co-sleeping is painful!

[catbeth]

My hips hurt ALL the time from sleeping frozen in nursing position. Baby starts off the night in his crib, and when he wakes up after a couple of hours I take him into my bed. He wants to nurse, of course, and I usually fall asleep nursing him. If I wake up and he's finished, I carefully roll over onto my stomach (which is the only way I can sleep comfortably), but sometimes I sleep too hard, or sometimes when I try to move he wakes up and starts screaming. The worst is when I wake up and am lying there on my side, in horrible pain from my hip, and I can't unlatch him because he'll scream.

Dh doesn't like co-sleeping either. He insists on having a pillow between him and the baby because he's afraid of hurting him, which of course means a lot less room in the bed.

Is there anything I can do? I'm really getting tired of the pain especially. I also don't like not having any time in the early morning for shower, exercise, breakfast, etc. before baby wakes up, because he wakes up when I do. But I can deal with that okay, but the pain!

[BornFreeBaby]

How old is your baby?

I wouldn't put the baby next to Dh if he is uncomfortable with that. Move the pillow off the bed and sleep next to your hubby with baby on the other side of you. Use a toddler bed railing or crib pushed up next to your side of the bed for safety.

I found there was more room in our bed once I pushed the crib right up to our bed. My Dh didn't want to roll over on the baby either so I slept next to DH and put baby on the edge side -but with the crib there I didn't worry about her falling out of bed. With our 2nd baby we got an Arm's Reach co-sleeper bed. I would unlatch her and place her in the cosleeper bed with my hand on her and at first she would fuss but then go back to sleep. It just took practice for her to get used to it, but I would never let her full on cry. If that happened I would nurse her to sleep again and unlatch again with the pinky and place her in her cosleeper with my hand on her.

Also, my hips were totally messed up after giving birth to A... going to the Chiropractor has really helped my hip pain. So I recommend you see someone about that pain!

[jrsmama]

No advice for you, but...

I found that the greater pain came later as I've needed to sleep on my side for better circulation and my bouncy growing boy seems to find my sensitive nipples with.every.movement. I think I've had my nipple hit, pinched or twisted by every appendage and joint on his body. They should be down to my knees by now.

[Earthylady]

Story of my life girl! Can't say I can really help you, but I do sympathize. We got a bigger bed. We now have a King bed, plus a twin. With each kid I've started working earlier on to not fall asleep while they were nursing and to unlatch them so I could get comfy. If I fall asleep while they nurse I wake up wanting to turn over and the babe and i both are in that light sleep cycle and I wake them up and then I get frustrated that I can't get comfy. So, I totally understand what you're saying! I try to get the babe to sleep and then pop them off the breast and roll over and get comfy. that way when they wake up and want to nurse again I'm not STILL in the nursing position and having to stay there even longer.

How old is your little one? with my first kid it took some coaxing cause I waited too long to start unlatching her. On my third kid though, I started it right away! As in...newborn! She nursed and I'd unlatch her before I went to sleep.

In the beginning, start by just breaking the suction with your pinky about 5 minutes after he's asleep. If he fusses, relatch (assuming he's a wee lad still) and get him back to sleep and try again. It's going to take work for both you and him to break that habit and get comfortable with the new arrangement...so be gentle on yourself and realize that it's going to take work. Consider each success as one step closer to freedom! :) Eventually you'll have it down pat and before you know it, you'll be getting him the rest of the way asleep with out nursing at all! As my kids have gotten older I started encouraging cuddles after they've become drowsy at the breast. usually between 18 months and 2 years they night weaned totally.

As far as morning though, I can't help at all with that! When I DO sneak out of bed in the morning, I have a crying kid not far behind me usually within 5 minutes and it's a disaster of a way to start the day! Up too early and tired and cranky kid plus failed expectations and frustration on my part for not getting what I'd hoped for is NOT how I want to start the day! I long since gave up and sleep in. :) I use nap times as my quiet time now. Works better for me anyway as I am NOT a morning person. :)

[curlymopmom]

No advice, just :hugheart. Mine got better with time, when baby started nursing less. I don't remember how I got through it with dd, who nursed all night long (literally). I remember that pain all too well. :pray4 you get relief soon!

[catbeth]

Thank you all!

My baby is almost 8 months, and he's my first one to co-sleep. My other 2 were STTN in their cribs by this age, and so this has been an adjustment. (I did CIO with them, though. I can't stomach that anymore.)

[BornFreeBaby]

Ok I see... my first was also trained with CIO to sleep in their cribs and then I went way over board with my 2nd trying to be the perfect AP mom that never let her baby cry. What I realized is that its okay if they fuss for a minute before they go to sleep if you are busy or in pain. It doesn't make you a bad mom!

[Earthylady]

I also learned to not respond the very second they started moving. I did that with my oldest because....well, she was so high needs I was scared to death she'd wake up and cry! lol But with each kid I've learned to just kind of give it a second to see if they settle themselves. Sometimes just touching me was enough to get them back to sleep. If they actually woke up enough to cry I nursed, but definately have learned to relax a bit.

