what's your pre-bed time and bedtime routine??

[nurturinglovely]

My older 2 boys never really fought bedtime. My almost 2 year old.... another story.

So - they go to bed *early*... and yes, they ARE tired and needing to go to bed - early is 7/7:15.

but the battle is getting old...

so - really, what i need is for you to tell me what YOU do - so i can get better ideas, k? ;)

[Blue-EyedLady]

:cup

[ShangriLewis]

I'd like to know, too. We are so lacking in bedtime routine around here.

[Rabbit]

I don't fight toddlers on bed time. I go to bed and let them roam in child proofed spaces. They learn quickly to go to bed with me, because it's awfully boring not to. I get my baby-free time in the morning, before they wake up, instead of after fighting them down at night, when I'm already feeling brain dead.

Samantha, at four, goes to bed with no more than a kiss, and a tucking in, after being a fighting 2 year old, and one who could not sleep alone.

[filmgirl2911]

I don't fight toddlers on bed time. I go to bed and let them roam in child proofed spaces. They learn quickly to go to bed with me, because it's awfully boring not to. I get my baby-free time in the morning, before they wake up, instead of after fighting them down at night, when I'm already feeling brain dead.

Samantha, at four, goes to bed with no more than a kiss, and a tucking in, after being a fighting 2 year old, and one who could not sleep alone.

This is what we are setting up to do because the "sleep thing" has been a roller coaster ride from the beginning for us. We have a limited routine at this point, just a few things that hopefully set the stage for bed; these include getting pjs on (sometimes with bath, sometimes not), brushing teeth, reading from the Jesus Story Book (while she typically wanders around in her room, winding down), closing the blinds, turning on the white noise machine and talking about time for lying down and having milk.

But, like Rabbit has said, we are going creating the child proofed safe space where I can sleep and she can join me when she is finally ready (this will likely be more about her overnight waking times when there are some nursing boundaries in place).

[Sculpturegirl]

I'm curious about this as well. We're bringing home a two-year-old and I am so not interested in bedtime wars.

[nurturinglovely]

More please! :) :)

[aleigh]

Ours has always been-
Bath & Teeth
Pjs
Snack in bed (yes- in bed- probably not the best for the teeth, but at least I know he's not hungry!)
2 books
Lights out
Hugs, kisses & we snuggle for a few minutes

[Blue-EyedLady]

Rabbit - what do you do about nap time?

[StewardofLOs]

DS will be 2 next month. He is also spirited, so he needs a lot of help from us regulating all that energy.
Since shortly after he turned a year, after observing what his body was telling us, we implemented an all day routine, and it has made all the difference because his body knows what to expect. (provided he's not sick, teething, had dairy, been over-stimulated, etc. :giggle)

He has breakfast around the same time each day, then lunch around the same time each day, followed by a nap. Dinner's around the same time each day, followed by (hopefully) quiet play.

Then our bedtime routine:
(We tell him what's going to happen, and that seems to help with transitions)
clean up toys (everything gets tossed in canvas "buckets")
diaper/pjs
medicine (Zantac)
bottle (yeah that's a whole other story)
bed
(no bath in the evenings cus that winds him up)

In the bedroom, we have a noisemaker, a night light, and he has a cloth he likes to run through his fingers.
Sometimes we read a book, but lately he's content to just lay there after he's been tucked in and fall asleep. I usually read a book or text DH :).
And our latest thing that has made a *huge* difference (though I know it's not for everyone, it's a sensory thing for DS, just like the cloth he likes to have with him) -- I have folded up a woven blanket and place it on his legs and lower torso. He likes the weight.

So that's what we do. I'd say the key is knowing what helps calm your child, what you want accomplished during that time, and what you're willing to put up with.

HTH! :hug :heart


ETA: we also have a morning and afternoon snack time around the same time each day. DS is so used to his routine, that if we loose track of time (like if I'm on GCM :O) he will happily remind us! :giggle

[Rabbit]

Rabbit - what do you do about nap time?

I take a nap. When Simon is tired enough, he joins me.

