Am I crazy?

[JamesMama]

TV has always been a battle with my son.

He will zone in front of the TV for HOURS if I let him. HOURS. If I try to engage him in a game it'll keep his attention for 20 minutes and then he wants to go back to TV. If I shut the TV off and demand he go play it ends in a HUGE SCREAMING FIT. Every time. If I change the channel so I can watch the news it ends in a HUGE SCREAMING FIT. If DD steps in front of him, playing, he's been known to strike out and hit her to make her move. :mad

So I decided that TV is going buh-bye. Not 100% because we **do** need to keep up on the news/weather but as far as the kids are concerned it's gone.

Is this insane?

Am I making a TON more work for myself? Especially with a new baby coming in approx 2 weeks?

I'm just so sick of the fighting and crying over the flipping TELEVISION. It's a TV. I hate it.

I've tried limiting it but we still have the same screaming fight every single time.

I figure if I cut it out 100% then he's stuck with no TV and that'll be the end of it. He'll have to entertain himself.

My DD isn't a TV kid at all. The TV just doesn't catch her eye...couldn't care less...

Help??

[ServingGod]

We got rid of our cable 2 years ago. I rarely watched it, dh never did, and we didnt want the kids watching most of it. Honestly, we have not missed it one bit. We just discovered we can get antennae channels, but we still dont watch it.

My advice is to make a decision and stick with it. I get my news from the internet if I want to get it. My kids don't miss tv at all. When we go to the library they are allowed to pick out some DVD's and that is fine.

The big question to me is, how do YOU think you would handle post partum if your ds did not have the option of watching TV? Would it be helpful, or stressful?

[Proverbs31]

Getting rid of it works better here too than limiting it when it's a problem. We can keep up on the news/weather fine on the computer, and actually it feels good to be free of it.

That said, with a new baby I'd be sorely tempted to let him veg in front of the TV for the next couple of months, then go TV-free. :shifty That was how I survived postpartum. :bag

---------- Post added at 12:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:00 PM ----------

Also, if you have cable, do you have a lock option? If you'd rather limit TV, then you could try locking everything except whatever programs you're ok with him watching. Then the TV would automatically have a dark screen at other times. (That did help somewhat here, probably because it wasn't me saying to turn off the TV, and kept dd from constantly turning it back on.)

[JamesMama]

The PP phase I'm concerned about...

It will be hard, especially if I don't have SOMETHING to engage him for 10 minutes but I'm just so sick of the fighting...

DH likes to watch the news. He reads online but he still has to watch it, likes watching the weather and stuff (even though he checks the weather obsessivly online).

I just can't stand the idea of him becoming one of THOSE kids who do nothing but veg in front of the idiot box.

We don't have cable, he just watches PBS but with the HDTV converter box when PBS 1 switches over to the 'grown up shows' it tells them to switch to PBS2 for more kids shows and those are on until 11 or 12 at night :doh (just noticed by channel surfing)


ETA- I'm adding a few quick links to educational websites...not pbs or noggin because, believe it or not, my little TV fiend figured out how to watch clips of various shows on PBS and Noggin rather than doing anything educational. So far we have JumpStart, a math one, a reading one and Starfall...

[Proverbs31]

Then I think that I'd let him veg PP. A couple months of it won't wreck him for life.

Then, once you feel up to it, I'd talk with dh about conquering his own TV addiction :shifty for the greater good and get rid of TV totally for a while. News stations have videos of the news and weather on their websites.

[ServingGod]

Know what though? You have 2 young kids, with a baby on the way. It is a crazy stressful time of life. I really wouldnt worry about him being hooked on the TV for life. In a bit when you find your equilibrium a bit it will be easier to get rid of the TV...plus it is winter, and you will have a baby. I think it would be perfectly ok to wait a few months to make a decision.

[JamesMama]

Then I think that I'd let him veg PP. A couple months of it won't wreck him for life.

Then, once you feel up to it, I'd talk with dh about conquering his own TV addiction :shifty for the greater good and get rid of TV totally for a while. News stations have videos of the news and weather on their websites.

He doesn't like watching it online, he checks the NWS and will read some stories online but there is always info on the TV news that isn't always easy to find online. DH really only watches the 10:00 news (all he's home for) and once in a while the morning news, but not always.

We don't have CNN or anything like that.

I like watching the 5:30 news and the nightly news, I hate just reading stories online, lazy...I'd prefer have the anchor read it to me :giggle

We don't have a DVD player (it broke)...

I'll see how things go after the baby. The shows on PBS drive me batty anyway LOL

---------- Post added at 01:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:20 PM ----------

I dunno, maybe I'm overcompensating because my 13 y/o brother IS that child. He spends 98% of his day when he's not in school in front of the TV or playing video games. Child has more video games than some Video rental stores...and it's beginning to show around his middle. I always vowed that when I had kids they would NOT be like that. They would have a life outside of the PS2/X-box (whatever it is they play these days).

