Sometimes it is really hard

[Two Little Birds]

Not parenting, but having a "community" that is kid-less and who does not take into account what your family might need. For example, we have friends in town to ski. We are all getting together for dinner tonight. I was told 6:30-a little late for us, but not so late that we can't deal. I just got an email saying we were gathering at 7 which means dinner will b 7:30-8ish. I called the lady organizing and was not very kind in my letting her know that was not going to work and that we have had a child for 2.5 years and people still haven't gotten it that we can't do things late in the evening. I was rude and ungraceful, but I am fed up with it! Everytime we make friends with people who have kids they move! And they people with kids here are not people we feel drawn to-their lifestyles and parenting choices are so different than ours. We feel like outsiders.

Anyway, I appologized to my friend for verbally vomitting on her and thanked her for her grace. They did change the "gathering" time to 6:30 and dinner to 7 so we will be able to go.

I am just upset that a group of people with whom we are supposed to be part of a community would totally disregard our needs for the past 2.5 years. We have tried to make it work with one of us going if things are going to be late, but it is just too hard. We want both to be a part.

[WanderingJuniper]

:hug We've been there. It isn't any fun. :hug

[WingsOfTheMorning]

I understand. I get told a lot about kids who just "sleep anywhere" or will just sleep in the next morning if they go to bed late. Not mine!

[AngelaVA]

I understand. I get told a lot about kids who just "sleep anywhere" or will just sleep in the next morning if they go to bed late. Not mine!

:yes Not mine either, not by a long shot.

Even people with kids can be guilty of what ashersmom is talking about. We used to go to a church where attending an evening care group was a big deal and you were supposed to attend with your kids they were from 7-9 at night. My Dad and Step Mom used to be really rude and aggressive about constantly wanting us to come to events way past bed time and obviously they had young kids at one time. People just don't think, or they forget, or they have very different ideas about raising children. Once a boundary is stated in a firm but friendly mannar a few times, most people get the hint.

[jojola]

I understand. I get told a lot about kids who just "sleep anywhere" or will just sleep in the next morning if they go to bed late. Not mine!

Not mine either! I just end up with two grumpy kids all day the next day, because they wake up at 6AM anyhow.

I'm out of a lot of stuff here too, because I'm in a culture where kids just stay up wayyyyy later than we do. We hear kids playing outside at 9 and 10 PM, when our kids have been asleep since 8PM. Also, parties and gatherings go much later. In fact, our 9yo has a school camping trip this weekend, and I saw on the itinerary that bedtime is 10PM!

[WingsOfTheMorning]

:yes Not mine either, not by a long shot.

Even people with kids can be guilty of what ashersmom is talking about. We used to go to a church where attending an evening care group was a big deal and you were supposed to attend with your kids they were from 7-9 at night. My Dad and Step Mom used to be really rude and aggressive about constantly wanting us to come to events way past bed time and obviously they had young kids at one time. People just don't think, or they forget, or they have very different ideas about raising children. Once a boundary is stated in a firm but friendly mannar a few times, most people get the hint.

We've given up our middle-of-the-week Bible study for this reason. My mom says she just used to take us to those in our pajamas, but I don't think our bedtime was as early as Lydia's is.

I really like Lydia's early bedtime b/c it's how I get some downtime (and it's what works for her), but sometimes I do miss being out after dinner.

[Aurian]

Hi ashersmom and co.

This can be really tough. I know before I had children I was quite judgemental about parents - I would think statements like "When I have kids I'm not going to let it stop me from doing things at night - I am still going to have a life, not like those other mums..." How naive I was!

I don't think anybody who hasn't had children can fully understand the logistics of feeding and putting children to sleep. Single people and young couples are notorious for this, and sometimes I do have to hold my tongue. I feel like saying "Well, now that he has had to stay up because you were late, how about you put him to bed now that he is overtired?" But of course that isn't an option:D

I think older women who had children a long time ago can also forget about things like that too, although I am sure it's not intentional. Or they will be telling you if I just did this/that then I wouldn't be having a problem.

We are extremely fortunate to have some friends with children who are nearby and who are willing to begin meals around 5:30-6pm, so that we can go home for his bedtime.

