Nursing in church?

[mlc509]

Hi mamas,
Not sure if this is in the right forum but hoping for a response...
Someone at church recently cited the need for a nursing mothers' room because nursing, even discreetly, can make single men feel uncomfortable and distracted....My first reaction was anger:mad, feeling like, when are we going to support the notion that I am nourishing my child, not being sexual!! And really, a man would see more breasts in the cleavage shown around me than see any of my breast while nursing...
But after I cooled off a bit, I began to think about putting my brother's needs above mine. I'm not sure how to ask this, but maybe you'll get the gist: How do you balance wanting to make nursing in public a natural, God-honoring, beautiful thing with not wanting to put a stumbling block in front of your brother, if that is truly something that is making them stumble?

Looking forward to hearing your replies!

[ThreeKids]

It's a matter of somebody's gotta' do it - normalize breastfeeding. Breastfeeding not being normalized isn't good for males, either. It can be normalized today or twenty years from now and the difference is those 20 years where it wasn't good for the males to not be exposed to a normal use of breasts for all those years.

[Naked Camper]

:popcorn I've been thinking of the same thing

[ArmsOfLove]

The Conservative Council of Rabbis in America determined YEARS AGO that breastfeeding in the Synagogue is a beautiful living illustration of passing the milk of the Word to the next generation.

YOU are not responsible for the potential lust of every random and unnamed man out there. If a real person makes you aware of their personal struggle then I would be lovingly extra cautious around them but out of love--if they are rude and try to dictate and control your actions that is abuse and I'd avoid the person so it's not an issue.

I've always maintained with any authority I'm involved in that if they entertain complaints about me and then come to me on some unnamed person's behalf they are guilty of engaging in gossip and have left me wondering who around me has brought charges. I ask them to inform the person that if they have an offense against me they are required by Scripture to come speak to me about it so we can work it out. That is usually well received and no one ever comes to me ;)

[mwwr]

The only reason for a nursing mother's room should be for the comfort and convenience of the mothers and their babies--if *they* prefer privacy.

You will find many threads on here from mamas who have been harassed and abused for nursing in church. It stirs up big, huge feelings from those of us who have been hurt by controlling and toxic people in the name of Christ. Jesus had harsh words for those who refused the little children to come to Him. :mad

[milkmommy]

The fact they want to honor nursing moms with a room where they may go if thye choose is great. The fact its assumed so Men can avoid being tempted my womans breasts, :no
Of course it frustrates me to no end that I attend a church that WELCOMES nursing moms as well as all children in the sancurity but yet I have a DH who totally freeks out if I NIP. I'm sosposed to just ingnore his feeling and actions and do whats best for my baby but its REALLY hard when the person that should be most supportive is dramatically shielding his eyes like you just tore off your top and are now BF naked from the waist up..:doh

Deanna

[Aerynne]

I've been talked to about nursing in church or at church functions. Now, many years later, and a few churches later, I cover up. I think there should be a nursing room for those who want it (easier to get a distractible baby to nurse there, for example, or someone who isn't comfortable NIP) but I don't think anyone should be asked to go there. Many states have laws protecting your right to NIP, but not everyone knows this (I'm sure most people here do, but people at church may not)

[kwisie]

My DH is a pastor and encourages me to stay in the service and nurse DS instead of having to leave the room. Now the lady that sat on the front row of a wing and made a big production of pulling out her boob in full view of the entire church, which the entire church did notice, he did ask her to be more discreet. :rolleyes

Let me tell you, when I NIP, no one sees anything! There's nothing to tempt any brother.

[ArmsOfLove]

I've been talked to about nursing in church or at church functions. Now, many years later, and a few churches later, I cover up. I think there should be a nursing room for those who want it (easier to get a distractible baby to nurse there, for example, or someone who isn't comfortable NIP) but I don't think anyone should be asked to go there. Many states have laws protecting your right to NIP, but not everyone knows this (I'm sure most people here do, but people at church may not)

It is actually legal to nurse anywhere it is legal for a woman to be in the US. Some states have additional laws specifically protecting it, but there are Circuit Court rulings that uphold it which take precedent everywhere :tu

[Kiara.I]

But after I cooled off a bit, I began to think about putting my brother's needs above mine. I'm not sure how to ask this, but maybe you'll get the gist: How do you balance wanting to make nursing in public a natural, God-honoring, beautiful thing with not wanting to put a stumbling block in front of your brother, if that is truly something that is making them stumble?

