My 4 year old

[Helen_D]

Hi. How come people can EC from new born and I'm struggling to toilet train my 4 year old? I can take him to the toilet every 30 - 60 minutes and he still wets himself in between. I don't think he knows when he needs to go even at just turned 4. Any suggestions anyone?

Thanks.

[Barefoot Bookworm]

:hug2 I keep hearing that boys are notoriously hard to potty train. We're working on PTing DD1 and it's hard!

[graceandmercy]

I never got the hang of EC either. I was very laid back with potty learning where everyone else seemed to "push"!

[Thankfulforgrace]

I tried to PT dd multiple times and stopped b/c she wasn't ready. She was able to tell when she needed to go most of the time around 3 1/4 but then that age is different for every little. And it doesn't mean that we are completely accident free...

Hopefully some moms of older kids will respond too :hug

[Quiteria]

We still had accidents like that when ds was newly four. Then one day, after we'd put him back in pull-ups for the sake of our carpet, he decided that he wanted to wear his underwear and be potty trained. Has only had maybe one accident a month since then, and that's including diarreaha.

[Helen_D]

Joel's teaching assistant at nursery thinks we'll get him to be dry but not clean. Because when he poos in his pull ups he's not at all bothered that he's dirty and smelly. Going to give it another go at half term.

[Annainprogress]

DS was very nearly 4 before he finally potty trained. He'd been physically ready (good bladder control only weeing 3 to 4 times a day) for a long time - in fact until I first tried "pushing" him (tried couple days in pants) when he was 3&1/4 he had a dry nappy nearly every night too - at one point I thought he was going to be out of night nappies first!!! But then he did NOT want to do anything on potty or toilet but was trying not to wet his pants so started holding as much as he could & so started wetting at night again. We had a couple more tries with a couple of months between each - but he really was not keen. Eventually I talked to his "teacher" at nursery (had a parents meeting to review) & she said there was another boy also late training whose parents were planning to try when came back in Jan so I said we'd do that too, forgot on the Monday but talked to him Monday night & said he would be in pants in day from next morning, we created a potty sticker chart with 4 sections he could get ticks for - wee in potty, poo in potty, sitting on potty, keeping pants dry through nursery (he was in 2.5hrs & used to come back most days with dry nappy so knew that was an achievable target). He also at first still got a small prize for wee/poo in potty (had been trying so long we'd progressed to stuff like small bouncy ball, finger puppet monster etc etc party bag type stuff mostly) but as he made progress that came for reaching his targets - which also increased/changed. For the first probably 2 weeks I was basically changing pants, trousers, socks instead of nappies (& cleaning the floor a LOT!) it was hard getting him to target of x-number of times to sit on potty some days. Then it seemed to suddenly click - he decided to wee on potty - still wouldn't go anywhere near toilet even with toddler seat on - and his night nappies became dry again so I KNEW he'd relaxed about it! Approx a month total, altho we continued to have accidents relatively frequently for quite a time - still sometimes have accidents 8mths later. (NB a couple months before this I had bought baby bjorn potty chairs - so both kids could get used to sitting in them as chairs & he'd relax around them, he really didn't like small potties). I stopped worrying about toilet & he will now use both with & without toilet seat :)

I think that maybe I didn't introduce potty-concept early enough - I didn't think I would be up to potty-training with a newborn so didn't even buy one till he was at least 2yrs4mths. I got lent a book suggesting doesn't have to be pants all or nothing, can be done in stages - and that's what I did with DD who started wanting to sit on potty (& toilet!) to do wees & poos before she was even 2 (she liked the idea of prizes lol so she never really had the sticker phase which DS started off with). We bought her some new pants too (she'd had some at her request on a previous try but hadn't worn all of them & they were outgrown) & if we were in & both in the mood (I didn't have too much housework cos that always meant accidents, she was in good mood) then she would have pants on for an hour or 2 which worked up to full mornings then just nappies when out, then Easter saturday she kept nappy dry (& went to loo twice) while out then refused to wear nappy when out at all - just over 25mths at the time. She came out of night nappies before she was 2.5yo as well so I do think my children have a genetic tendency to develop the necessary hormones early (in fact my mum started potty training me at about 18mths cos I was waking dry).

The other factor I think didn't help my DS was that he has been a rubbish drinker since he stopped BFing (altho improved a bit now at school - his teacher makes him finish his 1/3rd pint milk at morning snack & he usually picks strawberry milkshake for his lunch drink which he loves) so he didn't need to go much so less opportunities for reinforcement (you're supposed to do wees on potty not your pants) each day. But he DID get there - they ALL get there unless they have major medical/developmental issues. :hug

(NB I def couldn't have done EC with him either - as a young baby he used to suckle, suckle, pause still latched on & poo, suckle....)

---------- Post added at 11:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:49 PM ----------

just seen in another thread that your 4yo has speech & maybe developmental delay - if it makes you feel any better mine had neither & still was "very late" PTing :hug

[passthemanna]

do you suspect any food allergies? DS was practically fully trained until he started drinking a significant amount of cow's milk, then he started having constant accidents. After just a few days w/out it he's doing much better.

[Helen_D]

Hi. Thanks all.

Annainprogress, thanks for your story. I think patience and perseverance are the way forward, it's just finding enough of them!! Joel's had a potty since he was about 18months and always sits on the potty / toilet before going in the bath. I think I have to accept and find the patience and energy and just let him wet himself for a couple of weeks.

Passthemanna, no we don't suspect any food allergies.

Thanks for the encouragement. :-)

[abbiroads]

i just wait.

[Helen_D]

Quiteria - What's Oh, and I'm an ENFP?

Passthemanna - What's SAHnatramum?

Thanks.

[Helen_D]

Not sure if this is EC or early potty training. But put my daughter in pull-ups instead of nappies and have caught 2 wees on the potty this afternoon. She more interested than my just turned 4 year old!!! He's not bothered about being wet or dirty and not bothered about going to the potty or toilet. It's a start for my daughter anyway. Also currently experimenting with cloth nappies. A friend gave me 6 that velcro fasten and I've just bought one with poppers. So we'll see how it goes, I might buy more.

[arwen_tiw]

Hi Helen! :) Great to see you here! :heart

Firstly, with Joel, I can't suggest much except time. If he's not bothered, I can't imagine a way to *make* him bothered. But :hugheart I'm sure it's frustrating to feel like there is time pressure on the whole thing.

And well, Morgan was ECed full time from birth to five months and part time from six to twenty months, and had a LOT of accidents until she was totally dry at 3.5. She still has accidents maybe every second day! Rowan was ECed full time until ten months and then part time til now really (she wears nappies a lot still but basically is using the toilet or potty mostly, I have washed two half-loads of nappies in three weeks and we only brought home three wet ones from three days away). Sounds like she and Esther are on a similar page with the potty use. :)

Don't beat yourself up about late PT/EC/no EC/nappies/cloth nappies, you are meeting their needs just fine. Can I say, having seen you all together, that you can TRUST YOURSELF and your judgement about what is best for them? You're a fab mum. :heart

(SAHM = stay at home mum - and Quiteria is an ENFP as in personality profile (Myers-Briggs). I am too. It's Extrovert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Percieving.)

[Helen_D]

Hey Sarah! I guess I know it's just waiting til Joel's ready it's just frustrating when he's not interested. With PT / EC with Esther I'm just trying things out and not putting a great deal of effort in to it, it happens if / when it happens. Partly bought her pull-ups cos she wants everything the same as Joel!! And the same with cloth nappies, I always intended to try them but have actually only just got to round to it!!