Going out without the children

[Earthmummy07]

If you have to go out in the evening without the children, do you tell them that you are going out before you put them to bed, or do you just do it as normal and hope they dont wake up for the babysitter?

Toby doesnt like to be left and can get quite upset when he knows I'm going out without him, so it's very tempting to treat it like a normal night and leave once he's asleep, but I worry that if he wakes up while I'm gone, and suddenly mummy isnt there, it will be worse for him than knowing mummy has popped out and will be back later. He wont know that this is the only evening out I've had for over a year. For all he knows, mummy vanishes every night while he's asleep.

What do you do?

[Codi]

I dont know, I have never had to do that. But I would think I would want to tell them so they dont get scared when they wake up if your gone. I can see how it might be easier not to though. :hug

[MomtoJGJ]

we always tell them but typically we are leaving people here that they know (grandma or our neighbor) and they are fine. We never get a real babysitter, so I don't know what we'd do in that case.

We also tell them when we go out during the day..... they don't typically care if it's both of us going for some reason.

[scrappyknits]

We tell our children - we make it a big deal, they get excited! :) (usually they have a special treat when they have a babysitter, like a movie, or ice cream or something like that)

that said, I don't think we've ever put them to bed THEN gone out - but they are heavy sleepers and probably wouldn't wake while we were out... maybe the three year old would to go to the potty. Finding someone new in the house when he didn't expect it would totally throw him off and upset him, I'm sure, so he'd still need to be warned ahead of time. :shrug

At least bed time routine is able to still be the same for him, so he may not react as negatively as if the babysitter was coming to feed him supper and put him to bed herself? Does he KNOW the babysitter?

:hug

[BearyBlessed]

I think I've done it both ways.
Often when I left, it was just for 20-30 minutes and Daddy was here. He woke once or twice then. I know he didn't care for not having me there, but Daddy is safe too. I think one time he wouldn't go back to sleep and one time he did.
There have only been maybe 4-5 times that I've left for a couple hours while he slept. Every time it was Grandma who was there. I think he woke one time and freaked out. I'm pretty sure I told him the next time. He almost always had a 2-4 hour stretch at the beginning of the night that he didn't wake, so I felt pretty safe leaving for 1 1/2-2 hours. It always felt a bit weird, though, not having him with me.
I was always worried that he wouldn't sleep if he knew and that he would be afraid if he didn't know. :shrug3

[Earthmummy07]

I was always worried that he wouldn't sleep if he knew and that he would be afraid if he didn't know. :shrug3

This is exactly my problem.

I should have been posting this yesterday, as it was actually last night I went out, but I never got time and I'm still interested in the answers.

The babysitter was my mom, who I live with. They are very close :)

I ended up telling him we were going, then I put him to bed. He went to sleep suprisingly easily. He did wake up while we were out, but my mom went straight up (one of the many wonderful things about my mom; she cannot stand to hear her grandkids cry :D) and took him down to the living room.

He cried a little but didnt actually ask for me (the last time I went out - admittedly a year ago - he screamed and screamed for me and she fetched me straight home). He cried for about 2 minutes, and was asleep in her arms within 5 minutes of waking up, so he slept on the sofa until I came home. I think because he knew Grandma was going to be listening out for him, he was expecting it to be her that came for him, so it didnt end up being the issue I thought it would be. I think if i'd sneaked out without telling him, he'd have been scared when he woke up; not because he doesnt feel safe with his grandma, just that he's be expecting ME.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. It's always good to hear from other's POV

[BearyBlessed]

I'm glad it worked out so well. :hug I hope you had a great time! :heart

[Raspberries]

I don't tell them because DD1 will have a melt down and then resist sleeping. The other night me, DH and baby went to the mall to grab some shoes after the girls went to sleep. We were gone an hour and my mom stayed here while we did. If they woke up while we were out they would have been fine with grandma for sure. She's *great* with them and they love her and feel safe with her.