encouraging them to tell you what's wrong

[TuneMyHeart]

E will often say something like "Mama, don't watch what I'm doing." Usually it means she's spilled something. Today, she told me not to look at her hands. I had no idea what happened, and she refused to tell me for a long time. I finally figured out she hurt her thumb and didn't want to tell me. It kind up upset me that she didn't want to tell me she was hurt. :-/ I keep talking to her about how I want her to talk to me about everything, but I don't know why she's suddenly keeping things from me. How do you encourage them to not be afraid to talk to you? I try really hard to stay calm if she accidentally does something, so I don't know where this came from. :scratch

[sweetpeasmommy]

:bump

[Meli]

I don't have any brilliant answers, but my kids all do this. If they are upset about something, they won't tell me, and I want them to, so I can help make it better. I can't remember ever being harsh or angry, or punishing them for telling me something, so I don't know where it has come from. The only clue I have is from my own personality - I am often the same if I feel ashamed or embarrassed in any way, and for me I am a perfectionist, so I have a tendency to be embarrassed about the slightest thing. Admitting something is wrong is like an admission of failure. So I wonder if they are the same. I hope not :blush

[TuneMyHeart]

E has a lot of perfectionism in her, so I guess she could just be embarrassed. Makes me sad though.

[TrinMama]

Mine do this, too. Maybe part of it is age? I don't know. My 5 year old is getting better about telling us, though. We have just repeated over and over that "it's ok to tell us what is wrong, if you've made a mistake, etc" and "we won't be mad, we want to help". Admittedly, we have been upset over spilled milk before--literally and figuratively--but we try to hard to encourage our girls to be open with us. I think it takes time...lots of time. Also, it seems to me that when my oldest has been embarrassed over something, she will open up more readily when I can relate to her. Say, if she's had a bathroom accident, I can say, "yeah, it's not fun. I used to have accidents, too. Next time go a little sooner when your body is letting you know it needs to pee". I think if she knows I understand and have been in a similar situation, she is less embarrassed to tell me what's wrong. :shrug3

[Living My Dream]

4yo here does it too.

[kwisie]

My 4yo does it, too.