why does parenting seem *so* hard so much of the time?

[filmgirl2911]

I think I'm in a funk, and I realize that's a pretty broad, sweeping generalization for a question . . .

BUT it seems that there tend to be more questions about what to do / how to do it than answers for me, especially lately :yes

Can you tell that my daughter just turned two :shifty

and I feel like I'm walking through a dark valley ;)

[allisonintx]

Well, lets see.

It seems hard, because it is.

It's pretty much the hardest, most important job ever invented.

[AugustMama]

What Allison said. I've also found that when my kids are in disequilibrium, it can feel like everything is a battle and it will be like that forever. And then, just when I'm getting ready to hand in my mommy badge and give up, things smooth out and it gets much easier. Hang in there mama!:heart

[malakoa]

for us, after 3 it was smooth(er) sailing. but 3 almost killed us both.

but maybe i'm not such a great mom.

[TuneMyHeart]

I was going to say what Allison said. AP and GBD can also be a lonely road.

[Maggie]

:hugheart :hugheart I think the same thing myself, sometimes. Why is it so hard?? I think certain ages and stages are more challenging than others. I think it will get better when your DD is able to express herself more. :hug2 :hug2

[filmgirl2911]

I was going to say what Allison said. AP and GBD can also be a lonely road.

:yes I think this is a pretty big factor lately. And, boy, to overcome those ingrained "natural" responses with which I was raised (which is why I also sub to the thread of parenting self-talk - which Allison has also been a big factor) The "critical voice" of my mom with regard to my parenting can be overwhelming, even when it is just a look or a small, but disparaging comment (like when B was not even 20 months old and she said "It's too bad that she just hasn't learned how to sleep . . . because she read a facebook status post I'd written :doh )

---------- Post added at 07:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:41 PM ----------


but maybe i'm not such a great mom.

go back and re-read what Allison wrote ;)

[Karen]

Age two has been hard. It didn't help that she hit two when her baby brother was still, albeit at the end, of horrific reflux. She was so easy going before that and BAM! I can't tell you how many times I think to myself, oh you have got to be kidding me? She did not just do/say that. We have recently found a new normal but I know it won't last. Parenting, to me, really resembles a roller coaster ride. That can be very hard for me personally because I like a plan and a routine. I have had to learn to be really flexible with plans and routines and tweak them often. But, I still get really tired sometimes.

[MuseMama]

It's hard because you're a good mother. Being a bad mother is easy. Throw 'em in front of the TV with pizza and coke and go take a nap. Being a good mother is work. It's creating a working plan of how to bring up future adults. It's thinking about how to meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. It's teaching them everything from brushing their teeth to how the Universe works. It's encouraging them creatively and keeping them occupied. And I haven't even talked about laundry!

I know it's hard. And sometimes it's dark. And once in a while you don't rock being the mama. Being the mama rocks you.

But every day it's worth it. And once in a while they sleep and remind you that they're cute. Enjoy that part. ;)

[jblairosu]

Dh and I have been thinking the same thing lately. Some of the other ladies have come to the same conclusion we have...parenting the way were are is part of what makes it so hard. It's easy to basically have someone else raise your kid in daycare while you go get your nails done and work out or go shoe shopping. It's easy to stick your kid in their room at 8:00 at night and let them scream, cry, and fend for themselves until 8:00 the next morning. It's easy to just spank them for every little thing instead of thinking of a logical consequence or talk them through their big feelings that will actually help make them more successful the next time. I feel like a big failure most of the time but at least we're trying, right?!?? I try to tell myself that if it was easy all the time, I probably wouldn't be doing the best I could for my kiddos. I'm really feeling overwhelmed with the thought of dh going back to work soon and I'll be at home with my newborn and 3 year old. Eeeeeek!!!! Hugs to you because I'm definitely feeling the same way!

[Living My Dream]

and thats why we're on here. To get advice, to rant and most importantly,, to not be alone. :hug2

[WildOlive]

Agreeing w/ MuseMama... it's hard b/c we care. We're not sticking them in a crib to cry it out, or locking them in their rooms when we don't want to watch them, etc.

I need to remember this too. Hoo boy!

[Maggirayne]

Yes, it is hard. I was thinking today that I didn't expect how downright hard it would be. I'm really working w/E saying, "You have to make things right" hug sister if she hurt her, pick up a mess she made, and on and on.

It is teaching children how to be people, how to treat others and build relationships and most days, I feel like a failure. :-/

:hug

[Living My Dream]

I read this quote today

“This style of parenting drives us to our knees and so brings us closer to heaven. It forces us to die to self again and again to meet the needs of God’s little creatures. It’s immediately easier to shout and/or hit and abuse our authority to put out the fires of our day. We can stop the behavior through fear and punishment. But that doesn’t really require any heroic, saintly effort on our part, does it? Ultimately, it destroys the relationship with the child and it becomes for us the occasion of sin.”
Elizabeth Foss

[filmgirl2911]

Thank you for sharing that quote, Living My Dream :heart That really does help put things in perspective.

And thank you to everyone who is on the journey and willing to share the challenges and the inspirations along the way. It is quite helpful to know that we do not walk this path alone :heart


:ty4

[mountainash]

:yes I think this is a pretty big factor lately. And, boy, to overcome those ingrained "natural" responses with which I was raised (which is why I also sub to the thread of parenting self-talk - which Allison has also been a big factor) The "critical voice" of my mom with regard to my parenting can be overwhelming, even when it is just a look or a small, but disparaging comment (like when B was not even 20 months old and she said "It's too bad that she just hasn't learned how to sleep . . . because she read a facebook status post I'd written :doh )


I don't know if you live in a snowy climate, but up here in MN, when you're the first person to blaze a trail through deep snow it's exhausting. If you have the opportunity to walk in someone else's footsteps, the snow doesn't seem nearly as deep nor the path nearly as long. That's how I see parenting. I'm blazing a trail in my family because I'm the first person choosing counterculture alternative methods like natural childbirth, attachment parenting, and gentle discipline.

Gentle discipline comes more easily for my husband because he had was disciplined gently and he saw how his mom parented his younger siblings gently. He had the opportunity to see that an annoying behavior goes away even with very gentle boundaries being set. I, on the other hand, find myself panicked because I'm questioning whether a new behavior is a normal developmental thing or evidence of failure on my part as a disciplinarian.

You do eventually start to relax into a gentle discipline rhythm; it just doesn't typically happen when you're in midst of parenting your firstborn 2, 3, or 4 year old. Those are ages are like the part of gardening where you put the seeds into the ground and can't see what is taking root. If you've never grown anything before--not even so much as a bean sprout, that stage of having the seed in the ground causes an anxious sort of exhaustion. Are the seeds going to grow? Is all this work of tilling the soil, planting the seeds, and hauling the water going to prove worthwhile? When you're the first in your family or community to parent a different way, you have no prior experience to reassure you that you're doing it correctly. That's a hard place to be! :hug

[Waterlogged]

I also really think that we're not supposed to mother alone. Hard in our culture, given that we're so isolated. GCM is great for companionship and encouragement, but it might be good to find some like-minded friends IRL...

[WildOlive]

I also really think that we're not supposed to mother alone. Hard in our culture, given that we're so isolated. GCM is great for companionship and encouragement, but it might be good to find some like-minded friends IRL...


ITA! We're supposed to be all gathered together, pounding grain and cooking over our fire. I don't think we were ever meant to be so isolated. :no Even if you have close neighbors, it is easy to be isolated.