Do you have boundaries about what toys are allowed in your home?

[NewLeaf]

Dh and I agree on most of our ideas about what makes a good toy, what is appropriate and what we would like to provide our children to play with.

Meaning at this young age we aim for open play with non-scripted toys, safe age-appropriate toys, non-toxic, long lasting, items that encourage creative play and imagination. We try to avoid items that encourage branding and commercialism or toys that are sexualized.

I understand that I can't keep them 100% away from these things or that sheltering them is even a good idea but while they are this young I do have a say in what they are exposed to and would like to give them a good foundation while they are young. And dh agrees with me... at least I thought he did. :(

He's all for it until everyone else gives our kids toys that have small chokable parts (ds puts EVERYTHING in his mouth), cheap plastics (MIC with unknown chemicals for our teething son), stories and dress up clothes about Disney princess, and other toys that we were supposedly against.

He expects me to spend time and effort in deciding what is best for our kids and what I am comfortable with but to throw that out the window so we don't hurt other people's feelings or come off as 'neurotic'. :-/ Our standards are great until they require some effort or rub other people the wrong way.

I know different people have different ideas about what they feel is safe but do you have some rules regarding toys? Do you and dh agree or agree to respect the rules? How has that played out?


Or am I really just too uptight?

[allisonintx]

The reality about the toy thing is that, while your dh sees your point and thinks it is a good one, it really doesn't outweigh his desire to not be 'odd' where his family and friends are concerned, or the fact that he played with poorly made MIC lead laden stuff and "turned out ok" Because this is most important to you, it's on you to make it happen and be the bad guy, even though that's not fair.

It played out badly in our home for years. Dh's family loves to give presents in great quantity without regard to quality. We finally steered them toward only buying Playmobil or Lego for the boy, and American Girl/Bitty Baby for the girls. It was difficult politically, and I was the 'neurotic' one, but I just had to not care about that. All of the grandchildren benefitted from my being 'neurotic,' in the end.

All that said, we still get a fair quantity of junk along with the good stuff, little things that break shortly after opening, the kind of thing that comes from the dollar store. As soon as these kinds of things show any kind of wear, or as fast as I possibly can, I get them in the trash at home, quietly.

[mamahammer]

Yeah, I usually let it in and try to quietly slip it out whenever possible :)

[SouthPaw]

If it is a safety issue for you, get the toy out. It may be wiser to overlook some of the branding concerns. DD got a Tigger chair once and she called it her Tiger chair until we READ Winnie the Pooh and now she knows it is Tigger. She loves it and really... it doesn't hurt anything that it is "branded" Disney Tigger. I personally would not take something like that away just because it doesn't fit a philosophical standard, when materially, it is not a detriment but actually something my child loves.

[Katigre]

How I would handle it is like this:

We can only have a certain numbe of toys in the house (two shelves or something like that) so we have to prioritize which gifts to keep and which to return or freecycle.

That way it's focused more on space issues and quality issues vs. 'this is against everything i believe about toys'. Also stand firm on the 'no small pieces' thing b/c of the choking issue.

We returned a few gifts DS got this Christmas that were totally not in our toy philosophy and had 50+ plastic pieces that were instantly going to get lost or make a mess.

Stores that have liberal return policies (don't require a gift receipt) include Wal-Mart, Target, and Kohl's. :)

[NewLeaf]

I do pick my battles as far as the branding issue. We have Pooh stuff and some Dora stuff but I had mentioned it to relatives because otherwise they all ran out and bought whatever the favorite TV character of the moment was.

I also let family know before Christmas that we I was in the process of getting rid of a lot of toys and that we just don't have space for a lot of things. I told them we were trying to replace some of our plastic/unsafe toys with things that were safe.

One part of the problem is that I have a good relationship with my family and have no problem talking to them about this and I don't worry about hurting their feelings. It's just not an issue.

