S/O What do you do with unwelcome gifts or, how do you prevent them (and the waste)

[tofufoofoo]

This is a spin-off from the "Barbie" thread and I truly am interested, as a new mama, how to deal with such a delicate situation. Here is what I originally posted:

I just don't want to wage war with my parents and IL's or anyone else gifting these types of dolls (Barbies). I guess it is a long way off but I wonder how you mamas handle gifts that you don't want your LO's playing with? DD has already received a lot of toys I really dislike but can't do anything about. Esp. my MIL... she lives close by and will ask "where the toy went/have we opened it", etc. :dohToys I didn't like that DD received this Christmas? Lots of plastic, GIANT (we live in a tiny, tiny home) "talking" toys that I feel will hinder her development and/or are unsafe/made by children. I hated a plastic "walker" stroller to "help" DD walk (the loose wheels spin and DD just falls when she uses it for that purpose? :doh:no:snooty MIL insisted we "open it already" because it "will help DD walk"... :no), and for her to put her "babies" in. I put her plush "abuela" in there to settle my mind/help me laugh over it, and picture it as a wheelchair instead.

I am requesting "no gifts, please" on DD's birthday invite just to try, but I KNOW, esp. the in-laws, will buy DD a boatload of toys. I made an amazon wishlist for Christmas and posted it on my facebook, but it was *totally* ignored (although I know they saw it). My family (ILs and my parents) are the type who would go against me just because "I didn't die from plastic toys/I turned out alright". I don't want this to be YET ANOTHER thing where they think I am "just doing things the hard way" (not wanting babysitting "help", breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering... HARD? :scratch)

This (http://jenniferlance.greenoptions.com/2007/10/31/green-family-values-no-more-junk-toys/) was a helpful article brought to my attention in the "Barbie" thread but I wish I could be so bold! (Sorry if I sound ranty... :shifty)

P.S. Just for background, I just do what I want to (safe/natural toys, babywearing, breastfeeding, cloth dipes, no babysitting/pumping...), post a lot of links on my facebook, and hope my family gets the point. I am very passive and have never stated my beliefs to them. They're very argumentative/defensive as it is and I know WWIII would break out if I actual spoke my mind :(... is anyone else in the same boat?

[MomtoJGJ]

I used to be there... when DD1 was a baby (like under two and we lived in a tiny house with a toddler, one on the way, and three dogs)... but then MIL started getting these obnoxious lights and sounds toys and DH (and me too I guess) had an idea... we told the grandparents that any toys with lights and sounds would live at grandparents houses... So then Christmas came right before DD2 was born. DD1 got a million lights and sounds toys, a baby doll, and the things we got for her. So when we next went to MIL's house we took every one of the loud toys (she had given them all) to her house and left them there.... after that they have limited themselves to one L&S toy each occasion.

Ever since we did that I realized that *I* had the power... that *MY CHILD* was *MY* responsibility and no one else's... that it was ok for them to spoil my children, it's their job, but I don't have to keep things in my house that I don't want my children to play with. So, now twice a year I go through their toys and get rid of things that I don't like. I give the toys a month or two, and if it absolutely drives me insane it goes out to the shed, if it doesn't drive me insane and I don't have a complete issue with it and they play with it regularly I keep it in rotation, and if they don't play with it I put it in the box for the next rotation of toys that I do every couple of months. The box of toys gets weeded through first when I get rid of things.

All that said, we do have one I can think of, and maybe two toys that we have kept that have been favorites throughout the years that have the lights and sounds, but not much at all. Most of their toys are not mechanical in any way and not too many Barbie type dolls at all. The ones they do have will be included in the next purge I believe... I've been thinking on that for a while.

All in all, you have to decide that it's your house, your rules, and if they don't like it then they don't have to buy those toys and give to you... .they can keep them at their houses or buy things that you approve of.

[JessicaTX]

We opened presents at their house and left the toys there to play with that we didn't want to take back to ours =) Our biggest offenders wouldn't order anything online, I had to find things at walmart that I would be happy for my children to have. (we have tons of other stores, but walmart is the only place they'd shop!) After a couple years of having lots of loud toys at their house, they started buying more outdoor style toys for us, everyone was happy then :D

[CapeTownMommy]

We had a long discussion about this here (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=330705)

[ValiantJoy07]

I wrote a blog post. :shifty I was blogging and processing about barbie and bratz and ended a with a message to family (and the blog gets sent to all of our family).

