During meals at home, do your kids...

[illinoismommy]

get up for random reasons or to prance around in a circle (or seems like it)? :hunh

David and Maya continually get out of their chair at home, and I tell them over and over ad nauseum to siiiiiiiiiiiiiit down. At restaurants they don't have this problem so I know they *can* stay in their seat if they absolutely need to. I wish they would at home. Do your kids do this? Is it a normal struggle, or am I really just failing here? I can't figure out how to get them to stay in their seats.... I spend the entire meal saying sit down, sit down, sit down, SIT DOWN! :-/

(and of course there's only one adult -- me -- and I am usually running around the kitchen getting things most of the time which makes it harder)

[MarynMunchkins]

Not now, but they did when my oldest was 6ish. ;)

[KatieMae]

YES.

To combat this...
Lucas sits in a chair that has arms & I push him all the way in, so he literally can't get up w/o help.
Lilia will sit if Lucas sits, so she's good.
Jude has a booster seat w/ a seatbelt :shifty He can open it, but it helps at least. And if the big kids are both sitting, he's more likely to sit too.

But if one gets up, they all get up. Stupid peer pressure :P~

[Proverbs31]

YES. I think it's normal for the age; wasn't it in Your 6-Year-Old?

(but it still really bugs me :bag )

[illinoismommy]

Okay. Then I am going to try to relax a little... someday they will sit for meals. This can be one thing that I can relax on because its not a moral issue its just an irritation. :ty

[StrangeTraveller]

:yes we know that food is REALLY good if they get up and dance.

[Proverbs31]

:hug I try to make myself relax about it too.

[Naomi]

My kids most definitely would, if they could get away with it. We shut them down as soon as they started though. My kids do love to eat though, which may help motivate them to stay sitting. :yes

[kissesmomof4]

Yup, been there done that. At one point when my son was smaller and he would not sit to eat we used a booster seat with a bungee cord as a seat belt. Is that wrong? LOL

[scrappyknits]

no, mine do not - unless I ask them to get something, or to clear the table.

But I also make sure I have everything we need on the table before we all sit down, so I'm an example to them. Table time is family time - we sit, we chat, we enjoy eachother's company. Everyone gets a chance to take part. I'm not sure I see the need for them to be up running around during dinner if they have had sufficient running time prior to it. :shrug We've never had an issue with it - and making sure that they are in appropriate height chairs so that they can reach the table properly while sitting on their bums helps. Pushing the chairs in so that they are sitting properly also helps.

[ReedleBeetle]

Yep :)

[happyhousewife]

you are most definitely not alone. even when everythng is on he able and i dont have to get up...it still happens. not with andrew but aaron just cant seem to stay still. so that makes ash want to get up. :crazy

[illinoismommy]

Oh my goodness I have tried EVERYTHING. Yes it is a bad habit they have but if changing it is going to require Crazy Mommy, not worth it....

[Marsha]

Yes, mine do/did. We mostly eat in the living room though.

[Momma2Luke]

Yup yup yup! :yes
My little guy is always finding excuses to get off of his chair...
It REALLY bugs dh...his strategy is remind ds that he forgot to ask to be excused from the table....

[RosalieMarie]

Oh yes. Lily can. not. sit. still. for meals. At all. Even when she's *in* her chair she fidgets so much she often falls out! Nolan sits, but he just recently started sitting in a regular chair rather than his booster chair thing. I don't think he quite realizes that he's not strapped in anymore. :shifty I'm okay with that. :giggle

[Karen]

Hannah is 2.5 and gets ups and down. She often eats standing. It really just doesn't bother me. She is not allowed to get up at restaurants because it is dangerous but at home, it just has never been an issue.

[abh5e8]

:yes what works here is a seatbelt. ds gets strapped in. dd's seat has the straps removed but i remind her as needed that if she cannot stay in her seat she will have to be strapped in like ds. that seems to work pretty well.

our problem is they say they are done, get down and then are hungry again in 15, 30, 40 mins :bang

[Serafine]

yes - 5.5 and almost 4 y.o. here (I am pretty sure your David is a month or so apart from mine).

We just constantly remind them that getting up tells us that they are done with dinner.