Dh doesn't have a good relationship with his parents and his mother has huge boundary issues. I told him we had two choices- tell them what are rules are, or throw out what doesn't meet our standards. I told him that if there were specific toys he wanted to keep then we should talk about it and come to a compromise. He just doesn't want to do any of that. He just wants to be mad at me I think :-/
He thinks I'm uptight and that I have to control everything. He seems to think you can't have fun and enforce your convictions/boundaries. :sigh

[Gentle Journey]

We don't allow barbie or bratz stuff. At all. My family knows I'm strong on that so no one ever does. If it's a b-day gift from friends from church, we return it to wal-mart, cause they carry almost everything it seems and we can get a gift card and they pick something else out. We also don't do disney princess, Hannah Montana, Jonas brothers or other pop singers. I encourage my family to buy games, outdoor toys, playmobil, classic wodden toys, science things and stuff from 2 specific stores that carry high quality and educational stuff. This year DS got mostly dinosaur stuff. From dino playmobil to palentologist sets where he has to chip away and use other tools to get the bones out of a brick.

[Soliloquy]

Our families sound similar--every Christmas and birthday my mom asks me what the kids need/want and asks for a very specific list or even has me order things and have them sent to her house. :tu (She does pick up a lot of other junk at estate sales at other times, but oh well.) My ILs tend to do the opposite--quantity over quality and many times the stated age on the package is way older than the child they give it to--even though Gracie won't choke on a toy that's for ages 10 and up, she probably can't do it by herself and will get frustrated. :sigh

Anyway, like PP wrote, while they're little it's fairly easy for me--they get returned or to go to Goodwill quickly. Another option is to keep them at Grandma's house so there are toys there for when we visit.

If things break easily, that's even easier--as soon as they break they go in the trash. I'm w/ the kids all day so if it doesn't get played with, it usually winds up on the floor because they just toss it there and leave it. If I'm constantly tripping on it, it goes to Goodwill as well.

I fill garbage bags w/ toys several times a year and take them to Goodwill. I try not to make it about taking everything that doesn't fit my standards (although a lot of those things go, too) but things that just don't get played with. I remind myself, dh, and the kids that there are children who cannot afford to go to the toy store and pick out a new toy and they would be overjoyed to see something at Goodwill that they couldn't afford otherwise.

And, as my kids have gotten older, we have relaxed some of the standards, too. Gracie gets branded gifts and she has no idea what they're from as we don't have cable. She does know about Cinderella from a book but the other ones are just princesses. Things like that.

I think with gifts, you just have to accept what you're getting, unless they ask, but once they're yours, you can do what you want with them.

Will your ILs come over and notice that you don't have the toys and then ask about them?

[allisonintx]

He doesn't want to be mad at you, but he also doesn't want to have to deal with any feelings about his own parents and their lack of concern for the things you value. He's defending his family of origin by his enforcement of inaction. It is an immaturity that he may outgrow over time, with love.

Saying "we don't love/want this junk/toy/stuff" is not the same as saying "we don't love YOU" but he doesn't understand that. He feels the rejection of the gifts as a rejection of the people giving them, and doesn't like that feeling, so the words that come out of his mouth are angry and directed at you for that rejection. It's not that he wants to be mad at you, it's that he doesn't want to reject his parents and the feelings are misdirected.

Do not be mistaken. None of this between y'all is about toys at all. It's about leave and cleave....which he is still working on.

[Firebird Rising]

Due to the boys both getting vtech toy laptops this year, we are going to be sending my grandma (who thinks ALL kids need electronic beeping toys) tons of toy catalogs like Magic Cabin, etc. ANYTHING in there would :rockon for the boys and they'd love them.

I'm going to try to trade Cameron a wooded logging truck for his vtech (we forgot to give him the truck for hanukkah) and then make Elijah's disappear. This the third year toys from my grandma have disappeared and it's just sad b/c it's not like she didn't pick it out with love and purpose. But I just don't like that stuff in the house b/c all they do is sit and push buttons. Eli is only 19 months and his was rated for 3-6 yrs or something. He's not going to "get" what to do with it.

Jen D.

[Aerynne]

I am pretty strict.

I like my kids' toys to be made of wood, cloth, or metal. The only plastic toys we have are ones where there is no reasonable natural substitute and that have creative play value- eg we own legos and duplos. My kids do have one plastic doll that I haven't gotten rid of yet and a set of Schleich animals that I like and we aren't getting rid of. A lot of it is an aesthetic thing- I decide what plastic stays and what goes.

