Why is ECing so hard so us??

[MaySunflowers]

I have been trying to EC my son since he was about 8 1/2 months old. STILL we are only managing to get 1 pee in the potty per day 9/10 of the time (first pee of the day), and pretty much miss everything else. He is a secret pooper and has soooo much control in that area. He's pooped in the potty 3 times ever. I think he must have good bladder control too as I just can't figure out why we are not getting more in the potty at this point.

Does anyone else have a baby that is this hard to EC? I ECed my daughter and was hugely successful, by this age she was having very few accidents. I just can't figure out why I can't get the same results with my son other than he must be just holding it in on purpose!

[canadiyank]

How old was your dd when you started? I have little experience with ecing (I experimented with it with dd2) but I have several friends who've done it. I think I remember reading somewhere that beginning after 6 mos. it can be more difficult?

[MaySunflowers]

I started at 8 1/2 months with him. (With my daughter we started at 10 months and it went great). My son just makes no sense to me! LOL

[Sihaya48]

:hug My son has been very difficult to ec and we started at 8 days! He's a year and a half now and I've accepted that it's probably going to look more like mainstream potty training at this point. We've only ever had a handful of catches over the past 18 months and I think it's some kind of conflict between our personalities. No advice for you besides to keep at it and possibly read the book "Diaper Free Before Three" which I thought was a good compromise between ecing and waiting for readiness signs. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone :)

[MaySunflowers]

Its good to know! I have been feeling a bit like I am failing him somehow... but on the other hand know I DO know how to do this as I did it successfully with my daughter. You are the only other person I have found who is in a similar boat!

[canadiyank]

That does sound frustrating when you've done it successfully with an older child! :hug

[Barefoot Bookworm]

Yeah, my DD had no signals that I could pick up on. You just never know when she's going to pee or poop. She just runs around like normal while performing her bodily functions.

[Kiwi Mama]

Was your son in cloth or disposables before you started EC? If cloth, did they have a "stay dry layer" (like microfleece)? I've heard that if babies are in cloth with no stay dry layer they retain the awareness of the sensation of wetness associated with peeing.

Think of it this way - at least when you do come to do "normal" toilet training he'll know what sitting on the potty is for!

:hug

[MaySunflowers]

We use Kushies during the day (they are just cotton inside) and disposables at night. (He is dry 9/10 nights these days though). He was always very aware of being wet but has only lost that awareness recently, which is not helpful.

[14yrslater]

I think each child is different and so EC goes differently with each one. My dd was easy to EC too. Now my ds - I've done it since birth - now he arches his back and screams whenever I put him on the potty or hold him over the toilet! I just don't know what to do now!

[MaySunflowers]

I'm thinking that when my daughter starts full time school and we are running off somewhere all day, then I am going to devote two weeks to nothing but ECing and even am going to keep a log book! Then, maybe we can figure something out and make some progress. Then, after that I will decide if we should keep at it with that much intensity or maybe accept it and drop down to less and wait for regular potty training.

[Charity]

I started ECing my son at 5.5 months and for the first month or so managed to catch about 50% of his pees and EVERY SINGLE poop! I was SOOOOOO proud of us! haha... then we moved and it hasn't gone as well as I anticipated. At 9 months I catch maybe 3/10 pees per day and 1-2 poops per week! I'm not giving up, but I was told that it's tougher to potty train boys than it is girls. Either way, don't give up! It has to work eventually, right?!:hugheart

***I'm a newbie... trying to get my 10 posts in!***

[MaySunflowers]

I always knew boys were harder, but I thought that was related to peeing standing up and pooping sitting down, being coordinated. I never anticipated I'd have a child who seems to just hold it in. Its weird, he is happy to sit on the potty.

[dancingWNC]

i've EC'd both girls since 2 weeks and 1 week, respectively. very diff experiences.
dd1 gave no signals. ever. nothing. not a blink, squint, wiggle. nothing. until she was done. (aaargh!)

but then, we quite diapers at 16 months and never went back.

dd2 has been very expressive, even nodding yes or no by 6 months accurately to pottytunities. however, at just shy of 18 months, she still often pees with no apparently awareness that she should head for the potty. just comes running after she is done to tell us. but we are also dealing with some food allergies so that may be affecting her ability to hold her pee or sense the need before it overcomes her.

the part of EC'ing that was hard on me was the feelings of failure. I believed that I was failing if we were not getting it right. But EC is not Elimination Training - it's about communication. Listening, respecting. perhaps he would prefer to sit on the potty with diaper on to go potty?

or maybe he is ready for the independence of doing it himself. my greatest two investments in our EC'ing journeys have been a potty that the child can find and mount all by themself, and a couple of days just staying home and following them around all day offering pottytunities, letting them help clean-up "uh-oh's", and changing wet clothes (if we wore any). That seems to get us back on track. Just a couple of days of me being too busy to hear my babe say "pah-ee" or "pee" and they decide they should ignore it also.

So I second your thought of just focusing on him for a week. You may find that he is communicating more than you thought he was - and learn how to listen differently. Or you may find he does not communicate it at all. (*rolls eyes*) And maybe you are right, as late as you started, PL'ing may be what it will be, and that's OK, too.

One more thought. It may be helpful if you focus first on practicing a cue that his body will learn to respond to. Once you connect a sound to the action, he might learn to pee on command. That would be a start.

[MaySunflowers]

I have been using PSSS for ages but he makes no connection at all. The other day he was holding his shoe and started doing the PSS PSS for that with no relation at all to peeing. I think my problem is that if he is holding something, he relates the noise to that... and he always likes to be holding something while on the potty (books, small boxes or empty bottles).

---------- Post added at 08:34 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:33 AM ----------

I might get a second potty to leave around for him to investigate though. I saw one at the pound shop yesterday, maybe I will get that one.

[dancingWNC]

Are you making the "pss" sound only when he is actually peeing or as a signal to try to pee? Have you shown him the correlation?

Because there is a learning period that happens first. He will need time to learn (think Pavlov) that the peeing action and the sound are connected. So for a while, you make the "psss" sound (instead of the instinctive "oh no!") when you see him peeing on the floor. lol.

Then later, after you have demonstrated for a time the two are connected, you can try using it as a cue.

[MaySunflowers]

Maybe my timing is off. I do both, peeing (with a yay you did it applause) and pss to encourage him.

[Charity]

Because there is a learning period that happens first. He will need time to learn (think Pavlov) that the peeing action and the sound are connected. So for a while, you make the "psss" sound (instead of the instinctive "oh no!") when you see him peeing on the floor. lol.

GOOD IDEA!!! WC will go in the potty, and then get up and walk around and pee on the floor, bathroom rug, etc. I will definitely try to say "pssss" rather than scream NOOOOOOOOO the next time I catch him going outside of the potty.:lol

[dancingWNC]

GOOD IDEA!!! WC will go in the potty, and then get up and walk around and pee on the floor, bathroom rug, etc. I will definitely try to say "pssss" rather than scream NOOOOOOOOO the next time I catch him going outside of the potty.:lol

:roll

[magnolia]

That is frustrating. My ds is 15 months and I can catch *some* pees but he is a secret pee-er! There are no signs that I have been able to pick up on. I'm pretty low key about it right now, but the good news is that if ds has to go pee he will go on the potty, it's just a matter of trying to figure out when he has to go.

Hang in there!