If your dh helped you to nightwean your toddler...

[JJsMom]

will you tell me about it? Like did your dh completely take over night responsibilites one night after never doing it before? Did you break in slowly, like just having him put your dc to bed and then you dealt with the later wakings? How long did it take before your dc was used to daddy being there instead? Please share. :heart

[AmyDoll]

Dh did both of my boys. With Sam... I nursed him & then passed him off to Daddy for bedtime routine. Then when he woke up (usually in our bed :giggle) I told him that the nursers were sleeping - he was amenable to that answer. I nursed him when the sun came up - and then I started offering him Yo Baby instead of his morning nursing and we were down to nap & bedtime.

We tried that with Nicholas and it didn't work. But I was sick with a fever & dehydration & dh totally took over the nighttime parenting (of course) and then I was in the hospital for the weekend and when I came home on Monday - dh told me that Nicholas was sleeping 7 to 7p and we decided not to mess with it. He continued to sleep with Nicholas for a couple nights & now, if he wakes up & asks to nurse - I just remind him that I'm sick. And he rolls over & goes back to sleep. Once he insisted on getting a drink from the bathroom.

[Eowyn]

:popcorn

[JJsMom]

Amydoll, how old were they when you did that? I would love if my dd would transition that well! How was their relationship before? My dd loves my dh but not at night. :rolleyes2 I have a feeling it would be a lot of crying. :(

[Rabbit]

We worked on Simon and Josh's relationship during the day. We also co-sleep. I rolled Simon over towards the middle, instead of just the edge next to me. While he was asleep, and I had to get up super early to take care of a client, Josh snuggled him, and slowly, Simon stopped waking up looking for me, and just snuggled into his daddy. Now at night, he sometimes chooses to snuggle with Josh instead of me. I don't nurse him in the night anymore. I just lay on my stomach and lock my elbows so that he can't get under me, and repeat soothing phrases. Josh, if he's conscious, will rub Simon's back and offer his condolences. Simon frequently chooses just to cuddle with him, to sob and complain and go back to sleep.

[AmyDoll]

Nicholas was born July 4, 06 & I was sick the week after Thanksgiving & in the hospital last weekend, so he's about 2.5?

There was crying - but it was in arms & dh was patient and kind.

There was crying with Sam too - but the same thing - dh was in bed with him being kind & firm. I remember the first night with Sam it took 45 minutes for him to fall asleep & dh was agitated! But asked him to please please stick with it for a week and at the end of the week it was a 15 minute thing ;)

Dh has always been involved in our evening routine - he's very consistent at coming home for dinner and he's present until lights out - even when the babies are NAK, he's sitting beside me. Dh would also put a fussy baby in the Kozy or Ergo and clean the kitchen to try to get them to settle and go to sleep. (My kids had reflux so nursing to sleep didn't always work for us)

HTH :hugheart

[Rabbit]

Same with Josh. He's just always been there during bed time, and available. Simon wanted nothing to do with him for the first two years though. Only in the last month has he chosen to cuddle and settle with his dad.

[CakeLady]

DH helped A LOT, but I'm exhausted and headed to bed. I'll try to post tomorrow. :hug

[JJsMom]

Thanks! I am anxious about it. My dh is there right up until lights out and nursing and then he's putting my ds to bed. He has put her down for naps before though and she wants to go with him when he goes anywhere. But when she is tired, it's all about mommy and milk.

[StrangeTraveller]

We have played with a lot of things, but we've finally found a great routine for us. I nurse Fuzzy for 15 min and tell him as we get closer to time for nummies to go ni'nite ("nummies are going ni'nite in a little bit" "...in a few min" "..in a couple min" "..2 minutes" "1 minute" "30 sec" "10, 9, 8..." etc). Then we lay still for a bit, then daddy coems in and lays with him until he goes to sleep. If (and when) he wakes up at night, the best thing that we ever have done was let daddy talk to him. DH has a way with him..anyway, he just explains "I know you are upset. You can cuddle with me or mommy, and when you wake up and see that the sun is awake, you can get nummies. Nummies are ni'nite." It has been working much better than me going "No, nummies are ni'nite." :shrug The transition to nummies going ni'nite is huge, too. In fact, when we were just laying there tonight, he whispered "2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 7, 6, 7, 8, 9, 8, 7, 6, 4, 3, 2..bye bye nummies!" then rolled over and went to sleep :giggle (maybe I should count *up* to 10 so he doesn't get confused on counting? :giggle)

[mishmom]

Amydoll, how old were they when you did that? I would love if my dd would transition that well! How was their relationship before? My dd loves my dh but not at night. :rolleyes2 I have a feeling it would be a lot of crying. :(


Same here!

