean up our toys,
This is the way we clean up our toys
Before our bath each evening!

I sing this while also moving to help, and smiling. I admit, sometimes my teeth are slightly clenched ;) but usually a song will get me out of the mood to push forward stubbornly. Not that you do that--I am talking about me! :heart

[Christina+5]

Clenching my teeth while smiling is my favorite pastime. :) I just have to remember the "smiling " part. :) Thanks!

[EverydayMama]

At 21 months mine would say, "I don't want to." but then seconds later go and do whatever it was. :scratch It was as though he needed to verbalize his own stance on the activity before actually doing it.

Now, sometimes he says, "no" and runs away to avoid it, but depending on what it is he can't do anything else until X is done or, we help him complete the task.

For his 3yo visit "I don't want to." was the only sample sentence we could get out of him for the Developmental Questionnaire. :giggle