I am honestly not convinced that a flash of breast from a nursing mom incites a man to lust. I actually think it's the inverse--that the sight of a breast being used for something other than sexual purposes freaks people out. I think this because I find that people get upset about nursing even if you *can't* see anything. It's just if they know it's happening.

And that is not a stumbling block, it's a culture shock. Good. The more the better, since clearly the culture is in the wrong.

[Meli]

And that is not a stumbling block, it's a culture shock. Good. The more the better, since clearly the culture is in the wrong.

:clap Very well put.

[saturnfire16]

I nurse in church, without covering up, and if anyone every challenged me on it, I would remind them that Jesus Christ himself nursed from his mother for probably around 4 years. Immature little boys need to get over themselves (though really, I find that it's not them that complain, it's their insecure wives).

[DesiringHim]

How do you balance wanting to make nursing in public a natural, God-honoring, beautiful thing with not wanting to put a stumbling block in front of your brother, if that is truly something that is making them stumble?

I do it as modestly and discreetly as I can at all times (I use a cover...no one sees anything, ever). If a specific man approached me and indicated it made him uncomfortable, out of love I would probably do what I could not to put him in that situation (sit behind him perhaps). But this idea that all women should not NIP under any circumstances because it might 'tempt our brothers' is far-fetched and IMO drifting toward legalism. An old church of mine used that rational for not 'allowing' dating couples to be alone together in a private place, among other crazy things.

It speaks to the state of our society when a woman can expose her breasts, her stomach, her butt, etc. simply by the clothing she wears and she is left alone, but another woman can't feed her own baby - even completely covered - without creating a fuss about 'causing others to stumble.' :no3

[ArmsOfLove]

I nurse in church, without covering up, and if anyone every challenged me on it, I would remind them that Jesus Christ himself nursed from his mother for probably around 4 years. Immature little boys need to get over themselves (though really, I find that it's not them that complain, it's their insecure wives).
more likely to 5 and I've heard that in the line of David since they were kings they nursed to 6 years :shrug3

[nanookmama]

So far I've been balancing between the two this way:
In a public place, or when I'm around a lot of people I don't know, I cover. I figure if I don't know them well enough for us to have a conversation about NIP, then going ahead with it may cause more harm than good (and not just to the men).

In my home or a friend's home I don't bother covering. Even at my IL's over Christmas with the entire family present I just let my DD do her thing. True, the men there weren't my brothers by blood and I don't know what could be a stumbling block for them, but in that situation helping them form a healthier understanding/perspective about breasts and breastfeeding is more important. My FIL seemed uncomfortable and either looked away or left the room, so I tried to be as modest/discreet as possible when he was around, but DH and I also voiced our opinions that this was a process clearly designed by God and that we/I were not ashamed in the least by it.

That seemed to work, and my IL's are pretty conservative. At church, I generally go to the nursing room because our pews are too full for me to nurse without DD kicking someone or popping off and wiping a milk covered cheek on my neighbor.

[ArmsOfLove]

impe a cover draws *more* attention to the fact that mom is breastfeeding. I've had more people be shocked that they're interrupting a nursing session :rockon You can practice in front of a mirror or work on nursing in a sling and then you're more discreet than a cover :D

[musiclady]

I nurse in church too... I'm as discrete as possible...
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[mama-hobbit]

Nurse away!

There are men who get turned on by women wearing glasses - I know because my blog got linked to by a fetish site several years ago when I posted a pic of me in my new glasses!

I refuse to not be able to see so as to "keep my brothers from stumbling"... just as I'd refuse to keep my child from eating for the same "reason."

We cannot be responsible for other peoples lack of self control, sinful thoughts, or over-interest in breasts.

[solatido]

I nurse in church as well. If we are in the middle of a service I stay right in the pew (or chair for the evening service) and let DS nurse b/c he usually does fine then.