[catbeth]

Well, I'm definitely not trying to do perfect AP. I didn't even wear him past about 2 months old (my back is bad). And he does have to fuss sometimes, there's no way I can comfort him immediately with two other little ones around. In the night, though, he doesn't fuss, he screams! Of course I'm so sleepy that all I can think about is getting him quiet so I can go back to sleep, LOL. But I will try some of these suggestions!

[GranolanRainbows]

I have a maneuver that I've used with both my babies that I call "the covert binkie switcharoo". Basically, once LO is asleep, I pop out my nipple and pop in the binkie. I don't know how you feel about pacifiers. I used to hate ther mere idea of them, but they've honestly saved my sanity.
As for positioning, I do sleep on my side with my arm under his head, because I get concerned about him rolling away and off. (I woke with his head on my feet once..:blush), but I put a pillow or part of the covers behind my back and that helps.

[catbeth]

Last night I kept the pacifier nearby, and as soon as he started crying I put it in and snuggled him, and he went right back to sleep! I did nurse him some during the night, but not every single time he woke up. I felt much better this morning.

[KSL]

I also use the pacifier at naps/night after I nurse (although now my DS has a case of thrush and I think is refusing the pacifier for that reason). But I think that their is a HUGE difference btwn giving a baby a pacifier when you are snuggling them or close to them vs. sticking them in a room by themselves with it (and you know what? My sister is a wonderful, loving mom and her son used pacifiers and would sleep in his crib with them too- she NEVER let him CIO, she wasn't into AP exactly but did lots of AP things, just happened that her son was happy with that arrangement- she would try to rock him to sleep, like she did with her daughter, and he wanted none of it, just wanted to be in his crib or bassinet with a pacifier handy. I say all this bc I am super sensitive to not judging people for things like using pacifiers, bc I realize that just works for some kids and doesn't mean their parents are ignoring them at all.)

Ok, but back to your co-sleeping pain question- I had similar issues and through trial and error this is what has worked for me:
1) I use a pillow designed to go between your legs that I got while I was pregnant from my chiropractor's office. Didn't work so well when I was pregnant but works beautifully now, I think it's called a spacer pillow, it is firm and shaped to go between your legs to take pressure of your hips/back when you sleep. It was like $25 I think? My sister had the same issue and used just a regular pillow btwn her legs and said it worked great.
2) I put a firm body pillow behind my back so that I can sort-of lean back against it. That has helped tremendously too, I think it allows me to really relax my hips/back rather than thinking I need to keep tension in them to stay in the right position to feed him.
3) I put my son a little further down that I was before, like a little closer to my feet (I mean, he's not by my feet or anything, I just started shifting him down that way a bit more vs. being closer to my head). He's still at breast level but just a little further down- now when I am nursing on the opposite side (like when I am laying on my right side and he is nursing from my left breast) I can actually turn my body towards him and put my left arm up by my head/above his head and really relax and fall asleep.

Hope one or more of those suggestions might help a little bit:)

[Earthylady]

I'm not a pacifier person. None of my kids have ever takin' one although I've offered one to all three kids. I even bought the ones that were supposedly more like the breast. I don't know who's nipples are THAT long....but mine sure aren't! So they were NOT a good substitute for us.

Plus, something else to think about if you go the pacifier route is that once you start supplementing their suck desire with something other than your breast, it could potentially start affecting your milk supply and eventually your periods. Just sayin'....

I contribute my lack of AF to the fact that my kids would never take anything else other than mom...despite my trying! The earliest I've ever gotten a PPAF was 18 months. Between babes 2 and 3 I got pg on what would have been the first AF at 21 months post partum and right now I'm 18 months out after babe 3 with no AF in sight. It's not like that for everyone...just throwing that out there too to think about.

[phlebogirl]

I can so relate to this post!! I immediately clicked on it when I read, "Co-sleeping is painful!" This has been the story of my life recently and I found all the responses very helpful. I bedshare part-time with our second child, who's now 8 months. She starts out in her pack n play, next to our bed, then I bring her in bed when she wakes to nurse (usually 3-4 times/night). When I nurse her in the side-lying position, if I end up falling asleep like that, my left arm falls asleep and will be dead numb...so painful!! For weeks I would try so hard not to fall asleep while nursing, but lo and behold, next thing I'd know it was 2 hours later after I started nursing. Plus then if she was right next to me, she'd be constantly finding my nipples in her sleep...another big sleep disruption.

The last week or so has been better. I tried more diligently to stay awake while nursing (she nurses very fast) and then immediately put her back in the play pen. MUCH better!! I think I was afraid to admit that bedsharing was not my very favorite thing. :) I really need to put up a bed rail which will hopefully add a bit more space, too, taking the recommendations of those that said that in this thread.

