Co-Sleeping and Adoption

[Sculpturegirl]

As many of you know, we're adopting a two-year-old. We're planning to have a family bed because we believe that it will help us in the attachment process. Anyone done this starting at two rather than infancy?

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. We have a big kid bed for her with a trundle, so I can be with her. I'm hoping for good sleep and good attachments all around!

[TestifyToLove]

The only child we didn't co-sleep with was the one who came from foster-adoption because I was scared of the repercussions if we did. We did let that one 'finish the night' in our bed until he stopped asking to do so as well as naps in our bed the first 10 months he was home.

IMNSHO, co-sleeping is a VITAL component of the attachment work done with adoption. A hesistent child's aloofness is lowered in the night, and even if you aren't reaching out to them, you are STILL having skin to skin and intimate contact. The only time this is a negative is in a child who has been sexually abused.

That said, it was our experience that most Indian orphanages do not co-sleep the kids. Our older son was in his birth home until nearly 5 and his orphanage in Africa practiced co-sleeping for the older kids. He STILL co-sleeps with his little brother at 13. Our Indian child was very unfamiliar with co-sleeping. We had to put a double bed next to our king and give him a LOT of time to get used to our precense near him. He co-slept the least of all the kids but it was vital just the same. And, these days, he co-sleeps with brothers pretty frequently. It was probably that contact and attachment he formed with his brothers that took him from just attach disordered to starting to heal, honestly.

We took an Ergo to India with us. That way, we could give him carrying in a manner that didn't feel too intimidating and scarey for him. And, we added extra space to our co-sleeping. It took him time, but he did adjust to having people near him. And the important thing to remember was that it was VITAL that he learn to let people near him. It was not so important that we step back and let him flap in the breeze the way he was accustomed to being. That way didn't help him attach and heal, getting used to having humans intimate with him did help him heal. 4 years later, I can still tell how attached he's feeling with me based solely upon how close he is to me physically.