All this made me think about gifts in the coming years, and as much as we love and appreciate people wanting to show our girls how much they love them. I need to say now right off the bat as I'm looking at the big 3rd birthday this year (when choking hazards are lifted ;0). That if we receive any toys that we feel are inappropriate, there is a good chance that some one from Good Will will be playing with them, not the kids in our home. I hope that's not harsh but some thing to keep in mind.
We'd like to avoid any thing plasticky (with gazillion pieces that will be lost with in a week or will have to be played with under close supervision because of babies in the house). No "my little pets", Disney princesses, Barbies, Bratz, My Little Ponies if you HAVE to buy some thing girly The Only Hearts Club dolls (carried at Target I believe) miiight be okay.

But more importantly we LOVE toys that spur on the imagination. Basic toys or things that aren't necessarily toys! Even things that you might have sitting around the house. Some rope for making double dutch jump ropes, old fabric or hats you have sitting around for dress up. Wooden toys, board games, car games, cars, building toys...Yes we have girls. But Riley is an engineer at heart- we think she'll will LOVE playing knechts with her Daddy. And we'll never have too many books- we LOVE books!

Also shopping at Good Will for old silk scarves (for dress up!), checking out the fabric stores remnant area for silky or fun fabrics ...Just some ideas.

I hope this doesn't come across rude...But I know when *I* buy a gift I want it to be some thing that the person will enjoy and think of me when they use it. We've been given some wonderful gifts the last couple of years, and we appreciate and feel blessed by every gift we receive...BUT as we get into the ages where the more "iffy" gifts might start appearing, I wanted to share my thoughts and make sure we were all on the same page. Maps are helpful- we all love knowing where we're going- consider this post a helpful little map.

So thank you for reading and letting me process some thoughts here.

I'm not saying my girls will NEVER get little ponies or my pets or whatever but DH nad I reason that if they do WE want to be the ones to buy it...And it would only because the girls expressed a direct interest in the toy and asked for it...Not becuase a random family member thought it would be cool and got her hooked.

[Karen]

If you are having a party and don't want all the extra gifts to fill your house, you can have a party where all the gifts go to charity such as an orphanage. Or you can have a party and ask the guests to bring donations for a local animal shelter or whatever is close to your heart. Your children still get presents for you, learn to give as a way of life, and your home is not overrun by toys screaming at you.

Also, in our house those few screaming toys that were brought in my gmas rarely have their batteries replaced. We just never think about it.

[Katigre]

I return the toys that don't meet our criteria.

[prov31craftymom]

This is a helpful thread. I've been thinking about this, as I think about dd first birthday. We decided that if we didn't like something that it would stay at the buyers house. We just won't bring it home. :shrug3

[relizabeth]

We are thankful for the gifts and we take them home and quietly store or donate the ones we can't or won't use.

[prov31craftymom]

We are thankful for the gifts and we take them home and quietly store or donate the ones we can't or won't use.


That doesn't work in my family. Because my mom will always ask. Does she play with this, or how does she like that? If it is something that I don't like (but won't harm dd) I just leave at their house for her to play with. I really don't have room to store things. So, I will just get rid of it.

And I am thankful for people thinking of her. It's very kind, but I know that there are people who will purposely but things that I request she not have. So I figure, if they are going to spend their money on things that I specifically said I didn't want, then they can keep them at their house.

[Aerynne]

I posted most of my thoughts on the other thread and my hands hurt so I have to keep this brief.

Not only do I not want to own battery-operated toys, sexy toys, etc- I don't even want my kids to play with them. While it happens occasionally anyway, keeping them at grandma's house would be too often. So I

1. Tell people what my kids can and can't have (this has been very effective, even with people I didn't expect it to be effective with)

2. Pre-open gifts that come in the mail from people I worry about. Then they either get wrapped back up or donated before my child sees them.

3. Return anything I can return that we don't want

4. Donate the rest (if dd can't keep something, I buy her a something else in exchange

As for people who won't order stuff (which is almost everyone in our family), I refer them to our local independent toy store, the one aisle of good toys at Target, Melissa and Doug toys, and the idea of buying something other than toys (art supplies, books, clothes, etc.)