They respond with ":doh sorry, I forgot" and get back in their chair and eat. They have recently (in the past month or 2) learned to ask to be excused. (but they still forget to stay seated and need us to help them remember). :yes

[ViolaMum]

AAARRGH! YES! Mine are little jackrabbits at the table some days! It really makes me dizzy.

I truly don't understand why they NEED to go look out the window halfway through dinner. Or why the blue fork was okay at the beginning of the meal, but it's suddenly imperative that it be traded for a green one. Or where the need to verify that the fridge is indeed cold inside come from. I get that they need to hide under the table from Daddy and surprise him if they are eating early and he comes home in the middle of their meal. I also understand that when you're telling a story, sometimes a demonstration is necessary. I just wish those stories came up less at meal times and more after.

[Maggie]

Yes, mine do/did. We mostly eat in the living room though.Same here, on both counts.

[Marsha]

On another note, I guess I don't get why it's important to just sit and eat? I probably don't do that myself. We just kind of wander around and eat food, I guess LOL. Or do a thousand other things. There's a reason why we often have lunch in the van LOL, it's a captive audience.

I am a grownup and I can get why you must get up and look out the window or in the fridge or for a new fork, or to act out a story, or whatever....I probably do it all the time.

(My kids and I are all skinny, too, might have something to do with it LOL)

[Karen]

On another note, I guess I don't get why it's important to just sit and eat? I probably don't do that myself. We just kind of wander around and eat food, I guess LOL. Or do a thousand other things. There's a reason why we often have lunch in the van LOL, it's a captive audience.

I am a grownup and I can get why you must get up and look out the window or in the fridge or for a new fork, or to act out a story, or whatever....I probably do it all the time.

(My kids and I are all skinny, too, might have something to do with it LOL)

I was wondering the same thing, why is it important? To facilitate my 2.5 year old eating better, we actually often eat in the kitchen. She and I are at her little table, ds is in a booster seat, and daddy either joins us at the little table or eats at the kitchen counter. The tv goes off so she may wander off but she comes back. I just never saw it as an issue to work on. I don't sit still well either. I bounce up and down all the time.

[BHope]

Mine do not.

My eldest used too before we figured out it was issue of retained reflexes that never integrated. With therapy for her SPD, her being able to sit has improved tremendously. Plus, she always has the option of standing at the table if she needs to.

Some things to try to help too much distraction: A partially deflated beach ball on the chair. It allows your little to squirm and move without actually hoping up and down.

Another option is getting a memory foam seat cushion. Or get one of those isokinetic (http://www.isokineticsinc.com/product/ac35) cushion and try it out as a "wiggle seat."

[illinoismommy]

Well *to me* family mealtime is important.... its something I grew up with. So that would be the ultimate goal, to have a family sit down meal at least once a day.

[Karen]

Family meal time is extremely important to our family as well. Sitting down is just not a requirement. We are all very energetic in life. Mealtime isn"t any different

[Codi]

YES. :crazy

[illinoismommy]

Family meal time is extremely important to our family as well. Sitting down is just not a requirement. We are all very energetic in life. Mealtime isn"t any different

That really doesn't make sense to me. If we were having a family meal and no one was sitting down that would just be weird. Besides part of your disconnect about why this is a frustration to me probably means you have a larger eating area. We are practically on top of each other until we move. But I have already said I need to get more laid back on this issue anyway.... it is going to be hard. Our eating area doesn't even really seat 6 comfortably, never mind that we have to climb over each other to get to our seat.

[Havilah]

We have our good days and our not-quite-as-good days. :shifty Family meals around a table are really important to me, too. :hug

DH and I (he's not always here for supper) try very hard to sit for the meal and minimize our own ups and downs. We have all the food on the table and the kids help set the table so we usually have everything we need. We often light a candle, too, just to make it seem sort of special.

It definitely helps to have chairs that fit the kid and we try to engage our kids (we only have two... so I'm bashful about sharing with moms of 4... take me with a grain of salt :O) in conversation to distract them from wandering around. I'm also a stickler about avoiding pre-meal snacks because I want them to come to the table hungry. They definitely wander more when they aren't thrilled about my food offerings or when they have had too many snacks.