[nazmommy]

I can very much relate to this thread!
My 17 month old has been putting herself to sleep since she was about 10 months old. This past week, she SCREAMED when I laid her down. I tried nursing her a little longer and giving her some extra cuddles and then laying back down. She screamed again when I laid her down. Being as this was very not like her, we assumed it was her teething. We gave her some Motrin and tired again. No go.
So, I nursed her ALL NIGHT. I am TOTALLY ok with co-sleeping but it really has never worked for us and I just can't sleep when I am nursing and laying down. I know that sounds so strange but I just can't.
Over the last week, she has gotten worse and worse about laying down for her naps, and going to bed. She just wants to sleep with me. That is okay, but I am really stressed about it because I really need sleep!
We don't use a paci so I can't do that. I have been working on getting my nipple out when she is asleep but that takes a really long time and then she will wake back up and it takes even longer.
I REALLY need sleep!! Any tips! I SOOO wish I could just sleep while nursing but I can't. Do I just suck it up and keep working at it or is there any advice on how to get her back in her own crib?
I am really frustrated and of course want to meet her needs. Most of friends are CIO friends....thankfully I have GCM.

[Lin]

Having been through this 4 times now, I have a few tips. I don't guess I ever imagined myself actually telling people about what I've done because nearly all my friends practice Ezzo/CIO methods (which make me feel like I want to throw up), and I'm thankful to have a place here where my views and practices are understood and appreciated.

My first baby was what Dr. Sears would call a High Needs Child. She's still demanding at 7 years old. She was severely colicky and screamed day and night, I kid you not. The only time she wasn't screaming is when she was nursing or outside in the stroller. She refused to be in a sling, which was a disappointment to me. At any rate, I learned real quick that the only way I was going to get any sleep was to have her in our bed.

We have a queen sized bed, and it's just not big enough for DH (who is skinny), me, a pillow behind my back, a baby, and a tidbit of space between us when I roll away. I take one side of the crib off, push it up next to the bed, and use it as an extension (I've actually been known to roll over into it myself on bad nights where the baby is so super-sensitive I can't move her). I use a body pillow between my legs and wrap it up behind my back as well. It's the perfect length. One arm goes up above the baby's head and that hand is on top of the covers making sure DH doesn't flip them up over the baby's head. If he tugs on the covers, I wake up.

Thankfully, after three very poor sleepers, I got a baby who sleeps. I still can't get over it. My mother said God knew exactly what I needed this time around.

I have an Ezzo friend whose first three babies were perfect sleepers, and of course she attributed it to following the Ezzos. I got a lot of pressure from her, but I resisted and made it a point not to EVER complain to her. Her fourth baby is a non-sleeper. She refuses to be scheduled and has totally turned that family upside down. She's nearly two and still demands to nurse all night long. Somewhere deep inside I'm slighly amused, even while feeling really sorry for her because I understand the exhaustion.

My hips/low back bother me a lot too, and the chiropractor helps. But what helps most is having that long pillow up between my knees and behind my back so I can fully relax. Oh, also, once the baby gets to a certain length, it's hard to pull your knees up at a right angle to your body. Once I unlatch, I scoot down just enough so I can draw my knees up at a right angle (or even closer to my body) so my back can stretch.

[LorenP]

I have been thinking about this myself - we have an 8m old that sleeps in the middle and I too have the sore back.

Has anyone had relief from swapping sides with their partner? I notice that I get a different pain if I feed from the other side of the bed, and wonder if it would all even out if we switched (say weekly?).

I might try it as an experiment.

I also like the idea of scooting down the bed once they have unlatched, but often during the night I fall asleep first!

[BusyB]

I have a maneuver that I've used with both my babies that I call "the covert binkie switcharoo". Basically, once LO is asleep, I pop out my nipple and pop in the binkie. I don't know how you feel about pacifiers.

I do the same thing. Also I have a mini co sleeper next to the bed so I switch sides nursing and roll over. So I'm not on one side for too long. That really helped me. I either sit up and kinda slide her over or put her on my chest and we roll together. I've done this for all my kiddos hope this helps!

[marigold]

I sort-of co-sleep with my ds who is now 10 mo. He has a twin mattress on the floor which he can climb on and off of quite well if he desires. I just pile in beside him if he wakes up to nurse. If I fall asleep fine, if I stay awake I head back to bed with my dh. I find the pillow behind the back trick works well. If I don't do that my hips get very sore.

[Aerynne]

If you can afford it, get a memory foam mattress topper. That should help w/ the pain. And your baby is old enough that it shouldn't pose asuffocation risk.

[SunflowerKitchen]

So glad to hear that the pacifier worked for you catbeth! Has being on your side for less time helped your hip pain or has anything else worked?

I have the same problem, but I love side lying feeding with my 3 mo old during the night. It keeps me from waking up too much which helps me stay sane.

I would like to get her to take the pacifier after nursing down in the evening though... the 2 hour bedtime ritual is getting old. How did you get your dc to take it? (I wonder if there's some secret to the switcheroo)

BTW - based on what some of you have posted in this thread, it sounds like you feed both sides while lying on one side? How does that work...

Take care,
SK

[SunflowerKitchen]

Just wanted to add that I took the advice from a bunch of you and unlatched my dd and then scooted down, and it's been wonderful for both of us. She doesn't just latch back on, but we still get snuggle time (and she stays asleep!!!) because I don't need to move away. Thanks to everybody who mentioned it!

Take care,
SK