Disconnection with other homeschoolers

[LittleSweetPeas]

I'm having a tough time with feeling like homeschooling is connected to religious/social/political perspectives. I haven't felt like I've been able to really connect with other homeschoolers because I'm not fearful of the system, think Obama is the anti-Christ and the public schools are Satan's playground, believe that God mandates HS or its the "Christian" thing to do, etc. I'm irked that every group makes you join HSLDA or doesn't allow you in if you ISP. For us, HS was primarily an educational decision and nothing else. Has anyone else had this problem and what did you do? I try to find common ground or whatnot but its becoming more difficult. I just don't feel like I see eye-to-eye with most people around here. I did check out a secular group and that was even worse as it was a very weird, liberal, anything goes perspective. Not big on sitting around and discussing Wicca or CA's Prop 8 decision.

Anyhow, thoughts? We are seriously considering sending her to PS and calling it a day because I feel like i can't get support or connection for my kids which I so desperately need. It really just feels like HS around here is so politcally charged and so religiously rooted and I just can't get past some of that. I just want to view its as an alternative educational option without so much judgement attached to it.

[Bonnie]

I would seriously consider starting your own group, and bill it as being for families who "view homeschooling as their best educational choice, without religious (Christian or otherwise) or political emphasis". :think

[Titus2Momof4]

I understand, and felt the same way sometimes when we homeschooled. :hug2

[Teribear]

I have that problem as well. I find that if I select activities like sports or park days or things like that those subjects don't tend to come up as much. I'm at a major crossroads right now with regards to the organization I work for because I am much more liberal politically than most of them and since I am their legislative liaison it has become a conflict of interest nearly.

[Heather Micaela]

ITU. I too have just focused on scouts and sports instead

[lmgeenw]

I really struggle to fit in with the homeschoolers around here too. :hugheart

[Codi]

:hug2

[veggiegirl]

Two of my best friends that homeschool do it for all the "christian" reasons you mentioned. sigh I just try to ignore that part and focus our conversations on other things. I am blessed to be in a small home school group that fits us perfectly. I also would suggest trying to start one on your own.

[Titus2Momof4]

The idea to start your own group seems like a good one. :yes

If the thought of doing so is intimidating, try starting out as a yahoo or meetup group--something "informal." Gradually, your group could migrate toward meeting off-list, depending on the needs of that particular group. At least you would have some communication going on with others.

Alternatively, you could stick to scouts and sports, as others have done. :hug2

[deena]

Why do you need other homeschooler support? We just do our thing during the day and kids play with neighbors in the afternoon. And I get all the support I need here. :gcm

[Asplendidtime]

I am trying to hook up with the more secular groups for these very reasons.... Sometimes homeschooling has so many other issues attached for so many people, sometimes getting involved with more secular people they are far more tolerant...

[momaich]

Big Hugs! I hear ya about the seeming split. It's funny for me because I fit in with a lot of the non christian group's ways of living, but I am not anti public school as many of the other groups. I just see homeschool as the best option for our family. I did find a nice eclectic group and it turned out to be my local group that started out as a yahoo thing and added park days and field trips. It's a mix politically and religiously but we all focus on what's best for our families and respect each other regardless of "school" style. We have unschoolers, cyber schoolers, classicals, charlotte mason followers and many eclectics. I love it and have found lifelong friends. So, my vote goes with start your own group. It really is nice to have others RL moms, no matter how nice the people are here at GCM.
It also seems like a lot of our local homeschoolers are into good stewardship, healthy lifestyles and recycling. We are always posting our own little freecycle stuff and even had a "stuff swap" at park day this week.
Anyway, don't give up. Your bosom buddies are out there. You all just need a way to find each other. :heart

[allisonintx]

we got involved in our local community rather than the "homeschool" community.

My kids play sports, instruments and go to church and church related events. This has been really great. I just found that trying to be in the homeschool community was difficult, even though there are LOTS of homeschoolers around.

[Tara]

I really feel the same way you do,LittleSweetPeas. I joined a Christian group here because a friend of mine is a member. I am now getting emails to boycott this or that, all the curriculum talk is only Christian related, I've heard more then once about PS being awful, etc. I didn't join another Christian group because they were very much against charter schools, which is what we are using now.

I am not your typical Conservative Christian. I think I am pretty liberal & I sometimes don't fit in anywhere. It makes it hard!

[Tara]

Oh, and our main reason for HSing is because my son has asthma & was missing a ton of school. It has turned into us loving the freedom but it wasn't because of religion or because we hated the school. We actually left an amazing public school to HS. People don't understand that either.

[LittleSweetPeas]

Why do you need other homeschooler support? We just do our thing during the day and kids play with neighbors in the afternoon. And I get all the support I need here. :gcm


I need IRL support and my kids need IRL friends. There aren't a lot of kids her age in the neighborhood and those that are don't see her at school like they do the others so they leave her out. I need to see people regularly, my kids need to see kids regularly. I also need support if I'm going to keep this up and going out and about to sports or scouts doesn't put me in contact with other HS, just PS doing extra-curricular stuff.

