Struggling...AM I missing out?

[ValiantJoy07]

We go to a very small church (30ish people). The women at our church have a winter Bible Study every year. Last year we met every Saturday for 11 weeks. I went every week on top of working evenings and weekends, being pregnant and having/nursing a 1 year old. That winter/spring session nearly killed me.

My pastors wife just called me make sure I knew about the winter study and wanted to know if she should get a book for me. I haven't been making it to church much since dd2 was born (I've been about 5 times in 5 months:-/). Sunday morning comes and any opportunity to be home with just one child is such a relief and sanity saver. It's I guess not a very "spiritual" sanity saver. But it's been getting me through. RJ (who goes to chruch with Daddy when I stay home) is just some thing else right now. And a relief from the constant talking, needing, messes, clinging, every thing-ing means so much right now. The last thing I want to do is go to church and pace the entire time with a fussy baby who is missing her morning nap and won't nurse (go to sleep) because she's too curious about being in a new place.

I didn't know what to tell M. :shifty I mean essentially I told her I couldn't commit to coming to the meetings. But it's more than that. We simply don't have an extra $20 at the moment for the study guide (not to mention the gas to get to meetings). I know that's pathetic but money is so tight right now. I do get $20 spending money every week, but that really is just a part of the budget that lets me feel like I have room to have fun (when really I don't :O). It goes to things we need, or gets moved to short term savings (more going to needs lately read car troubles). This weeks money went towards Gatorade, crackers and disposable diapers so I could have a chance to recoup from this awful stomach flu.
And I don't feel like spending it on a study guide for a study I don't think I'll get to go to. And if I DO get to go to, I'll have to stand pacing with a 5mos old who is missing some of her morning nap.:no She's still nursing every 2 hours or so- I mean she can go 3 or 4 hours but I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her for that long.

This is such a short season of my life. I am learning and growing so much in so many ways- ways that might not be very "spiritual" but I can't say how much God teaching me. I hoenstly feel like I'm on overload He'd doing so much. :praise But it isn't in the "lets sit down and study the bible" kind of way. It's in the trenches "Lord get me through this hour" kind of ways (especially as we've been sick, potty training, and dd2 is nursing like crrrazy/cutting teeth).

Growth doesn't just happen one way right? I think of that song I learned in sunday school as a kid "read your bible pray every day and you'll grow grow grow..." it has truth to it. But 'read your bible pray every day" feels so much like going through the motions to me. :blush
But growth is going to look different at different points of your life, right? I AM trying to stay in the word, but right now "staying in the word" means watching a sermon I recorded while I nurse AJ or rebound (sneak in some cardio on dd's tramopline) or reading a Psalms in a short quiet time. Or just saying a memory verse over and over and over again while taking deep breaths so I don't kill some one :bag (just saying).

Last years Bible study was really good, I'm glad I did it, kind of. But I've also learned ( I think) my limits. And also that God can use little tiny bits and pieces of day to day life to move just as powerfully as a weekly Bible Study that is advertised to shake your world.

Right? Or am I trying to make excuses for myself? :scratch

Bottom line I feel that my family needs me right now. I just don't want the ladies at church to feel alienated- feeling kind of alone in this situation...I'm the only AP SAHM at our church right now.

[forty-two]

With regard to the Bible study, just tell your pastor's wife what you said here: you enjoyed last year's study, you don't want the ladies to feel alienated, but you just aren't able to attend right now. You're right, formal group Bible studies are not the only way to be in Word and fellowship with other believers. Say no and don't feel guilty about it. Maybe you could call some of the ladies every so often to chat, or write them letters/emails, so they know you care about them and are thinking of them.

As for being in the Word and praying as part of your daily life, dedicated, solitary, uninterrupted Bible/prayer time is NOT the only way to go about that. From what you wrote, you *are* spending time in the Word.:yes

As for church, hmm. I think it is important for believers to regularly gather together, as we are able, to hear the Word and receive the Sacraments. I'm not sure your need for a time of peace and quiet - is Sunday morning truly the *only* time you can get a break or is it just the most convenient? - or the nap issues - do you *never* go anywhere during naptime, and should good naps be your highest priority, anyway? - make you *unable* to come. :think

But ITU why you want to stay home :hug. When dh resigned as pastor from his previous church (under messy, hurtful circumstances), we had sporadic church attendance - at another church - for the next 18 months. But we *needed* it, even if we didn't want it - and we grew to realize that. Toward the end, dh would often comment that he felt a real need for communion - and that helped us make the effort to go.

And even though now it is just me in the pew with two kids, so that I rarely feel "refreshed" by coming to church, I know that, objectively speaking, I heard the Word (some of it anyway :giggle) and received Communion. And God promises to use those means to convey His grace. :amen So I *know* I was strengthened, even if I don't feel like it.:heart And don't forget there are two of you not going - your baby benefits from hearing the Word, too.:yes

Anyway, those are just some thoughts - I hope they help :hug.

[ValiantJoy07]

As for church, hmm. I think it is important for believers to regularly gather together, as we are able, to hear the Word and receive the Sacraments. I'm not sure your need for a time of peace and quiet - is Sunday morning truly the *only* time you can get a break or is it just the most convenient? - or the nap issues - do you *never* go anywhere during naptime, and should good naps be your highest priority, anyway? - make you *unable* to come. :think

But ITU why you want to stay home :hug. When dh resigned as pastor from his previous church (under messy, hurtful circumstances), we had sporadic church attendance - at another church - for the next 18 months. But we *needed* it, even if we didn't want it - and we grew to realize that. Toward the end, dh would often comment that he felt a real need for communion - and that helped us make the effort to go.