As such, my DS only watches DH on the rare occasion that DH plays a video game (only games DH plays are sports related) or once in a while he'll play on the Wii but even that's limited to VERY VERY rarely (it helps that with our TV it has to be on 'Game' and we cannot find the remote to switch it to Game :giggle)

But even with the limited TV I allow it's a battle. He gets sucked into it and it becomes THE most important thing in the world. He gets mad if his sister hits the channel button. He freaks out if someone stands in front of him. He completely freaks out if I say "Okay, you'll finish this show and then the TV is going off." or if I channel it over to the news at noon.

That's the worst part is the BATTLE to get him to realize it's JUST television. And I will not accept him crying over the TV. I just can't. I finally realized I cannot let the idiot box have THAT much control over his emotions, it's ridiculous.

[illinoismommy]

Tv or no TV or some TV is a habit. I think stopping TV is a good idea and he will adjust but it will take some active parenting to make the adjustment. Thus, 2 weeks before due date isn't a good time to do this....

[Proverbs31]

That's the worst part is the BATTLE to get him to realize it's JUST television. And I will not accept him crying over the TV. I just can't. I finally realized I cannot let the idiot box have THAT much control over his emotions, it's ridiculous.

said very gently...To HIM it is not "just" TV. To him it *is* important. Now that's not to say you shouldn't limit or remove TV, but it will be most helpful if you can treat his big feelings about it respectfully--not because of the innate value of TV, but because it matters a lot to him and you love him. It's important that he feel that respect and sympathy from you, even as you hold gently firm in whatever boundary you choose. :hug2 Yes, it's objectively ridiculous, but if he picks up on you giving him that message, however subtly, it will hurt his feelings.

(and GCM is a great place to release your big feelings about it...btdt :giggle:heart )

[passthemanna]

i think taking away the tv is a great move. as a recovering tv junkie i wish my parents had done this for me. i remember 1 particular instance as a child BEGGING my mom to spank me for punishment instead of taking away the tv for 1 night! I did the math the other night- and at 24 years old I have spent 3 solid years watching tv:doh:sick- granted a lot of the time it was just "background." It is a very serious addiction for some people. you are doing a great service for your son whether he realizes it or not!

[JamesMama]

said very gently...To HIM it is not "just" TV. To him it *is* important. Now that's not to say you shouldn't limit or remove TV, but it will be most helpful if you can treat his big feelings about it respectfully--not because of the innate value of TV, but because it matters a lot to him and you love him. It's important that he feel that respect and sympathy from you, even as you hold gently firm in whatever boundary you choose. :hug2 Yes, it's objectively ridiculous, but if he picks up on you giving him that message, however subtly, it will hurt his feelings.

(and GCM is a great place to release your big feelings about it...btdt :giggle:heart )


I just cannot figure out this obsession with it. We've never placed a lot of emphasis on TV. We could go whole days without turning it on but he's become all into PBS here lately and It's such a fight to get him to turn it off or channel it...and he gets physically abusive toward his sister if she interrupts his TV. She pushed the computer chair into the living room once and stood in front of the TV, DH was in the process of moving her when DS went up and YANKED on the computer chair and pulled it out from under DD. She missed hitting her head on the TV stand by inches. :jawdrop all because she was blocking his view.

*sigh*

[HomeyT]

I am having/had the same struggle with my 3 year old. Most of the problem is because I let it get out of control once the new arrival came last November. The TV was a good babysitter. Sad to say. But now it's not necessary. And I realize she doesn't know how to occupy herself. She doesn't know to play on her own, she just watches TV on her own. She'll play when we are with her. BUT a few weeks ago we put the TV in the family room, downstairs. It was a good move. Because now she just can't sit on the couch and veg, when we are upstairs she has to engage with us, or find something to play with, or read. Sure she asks to go watch tv, but we have to intentionally go downstairs to watch (oh and we got rid of cable, so now it's only DVDs, which end). Also, because the TV is where her toys are...we can often convince her to play rather than watch tv. It'll be a process, breaking the bad TV watching habits....but already, even just not having it visible has made a world of difference. tough call my friend, maybe make a slow move like we did, and move the tv to a less accessible spot?? my hope is that we'll have much better things to do than watch tv...and that she'll ask to do those more and move and watch tv less and less.

[SortaCrunchy]

I have a Jan 05 child who used to be SUCH a TV-junkie - exactly how you described your son. My Sept 07 child could care less about TV. I think some kids are totally into and some aren't! The only thing that has lessened my TV-fiend's attraction to TV is starting Pre-K. It's like NOW she knows how to entertain herself and really the only time she watches is 30 minutes before school and usually 30-60 minutes before bed (depending on how closely I am engaged in evening stuff around here).

Anyway, what I really wanted to say is I completely empathize with your feelings of concern over how intensely attached he is to TV. And yet you are moving into a big life transition, and it sounds like your DH works a lot (?). I would set a goal for sometime in the coming months to go TV-free, but for now, maybe allow yourself the freedom to go into survival mode when baby gets here . . .

[aleigh]

The rule we have in our house is that if there are fits over the TV, it goes off & no more is watched for the rest of the day. If he is hitting his sister & throwing fits, I would take it away for sure.

That being said, like someone else said, TV is important to your DS. If you don't want to take it away completely (especially with another baby coming!), I would have a talk with him & set some boundaries. Let him know what he can watch & when & what will happen if he throws a fit or hurts someone.