If it is after a service and everyone is milling around talking I'll go somewhere quiet b/c DS won't get a good meal with all the people to flirt with!! Now if it's just a few people I'll sometimes just feed him right there, but if there are men I at least turn away or will go into another room depending on who it is. Sometimes it's just my excuse to go to the library to read :-) At youth group functions I just go into another room, but leave the door open. Sometimes other kids (including boys) are in and out, but I'm not sure if they have noticed or not. It's not a big deal either way.

My pastor has no problem with moms nursing in church. When I asked him if there was a way to pipe the sermon into the choir room he told me that it was fine to just nurse him in church and to use a cover if that would help me be more comfortable. But he did install the speaker (several months later, but it'll help the next nursing mommy in that church- or me with the next one if the NB stage is still awkward for me). I used to go into the (pretty nice) bathroom to nurse but stopped when a little girl offered to show me to the bathroom in her house when we were there and DS needed to eat :doh I've NIPed enough since to dispell her of that notion.

About making our brothers stumble: I do think that we should be careful not to show too much, but also that we shouldn't worry too much about it if there is some accidental exposure. Chances are that it wouldn't be noticed anyway.

[mamajane]

About making our brothers stumble: I do think that we should be careful not to show too much, but also that we shouldn't worry too much about it if there is some accidental exposure. Chances are that it wouldn't be noticed anyway.
Yeah, the accidental exposure part can be embarrassing, but needs to be kept in perspective. Sometimes a toddler's hands are just too quick for me!

[Karen]

I agree we should not try to make our brothers stumble but where does it end? This man is turned on by pants, this one by skirts, this one is turned on by being seeing fully covered woman because his imagination runs rampant, this one thinks pregnant women are hot, on and on and on.

I nurse my child in chruch, in the mall, wherever we need to when they are hungry. I am discrete but I am not going to put a sheet over my head. People should not be so interested in what I am doing. They can go find something else to do.

I try to listen to the Holy Spirit. If I feel led not to wear something or not to do something, then I don't. I am not going to buy into making up a bunch of extrabiblical rules and expect everyone to follow.

[dulce de leche]

I think that helping to create a culture where a mother feeding her child in public is sinful causes our brothers to stumble. I want my husband, my son and other men to support their families. And, while I want to be sensitive, if a man truly has such an issue that the mere knowledge that I might be feeding my child provokes lust, then he needs to get help, and perhaps continuing to nurse my little one will provide an impetus to do so; certainly, banishing me and my child will not help him to deal with this issue.





might be feeding my baby causes him to stumble, then I would encourage him to seek additional help, because it goes

[saturnfire16]

I agree we should not try to make our brothers stumble but where does it end? This man is turned on by pants, this one by skirts, this one is turned on by being seeing fully covered woman because his imagination runs rampant, this one thinks pregnant women are hot, on and on and on.


:yes This is a huge issue, because when does it stop? When do we stop taking responsibility for other people's issues and just do what God designed our bodies to do? Some men have foot fetishes, should we not wear sandals? Afa breats being sexual, yes they are. So, are mouths and hands and I can do a LOT more sexual things with my mouth and hands than my breasts. And even the muslims allow those to be exposed! :shifty

[DesiringHim]

:yes This is a huge issue, because when does it stop? When do we stop taking responsibility for other people's issues and just do what God designed our bodies to do?

Exactly.

[andrea_r]

Someone at church recently cited the need for a nursing mothers' room because nursing, even discreetly, can make single men feel uncomfortable and distracted...

She said can... not it did, or someone complained.

I think someone is hiding behind her own beliefs here. Before I even considered something like this, I would find out if someone really did complain, or it's some ol biddy. ;P

Sorry. Sore spot. :D

I *did* go to a church where I was asked to "go do that" in the nursing room. Considering the woman was older than my grandmother, and had to turn around to see us, being as we sat in the back row, far right, with people larger than us in front of us, I figure it was none of her business.

