Adult children of Ezzo-type upbringing?

[twentysixcats]

I don't think Ezzo/Babywise was around when I was born, but if he had my parents would have been his #1 fan. I always thought I'd follow along in their footsteps until I had a baby of my own, and CIO just seemed wrong.

I am curious if there are any other women here who were raised similarly? I have struggled with abandonment a lot, which is odd because I came from a very stable homelife and haven't really had anyone of significance abandon me. (I was in counseling for a little while and even then my counselor couldn't figure why I was struggling so much.) Once I had a baby and started looking into parenting methods, I began to wonder if my parents letting me CIO had something to do with it... My mom says she used to leave the house so she wouldn't hear me crying.

Anyone else struggle with this? Or seen other lasting effects?

[rjy9343]

Mine were not as punitive and manipulative as Ezzo, but they were still pretty punitive and were into making sure they and not their kids were in charge. I always thought I would do the same until I was about 38 weeks, and well let's just say God intervened pretty strongly. :phew But yeah, I struggle with abandonment and anger. Along with several other issues and have finally started making connections since finding GCM. It really hit home for me earlier this week when my now crawling eight month old daughter realized I wasn't in the same room as she and came to find me and I remembered my mom telling me about how when I became mobile, she had to chase me down because I avoided human contact like the plague.

[graceandmercy]

My parents don't validate my feelings at all and don't with my children either.

[FamilyLove]

I think the connections you are making between your childhood and current fears are perfectly logical. :hugheart

[SweetCaroline]

My parents don't validate my feelings at all and don't with my children either.

i feel like this is just about everybody i know. i honestly feel that THIS is the fruit of being punitively parented. sure ,you can turn out "alright" for all intents and purposes..but its like your empathy receptors ( i made that up) are seared in a way? and the cyle continues..

[twentysixcats]

i feel like this is just about everybody i know. i honestly feel that THIS is the fruit of being punitively parented. sure ,you can turn out "alright" for all intents and purposes..but its like your empathy receptors ( i made that up) are seared in a way? and the cyle continues..
I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that to let your child CIO, to spank your child, you have to somewhat harden your heart?

[SweetCaroline]

I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that to let your child CIO, to spank your child, you have to somewhat harden your heart?

its kinda like..which came first? the chicken or the egg :shrug3

[Cherish]

I get this.
I can't bear to see a grown man take off his belt... (Dh knows to do that out of my sight. *sigh* I can't wait till he's an old man and has to wear suspenders!) I also have had to recover from soooo many issues irt this kind of upbringing... everything from not being allowed to have boundaries to not being willing to let people touch me, to having to train myself not to zone out and ignore children... but God is really good at fixing broken things. :) :heart

[JustMandy]

Yes, my parents and step parents were very harsh.

I have crappy relationships with each of them. I have a hard time with feeling important or worth while. I rarely feel whole. I have a hard time connecting with my kids because I was never interacted with for the purpose of relationship. I have a hard time not expecting too much from dd because so much was expected of me.

---------- Post added at 10:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:13 PM ----------

I get this.
I can't bear to see a grown man take off his belt... (Dh knows to do that out of my sight. *sigh* I can't wait till he's an old man and has to wear suspenders!) I also have had to recover from soooo many issues irt this kind of upbringing... everything from not being allowed to have boundaries to not being willing to let people touch me, to having to train myself not to zone out and ignore children... but God is really good at fixing broken things. :) :heart

Wow...this exactly. :hug