Anyone able to help w/setting up new bedtime routines?

[Happygrl]

I REALLY need bedtime to change but I'm struggling with how to make it work with the variables I'm dealing with. Is there anyone who is a bit of a BTR "expert" who would be willing to help me develop a plan? I think I'm too overwhelmed and in the thick of it to objectively view it and figure out what to do.

Anyone?

[Happygrl]

Anyone? Sleep for both kids has gone from bad to horrible. I can't see straight ot figure this out but I really need something to change in hopes that they'll go back to 2+ hour stretches.

[malakoa]

I could try to help. I have only one but we had a lot of sleep problems until we worked this one out.

:hugheart

[Psyche]

I can try. I'm by no means an expert but both boys started loose routines around 5months.

[NovelMama]

Why don't you list out the variables you're dealing with, and I'm sure if we all put our heads together we can help you figure something out.

Sleep issues are so so so so so frustrating, ITA.

[crunchymum]

:popcorn

[Six Little Feet]

BBL......

[IslandHome]

One idea I have read in the "no cry sleep solution" is to make a book or poster which details their bedtime routine. I've been meaning to make one for DS who we also have a lot of sleep issues with. I think it would help him to see what comes next every night.

Is that the kind of thing you are after? :shrug3 :heart What sort of variables are there?

[cro]

What are you doing now? Do you want to change to an earlier bedtime? or do you just need a new routine? What are the variables?

[MamaPepper]

:cup

[Happygrl]

Thanks, ladies. Sorry I hadn't come back sooner...I only randomly get the strength to think about all of this. I had posted a couple times before w/o responses, so I hesitated to do it again. I'm a bit :blush that our nights have gotten to this point. Below is what I've shared with a couple people. And some addditional info. Warning: very long! :giggle

DS goes to bed between 6:30-7.
DD usually between 8-8:30 (I'd like to push her more towards 7:30-8).
I'm doing this alone.
DD is having separation issues and wants to be in the room while I put DS down. But DS gets distracted by her (even if she's just sitting doing nothing) and resists sleep.
DS used to sleep most/all of the night in his crib but, after sickness awhile back, has been spending most/all of the night with me. I'd really like to move him out.
DD had been doing really well staying in her room until 3ish but, with the separation issues, is usually in my room by midnight. I REALLY need her out. I tried having her sleep in a sleeping bag beside me but she still ends up in my bed.
When DD wakes up in the night and comes in, a lot of times she isn't fully awake/aware. So something like a sticker chart doesn't help. And I rarely wake up when she gets into bed, so I can't just take her back to her room.

What it looks like now:
6:30ish we head upstairs. I put quiet music on, PJ the kids, brush teeth, wash up, etc. We go into my room so I can put something on TV for Elizabeth while I nurse Ben down. We spend 30-60 minutes fighting sleep, trying to keep her quiet, get him to relax again after the distraction, repeat, repeat, repeat. Sometimes she falls asleep while I’m putting him down, usually she doesn’t.
Once he’s asleep, I usually just lay him on my bed. He seems to wake up most times I put him in his crib and I can’t get him to settle back down. Ideally, I’d love to get him to fall asleep on his own in his crib.

If he’s asleep quickly, we go downstairs and DD gets to watch one quiet show on TV (sometimes we head on to her room and do extra reading). Once we are in her room, we have music, storytime and then I sit with her until she’s out. It used to be that after storytime I would leave and then come back and check on her every 10-15 minutes. She could play quietly, look at books, etc. Now she freaks out if I leave. Even more than wanting DS to sleep in his bed and fall asleep on his own, I REALLY need this with DD. I have a lot of tension towards her revolving around this.

When she comes in to my room when I'm awake, I take her back. Sometimes I need to sit with her until she's back out, sometimes she stays asleep. Problem is that I don't wake up (usually) when she comes in, so I can't be consistent on taking her back. I have no idea how to solve that problem.

DH comes home for R&R in July and I REALLY want both kids out of the bed by then, at least for the majority of the night. I’d also like towards nightweaning DS before then.

My goals in order of importance:
1) DD in her bed all night
2) DS in his bed all night
3) DD falling asleep on her own
4) DS falling asleep on his own
5) DS nightweaning

I've tried cal/mag, melatonin & sleepy time tea.
DD has water & a snack beside her bed.
We have a routine chart, it does nothing for her.
Sometimes DD goes to play in the other room while I put Ben down. I can't find any rhyme or reason to when/why she does it. Generally its only for a few minutes at a time and it has to be her idea.

What I'd love to see happen:
We do bedtime routines, have a family storytime and prayer. Then I go into Ben's room to nurse while DD goes to play in her room. I lay Ben down (awake), go read with DD and then leave (with her awake and playing/reading). Check back in with DD a few times, if needed. Then we all blissfully sleep all night in our own rooms. :lol (I laugh because, in my world, this is so far out of reality, my ideal night is very comedic. :cool)