DD having uncharacteristic extreme meltdowns.

[Mum2Es]

DD (about to turn 5 on Feb 6) has always been a relatively calm, placid and compliant child. Lately she's having these intense outbursts. For example, when DH tried to help her with a computer game she was playing and clicked on the wrong colour background, she screamed and dissolved into hysterics. :( Probably disequilibrium I guess (? I'd love some links to learn more about that incidentally).

DH and I really struggle to deal calmly with these incidents. The extreme tantrums/meltdowns absolutely set my nerves on edge, I find it almost impossible to react calmly. I often put her in her room until she can be calm, because I can't deal with the problem at the root of the outburst while she's overreacting at about 15 on a scale of 1-10 for a problem that should be about a 2! But I have to admit my putting her in her room is often a bit less gentle than it should be :shifty because I just feel so agitated by the behaviour! These incidents have been happening at least daily, often 2 or 3 times in a day. In between, she's her usual delightful self.

Please, can anyone help?

[CapeTownMommy]

I haven't had a 5yo, but it sounds like my 3yo when she's tired or hungry. Could something else be amplifying her reactions?

[MtnMama]

Has she been sick? Has there been a big todo made about her birthday? :think

[tigerlily]

My 4 yo's birthday is Feb 10, and I am so right there with you.:doh

I think it must be something about the age. Keep being patient through it, Show her that you are bigger than her big feelings. I wish I had more to offer you (and me:shifty).

:popcorn for anyone w/ more info.

[boysx3]

I think 4 1/2- 5 1/2 years olds do this more it was harder for me at age 4-5 than 2 and 3 just hang in there and watch for cues of to much commotion for her.

---------- Post added at 01:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:30 PM ----------

Sometimes knowing there are others going through the same thing is enough to help us keep going.

[Mum2Es]

Has she been sick? Has there been a big todo made about her birthday? :think

She hasn't been sick. I probably have commented "you're getting so big" or "I can't believe you're going to be 5 soon!" a few times but I don't think a really big deal has been made about her birthday.

It's definitely worse when she's tired. In fact both my kids have a massive sleep debt owing from the Christmas season, then my SIL stayed for a week and we had a lot of late nights. So we're working on having lots of early nights to catch up. Maybe when she's more rested things will improve.

[allisonintx]

i feel like I've asked this a lot lately, but Is she teething? (check the two bottom teeth to see if they're loose)

[Shawn]

i feel like I've asked this a lot lately, but Is she teething? (check the two bottom teeth to see if they're loose)

Ah. M had a HUGE meltdown today because we wouldn't let her play on our friend's ipod. It was cold and wet and rainy--not really weather to hang around outside. She screamed. And kicked. And screamed...for close to an hour. She turned 5 on the 3rd AND we just discovered her first loose tooth.

She's teething. Great...:doh

[MarynMunchkins]

It's totally worth buying an amber necklace - especially for a girl who will wear it for the pretty value. :yes

[Mum2Es]

None of her teeth seem to be wobbly! I've been thinking about buying an amber necklace for DD2 who is getting molars, but the cost is a problem. Buying 2 is impossible at the moment. :(

[ArmsOfLove]

:think how long has it been that she's doing this? And while she was calm before, was it "quiet" and "non reactive" or "calm"? Has anything happened recently to throw off balance in the family?

It could be normal and at neutral times I would talk to her about levels of reactions and script her with what she can say when she's upset. I would also read up on playful parenting (Cohen's book is good :tu) and try some focused effort at getting her unstuck.

One huge thing at this age . . . does she have to pee? When my children have to use the bathroom they tend to have very uncharacteristic reactions to things :doh

[ChristianTara]

*

[Mum2Es]

:think how long has it been that she's doing this? And while she was calm before, was it "quiet" and "non reactive" or "calm"? Has anything happened recently to throw off balance in the family?

It could be normal and at neutral times I would talk to her about levels of reactions and script her with what she can say when she's upset. I would also read up on playful parenting (Cohen's book is good :tu) and try some focused effort at getting her unstuck.

One huge thing at this age . . . does she have to pee? When my children have to use the bathroom they tend to have very uncharacteristic reactions to things :doh


She's probably been doing this...mmm...maybe 2 or 3 weeks I think. She wasn't quiet and non-reactive before - she was just balanced and calm! Like if I asked her to do something, she might initially say "I don't want to" but if I GOMB and went to help she'd immediately comply with no complaint. Now, she's likely to scream, physically fight me, and totally melt down. And nothing has changed that's a stressor - although she's finished at preschool and is home with me now.

I am hopeless at those "discussions at neutral times". They always feel false and staged and I don't feel EK takes anything on board. But I'll try! Any scripts for me?

She reacts very badly to playful parenting when she's in a bad mood of any description, tends to see it as teasing. I guess the key is to try to head her off with PP before she gets to the meltdown - but she goes from 0 to 100 in 1 second! I don't usually get any warning.

I don't think it's because of a full bladder, toileting is very fuss-free here, she just goes when she needs to.

I do wonder if it's diet related though, although nothing has changed recently diet-wise. But she constantly asks me for food (which I'm really noticing now I'm home with her full-time). Today I've made a real effort to feed her plenty and well, with a substantial breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, apple before dinner, and dinner ready shortly at 5:30. She has been pretty good today - just one meltdown. I've also made an effort not to get distracted on the computer and pay attention to her when she wants me (which is pretty much all the time).

I have to say though, I'm not as preoccupied with the reason for the behaviour so much as my (and DH's) inability to deal with it calmly. I've been reading the re-parenting thread and talked myself through what could have become a nasty incident today! :clap