Please tell me this won't backfire

[thomer]

Because I am not happy about this :-/

DS (almost 9) is completely terrified of the dark. He can not sleep if there is light in the room. And he has nightmares almost every night. I think he wakes up a lot at night but he has never once called out to us or came and gotten us or anything - I think he's just too scared and insecure to get out of bed.

He also begs to sleep in our bed many nights. He says it's because it's 'comfier' but we all know its cuz he's scared.

So DH and I talked and decided he can sleep in our bed on Thurs. nights and Sunday nights. The reason behind those nights is because DH works late on those days and there is no chance of us DTD anyway :O

Please tell me this will help him feel more secure and it will not last forever. Please tell me he will not cry and whine on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights. I'm going to complain for a bit now. I like sleeping naked. :shifty I like not getting scratched by toenails and kicked in the middle of the night. And I get up at 5 AM for work and I don't want to be kept all night and or have DS wake up with me and then have to be convinced to go back to sleep. Cuz I am :hissyfit about this :( Ok, rant over - please tell me this will help him feel better. :(

[TuneMyHeart]

I don't know from experience, but I saw Dr. Bob Sears at a conference recently and he said his 7 year old (I think that was his age) sleeps in his parents' bed on Friday nights. :heart I thought that was a great idea.

[Proverbs31]

As a former kid who was really scared a *lot* (even with 3 sisters in the room!), I think it's great that you are responding so kindly to this need of his. :hug

[DaltonsMomma]

My DS understands that he has the option to sleep in my bed only on Friday and Saturday nights (unless he is sick or scared of a storm). He goes to bed in his own room on school nights without complaint. He doesn't even choose to bunk with me very often on the weekend....it's just comforting to him to know that it's an option.

I would have given anything to have a parent who cared that I was afraid of the dark.

[thomer]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I'll update you all tomorrow on how his first night went :yawn

[Quiteria]

Do you think sleeping with a flashlight within arm's reach might help on the other days? Or a dim lamp? Not to leave on, but for him to shine around if he wakes up.

[Jemma2]

My DS doesn't like sleeping by himself in his room either. But sleeping with us is just not an option anymore. (He's 9). He often camps out in his younger sister's room (when she lets him). For him it's not so much a fear of the dark, though that's part of it. It's the noises he hears in the dark that gets his imagination working overtime. Somethings we've done presently and in the past are:


a dim lamp on in his room (I usually turn it off when I go to bed, but often he'll turn it back on if he wakes in the middle of the night)
a fan to help drown out any noises.
a radio/music playing softly
always praying for good dreams


I think for us having a few days where he is allowed to sleep in our room might set us up for him asking every night. But that's maybe just his own boundary issue.

[thomer]

Oooh, I didn't think about the radio :think I used to do that when I was a kid.

The flashlight doesn't work. He'll either get up and play with it, or call us because of shadows, or just whine an hour later that he can't sleep at all. :/

We'll try the radio on Fri. night. :tu

[TuneMyHeart]

we found a really cool nightlight that helps Ellie stay in her bed. She still comes to our bed sometimes, but not every night, so I'll take what I can get. ;)

http://www.amazon.com/MOBI-70162-Mobi-TykeLight-Blue/dp/B001ETWU4U/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1251997851&sr=8-2

[Katelynn]

thanks for sharing about the cool nite light. I may have to get one for Rylee. she has trouble staying in bed too.

[aleigh]

we found a really cool nightlight that helps Ellie stay in her bed. She still comes to our bed sometimes, but not every night, so I'll take what I can get. ;)

http://www.amazon.com/MOBI-70162-Mobi-TykeLight-Blue/dp/B001ETWU4U/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1251997851&sr=8-2

I was going to suggest this light too! My son has one & we love it. Do you have a monitor in his room? It might help him to feel secure if he knows you can hear everything going on in his room & you will hear him the moment he needs you.

[hey mommy]

My friends DS is like that.. He's 7. His parents have a twin bed in their room for him, so when he gets scared, he can come in there and be okay. And on Friday nights they have movie night & gets to sleep in there all night.

I used to have a mattress on the floor next to my bed for C to lay on. But we've learned just to leave a light on for him.. If that means a lamp by his bed or the overhead light, so be it.. As long as he actually sleeps.

[mom-n-training]

This is just a side note, but this got me thinking about when I was about 9 or so and I was having a lot of nightmares. I suddenly remembered how real that fear is in the mind of a child, and how real those dreams felt. I felt as if when I closed my eyes to go back to sleep in my own room, those people in my dreams were going to come back and get me again. But, in my mind, because of the relationship my mother had built with me, I knew that she could keep me safe from them. I remember going to her bedroom and asking her if I could sleep with her because I had a nightmare. She said yes, but I was reprimanded for not being a "big girl" and being able to deal with it myself. In my heart, I felt so hurt by her reaction. I felt like she didn't really care about the torment I was going through, and it actually hurt me so much that I can distinctly remember that moment over 20 years later.

I say all of that to say, sometimes adults don't realize how real fear is to a child. But, I'm glad that you are taking his fears seriously and looking for age appropriate ways to help him feel safe.

[hey mommy]

Oh, I just realized I was about that age when I started having sleep problems.. If I woke up & everyone else was asleep, I'd freak out. I'd have to wake my mom up & she'd come rub my back.. Sadly it took me forever to get back to sleep, so she was up for a while. But I could not handle being the only one awake. It scared me to death.

[14yrslater]

We moved into a new house when dd was 10. After we moved in she had trouble sleeping in her new room. So we let her sleep in our bed during 'holiday' time which included friday nights, weekends, pro d days etc. After a few weeks of this arrangement she began to sleep in her room full time.