It will be hard setting limits at first, but a lot of kids adapt fairly quickly. My DS knows that he can watch one show while he eats breakfast. (Usually Curious George.) And then he gets to watch something else during his rest time while the baby takes her second nap. If we happen to have a movie night planned, then he doesn't watch anything during his rest time.

It also helps that we have tivo- he can't just turn on the tv & watch & watch & watch. Once his show is over, the tv stops on it own.

[Starfox]

We have a little DVD player (the kind for the car) for DS. What I do is let him watch one movie on it and when it's done it's done. He would watch it all day if I let him. It is a bit of a struggle to take the DVD away, or I just take the whole little player away.

We also turn the front panel lock on the TV so he can't turn it on himself without the remote.

TV is important to him, and I wouldn't drastically change things with my son pp though... (That will be me in a day or two hopefully!!!)

[Aerynne]

A little background: we don't own a tv, so you know what my opinion of tv is before I even start.

By the way, some people may find my strong opinions about tv offensive.

Tv is like a drug. It's not something our minds were designed for- it is something that was designed for our minds. It was designed to captivate us, to lure us in, to make us stay and stay and stay. Now I don't think the guy who invented the actual apparatus of the tv thought all this, but the people who design shows now, they do. They spend so much time studying how to make us watch more and more (and buy more and more of the products they advertise). They know way more about psychology than we do, and they use it against us. That scares me. So I don't think it's appropriate for anyone, really, especially children (that being said, dh and I watch some shows online a little less than once a week. I guess I think of it like dessert [for adults] but I eat dessert way more often than I watch anything on tv, probably 20:1. I suppose that should be a wake-up call for me to stop eating so much sugar. Anyway, I digress.) I don't even let my kids watch tv at friends' houses. We will occasionally (probably every other month or so) let the kids watch a dvd of either a nature special for adults or a religious movie on our laptop. During December, however, they watched the Grinch (the old cartoon one), Muppet Christmas Carol, and a Christmas movie put out by our church. That is a lot for them for one month. We also occasionally let them watch a short (2 minute or so) clip on you tube, for example my son who loves construction trucks, we'll let him watch a movie of a real excavator digging a hole. But not kid shows except for the 2 we watched this Christmas- they are so jumpy and hyperactive (the shows, not the kids). I thoroughly believe that a lot of childhood "behavior" problems are caused by tv and other electronic media (which we also don't let our kids use).

I don't know anything about the adjustment period and what it will be like because we never had one. I'm sure it will be hard, but it will be hard no matter when you do it. Some time is always "not a good time". You're pregnant or you have a new baby or it's winter or your kid is sick or the not-so-new baby is now learning to crawl and occupy your attention, you're getting ready for company, baby is teething, you're not feeling well, your child is starting preschool, you're way behind on laundry, etc, etc, etc. If you wait for a good time it will never happen. Have you ever had a time where you felt like "I'm on top of things now, so it would be a good time to add more stress to my life."? I haven't. But if it needs doing, it needs doing. Just do it!

Also I think you should set the example. Your son is going to have to learn a whole new way of being. I think if you're willing to read your news article online (heck, cnn.com even has videos you can watch of the news) you can get some idea of what he's going through and be better at empathizing.

I think taking tv away is a great idea. As others have said, his feelings are valid and should be validated. Also try to plan lots of activities for the first week or two and play with him a lot. I would also suggest physically removing the tv, either chucking it out the window or just moving it to another location where he won't see it constantly and be reminded that he wants to watch. He's not too young to explain a lot to. When my dd asks why she can't watch tv I tell her it's not good for her brain.

[Joanne]

He will zone in front of the TV for HOURS if I let him. HOURS. If I try to engage him in a game it'll keep his attention for 20 minutes and then he wants to go back to TV. If I shut the TV off and demand he go play it ends in a HUGE SCREAMING FIT. Every time. If I change the channel so I can watch the news it ends in a HUGE SCREAMING FIT. If DD steps in front of him, playing, he's been known to strike out and hit her to make her move. :mad

So I decided that TV is going buh-bye. Not 100% because we **do** need to keep up on the news/weather but as far as the kids are concerned it's gone.

Is this insane?



I am not anti TV.
I am not anti-kids watching moderate TV.
I am not anti using TV to baby sit/parent when needed during modern stressors of family.

But some people are prone to screen *addiction* and your son seems to be one of them. Sometimes, these kids can grow into moderated usage; some never will. But now that he's showing the complete inabiltiy to enjoy screens healthfully, I'd support you in ditching it for him.

The problem for him is the hyperfocus prevents him from enjoying TV (he's worried about watching, about losing watching, about when he can watch again). It prevents him from fully developing in other, active and engaging, play developmental areas.

I do believe you can ditch TV for your son and allow your DH to be the grown man he is; it might just require some active parenting on your part.

But, yes, I'd support you in making a total "no" decision for your son. It will be difficult for a while, but I predict he will emerge happier, more confident, able to play more independently. A related issue is those who are prone to screen addicted behaviors tend also to be more sensitive to screen related depression, agitation, whining, etc.