big dilemma but completely irrelevant to my life right now

[Chaos Coordinator]

well we are ttc number 2, but it hasn't happened yet, and even if it does, i dont know whether it will be a boy or a girl, which is why i say this is completely irrelevant right now...but ds is circumcized, because at the time, i thought, well i dont have a penis, so how should i know? and i left the decision up to my husband, who is circumcized, and so our son is circumcized. but i have been reconsidering this the past few days, and stumbled upon a website with other AP/natural/gentle articles on it, and decided that i really am horrified by circumcision. when they brought ds to me after his, and i had to change his diaper, i bawled. everyone in the room assured me that he was fine, but i couldn't even do it - i made my husband finish the diaper change. so its too late to get ds' foreskin back, but i really dont think i want future sons to be circumcised. i'm not worried about convincing dh so much as i am about how to explain it to the kids....inevitably they will discover that they are different. how do i break it to my son that i had part of his anatomy surgically removed? how would you handle this situation? also, we want to adopt babies too...so i would potentially need to be able to explain it to all my boys why some are and some arent. wwyd?

[Firebird Rising]

my first is circumcised, second two are not.

I recommend spending a lot of time in the circumcision forum, just reading old posts.

http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/forumdisplay.php?f=482

[fireweedmama]

This is honestly my biggest fear in a second child. What if it's a boy and we have to deal with this? I HATE conflict and dh is pretty adamantly pro circ (w/o any research beyond msnbc :rolleyes4)

[ArmsOfLove]

"It is called circumcision and a lot of people believe that it's good to have the foreskin removed. When brother was born we didn't know any better and trusted those people. But mommy was sad about it so I did more reading and learned more and I am sorry we did it. It is what it is and you are wonderful and perfect just as you are. But we didn't want to do that to brother when he was born because we had learned better. Mommies and daddies aren't perfect and we do the best we can. We don't always know there's a better way but we always want to know."

and ask if he has feelings about it and be open to hearing. It just is what it is, and it will have the level of intensity that you give it. I start with being very matter of fact and reflecting their own feelings without infusing mine if I can help it. None of our boys are circ'd but they see other boys' and have asked. It's not "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong" when I convey it to them--it's "some people believe" and "we read about it and don't".

[Firebird Rising]

http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/showthread.php?t=281030

This was my story and it convinced a friend not to do it. Go a few posts down to see exactly what I dealt with and felt about it.

Jen D.

[Aerynne]

I think your sons will be able to take it in stride if you are matter-of-fact about it, just explaining that you thought it was a good idea when ds was born (or that dh did) but then you found out it wasn't needed so you didn't do it after that. We all make mistakes with our oldest that we correct with our other kids- it's just not always so physically obvious.

[Quiteria]

ftr, mine are 4 and 2, circ'd and uncirc'd and have not yet noticed :hug2

also ftr, even if you convince dh now, be sure to review that decision in the 8th mo of future pregnancy....I thought we'd settled the issue after dealing with ds1, that I'd had the conversation in which I clearly told dh that it was a problem and we'd not be doing it ever again, and seing as the boys are less than 2yrs apart, it was still fresh in MY mind....but apparently the only thing that stopped dh from routinely authorizing it while I was in the bathroom was that the pedi was rude--dh did think that he should ask me to make sure, but pedi didn't want to wait and was rude about expressing his impatience...if pedi had been politer, dh might have agreed without me. :shiver We're not talking about going behind my back intentionally; he just thought that I'd have brought it up again if it were a big deal. Apparently, I was a little toooo gentle on how I presented the matter to him and dropped it thereafter.