No tv-linked toys or movie-linked toys. We do have some princess dresses that look somewhat like the Disney princess dresses but they don't have the pictures of the princesses on them or anything. I got them from littledressupshop.com, which is higher quality.

No dolls that are dressed immodestly. To me this means their shoulders are covered, skirts go to knees or at least almost, bellies are covered, not low cut, etc. (doesn't apply to stuffed animals that don't need to be dressed at all) Dd knows she can't keep anything that has immodestly-dressed dolls on it (this includes most Disney princesses)

Anything that looks even vaguely sexual is not allowed. This includes Barbies (we have Only Hearts Club instead). It's not just the figure, dress, etc. Dd doesn't have anything with weird-looking doe eyes (like new My Little Ponies or Littlest Pet Shop) I get to decide what is too sexual.

No violent toys. Most violent toys are tv-linked and plastic, so that works fine. My kids still pretend to shoot each other with the rods that open the blinds, but at least the toy isn't encouraging it.

Toys should be high quality. I get to decide what that means. :)

No electronic toys or computer games. We did just get dd some plastic planets that revolve around a sun w/ batteries but to me it's not a toy because it goes on her ceiling and she can't reach it. Also it's not flashy or anything.

A lot of it is aesthetics and I get to make the call on what stays and what goes.

I've been pretty clear with family on what my kids can/can't have and offended some people, but it was worth it. Sometimes I take it, say thanks, and toss it later. With presents that arrive in the mail, I "prescreen" them (slit a piece of tape and open enough to see what it is) and toss anything that doesn't meet my criteria, but since I've been clear with people, that mostly hasn't been a problem. Dd knows there are certain things she can't keep and I will buy her a substitute. She can often tell without me telling her if she gets to keep something. Ds isn't old enough to know that yet.

Overall I think toy makers are practically predators and so we as parents have to be extremely proactive in making sure what comes in our home reflects our values.

Also my kids never ever see commercials, which helps their toy preferences be what they think is cool instead of what someone tries to make them want.

[aleigh]

We do have standards, but we don't enforce them with other people. If they ask for gift ideas for our children (which most do), then we tell them many specific items, but otherwise, a gift is a gift. Which, to me, means they can give my kids what they want, but when it comes into my house it's up to me to decide what to do with it.

We have a huge box of things that we're taking to the Goodwill from Christmas. I don't mind branded things so much (DS LOVES Star Wars & superheroes...), but my SIL literally gave my children dirty junk. So, it's not staying in our house.

[Proverbs31]

The big safety stuff I'm a stickler on; for example, no balloons, no toys with magnets. The more subtle stuff, like toys made of PVC that offgasses, I limit but am not completely strict on. Honestly, the kids probably get more exposure to the chemicals from other sources, like our floors :( and I don't have money to replace the flooring yet.

I used to be really strict about no licensed-character stuff. Under onslaught :giggle I've eased up a bit and upon reflection, I'm ok with that. I keep reminding myself that licensed characters are not innately evil :giggle ,as much as I abhor the whole marketing system that stands behind them.

I am still somewhat selective about which characters are ok. And I limit them. Something like Bratz are NOT ok, although no one's ever tried to give us them. Yet.

I have allowed occasional Disney princess items :sick like underpants and the ABC/123 CD a friend gave dd, but don't let her watch the movies. (Dd used to want Disney princess stuff so much that she informed me that when she got a pet fish, she would name her fish "Princess Disney DVD" :giggle )

I think the creepiest toy dd ever got was a Precious Moments-style angel doll with a recording of a prayer. :shiver I am sure that the person giving it was thinking of how we are "religious" people so this gift was a way to go along with that. But I think it's sacreligious (ok, spelling that wrong but don't see where!). And the voice was creepy. That one I tossed, didn't even donate to a toy shelf.

If it's something that I have a moral objection to, like Bratz, or is clearly unsafe (for example, recalled) I toss it. If it's something in a grayer zone (yet ANOTHER small stuffed animal, with no sentimental value) I try to weed those out and donate to a toy shelf periodically. I feel kind of bad giving them some of the plastic-y stuff that I'm not thrilled about my own kids having...but decided that withholding those items wouldn't protect the recipients from being exposed to off-gassing plastics, kwim? And I know the kids would enjoy the toy.