This really isn't going to work for just any kid. It's what I do with a highly combative Simon. Samantha I took to bed when she was tired, and half laid on her while she fussed and got still. We had a good rhythm, watching her cues, and she went down around the same time every day. If it escalated to combat with her, we got back up, knowing the next sleep opportunity would come early.

I'm not fighting a child down to sleep because it works me up into a frothing frenzy. I take care of my own sleep first, and it's worked out every time thus far with the super intense Simon, particularly once he got close to 3 years old.

---------- Post added at 04:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:52 PM ----------

Completely darkening the room and having a white noise machine (a fan for us) are our bed time essentials.

[nurturinglovely]

that last response was really helpful.

i sort of had to undo a lot of what i had been religiously holding on to. Matais, who is almost 2 has been fighting every sleeptime. ugh. Nothing short of a "frothing frenzy"! ;)
Seriously - i get SO worked up and irritable and one thing i HATE is to have my little ones go to sleep with a broken or jaded spirit, yk?

SO, on Sunday, i just decided to actually throw a lot of our routine out and just go with it.... so, i stopped being at home for the predictable noon nap. if we are out, or on bike, or strolling, he'll go to sleep if he is tired. This does mean that he is getting a smaller nap. BUT - he hasn't been grumpy - if anything, happier! :jawdrop

So, tonight, here's what we did. (dh is gone on Tuesday pm's so it's all me)

Dinner at 5:45.
Clean up and head to bathroom for a quick wash-down. (not a bath - that stimulates mine). Body, teeth, and potty.
Upstairs - all kids, dressed and in bed.
Journal- (this is new and i LOVE it). I was feeling like bedtime was a little rushed and that the boys didn't have enough time to process it all. So, i have a spiral notebook. I enter the date and day. I start with Finn (4) and then Micah (6). I have them tell me something about their day that they did like, and something they didn't, and a prayer & praise. They LOVE it.
Then, i read a chapter of Charlotte's Web while the Matais nursed. (when he was done nursing, he looked at books next to me).
Finn fell asleep during the story - he usually does - so, he was out at 6:45 or so.
Micah, i prayed with and then turned on his bedtime music playlist. Said goodnight, and left the room with Matais.
I took Matais to his room and told him it was ni-night time and he needed to lay down. He hugged his special (a rabbit) While i put his diaper and pj's on. I rubbed gumomile on his owie molar gums, gave him his Omega oil dropper, and a drink of water.. I kissed him, darkened the room and sang him a blessing. he fell asleep after my 3rd time singing.

Everyone was asleep by just after 7 and without battles all day.... it was lovely. I used to *need* the naptime. But, now, i realize - I need peace! and i don't have to sacrifice their needs to get it! Praise the Lord!!!

[Mum2Es]

We have quite a rigid bedtime routine and strict bedtimes. It's what works for our family; it can be difficult if me or DH has plans out of the house at bedtime, but we're homebodies so that's rare, and the way we do it makes things easy and calm 99% of the time. So;

Dinner at 5:30.
Bath at 6pm, DH baths the 2 girls while I clean up from dinner.
DH gets baby Evie out of the bath and dries/dresses her; EK (nearly 5) gets a few more minutes to play in the bath by herself, then I get her out and into PJs.
Around 6:30, we're all back in the loungeroom. I make EK a snack (usually warm milk or a lemon and honey drink, and a piece of toast) and then DH reads her a story while she eats it, and Evie drinks her bottle on a pillow on the floor near then, while I fold washing or whatever. (Evie doesn't like being held while she has her bottle!)
I take over with EK, brush her teeth, toilet, she says goodnight to DH and Evie, then hops into bed where I read her a story and sing (the same two) lullabies to her. The light goes off after the first lullaby, the second is sung in the dark and she's often very close to asleep by the time it's finished.
Once EK is in bed and I'm in with her, DH brushes Evie's teeth and swaddles her and puts her to bed. She always goes straight to sleep, usually before he's even put her down in the cot.
They're usually both in bed and almost asleep at almost exactly the same time as each other, about 7:15. (7pm if they seem especially tired, 7:30-7:45 if we've had delays or they just don't seem tired.)