Well, glad I'm not alone. I'm not overly liberal by any means, I just dont understand why the HS community seems to be so focused on everyone being like-minded. The petitions and legislative alerts really irritate me as does the PS bashing.

[katiekind]

Certain groups seem to be really moving in that direction, and defining a certain set of lifestyle choices as preferable. (Patriarchy, etc) If that trend continues I would definitely expect other groups to pop up and provide support for homeschoolers that aren't so keen on those positions. In the meantime, it's a little disturbing to see groups moving that direction. :hugheart

[HuggaBuggaMommy]

ITU. We don't live near any other children, and ds is an only child. We need the homeschool group. But, boy oh boy, it's difficult some times.

[Grover]

:hugheart

[Lady Grey]

What does ISP stand for?

[2TMama]

LittleSweetPeas....

So, if I'm hearing you correctly, it's not necessarily that a lot of the hs'ers you know are "like-minded", rather that you feel it's pushed upon you?

[Laurlor]

I also think you should consider starting your own group. I understand your feelings because we homeschool through a virtual academy charter school which so many people think is the devil. I found a christian homeschool group and one of the principles (which you have to sign an agreement to uphold) is that we don't ever put down anybody's way of homeschooling...it's between God and the family and that's it. We used to do field trips when the kids were younger, but now we do mostly service projects and a Christian heros bookclub monthly. It wouldn't take that much for you to start if you know anyone who would join (you could even advertise with some of the homeschool charter schools...you'd be more likely to find people of a similar mindset and from my experience I've found tons of Christians in these groups). Our facilitator sends out a monthly e-mail, but other than that each mom has to agree to do a service project and lead one bookclub meeting.

:hugheart I'm sorry you're so discouraged.

[twinmomma]

ITU too!! I was just telling someone that I did not know where I belonged anymore. I see some things in our local groups that I do not agree with and I don't believe are uplifting. I've resolved to either get the oomph to start my own "something" or just be independent and keep on keeping on. It gets lonely, but I know that homeschooling is the best thing for our family. I just keep it in prayer and hope that the Lord will lead me where I'm supposed to go. You are not alone...even though it may feel that way.

[LittleSweetPeas]

LittleSweetPeas....

So, if I'm hearing you correctly, it's not necessarily that a lot of the hs'ers you know are "like-minded", rather that you feel it's pushed upon you?




Hmmm. I don't know. I suppose all the groups are like-minded so then they assume I feel the same way. There are certain guidelines, etc. in some of these groups (such as joining HSLDA) and its common practice to circulate political petitions or "advice" or whatnot. Then you get together and they're passing around SACH or jockeying for signups for the next parenting seminar. I'm not one to really rock the boat when I'm in the minority. Pass the bean dip or whatnot... I thought about starting up something else but to be honest, I can't handle anything else on my plate. I already feel like I'm going to burst.

[kwisie]

ITU, with the added dimension that we started hs'ing SS when he started middle school, so we don't even have the benefit of him being young enough to want to go to park days or other social settings that appeal much more to younger kids. :sigh

[Gentle Journey]

Did you check on meetup.com? There might already be something you're missing. I've gone from an amazing co-op to none at all. But, it's better than not HSing for us. I met a HS family whose kids are GBGB like mine and about the same ages too that HS. Just having one family to discuss things with and hang out with has been really helpful. Hopefully you'll find someti

[RubySlippers]

:think
I haven't come across a homeschool support group that requires members to join HSLDA or excludes ISP'ers.
Are your local groups really as bad as you describe? Are all of the groups you've tried truly that vociferous about issues? :scratch
The homeschool groups around here (and there are at least 4 that I can attend) aren't foaming at the mouth about public school or Obama or some Christian cause.
I read more stuff of that nature here on GCM than IRL.
If your situation is truly as bad as you say (and you're not just venting steam) then starting your own maybe be the only alternative.

[Peaceful Meadows]

Wow, this makes me happy for my homeschool support group. I didn't know that there were groups out there that required you to be a part of HSLDA in order to join. That is just wrong!!!! (Not to mention expensive!!!!) Politics are not discussed in the group I attend. Most of the moms would lean conservative but still politics are not discussed. Mostly we just discuss homeschooling and our children. Discipline has not come up either. :phew

I think that you should start your own group. I am sure there are other homeschoolers in your community that fee that way as well.

[momaich]

I don't really know you or your limitations, but I am wondering if just starting a yahoo group would be enough for you. It's not a lot of work. You could just describe your motive and wait for locals to find you. That's how I found my group. I just typed in my geographical area in a search engine and found a local homeschool yahoo group. It wasn't anything organized. It was just there and then someone posted a park date and we met and decided to continue with meeting at parks weekly. As more people joined various people would post other local places they were heading for the day and we would have semi organized activities that way too. Every so often someone gets really organized and calls a special place for a group discount tour, but nothing special is cast upon the group moderator except I guess welcoming newcomers. We don't have anything to sign or pay for or anything. We just hang out. :heart



LittleSweetPeas....