[AngelaVA]

Aside from objections over safety or things we feel are morally inappropriate like Bratz. I just figure a gift is a gift but I do tend to pack away thinks for occassional use that are kind of obnoxious or not very educational play or frequently because it is something my kids are way too young for and junky stuff I will discard as soon as it starts becoming broken or not working. I also keep dollar store type stuff or tiny pieces of course put up most of the time because I have a teething baby that mouthes things.

But...I do think a gift is a gift and I don't feel comfortable telling people what to buy. If they ask that is one thing but my children have 4 sets of grandparents and only one set asks the others just buy what ever they think which is usually what they think their kids would have like or they would have liked at that age or what they feel excited about playing with our kids with when they visit. I just figure it's their money and their chance to share something with my child.

[Proverbs31]

I appreciate it so much when people ask me for gift ideas for the kids. Now I always do that when I'm giving to a kid too.

[joyfuljourney]

We generally do not allow branded products into our home. We try to aim for quality toys including made of wood, metal and cloth.
It took a little while for our family to get it but now they are pretty good. If we do receive something as a gift that is not appropriate then it gets played with for about a week then it disappears.
I have also added to the bottom of the kids birthday party invites a line which says-' If you are considering a small gift- no Disney or other licensed products please-Puzzles, games, educational, outdoor and timber toys are great.' in small type.
I prefer that our friends and family have the opportunity to purchase something that we might actually keep rather than ending up with junk that my kids will be disappointed with when I take it away and someone has wasted their money.
I'm sure a few people think this is strange but after a couple of years I think they start to get it. It may even have offended a few people initially (it has taken my own parents about three years to truly understand.)
Dh and I agree on this so it is easier. I think you do need to find what you will agree on- but I think allisonintx may be right about your DH's feelings. But it is your family and YOU decide what is right for your family. Just as you may have had to stand up for your AP parenting choices- you may have to stand up for your opinion on toys you will allow into your home.

[NewLeaf]

I am pretty strict.

I like my kids' toys to be made of wood, cloth, or metal. The only plastic toys we have are ones where there is no reasonable natural substitute and that have creative play value- eg we own legos and duplos. My kids do have one plastic doll that I haven't gotten rid of yet and a set of Schleich animals that I like and we aren't getting rid of. A lot of it is an aesthetic thing- I decide what plastic stays and what goes.

Does your husband back you up on this and agree or is it a point of friction in your home?
We do have standards, but we don't enforce them with other people. If they ask for gift ideas for our children (which most do), then we tell them many specific items, but otherwise, a gift is a gift. Which, to me, means they can give my kids what they want, but when it comes into my house it's up to me to decide what to do with it.

This is exactly how I feel. I said this to dh and that the alternative would be to tell them what are rules are and give them more info so they could buy things we will keep. (apparently he did give them ideas about the kind of toys we want ('against his will') and they still found things that didn't meet our request- something that happens a lot with MIL :shrug3).

It all makes complete sense in my head but he really thinks it's completely unreasonable.

Allison, you are right about his feelings. I understand that this is about more than toys but he says I control 'everything' and that I'm scared to death of everything and that he'd just like to have some fun in life.:sigh To him, responsibility and 'fun' are not conducive at all. So I'm trying to look at different areas and ask myself if my standards are really that outrageous.

But really, I know they aren't. Or maybe they are to some people but the fact is that I have convictions about certain things and I don't have a problem being the 'odd' person who other people think is weird... except it's also driving my marriage into the ground. :cry

[hopeforchange]

:hugheart

i don't have nearly as strict standards as some here have. dd loves disney princesses and dora and we don't restrict anything like that. i do have a problem with barbies.

we prefer higher quality toys. for Christmas, dd got quite the assortment of things. she got a drum set (she's been very interested in playing drums), a disney princess vanity/keyboard that she wanted and LOVES, the melissa and doug architectural blocks, the sophie giraffe...basically, things that i think she will play with and that will let her use her imagination. i was a little wary about the disney vanity/keyboard, but it's actually very well made and dd loves to make up music on it and it's perfect for how girly she is. :)

so my standards aren't just about quality, but that plays into it a lot. i'm sorry that you're struggling with this with your dh. :hugheart

[Sweet Life]

This is exactly how I feel. I said this to dh and that the alternative would be to tell them what are rules are and give them more info so they could buy things we will keep. (apparently he did give them ideas about the kind of toys we want ('against his will') and they still found things that didn't meet our request- something that happens a lot with MIL ).