If they are wandering I don't say much about it because that seems to escalate the problem for other meals, and it gets me all irritated that I can't "fix" the problem. I also don't want our meals to turn into a nag-fest, and that's my tendency if I focus on the wiggliness too much. :doh The pre-emptive maneuvers have helped more... and I try to keep in mind that they will grow out of this.

Edited to add that I love the beach ball idea! :idea I think that would really help my 3 yo. She is always trying to climb in someone's lap.

[Codi]

Yeah, I don't really see how it's a "family" dinner if the family is all off wandering in different places. :shrug

[Serafine]

Family meal time is extremely important to our family as well. Sitting down is just not a requirement. We are all very energetic in life. Mealtime isn"t any different

We are all very energetic as well, and I know Janet's family is too.

Being energetic does not exclude sitting calmly for a short meal. :shrug

If sitting during a family meal is not a goal you have for your family...that is fine. However, I think it is a perfectly reasonable goal for Janet or others to have for theirs.

That being said, Janet, it is definitely a phase (don't you feel like this is the answer you ALWAYS get)...and it just requires an annoyingly large amount of reminder and redirection ad nauseum. We are already seeing the fruits of our labor...it WILL come.

[abh5e8]

it is important to me for my kids to sit at the kitchen table thru the meal. breakfast, lunch and dinner. it is our time to practice table manners, have conversation and EAT so they are not wanting snacks all day long. also, when they are up and down (or eating and walkign around) the mess goes everywhere.

they are allowed to eat snacks at their little table and we do eat meals outside a lot. but inside, its at the table. we usually do pretty well at this...this week has been rough i think bc we just got back from vacation and they ate in the hotel room, so not at a table.

part of our routine is go to the bathroom and wash hands before dinner. then dd has to asked to be excused, wipe her face and hands and clear her place. they she can go play. for me its habit training. :)

janet maybe you could try some kind of seatbelt...the tactile reminder might help. also, you could say that when you get down the meal is over. and don't offer anything until a predetermined time. (like a snack time) and then if thye are hungry they can finish their food from the previous meal.

---------- Post added at 04:28 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:24 PM ----------

havilah, i love those ideas. especially the part about no snacks right before (i know, it should be obvious...but that was really helpful to me!) also the part about lighting a candle, having everything at the table and the adults sitting as well. i am forever jumping up and down to get food that is not quite ready or whatever. we too try to engage the kids in meaningful conversation. family mealtimes were not a part of my childhood but they were for dh and it is something very important for us to have as a family.

[illinoismommy]

it is important to me for my kids to sit at the kitchen table thru the meal. breakfast, lunch and dinner. it is our time to practice table manners, have conversation and EAT so they are not wanting snacks all day long. also, when they are up and down (or eating and walkign around) the mess goes everywhere.

...


janet maybe you could try some kind of seatbelt


Well David is almost 6 so I feel that just wouldn't work.

We don't have snacks right before. I have a set snack time. Because I'm just anal like that.... no, not really, its because I have lotsa small kids and that's how I get it all done and remember to feed them and also myself. :giggle

I do feel mealtime is a time to practice manners and conversation and that's where I got to this point, but I need to back off my ideals.

I know that I need to because ideals clash with reality when you are the only adult doing dinner and you have 4 kids under 6. Maybe there is a Supermom out there who can do it all-- but that mom is not me. And so I am going to make less of a deal about them getting up :ph and just show them how it is done and remind them to sit... but try not to get as annoyed as I have been feeling because no matter what I have tried I CANNOT get them all to sit through a meal right now. Sigh.

[BHope]

Are the two littlest kiddo's in high chairs?

Have you tried doing some sort of full body activity right before dinner? It may seem silly, but what would happen if you did 20 jumping jacks before each meal?

Do the kids help in preparing the table? Sometimes contributing to meals may help being invested in meals.

Can you introduce nursery rhymes (even self-made) that help kids remember how to sit at meals?

What about a mid-meal intermission where everyone gets up and gets the wiggles out before moving on to "part two" of meal time?

