When they need connection and I need space

[Psyche]

I need help. I *need* time to regroup, particulalry when the day is going challenging (ie Caden won't listen to me at all, lots of GOMB parenting, he is being sassy, Jon is particularly needy, etc).

When Caden needs to connect he will.not.let.up. He'll be obnoxious and I can feel my self getting closer and closer to my boiling point, but he will not leave to go play in his room or get on the floor to play with a toy or what not. He will make obnoxious sounds with his mouth (which just shoves me into overdrive right over the edge of a cliff), do handstands on the couch next to me, kick me, etc. Jon does this to some degree too but its only bad when he wants to bother me when I'm in the middle of something I'm trying to finish, as he usually just wants to nurse.

Don't know what to do. If I don't get that time, I snap. I can't just leave the apt. If I go to another room, he follows me, unless I can physically lock the door (then Jon is usually shreiking his head off).

I've got to stop losing it on him, but I feel trapped and don't know how to stop the cycle. If DH comes home I can pawn them off on him while I escape and regroup, but if he's not, I"m outta luck. :shrug3

[sweetpeasmommy]

Deep breaths, parenting self talk, pray. Hopefully someone else will have some other ideas.

[Herbwifemama]

:popcorn My singlemost biggest parenting issue. I'm SUCH an introvert.

So far, I've got locking yourself away with earplugs. :shifty

[movinforward]

I am with you here! I could have wrote your post. Both of my boys are non-stop all day long! It is exhausting. They want constant attention. I know my friend gave me the tip to go out to your car, bring a book & read for a few mins? Don't know if that would work for you? Make sure the kiddos are safe (of course).

[emmalouise]

I struggle so much with this. Different things work on different days. At the moment, focusing on how grateful I am to be with them, to have them at all. It helps me break through that boiling point feeling and find them cute and easy to hug again. But at the end of the day, bleugh. I am just so...spent.

[WI Mama05]

It might help some if you can even lock yourself in a room with Jon, Caden on the other side of the door.

I often find myself in the room with the youngest, but completely checked out. Like "I know you're right there, but I don't care right now and am choosing to pretend you are not :shifty" while the other girls are screaming it up downstairs.

I am a TOTAL introvert and TTTTTT understand! DH instituted "mom's night out" late last summer for me and it's been a LIFE saver for me! One night a week to do with as I please NO KIDS (and yes, my nursling adjusted beautifully to daddy those nights, no bottle and no nursing thank you LORD!). I usually take my laptop, run errands and sit at a coffee shop with the quiet of no kids and the freedom of wifi! I've been tempted to do a girls night, but honestly, do NOT need to be around people these nights. I need to be alone to recharge (yep, introvert here).

[MomtoJGJ]

What if you just take him and cuddle for 2 minutes... softly talking to him and telling him that you need a few minutes alone and that you'll cuddle again as soon as you come out?

I could see that working with my girls.... especially my 3yo....

Personally though, I hand the baby to DH, close the baby gate, lock my bedroom door, and the bathroom door and hop in the tub until DH gets overwhelmed and fights through the barricades to get to me :) Then I"m in a better mood and get out of the tub and am a much happier person.... even more so if I hear them all outside when I get out of the tub!

[Psyche]

I was thinking about doing something like that Kim. DH has been getting two nights out after the kids are in bed to go play basketball. I was thinking of looking into the cost of pedicures and facials and somehow rotating a facial, pedicure, or haircut every two weeks. I think that could get spendy though.

[jojola]

Honestly I never found a solution to that. I wish I had some good advice :)

I would either lose it, or lock myself in the bathroom and cry while one screamed outside the door and one flung himself at the door, trying to break it down. Things improved (for me) when I could sneak into the bathroom for two or three minutes while they watched a cartoon or were really immersed in playing, but usually I can't leave the room without them velcroing themselves to me.

I am such a big introvert. Having a highly extroverted child has been one of the hardest parts of parenting for me.

[Aerynne]

I make the kids have quiet play time in their rooms every day after lunch, and no, they don't like it. Knowing that time is coming at the same time every day is good for both of us- me because it helps me tolerate more the rest of the day, and them because they are expecting it (even though they don't like it) so they aren't surprised. It also makes me a better mom the rest of the time. My dd also does some of her best homeschooling/unschooling project work during that time (voluntarily) so even though she doesn't like it, I know it's good for her.

[mommy2ella]

I think I've lost it enough times with Ella in just those situations that she now understands when I say, "Mommy is about to lose her temper, and I don't want to yell, so I need to go and be alone in my room for a few minutes to calm myself down." She REALLY does not like to hear yelling, so she will almost always back off and give me some time. When she was younger there was no way that would have worked, but she's old enough to understand, and dislikes being around anger so much, that it works well for us now. As a side note, the other day I had to take away a balloon that she kept chewing on, and she took a deep breath (as I do when I'm starting to lose it) and said, "I feel angry at you, Mommy. I need some time alone. Please give me my computer" and marched off to her room with her laptop for a while. :rockon So I'm thinking that she's also learning some good tools for setting boundaries for herself and calming herself down from my claiming my space and time to regroup.

[dulce de leche]

I wish I had a great solution. I think you should definitely get a night out--going to a bookstore, getting a good coffee drink and having some time without anyone is a necessity for me. Even if you have to scale the mani/pedi/haircut down to once a month, it would be great of you could get at least one night every week just for you. :hug