:rockon

[christineka]

We have a mother's room at church. I see it as an option. Mothers can go there to nurse their babies if that's where they'd like to go. I nurse in the women's class. In the coed Sunday school, I will leave. It is quite packed and I'm not comfy latching my baby on while so close that I'm touching another man's coat. I also leave during the general meeting. We sit in the front and I just prefer to not be the center of attention. (Though most would probably not notice.) Neither I nor dh would care if a woman nursed her baby all during the church services.

I just hate how all the moms who don't breastfeed their babies think they should change their toddlers' poopy diapers in the mother's room and leave the stinky things in that room. yuck, yuck, and double yuck.

[BarefootBetsy]

I nurse in church - usually with a sling - and more often than not nobody can even tell. I have no problem nursing in church without the sling too if I have to, but usually it's more convenient and comfortable for me to use the sling. I'm not comfortable covering up with a blanket though...

I'd just like to see somebody approach me about it. They wouldn't know what hit them. I'd be polite as punch too - it'd be a good opportunity to use my southern on them :giggle

[teamommy]

I nurse in a sling in church. Even my toddler. I do sit in the back and I do wear a nursing top or dress to church. I have never seen anyone else nurse during the church service. :( But no one has said anything negative to me.

There have been phases where my babies have been too distractible or fussy at the breast to nurse in church and then I go and find an empty Sunday school room or go to the nursery (honestly it's worse in the nursery because sometimes there are old ladies there that seem very very uncomfortable with me nursing my kids in front of them). All of that to say-- I would be THRILLED to have a mothers room at my church where the sermon is piped in. Not only for nursing but to take a baby that I can't or don't want to leave in the nursery.

[NewLeaf]

I nurse wherever, whenever and I have a visceral reaction to the idea of a nursing cover. :shifty

It's my job to nurture and nourish my baby. It's their job to take responsibility for their weaknesses and to bring their thoughts captive. :shrug

[SamRose]

Most of the things I was going 2 reply have already been covered. (Ive even made the "foot fetish exist, so no sandals?" arguement to somebody:yes)
Most women who NIP (especially in church) do so discreetly. Since nothing more of the breast is usually being shown than can be seen in many clothes, anybody who has a problem w/ BF has a problem w/ the act of BF itself, not nutidy (since there usually is none). And nobody, especially in church, is gonna argue against GOD's design for me to feel my infant. If there was a posted "no eating in the sanctuary, not even babies can eat in here", then I wouldnt attend there, but if I was a guest there one time or something, Id join the bottle feeding mothers wherever they'd been shunned to and we'd all feed our babies 2gether. :P~

As for it being a lust issue, like others have said, we cannot be responsible for somebody who lusts over BF! There R certain things that can be a stumblimg block to a majority of men, and I do think it is our duty as Christian sisters to try and avoid obvious things like that. It's not like we're going into church in a bikini and saying "too bad fellas, control yer thoughts and pay attention to the sermon!". We're feeding our babies, and if done w/o exposing the whole breast, we're not doing anything worse or more distracting than a mother who is bottle feeding their infant in service. :shrug3

And honestly, moms BFing in service is less distracting to me than moms who bottle feed in service, and Id suggest that to anybody trying to play the "distraction card". Cuz as a mom who has BFd in service and has seen others do it, there's not usually a bunch of big movements and shifting around in the pew. U have baby close, put them to the breast, and then U cant even C baby while they nurse cuz of the pew back. When I C ppl bottle feeding in church, they're diggin around in the diaper bag, pulling out bottles, getting baby all situated, and the bottle & sometimes baby R still visible for the feeding. Then they're putting everything away after the feed, etc. There's just a lot more going on. (not saying that EVERY mom who brings expressed milk or formula & bottle feeds in service is a huge distraction, or that no BF moms R. Just saying that in general & IME, BF lends itself to being more discreet and less distracting in service. :shrug3)

[MaybeGracie]

It has always seemed to me that nursing in a church is the most normal place a mother could nurse. God designed this amazing system for mothers to nourish and comfort their babies - church is the perfect place to celebrate that! There's nothing shameful about nursing a baby.