Can you limit the length of a designated meal? Maybe work up to a full half-an hour? In other words decide that you're going to shoot for ten minutes of polite dinner then 15 then 20, etc...

[SamRose]

Last year DH instituted a "you have to ask to be excused" rule, and I think that helped w/ the up and down stuff. (the olders were almost 4yo and 2.5 then). At 1st I didnt like the rule, cuz it seemed like a lot more work for me to have to keep putting them back in their seats and reminding them that they needed to ask to be excused b4 getting up. But after not too long they got sick of asking numerous times each meal, and eventually just stayed sitting (most of the time). Over a year later they still get up sometimes, and now that DS is 5, it's ok 4 him to get up to get his own utensil or napkin or wutever. But since it gets crazy if everyone is milling about the kitchen at once, we still remind him to ask to get up, in case I need to tell him to wait while Im moving hot things around or something. The booster w/ the seat belt I shared w/ U on another thread is wut keeps the toddler in her seat. She almost has the thumb strength to undo the double buckle, but thankfully not quite yet. (tho she has learned that if mommmy steps out of the kitchen, she can ask her big sister to let her out, cuz sis usually forgets she isnt supposed to :doh)
We also have a high table and chairs, so they actually hafta climb if they wanna get down, they cant just put their feet down and stand. I think that kinda helped when they were a bit smaller, too.

[Karen]

The majority of the time our wanderer is with us, just not necessarily sitting. To me, family dinner is not necessarily everyone sitting around the table. Family dinner is everyone eating together and interacting with one another. When I talk I tend to act out part of stories or use my whole body to explain. My daughter has taken after me in this regard. Our family dinners are fun, engaged, very interactive, and pretty much conflict free. But...we do tend to wear out those who have a more sedate pace.

---------- Post added at 06:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:55 PM ----------

I wanted to add, if you want to have a sit down meal where no one gets up, that is fine, to each their own. Families look different from one another. I was just curiuos why it was important. Because I want to do it, is a perfectly valid reason.

[KatieMae]

It makes a big difference here when Michael is present to eat with us... which is exactly two meals per week (and one of those is at a restaurant with all his family, so everyone stays seated b/c there are lots of grown-ups to wrangle them!)

[happyhippimama]

we have had periods where this was an issue. now it is not so much. i had to" lay the law down" and tell them they may NOT get up, and if they did, i would say, "oh you must be done eating, i am going to put your plate in the sink now." THAT worked wonders. after a week, they stopped.

[Karen]

Yeah, I don't really see how it's a "family" dinner if the family is all off wandering in different places. :shrug


Our family just looks different than yours. :D It is all good. Differences make the world interesting.

[Havilah]

I can sure vouch for the fact that it's much harder without DH around. It makes such a big difference to have both parents around. The kids wander less and we have much less drama around our polite bites.

We eat way later than would be our ideal because I really want his presence. Forget family togetherness... I just want HELP! :lol

Edited to add that I know this solution won't work for everyone... I'm just validating how much of a difference a DH makes in the equation. If I had 4 kids and managed supper alone I'm sure we'd be swinging from the light fixtures. :crazy

[Naomi]

we have had periods where this was an issue. now it is not so much. i had to" lay the law down" and tell them they may NOT get up, and if they did, i would say, "oh you must be done eating, i am going to put your plate in the sink now." THAT worked wonders. after a week, they stopped.

This worked great with our kids. I think if it is important to you, than it is possible.. and it won't necessarily take that much. I also, would think it was completely appropriate to use a belt to actually strap them in their chair during a meal. When they are done eating, they can be unstrapped and be excused. After a short period of time, the belt would be completely unnecessary. :yes

[saturnfire16]

My kids do it too. With dd2, I do not let her as much because she is little and makes a mess that I dont want all over the house. With dd1, I dont mind it at all. Family time is definitely important to me, but if family time means all sitting still and that is going to cause some members of the family to not enjoy the time, then there is no point. I want family time to be enjoyable for everyone, even if it doesnt fit all *my* preferences.

[Nightingale]

yeah...as a single mom, I find it VERY difficult to keep them sitting. It is something we work on, but it's hard. I want to work on it at home, though, so that they do well other places. They *generally* do well at restaurants, but not in other people's homes.

