Transitioning to being a SAHM

[KCMartha]

If this isn't the right place for this, a mod can move it - I wasn't sure where it goes.

Okay, so when my LO arrives I am planning on staying home for a year. It can be longer, it will kind of be a transition/experiment year to see how it goes. I am thinking it probably will be longer, but leaving all options open. I have three big questions, answer any/all that you have advice about :)

1. How do you "say goodbye" to your job? I thought I would find the transition easy, but I am finding that I am sad to be leaving my job. I still think I am doing the right thing, it's just harder than I thought it would be.

2. What are some helpful habits I can have or do that will help me transition successfully? What balance of home/activities works for you, especially with an infant?

Some things I am considering:
- Mom's bible study at church (once a week, daytime)
- LLL (haven't ever been but might be a nice way to meet other moms)
- I know about 3 or 4 families that have young children who might be interested in some sort of playgroup type thing

3. Finally, what sorts of spiritual disciplines are helpful to you as the mother of a small child? In the past I have read a daily Bible (I liked) and I have also listened to podcasts of Morning Prayer or other radio programs.

Any general advice about what to expect? What was easy or hard for you?

[walkwallfall]

I'm still transitioning too (My baby is almost 6 months old) so I'd love to hear some "seasoned" mothers talk about their experience.

Here's what I do.
Normal home activities:
Make BFast for dh before her goes to work. Nurse the baby and then do some morning prayers. Put baby down on a playmat (or wear her) while I eat some bfast and have "computer time."

Then we do something or go somewhere. I do Stroller Strides 4x a week (but only for this month...we're poor) but since it'll only be for a month I'm gonna start up a walk/playgroup thing a couple times a week with my sister and some friends. After "exercise" I either go home and do chores/play with the LO or I go do something with a friend. Our house is really small so we both get pretty cramped up fast.

Whatever the day brings, I always try to be home or finished with activities by 3-4 pm. That way we have down time at home to nurse and relax and I still have time to make dinner for dh.

As for what to expect and what was easy or hard for me? Well, I am such a homebody I thought I'd love being home and a lot of people really, really do! I liked it at first, but DD gets really bored at home really fast. And I've been feeling blue lately too so I've been trying to have things and activities to do.

I say make sure you have some friends and support. It's a hard job to be a mommy.

---------- Post added at 12:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:50 PM ----------

oh and one of the coolest suggestions I got from a friend who had 4 kids:

"Go to the park. Even if your little baby cant do anything there YOU can be outside and enjoy the fresh air and scenery."

[Sweet Life]

Remember that life at home is not measured *at all* the same way it was when you were at work all day.

Remember that you no longer have to show up according to a clock or do what 'someone else' tells you to all day; don't lock yourself in to a "SAHM schedule".

Remember that you do not need to feel guilty for not working 'hard enough' or a 'real job' ... this is the hardest, and the best job you'll ever have. :heart

Remember that it's a journey in taking things a minute, hour and a day at a time.

Remember that there is no magic formula; but the right formula is whatever works best for you and your family. And that formula changes, often.

Remember that "productive" will have an entirely new definition that may or may not include a shower when you need it.

Remember that "performance" is not measured in any tangible, immediate way.

Remember that "success" is measured in the Lord's eyes and no one elses.

Remember that "regular schedule" might mean that you wake up sometime each morning and go to bed each evening.

Remember that it's the most wonderful journey you will ever take. :hearts :hearts

[walkwallfall]

sweet life, your post was so inspiring...I put it up on my FB page. :hug2:clap

[Barefoot Bookworm]

Yes, listen to Sweet Life!

Also, if you have a Mom's group at your church, I'd join it. I love mine and am excited to go every week so I can have the spiritual and mothering support.

[greendelight]

:popcorn ...because this will be me very soon!

[Waterlogged]

1. How do you "say goodbye" to your job? Well, at first I was too busy to worry about my job. By the end of what would have been my 12-week maternity leave, it was the end of the school year so I would have been done with work anyway. But when August came around, I started missing work a bit.

Now, we have good days and bad days. I miss the adult interaction of work. Even with playgroups, bible studies, storytime, etc, I'm still not getting the same amount/quality of adult conversation.

2. What are some helpful habits I can have or do that will help me transition successfully?

Well, early on it'll be hard to do anything except take care of the baby (bfing, etc), so don't expect to really be hitting your stride in terms of getting out and about til around 3mos.

3. Finally, what sorts of spiritual disciplines are helpful to you as the mother of a small child?
Ha. I don't have any. I listen to a lot more worship music. I am in a Beth Moore study (so I have to do the homework) and a book club (so I have to read the book), but beyond that, I'm not super disciplined spiritually. But I never have been, so it's not so much of a change...

I think it's important to know that it's OK if you don't always like being a SAHM. It's okay to mourn the loss of your job/career/livelihood. It's okay to feel lonely and isolated, and it's okay to count down the minutes until DH comes in the door.

I know moms here and IRL who absolutely love being SAHMs and rave over every part of it. I'm not one of them. :no I'm glad I'm staying home, and feel fortunate that we're in a place financially where it's not a problem, but there are days when I want to :banghead.

It's definitely an experience in grace...

[Wishing Well]

Thank you for that post, Sweet Life. :)

I'm a SAHM for the past 10 months and I enjoy it so much, but it's also been rough trying to remember to make time for *me*. So my advice to you as for as a "helpful habit" would be to make sure to stay connected somehow (I have a tendency to 'coop up' especially in the winter and because we're currently out of state and away from family).

I stay connected on forums like this and by making sure I get out for *me* time once a week at least, without the baby, so I can honor my individual interests and talents. I find that if I try to do these things at home and don't just "get out," I'll get distracted or feel stressed like it's a crazy balancing act, which it is!

As for spiritual disciplines... I really need to focus on this, myself. We do pray together as a family each night as part of bedtime routine, but I want to make a better habit of spiritual disciplines at home during the day.

[Karen]

Spiritual Disciplines are something that are a great help to me and was a huge source of growth to me. It was there I first learned real flexiblity and learned to let go of guilt. I try to do devotions, prayers, quiet time every day. My preference is first thing in the morning. Now, neither one of those things happen every day. There are some weeks that they barely happen at all. I have learned to be okay with that.

I remember reading something by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, who has never been married or had children, she was admonishing everyone to have morning quiet time. She said that even mothers of new babies should get up an hour earlier to do so. I remember sitting there with my new 8 week old baby who rarely slept and fantisizing about pushing Nancy off a cliff. Not a huge one, just big enough to get my point across.

Later I ran into a group advocating getting up and being part of the 5 am club, women who woke up at 5am to do devotions. In these huge bolded letters it told mommas of young children that this was not for you. If you were already a member of the 3am club, your obligations were full and sleep in. I liked that.