can I "Reward" them for staying in bed all night

[Nightingale]

I have not been getting good sleep at all. I have a full size bed and usually end up with 2 kids in my bed, sometimes with a third trying to get in bed too. I don't mind if it's one, and if she just comes in and goes right back to sleep. Generally, the older two will come in and go right back to sleep...actually, sometimes I don't even wake up if they're the first one to come in. And Kiersten was for a while coming in without me noticing and going right back to sleep. But here lately, she is taking an hour to go back to sleep and it keeps me awake. She insists on laying on my "milk"--she weaned in August and just lately has been constantly laying on my breasts...and rubbing them and generally driving me crazy if she's in bed with me. I can't sleep like that. And if more than one child is in bed with me, I get rotten sleep. They both need to be by me, so i'm in the middle and can hardly move and just don't sleep well. :( I sometimes can go in and lay with them in their bed and do ok...again, if only one child is in bed with me. Last night, Kalli and Kiersten were in my bed. Kiersten had finally gone back to sleep so I got up to take her to her bed. She woke up a bit, so I was trying to cuddle her back to sleep, but Kalli woke up and started crying for me.

So, I was thinking about maybe doing a sticker chart for staying in their bed all night. It's not that I don't want to night time parent. But I can't keep getting rotten sleep. Any thoughts?

[CapeTownMommy]

My dd is younger than your youngest, so I can't really give advice, but IMO a sticker chart is absolutely fine as long as it's OK if they choose to forfeit the sticker if they prefer to spend the night with you. A little incentive is not a bad thing, as long as you're OK with them choosing not to be incentivized by it.

You need to find a way that works for the whole family, you included, so I don't think it's inappropriate to start thinking about ways of doing that. :hug2

[expatmom]

I think it is perfectly reasonable, especially with the older two, to strategize a way so that you can get a better sleep. :hug2

[Nightingale]

I'm totally open to other ideas as well, the sticker chart was just something that popped in my head while I was laying awake during the night.

[mamahammer]

I don't know if it's "okay," but we do it :yes Like a pp said, we make sure we don't threaten if they choose to forfeit the sticker, but we do remind them what forfeiting means - no X until Y number of stickers have been collected.

[Nightingale]

part of the reason I think it would be ok to do this is because they all are capable of sleeping through the night in their room. I want my bed to be open to them should they need extra comfort, but having 2 kids coming in during the night is just not working. I get little sleep as it is, I can't be missing an extra hour or more. They each regularly go all night without coming in, and then start up again, and then go a week and then start up. But they never stay in bed at the same time, so i ALWAYS have (very) interrupted sleep. I know that's part of being a parent, but I cannot do this anymore.

[tinyheaths]

I have been thinking of doing the sticker chart with dd2. I am waiting a little b/c she is only just 2 and I don't think she would understand yet.

[klpmommy]

I think it is totally fine. I am all for a well used "bribe" or "reward" to establish new habits. :yes

I don't know if this would help you or not, but E will come into our room & is happy to lay down on a crib mattress on the floor close by. Unfortunately P wants to be in bed with us & the mattress does *nothing* for him. I am pretty close to doing a reward system for him, too, b/c he is *so* restless during the night, flipping, flopping, kicking, etc.

[herbalwriter]

I hear you, mama...I say go for it, but be prepared for it not to work. :shifty I tried incentives with ds that I was *sure* would motivate him, but nothing worked wrt his sleep patterns/needs. We pushed through and now it is much, much better - but apparently, being near me in the night is a very pressing need for ds that no incentive would touch. Like your kiddos, my ds also waxes and wanes regarding his need to be near me - he's never slept all night without me, but how early and in what manner (upset or quietly) he comes from his room to my bed varies, and has changed gradually into longer times in his bed and, when he does get onto my bed, it's more often quiet and unobtrusive.

Some of your kiddos are older than my ds, though, so maybe incentives would work better with them - in Pantley's NCSS she suggests giving them play money that they can earn to "cash in" for a bigger item if they earn enough. I think she said to give them a certain amount before bed and each time they come into your bed it costs a dollar, or something like that. In the morning, or at the end of the week depending on how you're doing it, you evaluate how much money is left and what they can "buy" with it. For younger ones, I think she suggested a very small wrapped gift that will be waiting outside their bedroom door if they stay in their room all night - it won't be there if they wake up in mom's r oom. This often works because little ones love to unwrap. ;)

We found, however, that such a concept was too abstract for ds - if he had actually made it through the night without getting into my bed, he would have seen the reward and been motivated (maybe), but he preferred to stick with the known (sleeping on my bed) rather than take a chance on the uncertain.

Wow - this got really long. I hope you find a solution! :hug2

[The Tickle Momster]

We have similar issues. We paid dd a penny for every night she stayed out of our bed. We also put a sleeping bag and body pillow on the floor for her.

Ds is supposed to lay on the floor on dh's side of the bed. That way dh can reach down & hold his hand.

I feel so bad for my oldest dd. She is no longer allowed to sleep in our bed. There is just not enough room. I need to find a way to let her come in and snuggle once in a while. Oops. Sorry to go OT on you.

[Nightingale]

well, I think I'm going to try it. Things have gotten worse and I am just exhausted. I need to figure something out.

[MamaPepper]

I JUST posted an update about this same thing!

My boys need the comfort too, but I've personally baby gated off my new room and when they wake up I go into THEIR bed. . . that way they can have their comfort, but when they fall back asleep I can get up and sneak out into my very own bed. . . I'd been REALLY struggling with this, and I think that is what will work best here anyway. . . Would something like that be a possibility?

[ArmsOfLove]

I might try a sticker chart to change the habit but I wouldn't present it as a reward--present it as marking success. Success at something is it's own reward :tu