One thing that has helped is creating good conversation--such as playing the "high and low" game...sometimes if I finish eating I will even read a chapter of a book while they finish.

[SamRose]

we have had periods where this was an issue. now it is not so much. i had to" lay the law down" and tell them they may NOT get up, and if they did, i would say, "oh you must be done eating, i am going to put your plate in the sink now." THAT worked wonders. after a week, they stopped.
Oh, I forgot that part! We didnt hafta do that w/ the olders, but it works on the toddler. :)

[AdrienneQW]

During meals at home, do your kids... get up for random reasons or to prance around in a circle (or seems like it)? :hunh

Not if they want to keep their food. ;)

I don't tolerate the up-and-down. :no In our household, mealtime is for sitting and eating (and conversing nicely, and listening to read-alouds, etc. etc. etc.) It is not for getting up and wandering around. If you get up and wander around, you are indicating that you are done with your meal - your plate will be cleared, and you will be brought back to the table to sit down and ask to be excused.

Not for everyone, but it works for us. :shrug

[Nightingale]

do you just give the one chance, AQW?

I do this to an extent. I *have* put food away before. But usually I take the plate and it's "no, no, no! I'll sit, I'll eat, I will!!" so I give them another chance but 5 seconds later they're back up. Rinse, repeat.

[Rabbit]

Mine can't sit for long at this age. Given that it's not developmentally appropriate to spend much time sitting still in a chair before they're 6 or 7, I don't care. When the youngest is 6, instead of the oldest, it will be a very different picture.

Simon's max sitting time in or out of the house is 5 minutes. Samantha can manage 10, but she just finds other ways to agitate and be restless. 10 minutes is the max amount of focused mind, body still time that I could expect out of a classroom of 6 year olds, so I think she's doing rather well.

When Simon loses access to his food until the next meal time because he got up, he just loses weight, too.

[illinoismommy]

I can sure vouch for the fact that it's much harder without DH around. It makes such a big difference to have both parents around. The kids wander less and we have much less drama around our polite bites.

We eat way later than would be our ideal because I really want his presence. Forget family togetherness... I just want HELP! :lol

Edited to add that I know this solution won't work for everyone... I'm just validating how much of a difference a DH makes in the equation. If I had 4 kids and managed supper alone I'm sure we'd be swinging from the light fixtures. :crazy

thank you. yes honestly I just don't think people here are getting it. :shifty love you all but can you just imagine... i have a 5.5yo, newly 3yo, 23mo, and 4mo in arms.... say Maya gets up from the table so I take away her food... she is newly 3.... there will be super crazy meltdown and I will be coping with THAT and not with dinner... because there is JUST me. and then no one would eat including myself.... ANYWAY.... yeah. I am not dealing with two elementary aged kids here. it is much different when dh is home. i guess i am just not as talented as some :( :nak

[KatieMae]

:hugheart

[AdrienneQW]

do you just give the one chance, AQW?

I do this to an extent. I *have* put food away before. But usually I take the plate and it's "no, no, no! I'll sit, I'll eat, I will!!" so I give them another chance but 5 seconds later they're back up. Rinse, repeat.

When they were first learning I would give them a second chance, but once the boundary was familiar I enforced it pretty strictly in order to break what had become a habit. They're good enough about it now that it usually just takes a little reminder and they're back in their seats - they're now 8yo and 5yo.

In the scenario above, when they say they will sit and eat I would say "I believe you. If you get up again, your actions will tell me you have changed your mind" and then I would definitely put the food away the next time.

[Naomi]

thank you. yes honestly I just don't think people here are getting it. :shifty love you all but can you just imagine... i have a 5.5yo, newly 3yo, 23mo, and 4mo in arms.... say Maya gets up from the table so I take away her food... she is newly 3.... there will be super crazy meltdown and I will be coping with THAT and not with dinner... because there is JUST me. and then no one would eat including myself.... ANYWAY.... yeah. I am not dealing with two elementary aged kids here. it is much different when dh is home. i guess i am just not as talented as some :( :nak
Well... I have a newly 4 year old, 2.5 year old, and newly 1 year old. We do two out of 3 meals a day without dh. And, my kids do not get out of there seats throughout their meal. But, when they were younger, they were always belted in, so it wasn't an option. And now, if it became an option again, they would once again be belted in.