So all this takes an hour, and it's a happy, calm, reassuring family connection time every evening. If we're away from home or (rarely) one of us is out, or (even more rarely) we're both out and have a babysitter, the routine can be varied just slightly but kept similar enough that they still go happily and easily to sleep.
(EK thought it was brilliant that she had to teach my sister the 2 lullabies when she babysat recently!!:lol)

We are not totally inflexible on all this. Occassionally EK wants me to sit with her while she goes to sleep, which I happily do. The other night she had a bad cough and couldn't get to sleep so she snuggled with me on the couch while DH went to get her something to soothe the cough. But I am a creature of routine and habit and my children thrive on it too. We've had periods of bedtime battles but they are a distant memory since we've had this routine in place.

[sprout]

We have dinner and while clean up is happening the kids get to play or go watch a movie for a bit. Then we do jammies and brush teeth. Typically we have some extra time after this so again...play or finish movie. Then, we read and then nurse. go to bed.

as for naps we are in limbo with the toddler. most days she chooses not to nap but to nurse so we do have quiet time. it is her choice as to whether or not she sleeps.

at night time we turn off all lights and noise materials and we got to bed. if it takes longer than an hour I usually let them get up and do things quietly. We will try again in another forty minutes or so.

I don't fight bedtime...if they aren't tired, they aren't tired.

[MomtoJGJ]

we eat supper around 6. When they are done they are excused to get jammies on and brush teeth. I may or may not check teeth depending on how tired they are.

Then Dh does the 2.5yo diaper and I do the baby's diaper... big girls get in their bed, I sit in the chair nursing the baby and with a book. Dh covers the bigs up and hugs and kisses them and leaves.

{2.5yo cries that she wants daddy... I tell her he's going to get ready for bed and he'll come up and check her when he's done, but she has to be quiet and let me read first. I wait for the crying to stop :) (This only happens when we've waited a bit too long for bedtime, her way of fighting it) While I wait I explain to the 6yo that I will leave the room after I read and the baby is asleep and she is not to scream and cry and tell me she didn't know I was leaving the room, she says she understands, but I know she'll do it anyway, I just figure it'll sink in sometime. }

By this time the 4yo is snoring... Then I start reading and quickly the other three are asleep. I finish a chapter, lay the baby down, turn out the light and turn on their music if I remember.... it's totally not necessary for them.

{Go downstairs, sit down, get back up to send the 6yo back in her room after explaining that it's ok to need mommy or daddy, but she may not get up, run to the top of the stairs screaming/crying for us, and then tell us "nothing" or "I don't know" when we ask what she needs... Comfort any other child she's woken up... go back downstairs :)}

ok... that is seriously how every night goes... with that said... all that total takes however long it takes me to read plus about 5 minutes after they are in bed. Typically I am out of there in about 30 minutes, but sometimes I'm too tired and I just read until they are all asleep which is about 15 minutes. Sometimes I skip reading all together except for one of their stories so I'm out in about 5 minutes... because I invest the time every other night they accept that occasional time of not reading until they are asleep (except the 4yo... she goes to sleep the minute her head hits the pillow...)

[Rabbit]

I think I'm going to take that journal idea for our own. :rockon

[April G]

When DS started preschool full days (while I worked ft) at age 2.5 we implemented a bedtime routine which I reinforced by putting together a picture chart to hang on the fridge. I went to google images and found cartoon pics to match the following routine (since he couldn't read). The routine started at about 6:30, aiming for 7:15-7:30 lights out when we first started. Now we start at 7 PM, and he's still lights out the same time.

Put pajamas on (yes, he gladly and proudly put his own on at that age)
Brush teeth
Potty and flush toilet (we're still working on the flush around here :doh )
Wash hands
Prayer
Story time
Tuck in to bed/lights out

The key was letting him go to the fridge and tell me what was next (he has it memorized in order still and always does it in that order at almost 6 years old :giggle ) so he felt in control of the routine, and letting him do as much on his own as possible. At first it took close to 45 minutes from beginning to end. Then he got faster (15 minutes) which was awesome, but then he went back to the 45 minutes around age 5, trying to drag the inevitable bedtime out. That's when I started setting a 15 minute timer, and if the timer went off before story time, that treat was forfeited... it only took one night with the timer to get the idea, and now he's consistently on top of bedtime routine. :tu