So, if I'm hearing you correctly, it's not necessarily that a lot of the hs'ers you know are "like-minded", rather that you feel it's pushed upon you?




Hmmm. I don't know. I suppose all the groups are like-minded so then they assume I feel the same way. There are certain guidelines, etc. in some of these groups (such as joining HSLDA) and its common practice to circulate political petitions or "advice" or whatnot. Then you get together and they're passing around SACH or jockeying for signups for the next parenting seminar. I'm not one to really rock the boat when I'm in the minority. Pass the bean dip or whatnot... I thought about starting up something else but to be honest, I can't handle anything else on my plate. I already feel like I'm going to burst.

[Punkie]

Is there any chance that the Christians just weren't present or were laying low at the secular group? I am most active in an "inclusive" group, and there are actually a lot of Christians in there. Any one event could easily have almost all secular homeschoolers OR almost all Christian ones. It just depends on who shows up. I love the diversity of the group, though.

A lot of the moms in there were very hurt by Christian homeschoolers when they first started homeschooling. Several said they were at a point where they were ready to accept Christ, if someone had only spoken to them about it, but instead they were treated like they had the plague, and the Christian homeschoolers wouldn't let their kids play with them.

Anyways, I've found them to be very loving, and there are a lot of Christians in my group, but they may or may not talk about it at an event (the same goes for the non-Christians.)

[TestifyToLove]

My kids like to connect with other homeschoolers. They really LIKE that common denominator sometimes. I've recently accepted that we appear to be stuck in the Bible belt at this point, so I'm trying to reach out to other like-minded homeschoolers. I already knew the local group is all about school at home, HSLDA membership strongly encouraged (although I am a member only for the legal advice which sadly we've twice had to use) and the large families are all of the wonderbread, uniforms in public variety.

I started looking for unschooling and secular support groups instead. We'll see how that works for me. But, its gotta be better than the local group. I'm sure tired of having the token minorities in all homeschooling encounters, that's for sure. I'm contemplating asking permission to join a minority moms homeschool group just to get away from this issue for a bit.

I have an even bigger complication in that the jerk who made false allegations with the state about our family is heavily involved in our local homeschool group. No way do I want any encounters with her again. Cause, if I didn't throttle her for lying about my family to the state, I might still throttle her for threatening to spank my child!

[Peaceful Meadows]

Cause, if I didn't throttle her for lying about my family to the state, I might still throttle her for threatening to spank my child!
:jawdrop Another mom threatened to spank your child!!!!! :jawdrop :mad :mad :mad :mad :mad How dare she!!!!! Who does she think she is?????? She turned the wrong person into the CPS! She should have turned herself in!!!! :shifty

[TestifyToLove]

Yes. She threatened to spank E. Had she actually done it, I would have filed assualt charges against her. I canot fathom what she was thinking. She'sheavily involved and leadership in our former church, LLLI, our former Cub Scout troop and the local homeschooling support group. Surely we aren't so deep South that such a stunt is okay. And, even if we are, she was born and raised in Chicago where I know its not acceptable.

But, yeah, it leaves me now trying to find local support while trying to avoid her. Right now, other GCM moms drive to Timbuktu so we have interaction with living, breathing friends. I gotta get local friends for the sakes of my poor friends and their gas bills.

[LittleSweetPeas]

Is there any chance that the Christians just weren't present or were laying low at the secular group? I am most active in an "inclusive" group, and there are actually a lot of Christians in there. Any one event could easily have almost all secular homeschoolers OR almost all Christian ones. It just depends on who shows up. I love the diversity of the group, though.

A lot of the moms in there were very hurt by Christian homeschoolers when they first started homeschooling. Several said they were at a point where they were ready to accept Christ, if someone had only spoken to them about it, but instead they were treated like they had the plague, and the Christian homeschoolers wouldn't let their kids play with them.

Anyways, I've found them to be very loving, and there are a lot of Christians in my group, but they may or may not talk about it at an event (the same goes for the non-Christians.)


I suppose there could have been some but the group was pretty liberal and the opposite was true as *I* wasn't a good fit. Just not an environment I wanted my kids in. The people in local Christian HS groups are nice enough but the propogranda is just too much and more time is spent talking politics or whatnot than on HS or day-to-day life.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm going to keep looking. I'm sure something will come up that I fit in with.

[Punkie]

:hug I'm sure you're right. You'll find the right fit :hug

[IslandMama]

I've had the same feelings that many of you have shared... For that reason, me and another GCM mama started our own little group (I am so thankful I have a like-minded friend so close!) We've invited 2 other women that share the same hs'ing philosophy (well, mostly)... As far as socialization, we've become more involved in the community (sports, dance, church, music) and that is where the kids find most of their friends. :yes

I'd recommend you keep looking for a group you fit into, or start your own...lurk at the other group gatherings to meet a few moms...you'd be surprised that there are probably other mamas out there that feel the same!