Obviously, there are some mom's that feel strongly that it is important for their kids to sit still during a meal, and other mom's who could care less. You just need to decide if this is something that is important to you. When there's a will, there's a way, right?

[Rabbit]

My personal goal is to have a tween or teen who sits through meals, uses all of the appropriate silverware, and keeps their elbows off the table. It's just not a goal for me with three children 5 and under. There's plenty of time to master that later, and it's not a hard "habit" to break at a more appropriate age.

I don't worry about eating with other families, because the fascination of sharing a meal keeps them situated long enough to get full, and then the adults appreciate the children leaving the table so that we can all relax and chat.

[AdrienneQW]

thank you. yes honestly I just don't think people here are getting it. :shifty love you all but can you just imagine... i have a 5.5yo, newly 3yo, 23mo, and 4mo in arms.... say Maya gets up from the table so I take away her food... she is newly 3.... there will be super crazy meltdown and I will be coping with THAT and not with dinner... because there is JUST me. and then no one would eat including myself.... ANYWAY.... yeah. I am not dealing with two elementary aged kids here. it is much different when dh is home. i guess i am just not as talented as some :( :nak
:scratch I thought you were asking what goes on in our homes. Were you meaning to ask for advice on what you could do in your home? Because obviously our situations are very different, since I have half as many children and nobody under 5yo. ;) It has nothing to do with being talented.

Are you looking for advice on keeping your kids at the table? Looking for validation that it's okay if they don't stay at the table? Let us know what you're shooting for here...

[abh5e8]

thank you. yes honestly I just don't think people here are getting it. :shifty love you all but can you just imagine... i have a 5.5yo, newly 3yo, 23mo, and 4mo in arms.... say Maya gets up from the table so I take away her food... she is newly 3.... there will be super crazy meltdown and I will be coping with THAT and not with dinner... because there is JUST me. and then no one would eat including myself.... ANYWAY.... yeah. I am not dealing with two elementary aged kids here. it is much different when dh is home. i guess i am just not as talented as some :( :nak

:hug it must be really hard. anytime a mama enforces new rules, there will be unhappiness among the dc. i think its a very reasonable desire to have kids sit at the table for a meal. i think it will be difficult to enforce in dc as young as yours without the help of dh. and both are ok...its ok to realize this is just for a time and they WILL someday learn to sit and eat. its ok to be frustrated by all the up and down. and its ok that some mamas have been able to see improvement doing things like using seatbelts on chairs and putting food away when the kids get down. and it has NOTHING to do with talent. :wink i assume some other mamas wanted, like myself, to offer what has helped in our homes. but our home is not yours...and its ok if those things don't work for you. :pray4 some stickey little bums around your table.

[illinoismommy]

My personal goal is to have a tween or teen who sits through meals, uses all of the appropriate silverware, and keeps their elbows off the table. It's just not a goal for me with three children 5 and under. There's plenty of time to master that later, and it's not a hard "habit" to break at a more appropriate age.

And I think that's the place I've gotten to.

#4 has just changed my world.... my ideals have died, folks.

Part of me doesn't like it. :( I feel so weak and second rate. But it helps to know that others out there are dealing with the same thing, and we're going to get through this and my kids won't turn out to be hooligans.

I do feel that a family meal is important, but, that its not worth what it would take to make it happen: angry and frustrated mommy... because I have tried it all. Short of putting Maya back into a 5 point harnessed high chair, I have done everything, including end the meal. I really have done that and so I can speak from experience on how it ends... its just ugly... and I am solo parenting for now, and possibly for a while longer.

That should answer your question too A.

[Rabbit]

:hug2 It's still a family meal. The family part is just short. It'll get longer. And you'll sense it when they need and are ready for more direction and training for how meals should go. I really don't think it's about being second rate. I just think the iconic image in your head is for the next stage, instead of this one. The memories and the warmth of family meals as they develop will still define your family to your children, as they begin their own families.