I think this is a good idea. IME DH passing on the message can be like that telephone operator game, and the message might not be delivered clearly or helpfully (despite his best intentions).

Our family asks for a list each year and I try to get as specific about the kids desires as I can. I went online and ordered a Magic Cabin catalog for my MIL so she could see some of the items they were wanting.

That said, my personal approach is to give those specifics when asked. if someone gives us a gift that isn't within my own standards, we are still grateful. They usually end up breaking quickly or having limited appeal for my children, so they end up in the trash or at the thrift store pretty quickly. :)

[thrillofhope]

I put my foot down about obviously dangerous things (electronic jeep anyone?), but other than that a gift is a gift. I let the person be blessed by the giving and then if it's inappropriate I put it away so it doesn't get played with much. Not that we've had to do this yet. Dd got really good presents this year. But my il's really really want to buy her a little car she can drive (yall she's not even a year old. They've been talking about it since I was pregnant). I tried to gently lead them away from it but finally just said "she cannot have it. Period." they kept saying they would just keep it at their house and someone would watch her so I had to stand up and say absolutely not and talk to dh about backing me up.

I think for a safety issue you can say absolutely not, but for a personal preference (like branding) it's best to make it disappear after a week or two.

[illinoismommy]

He's all for it until everyone else gives our kids toys that have small chokable parts (ds puts EVERYTHING in his mouth), cheap plastics (MIC with unknown chemicals for our teething son), stories and dress up clothes about Disney princess, and other toys that we were supposedly against.

He expects me to spend time and effort in deciding what is best for our kids and what I am comfortable with but to throw that out the window so we don't hurt other people's feelings or come off as 'neurotic'. Our standards are great until they require some effort or rub other people the wrong way.

We shouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth.... just say thank you and then get rid of things. Its unfortunate that we get things we don't like, but I don't say anything because it would be rude. One of my kids got this huge vtech train dealie for Christmas. It sings. It isn't creative. Its BIG and buttons, and we have storage issues... its really annoying me and I am already plotting how I can get rid of it ... but I am not going to tell the gift giver that. I do try to communicate those things that are important to us and the kids did receive some nice battery free toys too.

I put my foot down about obviously dangerous things (electronic jeep anyone?), but other than that a gift is a gift. I let the person be blessed by the giving and then if it's inappropriate I put it away so it doesn't get played with much. Not that we've had to do this yet. Dd got really good presents this year. But my il's really really want to buy her a little car she can drive (yall she's not even a year old. They've been talking about it since I was pregnant). I tried to gently lead them away from it but finally just said "she cannot have it. Period." they kept saying they would just keep it at their house and someone would watch her so I had to stand up and say absolutely not and talk to dh about backing me up.

I think for a safety issue you can say absolutely not, but for a personal preference (like branding) it's best to make it disappear after a week or two.

This cracks me up because my in laws are the exact same way about the exact same thing... they wanted to buy David an electric car since I was pregnant. He finally got it when he turned 4. :giggle He and Maya are quite cute riding around in it too.... but for the $$, it doesn't get much play. Not my money though. ;)

[NewLeaf]

We shouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth.... just say thank you and then get rid of things. Its unfortunate that we get things we don't like, but I don't say anything because it would be rude. One of my kids got this huge vtech train dealie for Christmas. It sings. It isn't creative. Its BIG and buttons, and we have storage issues... its really annoying me and I am already plotting how I can get rid of it ... but I am not going to tell the gift giver that. I do try to communicate those things that are important to us and the kids did receive some nice battery free toys too.


I would never tell them that I am going to have to get rid of the toys. But if they notice something is missing at some point I'm not going to lie either. Part of the problem is that we see them often but do not have a strong relationship with them.

I am grateful, I know that when people give gifts it's out of love and excitement of the holiday. :yes I do know that they have good intentions. The specific problem with dh's parents is that I am always bending over backwards to accommodate their good intentions because dh doesn't want to say anything to them about anything (assuming he really did agree with me before, which he now says he doesn't :doh).