[Rabbit]

Potty and flush toilet (we're still working on the flush around here :doh )


OT, but I can't even pretend that we're working on that right now. Wiping is our big focus. The flush scares Samantha, to the point that when I did try to get her to flush, she started sneaking in out of the bathroom, so I wouldn't know she'd been. Simon flushes for her, when he notices a need. And in his mind, the toilet is always in need of a good flushing. I'm so glad we don't pay for water here! ;)

[April G]

OT, but I can't even pretend that we're working on that right now. Wiping is our big focus. The flush scares Samantha, to the point that when I did try to get her to flush, she started sneaking in out of the bathroom, so I wouldn't know she'd been. Simon flushes for her, when he notices a need. And in his mind, the toilet is always in need of a good flushing. I'm so glad we don't pay for water here! ;)

Our one bathroom is used by our hair salon clients when needed, so it's an ongoing thing with us trying to reinforce the flush and wash hands. Especially the poops! :doh We do have a high efficiency toilet with a half flush (for #1) and full flush (for #2), and we're on a well/septic here.

[macksmom]

I absolutely love the journal idea!

Coming from families where both our parents talked of how horrible bed times were and both my husband and I fought bed time...that was one thing I knew I didn't have the energy for. So, we've always taken bedtime rather lightly. Stephen's work is so unpredictable, that we have no extreme routine in our life...or the ability to plan for one. So, our evenings look something like this:

Whenever Stephen gets home...we decide what we're doing for dinner (either something I've prepared for...or it's really late and we do it on the fly)
Then, we sit and watch tv or play on the floor with Mack (some nights he's happy to play by himself). We try not to get him too excited...though since this is the time he gets to spend with his dad, if we end up bouncing on the bed with him schreeking in glee...I don't sweat it.
I've nursed him to sleep since he was born...so at 2 he still likes that method. We either sit in the living room with dad while he's watching tv, or go lay down - just depends on the night. Then, he either nurses to sleep in about 10 min, or he's not quite ready and I let him get back up for another 1/2 hour or so, until he is. Once he's asleep, I either lay him down, or get up, or just stay in bed.

Sometimes we read stories in bed before going to sleep, sometime dance to the music or jump on the bed :) Sometimes if he's been really hyper he needs me to instruct him in how to lay there still and look at his books before he's ready to fall asleep. It hasn't always worked perfectly. He went through stages around 11 months and then again around 18 months where every time I layed him down or got up he'd immediately wake up...but looking back I think it had something to do with his teething patterns. Also, he sleeps in our bed so he'll stay soundly asleep until we come to bed (which is anywhere from 30 min to 4 hours later). He usually sleeps anywhere from 9-12 hours at night, and if he wakes up acting tired, we take it slow in the morning and he goes happily down for his nap earlier than usual.

Sometimes, part of me longs for predicability of the more scheduled lifestyle. But this really works for us and I'm much happier than I'd be in fighting him down. We're also showing some early signs of him choosing to go to bed on his own. he'll tug on my arm and say "beddy bye" then run into the bedroom and crawl into the sheets. it's so cute :)

[March]

After dinner/cleaning up the kitchen, we go on a family walk--generally at about 7 pm. Sometimes we use the stroller, but usually one of us wears him in the Ergo, and we walk down the street to the bayou, look for turtles, keep going a little further if he seems up for it, or turn around and head back to our house then. If we have errands to do, we try to do them around this time--that way we are still going on a walk.

When we come back home, it's bathtime. Lots of splashy fun.

Then massage/diaper/PJs, which he always fights. :( Hyland's or Tylenol if he needs it.

White noise gets turned on then, and we rock while I sing. Nurse if he wants to. Pat his bottom. He's usually asleep in a few minutes some time between 8:30-9:00pm.

He's held in my arms, usually in my bed, until 10:30 pm. Then he usually wants to nurse a little. When he falls off the breast, he's put in his co-sleeper and I lie down. DH dog-proofs and then lets the dogs in at 10 pm, so by 10:30 they're settled enough that they aren't going to wake ds.

He used to sleep 2-4 hours at this point, but lately I'm lucky if he lasts an hour.