Best way to go about this?

[mommy2abigail]

Ok, so dd2 (2 years old) is NOT about to let me drop her off anywhere. I really truly understand that, and with dd1, I didn't until she was 3 and she went in totally fine. However, with dh traveling a lot and working long hours, *I* really need a break. I have tried a few times at our church nursery (our church is very small, and very gentle-minded) and I barely got out the door before she went ballistic. :-/

I signed up at the Y because they have a great reputation for their kids center, and I was super impressed when we went in to tour. The area is huge, there is a lot to do, they had 7 people working and except for the two that were greeting the kids, all the others were on the floor, actively playing with the kids. My good (AP) friend takes her kids there and she loves it, and I trust her opinion too. They have reassured me that they will get me immediately if she cries, ect.

SO. How do I even begin??? When we walk in, she clings to my neck and starts crying. I don't know why, since I have NEVER left her against her wishes, and ALWAYS (well, it was only 2x) come back immediately. SHe acts like I've left her to be fed to the wolves. :-/ Now, I am totally willing to be patient and take as long as she needs to help her feel comfortable, but I am not sure how to start? Should I just walk in, leave her all cheery-voiced and then walk out? Do I come back immediately (because she WILL start crying?) Do I wait a minute? Gradually extend the time I am out? OR, do I go in with her, stay and play for a while, do this every day for a week or so, and not leave, and then start leaving? I'm worried that if I stay in there, she will expect me to always stay?

I swear I feel like such an idiot about all of this! I used to work at MDO, daycares, and I was a teacher for littles, and it was so obvious then! My advice was always to make drop off short and sweet, and that the child would cry but would get over it in 5 minutes. I would call the parent back if it went on longer, but I honestly don't ever recall having to do that. However, I know my kid and I know she will not stop in 5 minutes. I don't want this to be traumatic for her, I want her to like going and to have fun and enjoy it. HELP!!!

[heartprint]

:raise I am right there with you trying to navigate the best way to help ds(18 mos) be the most confident and secure little one that he can be!!

I vote for two of the things you said-
1- stay and play for a while
2- gradually extend the time you are gone

I find it very interesting about your dd1 not being left alone til she was 3, then she was fine! That the direction I am leaning toward, but am experimenting with doing short periods now. DS is used to me staying and hanging out with him in the nursery, so I when I slip out here and there he doesn't seem to notice or care too much.
Does she mind when you leave the room at home, or when you leave her with dad or family? We do some of me in a different room (haha- on computer!!) at home, and also longer times with just dad or grandma. I left him in room next to ours for a recent Bible study with a small group of kids and babysitters and he did fine, and I would peek through window now and then to check on him. It felt right to both of us. The sitters commented how he didn't cry when I slipped out- they were very surprised! I have heard different schools of thought about "slipping out" vs/ "short and sweet goodbyes" ... I don't want to do it too often, bc I think he'll catch on to the whole thing, and then the honeymoon will be over. I don't think I would leave him actively crying... but I am really new at this, and maybe they do get over it in 5 mins and it is no big deal in the long run!! Definitely looking for more firsthand experiences of what has worked with other people! Don't feel like an idiot! I feel that way too though. Everyone else makes it look so easy- what am I missing??

[mountainash]

:think I totally understand needing a break, but are there any circumstances under which you might be able to feel like you got a break without being separate from your daughter? I ask because it sounds like she's really not ready. :hugheart

If you have an gentle mommy friend who would be willing to work with you, maybe you could start out going to the park and then have your friend sort of take over for a while. Or even if you were out shopping, you could have your friend ask your daughter if she would be ok with your friend taking her to the toy aisle while you shop in a different section.

[MarynMunchkins]

It sounds to me like both of you might do better if you had one trusted person come to your home and watch her so you could have a break. Sometimes big group environoments are just too overwhelming for littles. :)

[mommy2abigail]

THanks for the ideas...

I'd MUCH rather have a trusted friend watch her, but to be honest, the only people I would trust with her (aside from my mom or dh) have 3 or more children of their own, and honestly I don't think they would be interested in baby sitting for another, kwim? Most of them have infants/newborns, and it's unfair for me to ask for their help...

As for taking a break with her...truthfully, that's not really my idea of a break! :shifty The whole point is that I am with them 24/7 and doing most of the parenting, simply because dh is working a lot. I need a few hours a week when I'm not chasing, tending to, holding, comforting, entertaining, and taking care of them...I need to take care of me too sometimes!

She is fine at home, and even at the park going off on her own. She has always been MUCH more independent than dd1 was, partly because she is always chasing and trying to keep up with her big sister. She is also fine with me leaving her with dh or my mom. However neither of those people is available on a regular basis, dh because his schedule is always uncertain and he is gone at least 60 hours a week and travels a few times a month and my mom because she is a nanny as well and has to tend to her 'family'.

I just feel like if I could get her comfortable at one place, she would have a lot of fun and I could get breaks and be a better mommy. The issue is how to best go about getting her to stay and play happily. I will try the 'stay and play' technique for a while. I'm perfectly willing to help her for as long as she needs, and I know with some gentle persistence we will get to the point of both being comfortable. :pray4