MIL just doesn't 'get us' and seems to misunderstand who we are, what is important to us, what we like, how we feel about things, etc. We are on opposite sides of the earth in thinking and she still doesn't seem to recognize it. I think dh feels guilty because he knows their relationship is thin and he tries to make up for it in other ways- by ignoring her repeatedly crossing boundaries. Anyway, that's a whole 'nother issue. :yuck

[illinoismommy]

I would never tell them that I am going to have to get rid of the toys. But if they notice something is missing at some point I'm not going to lie either. Part of the problem is that we see them often but do not have a strong relationship with them.

I am grateful, I know that when people give gifts it's out of love and excitement of the holiday. :yes I do know that they have good intentions. The specific problem with dh's parents is that I am always bending over backwards to accommodate their good intentions because dh doesn't want to say anything to them about anything (assuming he really did agree with me before, which he now says he doesn't :doh).

MIL just doesn't 'get us' and seems to misunderstand who we are, what is important to us, what we like, how we feel about things, etc. We are on opposite sides of the earth in thinking and she still doesn't seem to recognize it. I think dh feels guilty because he knows their relationship is thin and he tries to make up for it in other ways- by ignoring her repeatedly crossing boundaries. Anyway, that's a whole 'nother issue. :yuck

I haven't figured that part out either, getting rid of things when we see the in laws and my parents really often. Neither of them understand, my parents are worse and I wish they would buy only from a suggestion list rather than inspiration. But they like to be inspired. Right now I feel like I do need to cover up that I got rid of something, and I don't like that feeling. :-/ My grandma in law always makes the kids clothes that are not wearable and she asks me about them later and I never know what to say.

And I've told my parents 100 times, at neutral times, how much I hate stuffed animals because they mate and multiply and take up room, but EVERY holiday/birthday the kids get stuffed animals. :scratch They think they should give us more since I leave about 5 out to play with...

last year I even asked for the book "how to live a rich life with less stuff" or something like that, I've talked extensively about storage issues, and they still haven't caught on.

But anyway...

[allisonintx]

My inlaws even ask about the dollar store toys and where they went. I simply claim space problems, because 4 children times all those toys is just too much.

I told mil, "I watch the kids and see what never gets played with. If it's not the 'most loved' thing, it needs to go, so that there is actually space left to play with the things that they do love. See how much they play with their XYZ-toys-we-actually-kept" as for hideous clothing, we put it on the kids, take a picture and then DONATE those suckers.

[Proverbs31]

I also factor in how much of a sacrifice a gift was for the giver. We have some relatives that have quite a bit of money and buy a lot of "stuff" (for themselves as well as for gifts), but basically choose to not get to know the kids. :( So when some of that "stuff" is donated/disappears from our house, I don't feel too bad.

otoh we also have relatives and friends on very, very tight budgets...some get food stamps, etc. They work hard, but their jobs don't pay much. If they buy our kids even a $5 stuffed animal, they have scrimped and pinched to be able to do that. They also have chosen to have a relationship with my kids, via mail, phone, and talking and playing with them when they're able to visit. So those gifts, even though they may be of "cheap" quality, I do not get rid of.

Interestingly, because these people know us and because they choose to ask us about gifts, their gifts are often a *much* better fit than the far more $$$ gifts from the relatives who don't want to spend time with us.

[Dana Joy]

My boundries are much less than many of you.

No life size toy weapons. (the little light sabers that come with action figures are ok)
No Bratz or other ho like dolls.
No items that belittle anyone's faith, gender, etc.
No games that promote illegal activities.
Movies, Manga, video games and toys based on them need to be rated, PG-13 or less.

(It would be difficult to say no branded items when our entire living room is decorated in Disney.)

After 4 kids and 17 years, I've decided some things just aren't worth getting
worked up over. But here is what I have done over the years to minimize the
"junky" toys.
* Amazon has a wonderful gift list feature that can help point people in
the right direction.
* Themed gift exchanges keep things interesting and keep the junk away.
(somewhat) My brother, sister and IÂ decided about 3 years ago that we would
only buy books for the nieces and nephews. So we get to be a little more
frugal, we get to promote reading, AND no plastic!
* I don't hesititate to return things that do not jive with our family
values. When we write our thank you note, it says something like, "Thank you
so much for thinking of me. I knew your gift would not get used, so I was so
excited to go to the store and exchange it for -------. "
* If it can not be exchanged, or if it was opened, and it does not conflict
with our family values, I will store it in the garage for a rainy day,
literally. There is nothing better for cabin fever than a cheap, brightly
colored, light up, beeping toy.

