17 month old suddenly clingy before sleep

[Aurian]

Hi all,

I've only just begun "gentle" parenting! Last night I had a lot of fun with my toddler in the sling with me while I cooked tea. It was actually much more enjoyable than trying to keep him occupied while I cooked.

On another note, my beautiful son has always slept by himself and he has consistently gone to sleep on his own after a bath, milk, books and then lots of lovely cuddles before bed at night around 7:30, sleeping til 6:30-7am. He has been having about 1 and half to 2 hours sleep during one daytime nap for a long time as well.

Anyway, for the last two days, he has been put down, pulled the blanket over his head (his cute sign to say, get out of here mum, I want to sleep). And after I have left the room for 2 minutes later he is hysterically crying and won't stop. I have had to hold and rock him to sleep every time. This has happened in the daytime nap and at night both days.

He has never done this before (despite teething etc) and my husband went over the room, checked that everything was put away as normally as possible (in case it looked scary in the dark), made sure the room was dark, put his favourite teddies in bed as per usual - everything as per usual. Nothing has changed about our household either.

I know it's not desperate after 2 days but I feel trapped thinking I am going to have to physically put him to sleep now until he is three.

Any ideas?

Thanks,

Jess

[FlyingBlueKiwi]

Hi Jess - just wanted to bump this up a bit . . . but I think 17 months is a big time for separation anxiety. Maybe some of the other ladies have more concise thoughts . . . :)

[Little Forest]

What I have learned is that once you have gotten used to one phase, they are on to the next one.

My youngest was a very good sleeper, falling asleep happily on her own, but lately now at night time she says "Sleep with me!" and is very upset if I leave her, so for the first time ever, the past couple months I have to lie down with her to get her to sleep. I keep reminding myself that I won't be doing this forever but I am ready for the next phase.

I figure though that if she is upset, it just means that she needs me at this phase to be with her when she falls asleep. I really want sleeping to be a positive, pleasant experience.

[WingsOfTheMorning]

When I read the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers, Pantley mentions that kids who are fine sleeping alone may change their mind as they get older and more aware of the big world out there.

Sometimes I get tired of laying with DD every night until she falls asleep, but I try to either think about how cute and cuddly she is or pray or plan my to-do list for tomorrow or take a nap...

ETA: It's hard when you're so used to something working and it suddenly changes!

[Aurian]

Just wanted to tell you that today I feel like an awful mother. I held my son, read him books and rocked him and sang gently, then put him down - then 2 minutes later he is crying. Did the same thing again and got the same result.

Felt so angry and left him to cry hysterically for 25 minutes before falling asleep. Yes, that long, but I feel so mad at him and trapped right now. That is the first time I have done that and it felt terrible but I just felt so annoyed.

Anyway, please pray for me, don't know what for, just general patience and love, and that my son will pull through without any emotional damage after being left that long.

xo

[katiekind]

I remember having great feelings of anger when I felt my child "shouldn't" need this or that from me. But my sense of "should" or "shouldn't" was not terribly relevant, actually, to my child's real needs. There is a lot about mothering that teaches us to surrender, if we will let it. I had to surrender my "rights". That's how it is when someone needs us. There is an appropriate time to surrender to God using you for the comfort of a small human being in need. We have to lay down our ever-so-important list of tasks for the day and be present to another small person who needs "God with skin on." He will outgrow it in due time.

When God stretches us in this area, it does not always feel good, and we'll have slip ups. I pray right now that you will have increased patience and a sense of God's presence to you as you are present to your own little one.