And even though now it is just me in the pew with two kids, so that I rarely feel "refreshed" by coming to church, I know that, objectively speaking, I heard the Word (some of it anyway :giggle) and received Communion. And God promises to use those means to convey His grace. :amen So I *know* I was strengthened, even if I don't feel like it.:heart And don't forget there are two of you not going - your baby benefits from hearing the Word, too.:yes

Anyway, those are just some thoughts - I hope they help :hug.
Thank you I needed to hear that! As for nap time, I DO go out ocassionally at nap time, but very rarely...Dd2 is a MESS the rest of the day if she is out at naptime- she can't settle down to nap on the go and is a wailing, cranky, screaming, pitiful little mess the rest of the day. :( Overtired= bad sleep that night- its sets us back for a few DAYS. It stinks but this too shall pass.

At this point in time Sunday morning really has been one of the only break times available...Things are evening out with the Holidays over. But going to church is just so stressful, its a very small church that meets in a very small building. Dd1 goes in the nursery now SOME weeks- but every week she's been in there she's pick up some bug or another (this last week was a stomach bug- oh joy!) because every one brings sick babies. And whe we can't get her in the nursery (we dont' push it- it's a small room with lots of kids and I thnk it freaks her out a bit) she is out in the foyer with us and DH and i tag team to keep her 1) quiet 2) occupied (children are not welcome in the actual service after worship is over).
Dd2 is just fussy and crying and has to be walked most of the service, I'm NOT getting to fellowship (because we really usually have to leave right away because both girls are melting down), or really hear the word...I'm spending an exhausting morning with fussy kids who are picking up germs to make the coming week even more challenging. :blush It feels like a waste of time.:shifty The bible study WOULD be good for fellowship in that sense...But the money, and the time involved makes that harder....:think

[PurpleButterfly]

:nak2

do what i do - just say no thanks not this time :)

this is your mothering foundation season

you will have the rest of your life to sip coffee at bible study groups

but your babies will only be babies once

you will know when the time is right

:heart

[believer]

:hug2 Just pray and ask the Lord to guide you in what He wants you to do. If He wants you to go to the Bible Study, then He will provide the money that is needed and care for all of the other matters as well.
I agree that you should tell the pw that you enjoyed last year's study, but don't feel that you will be able to attend this year's. And you might ask if she would call you and pray with you sometimes and share the high points of what she is enjoying from the study with you.

[Lady TS]

It sounds like you need the time to "be still and know that (He is) God". It's ok to opt out of formal study and have time to study (and rest in Him) on your own.

I also totally get the money-for-the-study-plus-money-for-the-gas-to-get-there thing, too. And it's winter...not the best time to be gallavanting around(IMO).

I often wish I could stay home by myself on Sundays while dh takes the kids to SS/Church. But I don't, purely because of the guilt-factor and people asking "where were you?".

Still, I say go with your gut. As others have said, this is a season, a very important season, and it sounds like you could use some calm in the whirlwind of life. :hug

[2TMama]

You sound stressed :hugheart

It's TOTALLY ok to say no to the "extras". You don't NEED to give reasons why not, either. It was really thoughtful of her to think of calling you to see if you wanted to participate---- but that doesn't mean you need to feel guilty--- at ALL! :no

[forty-two]

That does sound tough :hug. It very well may be that Sunday morning church services just aren't a good way for you to gather with believers at this point in your life :shrug3. But I'm not sure that the Bible study will be much better - it seems to have the same drawbacks.

But you and your whole family still need to hear the Word, receive the Sacraments, and fellowship with other believers *somehow* :think. I know my dh said he would be open to giving communion during the week for people in your situation, if they asked him to. And family devotions - a good idea, period - is a chance for everyone to hear the Word. Plus all the other stuff you said you were doing. As for fellowship, you could try to set up playdates with other church moms. Call people up and pray together over the phone.

The main thing is that we are called to gather together and to not despise the preaching of God's Word. The expectation is that we should value it highly and thus we make an effort to do it. But Sunday services are just a common, convenient way to do this. They are a way to fulfill a mandate, not actually mandated themselves. So if Sunday services truly don't work, that's fine, you don't have to attend. But that doesn't excuse you from trying to find *other* ways to gather together - which you *are* trying to do. Just don't give up when it seems like more trouble than it's worth :hug.

[Tasmanian Saint]

Isn't making it to church once a month on average par for the course with a newborn? I find that, and I'm not working...

The Bible says we need to meet together. It doesn't say we need to attend a formal church service. So ask one of the ladies from the Bible study for a visit and have a cuppa and a pray.

No, you're not making excuses. It IS only a season, and God is with you in it.

And there's no kind of growth that isn't spiritual. God is with us in every part of our lives. Everything we do is spiritual. Think about what Jesus said re 'true worshipers' vs 'proper' places of worship. Our children are a ministry he's given us. Raising them for him is 'presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice which is our spiritual act of worship'. As we learn to parent them with God's grace we are learning about his grace in our own lives. I could go on, but my point is, if you're overloaded, then you don't need any further 'study'.