One thing I would like to learn, is how my SIL manages to get my nephews to go to sleep in other people's beds after they have had tea. This really amazes me. I worry that if I woke my son from sleeping to take him home he wouldn't sleep once he got there. New Years Eve we stayed home - I figured that anywhere would be too noisy and he wouldn't sleep anyway.

Anybody got any tips for getting toddlers to sleep at other people's places?

Aurian:heart

[Two Little Birds]

Thanks mamas! I just had a rough emotional day and this put me over the edge. It has obviously been brewing under the surface for quite a while and just exploded today.

[expatmom]

:hug2 I'm sorry you've had a rough day.

I don't think that your friends don't care or are purposefully trying to leave you out. Not everyone with kids needs such strict time lines for meals or outings, so for some people it is just outside of what they would think of. We have always taken our kids with us places, even when late, and they are the kinds of kids that can tolerate strange places and late nights. Our group of friends regularly does evening things late with all our kids, because it works for all of us.

If for your family, doing bedtime at home is what works best then it is totally a reasonable decision to make for you guys. It does mean you miss out on some things, but thankfully it is only for a season of life.

[MomtoJGJ]

when we just had two children they would go to bed later.... even when we had 3 for a time... DH's schedule allowed it... they napped in the afternoon and then went to bed later.

Now, DH's schedule makes him need to go to bed by 9... our kids don't nap and are in bed asleep well before 7... 7 is a late night. It's truly amazing though how much people will accomodate us because of DH needing to go to bed, and not because of the kids.

[WingsOfTheMorning]

One thing I would like to learn, is how my SIL manages to get my nephews to go to sleep in other people's beds after they have had tea. This really amazes me. I worry that if I woke my son from sleeping to take him home he wouldn't sleep once he got there. New Years Eve we stayed home - I figured that anywhere would be too noisy and he wouldn't sleep anyway.

Anybody got any tips for getting toddlers to sleep at other people's places?

Aurian:heart

I used to be able to do that with Lydia when she was a baby. As a toddler, I've gotten her to sleep in hotels or at my mom's house when we stay overnight just fine. The problem is that I have to go through her entire bedtime routine, which lasts 45 minutes or longer. She needs all this time of stories and snuggling and nursing to calm down, especially in a new place. I feel like it's just not worth it to do all that at someone else's house just to have dinner. :shrug3

If she's asleep in the car, I never have a problem transferring her to her bed although sometimes I have to nurse her for a few minutes.

[Leen]

Thanks mamas! I just had a rough emotional day and this put me over the edge. It has obviously been brewing under the surface for quite a while and just exploded today.

ITU. :hug We've had to abandon our efforts to get involved with a church here...either they don't allow kids in the sanctuary at all :-/, they meet during a time DH has to work, or they meet in the evening, from, say, 7-9:30, which will *not* work for DD most nights.

It's so frustrating. I just keep telling myself it's a phase and it will be over someday...but that doesn't help when all you want is some adult interaction occasionally!!

[Buela]

One thing I would like to learn, is how my SIL manages to get my nephews to go to sleep in other people's beds after they have had tea. This really amazes me. I worry that if I woke my son from sleeping to take him home he wouldn't sleep once he got there. New Years Eve we stayed home - I figured that anywhere would be too noisy and he wouldn't sleep anyway.

Anybody got any tips for getting toddlers to sleep at other people's places?

Aurian:heart

We did this at Christmastime. We went to dinner at dh's aunt's house with all the cousins and their kiddos. We brought dd's paci, teddy, blanket & a pack n' play. We figured if she went to sleep, we would stay and play games with the others, but if she didn't we would just come home. We kept her up about an hour past her bedtime, then put her jammies on and set up the pack n play in the guest room. Lucky for us there was a rocking chair in there. Cousin read her a story, then mama rocked her and sang a song and put her in the pack n play, and lo and behold, the darling fell asleep! We were so happy and shocked! We ended up having a great evening of board games, then I picked her up, put her coat and hat on and buckled her into a warm car. She was a little annoyed about being woken up, but she went right back to sleep when we got home.

Sometimes she shocks us!

And as for going out at or past bedtime, if we are going to be out just a little past bedtime (like 1 hour) we don't sweat it. If it is later, than only one of us can attend the event. No biggie. We take turns going out with friends (not that we have many!) or to evening church functions.