[Aerynne]

Does your husband back you up on this and agree or is it a point of friction in your home?

For the most part he and I are in total agreement about it, but not always. Fortunately the things I feel strongest about he agrees with (no electronic toys, no characters, avoiding low-quality toys) and a lot of the others he just lets me decide. But sometimes we have disagreements about stuff.

The kids got a Disney fairy tale book this year that I really don't like (1. It's Disney 2. The stories are violent and promote gender roles I don't agree with 3. Books based on movies are never quality literature- it needs to be a book first) Anyway, since dh's mom seems to genuinely enjoy these stories, we compromised with the idea to keep the book at their house so they have something to read the kids there. I'm still not entirely happy with that situation, but it's better. I still may try to negotiate for tossing it altogether because it really just makes me cringe.

Sometimes dh is stricter than I am. Ds loves to play doctor so we want to get him a doctor kit. I was willing to put up with the plastic ones (I've seen the wood ones, and they don't seem to me to have as much play value) but dh is insisting we should order a bunch of real doctor equipment. He put together a list that would total $50, but admittedly would be cooler.

[thrillofhope]

I just wanted to say about the doctor equipment to be really careful about that. A lot of it has small parts.

[NewLeaf]

Just had to add that while I know my standards at this point are strict I don't intend to have such a thick filter on their toys/interests as they get older.

My issue with branding is partly the commercialism of it and the driving need it places in children to get the 'next thing'. A lot of this took care of itself when we got rid of TV (though we do watch some videos). But there is nothing like going to the store and having a 2 year old ask "Can I have the Dora popsicles? The Dora shoes? The Dora potty? The Dora underwear? The Dora cereal?" You get the idea.

I don't like the Disney princesses at this age because dd is at an age where they don't always know what is real from what is fantasy. The stories are steeped in gender stereotyping and give a specific idea of what is 'beautiful' and what isn't. It also gets into the branding issue because I can't go anywhere without their faces plastered on everything.

Safe toys and ones that last are important to me because they are better for the environment and better for my children.

I have no problem with weapon play but understand why others do and I would be sensitive to that and consider that in buy a gift for someone. :yes

I've been thinking about this all day (obviously it shadows other problems in my marriage) and I just don't know what to say or do to help resolve the conflict with dh. :shrug

[aleigh]

I tend to err on the side of preserving the relationship. My in-laws give my kids ugly clothes & toys that are not age appropriate. (For example- when DS was 2 they gave him a very expensive, very nice puppet theatre. Very cool gift, but not appropriate for a 2 year old. He wasn't excited about it & still rarely plays with it 2 years later...) But, we say thank-you & show our appreciation. Loud plastic toys or toys that we already have, we say thank-you & show our appreciation.

We don't give them lists of what cannot be brought into our house. To me, and to them, that would not be preserving the relationship- it would be bossy & rude. If asked, we will give a big list of toys that we would like for our kids, but usually for the kids we're not asked.

Also, I think it's rude to ask about a gift that you've given that has been put out of site. If someone asks where it is, I think it's okay to tell them the truth or to just say you're not sure where it is...

As far as branding goes, I think if they're around other children, they learn about these things. My son has never watched Transformers, but somehow knows what they are. He doesn't even watch commericals. Weird.

[knitlove]

Oh this has been our issues. Every single thing that we were given except from my mom, dad and grandmother are not going to stay in our house (there is a stuffed fish and lamb that will probably survive)

It was so frustrating to have my MIL bug us and hound us about getting a list for her and then to totally ignore it. We have standards (not branded, no battery, no plastic and support open ended play) they are not appropriate according to IL but they are going to have to deal with it I will not have my house overrun with toys that assault my eyes and ears.

I am planing on writing thank you notes, not mentioning the fate of the toys. Then the whole kit and cabood are going to a resail shop and I am taking the money to buy a couple of good toys