I nurse "discretely" out of respect for others and our culture, but it bothers me that it's even necessary to do so in the first place. My in-laws just got back from Guatemala and were talking about how the mothers there just walk around nursing all the time. Someone who was with them had made a comment about seeing more boob there than they had in their entire life. To me, that sounds wonderful! Far easier than trying to keep things covered up while I feed my baby and deal with my toddler. There's nothing inherently sinful or immodest about a woman's breasts. Unfortunately, they've been so sexualized by our culture that discrete nursing is a necessity.

That said, breastfeeding is never going to be "normalized" in our society if no one ever sees it done. I'm not going to hide in another room or sit in my car to nurse, nor am I going to pump and use a bottle in public. I'm not going to fumble with a nursing cover or blanket either. I will, out of respect, be discrete (keep things reasonably covered up, try not to "flash" those around me), but I will not hide or act as though nursing my child is embarrassing or shameful. It's not a "necessary evil", it's a wonderful God-designed gift! And the church, of all places, needs to recognize that.

[motherlyservant]

At our previous church, I would sit on the very end, because the sides of the pews were really high like a little past my shoulder, and then DH would always put his arm around me on my other side. I find that using a coverup thing usually makes people notice more what you are doing, like hello here is my nursing coverup!!! I always would pull my pants up really far or wear a nursing tank so my belly was covered and snuggle my babies up and I have had full conversations with other men and they never even noticed I was nursing! It is really funny when you are so discrete people don't know they are nursing and just think they are sleeping and come up and rub on their head or kiss their head and really embarrassed when they figure out you are nursing:giggle
Now for our present church we have folding metal chairs, and it is very very small, so I just go to the mothers room and leave the door open so I can hear.
I kinda think the same as a previous poster, that it might be more of a turn off to most men than a turn on. But if it is a turn on to some men, I highly doubt they would come to you and tell you, that would just be very uncomfortable for both parties. I love nursing my babies and rarely go into another room to do so, but I think you can turn people off from breastfeeding by being to much on display, because it isn't the social norm and they think that is what they would look like or have to do to breastfeed too.

[olive]

I bf in church as well. We have an area set up for bf in the other room with a video link but I prefer to stay in the service and snuggle my baby discreetly. My reasoning is that people only think it's unacceptable because they are unfamiliar with it and hopefully seeing me will show that it's natural and normal and not something to hide. (That said I don't flash to make a point and I do cover up a bit more around people I don't know.)

[Emma]

My 6 month old has recently been a nightmare to breastfeed - popping off, having a look around etc making any form of discrete breastfeeding very difficult. I don't think she'd have a bar of a cover either. When I was first learning to breast feed I was pretty unncoordinated also - at times a fair bit of flesh was inadvertently on display! It may be that there are some women out there who breast feed in order to be provocative but I think they'd been in the minority. Most of us are simply trying to give our babies the best we can - any breast displayed is a consequence of that. I have been very fortunate at my church that no one has ever made a comment or even given me a funny look. It would have made it difficult to attend if they had. I think it is a sign of our culture not appreciating the primary purpose of the breast that this is an issue. When people have children it is a time when they are often attracted to return to the church and consider Jesus - it would be a pity if mother's were made to feel unwelcome because they breast feed.

[solatido]

Re. the popping on and off:
I find if I wear a looseish top it will often fall down to cover me when DS pops off. While he nurses, the shirt is resting on the corner of his mouth (but I do make sure he can breathe by fluffing it out on the nose side) so that gravity takes over. He is on and off a lot- that is part of the reason I sometimes prefer to take him to another room (so he can get a good meal). He only really focuses if he is REALLY hungry.

[Earthylady]

The only reason for a nursing mother's room should be for the comfort and convenience of the mothers and their babies--if *they* prefer privacy.



Yeah that! I've nursed my last two babies sitting in the front row at church. The only time I ever went to the nursing nook was when they were brand new and I needed to show a little too much to get them latched on, or when they were being cranky and distracting. I usually would wear nursing shirts so I could easily latch on undistracted during prayer or praise time so that by the time the quiet sermon part came around, baby was fast asleep. MANY people would come around during the introduction part/welcoming part and try to look at the babies face to realize I was nursing and then get a little embarrassed....yet many would be AWED that I was nursing! :) Just a couple of weeks ago I was nursing my 18 month old in the front row at church. I definately keep it low key and under the radar, but I don't feel like I have to hide either. I just don't want to draw attention to myself.