[Karen]

:hug2

[MarynMunchkins]

:hugheart It will get better. I do all my parenting alone now, and we sit down most evenings and have dinner. Very much of it is developmental, and that WILL end.

[SamRose]

SO, is the main reason U want them to stay seated for all or most of meal time so that they actually eat? If U ignore the up and down, do they stay in the kitchen and keep eating, in the up and down manner? Or do they get up and leave, and cry about being hungry 15 mins after U clear the table? If it's just that the up and down annoys U, maybe just try to ignore it? But if U want them to stay sitting so they actually eat, then going back to a 5pt harness for the 23mo and the 3 yo might be yer only option. :shrug3 Can U have everything all plated b4 having them sit down, so they can just start eating right away, and get enuf in their bellies in the 5-10 mins they'll sit?
And it's not about talent, I almost never sit & eat a meal w/ the kids (dh usually isnt home 4 meals), it just isnt doable or worth the extra effort for me. I dont have the baby to be slung that U have, but my 3 are similar in age to yer oldest 3, so hopefully something Ive said can help. I also sometimes have them sit at the table and color or do play do for like 10 mins at the most b4 I get the food on the table. Somehow, sitting there 4 a bit doing a calm activity (usually) helps them get settled in the seats and comfy staying there once the food arrives.

[heartofjoy]

Janet, I grew up with family meals. I was the oldest of 2 children and we were 5 years apart. I understand the need for family time at least once a day. My memories of it are of a joyless, effortless coming together. :hearts

But in my house, it doesn't look like that at ALL. Dh is rarely home for dinner, and our schedule is crazy and we hardly ever seem to eat all at once. Yes, a better organized mother does have meals prepared and ready and children sitting and eating, but not here. :no I actually dislike eating dinner with my children because by the end of the day I am TIRED and sick of listening to their chatter and I just want some peace and quiet. I like it when it's nice and they can all go outside and eat and not make more mess in my kitchen! My kids are up and down all the time. The older ones get up for legitimate reasons, like getting ketchup or refilling their water. My younger ones have to pee or need to show off a dance they learned or they're simply still enmeshed in their pretend world and think they are the fairy princess and they need to destroy the evil frog who happens to be their little brother. :rolleyes

But you know what, despite the craziness and the commotion and the lack of family bonding with mom and dad, my older kids (10 and 8) CAN sit at the table and DO know basic table manners and I wouldn't hesitate to take either of them to a fancy restaurant and they could totally act the part. :tu

And I truly believe that when they are older, we WILL enjoy those family dinners. I know this because about once a month, we have one. :heart It's so nice when the stars align and everyone is in a calm mood and everyone is home and the food is acceptable to every family member. We chat and laugh and I KNOW that in just a few years, more and more meals will be like this.

#4 has just changed my world.... my ideals have died, folks.

I totally understand this! :hug2 I take that Crunchy momma test and if I score it based on what I have EVER done, I am so stinkin' crunchy. But I don't do ALL those things NOW! I have never done all those things all at the same time! :crazy I'd go insane. Ideals are good! But sometimes, it's more important to survive.

[illinoismommy]

SO, is the main reason U want them to stay seated for all or most of meal time so that they actually eat? If U ignore the up and down, do they stay in the kitchen and keep eating, in the up and down manner? Or do they get up and leave, and cry about being hungry 15 mins after U clear the table? If it's just that the up and down annoys U, maybe just try to ignore it? But if U want them to stay sitting so they actually eat, then going back to a 5pt harness for the 23mo and the 3 yo might be yer only option. :shrug3 Can U have everything all plated b4 having them sit down, so they can just start eating right away, and get enuf in their bellies in the 5-10 mins they'll sit?
And it's not about talent, I almost never sit & eat a meal w/ the kids (dh usually isnt home 4 meals), it just isnt doable or worth the extra effort for me. I dont have the baby to be slung that U have, but my 3 are similar in age to yer oldest 3, so hopefully something Ive said can help. I also sometimes have them sit at the table and color or do play do for like 10 mins at the most b4 I get the food on the table. Somehow, sitting there 4 a bit doing a calm activity (usually) helps them get settled in the seats and comfy staying there once the food arrives.

