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View Full Version : They Save it Up for Daddy


jenny_islander
12-29-2009, 07:58 PM
This has been going on for months now. I think there was some of it before I got pregnant, but lately it's just gotten worse and worse.

They're home with Mommy all day and remarkably patient, considering that I am housebound and largely chairbound until my hip heals enough to let me tote a newborn around and climb stairs without pain. I ask them to do X, they waffle around but eventually do it. I tell them they can't have Y, they pout and possibly run off to cry, but calm themselves down and there's an end to it. I remind them that it's time for Z, they get around to it . . . not right away, but they are little.

Daddy comes home, makes similar requests, and they ATTACK HIM. Verbally. Physically. Emotionally. They throw things, wreck each other's things in front of him and stick out their tongues, yell over him, climb the couch and jump on him, call him names, tell him they hope he has bad dreams, sit next to him and scream in his ear when he's trying to relax--they are absolutely nasty! And they will not listen to "no," "stop," "go away," or "quit that." They just.keep.going until they can make him lose his cool and yell, after which they break down sobbing and he just hates himself.

It doesn't matter whether or not he immediately pays attention to them. Spending individualized Daddy time out of the house doesn't seem to help either. Amount of sleep and state of health don't seem to affect this behavior, although sugar definitely makes it worse.

Why are they piling on this crap? Why are they treating their father this way?

TuneMyHeart
12-29-2009, 08:06 PM
E does this to DH too; I think she's mad that he leaves every day.

Victorious
12-29-2009, 08:43 PM
:hug

I think, in a way-dh is the "safe parent" They know, either instinctively or logically that you cannot handle all of the big feelings right now so they save it for dh. Same thing happens with school teachers and daycare workers, the kids hold it together all day and then lose it when the parent comes to get them b/c they are "safe" to explore all feelings with.

ValiantJoy07
12-30-2009, 12:39 PM
E does this to DH too; I think she's mad that he leaves every day.
I was just reading about this very situation in playful parenting ^ (quote) is one of the reason this happens. dealing with the reason not the behaivor is what playful parenting talked about. Having DH reflect those feelings-maybe using story telling here..Oh and giving transition time/warning that Daddy'll be home soon (that hekps dd1 but she's just 2).