[JenLovie]

I think it's nice when churches have a place where you can still hear and/or see the sermon. I also think that it should be acceptable to nurse in the service. I like having a quiet/dark place to use, but I don't want to feel like I must leave because breastfeeding is "dirty".
We visited a church here tha made a huge deal about where families with children could sit during the service and about being discrete while nursing (they had a sign in the cry room and everything). I almost walked out of the church before the service started. I really feel like our society has oversexualized breasts and forgotten what they were/are designed to do.

[aleigh]

I nurse in our cry room, but that's because that's where I feel comfortable (and, just being honest, I don't want everyone seeing my belly...). But, I know many woman at our church who nurse during church in the sanctuary.

I'm more worried about the nursing mother's comfort than the comfort of those sitting around her. So, it's great to have a room available for women who want it, but I'm totally opposed to MAKING women use it.

I will say, before I ever nursed my babies, I was terribly distracted when I saw a woman breast feeding. I didn't think it was gross, or weird, or even that they should cover-up- I had just never experienced it before & I didn't know where to look or if it was okay to talk to her or what. :scratch

[solatido]

I will say, before I ever nursed my babies, I was terribly distracted when I saw a woman breast feeding. I didn't think it was gross, or weird, or even that they should cover-up- I had just never experienced it before & I didn't know where to look or if it was okay to talk to her or what. :scratch

I totally KWYM!! I was sooo uncomfortable making eye contact- I dunno like they thought I'd be looking... now I'm embarassed to think I was that uncomfortable about it. My own discomfort then made it hard for me to nurse in front of anybody at first, but then it got better :yes

[teamommy]

I will say, before I ever nursed my babies, I was terribly distracted when I saw a woman breast feeding. I didn't think it was gross, or weird, or even that they should cover-up- I had just never experienced it before & I didn't know where to look or if it was okay to talk to her or what. :scratch

Yes, me too. Even though it was so long ago now that it is hard to remember what that felt like. :)

And I grew up with my mom nursing my younger sibs, and seeing ladies in the church nurse. There was one in particular my family knew when I was a teen, that would take her entire shirt up high and flash her whole chest and breast while latching on, and once she took her entire shirt off at a women's bible study. :hunh I still think of her whenever I read about being discreet with breastfeeding. That is the only person I can think of who was truly, what I would call, indiscreet. Just saying that even though I grew up seeing bf as normal, I still felt like the part I quoted until I had my own baby.

[aleigh]

There was one in particular my family knew when I was a teen, that would take her entire shirt up high and flash her whole chest and breast while latching on, and once she took her entire shirt off at a women's bible study. :hunh I still think of her whenever I read about being discreet with breastfeeding.

:haha

Oh my. I would have to leave the room- I would be laughing so hard.

[SamRose]

And I grew up with my mom nursing my younger sibs, and seeing ladies in the church nurse. There was one in particular my family knew when I was a teen, that would take her entire shirt up high and flash her whole chest and breast while latching on, and once she took her entire shirt off at a women's bible study. :hunh I still think of her whenever I read about being discreet with breastfeeding. That is the only person I can think of who was truly, what I would call, indiscreet. Just saying that even though I grew up seeing bf as normal, I still felt like the part I quoted until I had my own baby.

LOL, how did the other women react?
My mom told me a story about my aunt (her SIL, R) years ago. R & my mom were at R's sister A's house, where R was staying at the time. R took off her whole shirt to nurse her baby, and then just remained topless after baby was finished. My mom thought it was kinda odd that R was doing that in front of her, but my mom was nursing me (newborn) at the time, and figured R was just very comfortable around other nursing women. Well, my mom saw A's husband B pull into the drive way. So she says "Hey R, B is home". My aunt replied "ok". My mom figured R must not have understood, cuz surely she'd run and put a top on if her BIL was about to walk in. So my mom said it again, and my aunt replied the same. B walked in, said hi to his SIL's and went on his way. My mom said she was just :jawdrop:hunh LOL