Yes we do coloring and crafts at the table, that's the only place we do those things.... but they don't sit for that either, especially Maya. She bounces in her seat with the colors or glue or whatever.

All food except the occasional dry snack stays in the kitchen.

They get up with in the kitchen. To dance. They don't just plain leave, they just wnt to dance with their food or in general be underfoot.

Elijah is great so far. He just sits there... all calm and quiet... and watches the craziness. He is very quiet with the occasional laugh at their antics.

David gets up to get things. Every time he gets up Maya gets up for no reason. *sells her to the gypsies*

:shifty

---------- Post added at 10:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:43 PM ----------

My kids are up and down all the time. The older ones get up for legitimate reasons, like getting ketchup or refilling their water. My younger ones have to pee or need to show off a dance they learned or they're simply still enmeshed in their pretend world and think they are the fairy princess and they need to destroy the evil frog who happens to be their little brother. :rolleyes

But you know what, despite the craziness and the commotion and the lack of family bonding with mom and dad, my older kids (10 and 8) CAN sit at the table and DO know basic table manners and I wouldn't hesitate to take either of them to a fancy restaurant and they could totally act the part. :tu


Yeah that makes sense. David gets up for legitimate reasons most of the time. The other part of the time he is going to talk to Elijah or Levi (in the bouncy at meal times when he likes it). Maya gets up because he is getting up. Soon it becomes too much for the small space.

[SamRose]

So it's just (or mostly) annoying that they wont just sit. :hugheart
Maybe have a big time of dancing right b4 the meal, C if U can get their jitters out? :)
Lately my kids have wanted to listen to songs while they eat. (The office is right off the kitchen, and I pull things up on youtube). The deal is the songs stay on as long as they stay in their seats. Then we listen to them again after the meal so they can dance. :rockon (they R little balls of crazy energy right after dinner, it's remarkable wut the food does 4 them! :crazy)

---------- Post added at 10:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:51 PM ----------

Maya gets up because he is getting up.
My almost 23 mon old ALWAYS has to go potty if one of the olders says they have to go, even if she'd just gone b4 sitting down. And we cant not take her, or she will purposely pee in her undies, like 2 spite us. :sh4

[mamaKristin]

Mine haven't been getter-uppers. Me, on the other hand...well, there is a reason all the sealant on our floor is worn off under my spot. :shifty

Days when it's just me and the kids, they are jumpier for sure. :yes

I would imagine that the picky eater issues you have been dealing with haven't helped much with the sitting either. I know mine sit a lot better for a lot longer when they have little to no complaint about what they have in front of them. The other night's tuna casserole cleared my kids away from the table in record time (and both DH and I loved it, but I can't eat it on my current diet :doh).

:hug

To be perfectly honest though, I must have blacked out some of the days when my kids were smaller, meal behavior-wise.

[Marsha]

I gave up on family meals long ago. Dh was grumpy and made it tense, cause my oldest was whiney, hyper, interrupted, etc. IOW she was a kid, who was hungry and tired. My kids prefer to eat at 4-4:30. If I snack them, thye aren't hungry at dinner and then are hungry at bedtime, which annoys ME. I feed them at 4:30, when I start fixing dinner. And when dh started being snappy with ME, I tried to eat right before he gets home. Sometimes I sat with him while he ate. Sometimes the kids did.

Now, I work in the evening, so I feed the kids and then go to work, where I get to eat on the go to my hearts' content. I have a hard time sitting and eating, always have. I'm better off grazing and being on the go.

[Karen]

Momma, it just sounds like you have your hands full and are, justifiably, overwhelmed. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and do much of the parenting on your own. It must be sort of crazy making. My husband travles but not that many days in a row. I often feel like hiding in the potting shed towards the end of his trips.

I don't think the death of ideals is such a bad thing. Most of mine died by the time number 2 came around. I found reality to be a pretty good thing overall. It was really hard to let go of some of the things that I that I had to live up to or accomplish. When I finally let them go I felt so much more free.

I just wanted to send love and hugs your way.