Too Much Advice

[HoustonWife]

Hey Everyone,
I am a new mom of a 7 week old son, and I am already getting advice from friends about getting him ready to sleep in his own room by the time he is 12 weeks:scratch. My husband and I love having him close by us though, and are not looking for him to sleep in his own room for quite some time. Where does this 12 week time frame come from, and what have your experiences been with co-sleeping/ bed sharing with your newborn?

[Mama Rophe]

I have no idea where it comes from. Having co-slept/family bed with all three of our boys, I've heard my fair share of "advice" from friends and family. I usualy just smile, nod and change the subject. We just go on doing what works best for us, and that is keeping them in our bed until they seem ready for their own.

[englishmummy]

I second that, especailly the "smile, nod and change the subject" bit. Everyone turns into an expert when you have a baby :) you are the expert on your baby...!

[Sculpturegirl]

Get an extra large jar of bean dip for sure!;)

[March]

I always just :shrug and say I don't want him in his own room until I have another newborn. We've been co-sleeping (combination of using the Arm's Reach and bed-sharing) for six months and love it. DH was complaining this morning about getting kicked last night and I sighed and said, "Ok, I'll work on getting him in his bed full-time" and DH quickly said, "Oh, no! I'd miss him too much!"

[aleigh]

I think people say 12 weeks b/c that's when the "fourth trimester" is over.

You could even try being up-front & say that you plan on co-sleeping. Most people I know don't bat an eye at that, even if they don't co-sleep.

[Chris3jam]

Personally, I was always too afraid to actually co-sleep. I would put the crib right up next to the bed, side-carring it. That said . . . .. I third the "smile, nod, and ignore" advice. You are your baby's mom. They are not. You know what is best. They do not. I don't care if they have had 10 kids. I know someone who had 8 kids, and thought that gave her the right to tell everyone else what to do. :no2 It may be "right" for *her* kids, but it was not for mine. I know a young momma who was constantly told she would spoil her child if she held him (by well-meaing older grandma people). Well, if it weren't for the dad helping at night, he would practically have never gotten held, and it actually stunted his growth (he takes growth hormone shots now). Listen to *yourself*.

[Quiteria]

At least one of the parenting books --Babywise by Ezzo--suggestes 12wks. A few babies who are very deep sleepers *might* sleep through the night by then, so I guess they assume that all babies can? My boys were much, much (like years!) older before sleeping that long, and even my deep sleeping dd still went through more wakeful periods later. Ezzo is bad stuff...lots of bad advice if that's where they're getting it from.

Oh...re-reading, I realize you're talking mainly about own room and not just whether he stays asleep...hmmm...only reason I can think of is that bassinets sometimes have an age limit of 3mo, because babies who roll over and sit up should not be left in one.

[mamacat]

When people give you any kind of baby advise you may want to just listen & then say oh you switched your baby to his own room by 12 wks? or you nursed your baby for a year? and let them share their experience & then move on.You have to totally figure out what works best for your baby & your family as you go along.

[StewardofLOs]

ALL kids learn to STTN in their own rooms eventually, some at 3 months, some at 3 years or beyond. Some take longer than others. It's only a problem if *you or your DH* think it's a problem (as in, you're not getting enough sleep, you're getting "touched out" if the child is next to you, etc.)
DS is 2 and we have a family bed. Since #2 is due in Nov., for the sake of space we added a twin mattress next to our queen, and that's "DS's bed." With DH and I both WOH, we all love that time to reconnect at night. (There are many times I've seen DS sit up in the middle of the night, see DH and I, grin, and go back to sleep. :heart)
When he starts showing signs of being ready for his own room, we'll respect that. :shrug. Meanwhile, if it ain't broke, why "fix" it?
:hug

[littlelady]

I find that well intentioned people are afraid of what they do not understand. We often get strange comments and looks about our decision to bed share with our children.

Our ds is nearly 3 and dd is 1 and they have both slept in our bed since they were born. (We invested in a king sized bed to give a little extra room!) We love having them close to us and I was strongly committed to breastfeeding so having them in our bed made night feedings easy for me as neither of us would fully wake up for a feed.

I love the connection with them at night and I find on hard and stressful days, being together at night is peaceful and a way to start over fresh again.

Our ds is just starting to be interested in having his own bed and we are letting him take the initiative to fully transition. The time goes so fast, I`m glad to have him in our bed as long as we can.

Is there anything in particular you were wondering about?

[kandykidsaturn]

My daughter is going to be 6 on Thursday (!!!) and I have been co sleeping with her since I brought her home from the hospital. I'm very upfront with people (I'm a no nonsense kind of gal anyway) and if they ask me why, i say "because I want to, because Chloe wants to, because it works for us." and that normally shuts them up. :giggle

I also have no intention on trying to move her to her own bed until she is ready. She just got diagnosed with ADHD and Adjustement Disorder, and I'm not changing a thing until she is good and ready. :shifty

People will try to fuss with you on it, and all you have to say is "Every other country in the world wonders why we put our babies in cages." and another good one is "Did you know they co sleep in china, and SIDS is so rare there that they don't even have a name for it?"

That normally gets them to zip it too. :)

[JenLovie]

My mom keeps bringing up moving Henry to his room. I don't understand why it matters to her since she doesn't sleep in our room.
I usually just smile and nod when people give unsolicited advice.

[AngelaVA]

Pass the bean dip is good if it's a casual friend but if it is someone you are close too, you will probably just have to be up front and say you are co-sleeping or they will just keep bringing it up. They might keep bringing it up anyway I guess but if you keep giving them info like kandykidsaturn suggested, they'll quit eventually, or maybe you'll convert them :giggle It so hard when you are just starting out being a Mom and everyone has all of this 'helpful advice' for you isn't it? :hug2

[HoustonWife]

I appreciate the "smile and nod" approach, and I think I need to work on being more direct also. I think my friends with kids see that I'm a new mom with tons of questions so they try to get me to do what worked for them.
I am working on being more confident in my decision making, but it's hard when it seems like I'm on a completely different path.

[magnolia]

My ds is 15 months and I stressed out for the first 6 months of his life trying (without succeeding) to get him to sleep all night in his own bed. I always wondered why 12 weeks was the magical age and honestly I thought something was wrong when, at 12 weeks, ds continued to wake frequently and hate his bed.

So, he sleeps with us. It works for us...although he's getting kind of big and floppy (I've taken a foot to the face more than once)...and we'll adjust as we see fit.

It's taken time, but I'm learning to brush off the indoctrination I received of babies sleeping in their own bed and sleeping all night early on. When others have comments I usually just say that this works for us...although it's hard not to give them a laundry list of the benefits of co-sleeping!
Enjoy your baby...he won't stay little very long.

[Kindle Mama]

I'm not sure where the 12 week recommendation comes from either. I was told how horrible I was for cosleeping by my mother and was told I need to have her out of the bed by six months or I would regret it. Well its been eight months and I do not regret it ;)

I politely told my mom that she had a chance to raise her children now it is my turn. She now just talks about me behind my back- which I'm okay with. I just don't want to hear it from her.

Enjoy your son and the time you do have together. These eight months have flown by.

[Nellie]

Hmmm no idea where the 12 week time frame comes from...current advice over here in the UK is that, to reduce the risk of SIDS, baby should sleep in the parents room for at least the first six months. If it were me I'd be tempted to ask where they got this 12 week idea from but would probably just smile, nod and ignore.