[mamacanuck]

:popcorn

I'm interested in these responses too. dd loves Daddy but in her eyes, he is for playing and fun NOT for sleeping. When she's tired all she wants is milk. She has nursed to sleep almost every night for her entire life. Dh can count on one hand the number of times he has gotten her to sleep, and I can't even remember the last time it was so long.


I have a feeling it would be a lot of crying. :(

I agree too. I have a hard time letting dh be when he has her and she's crying for mommy. She won't settle for him if she knows I am there. I think it's better when I'm gone, at least that's what dh tells me but he still can't get her anywhere close to sleeping.

[Rabbit]

It may be too soon to nightwean.

[AmyDoll]

Giving up nursing to sleep & nightweaning are 2 different things IMO.

Nursing to sleep at bedtime & then not nursing again until morning is how I would define night weaning.

[Blue Aurora]

I tried milkies going night-night when ds2 was 2.5 and he wasn't ready. After a 4 days of him still walking in the middle of the night around the same time hysterical when I wouldn't let him nurse I just decided to give it more time. He actually weaned himself on his own after I got pregnant. He was 2 years and 9 months.

[CakeLady]

Well, we first started talking about how when the sun goes night night, nummies goes night night. I never forced this but would just state it every so often.

We would all go lay in bed, I'd nurse dd a little then I'd roll over and dd and dh would talk sometimes she would fall asleep and sometimes she would want me back. That was fine. We went very slowly. I also found that if I wasn't home at bed time that dh could get her to sleep no problem (after they worked for many months at it), so I would make sure to be out at bed time once or twice a week. Also during this time, if dd woke up in the middle of the night, dh would first try to soothe her and if it didn't work I'd nurse her. Dh was great about it and we never let her get too upset. Honestly this was probably a total of a 4 month or so process when she was 2 1/2-3 yo.

[JJsMom]

It may be too soon to nightwean.


It might be. I am planning on having a few month window here, but I do want to have a plan and a time frame in mind. It will help me get through the nights. Sometimes I feel discouraged and it will help me to know that there is an end in sight.


Giving up nursing to sleep & nightweaning are 2 different things IMO.

Nursing to sleep at bedtime & then not nursing again until morning is how I would define night weaning.



That is how I define nightweaning too. :yes


IHe actually weaned himself on his own after I got pregnant. He was 2 years and 9 months.


That would be so nice if she weaned herself. :heart

I also found that if I wasn't home at bed time that dh could get her to sleep no problem (after they worked for many months at it), so I would make sure to be out at bed time once or twice a week. Also during this time, if dd woke up in the middle of the night, dh would first try to soothe her and if it didn't work I'd nurse her. Dh was great about it and we never let her get too upset. Honestly this was probably a total of a 4 month or so process when she was 2 1/2-3 yo.


Those are good ideas. Thank you!

[~yogamom~]

when i decided to nightwean at 19 mos, i still nursed dd to sleep, but then dh dealt with all nighttime wakings between bedtime and morning nurse time. i left the bedroom completely and it worked out really well. the first night was probably 45 minutes of wakefulness at night, and by the 3rd night she was sleeping pretty well all night just by co-sleeping with dad. sometimes she would wake up for a drink of water, but that's it. when we moved her to her own bed at 2.5, she did start waking at night more on her own and my dh goes into her bed to finish off the night with her when she wakes at night.

[Vicki_T]

We nightweaned about 8 weeks ago, when dd was 20 months old. DD stopped nursing to sleep at around 12 months I think, and since then dh and I took it in turns to get her to sleep after her bedtime feed. When we nightweaned, dh did all the getting to sleep parts for the first few weeks, and now we're back to swapping again.

We also chose this time to move dd from the family bed to her own room and own bed. From the first night, she's had her bedtime feed in her bed and then dh has read her a story and stayed with her until she's fallen asleep (well, as I said, sometimes I stay with her now). The story is a new part of the bedtime routine, but once it's finished we put on a white noise CD which has been part of her bedtime since she stopped nursing to sleep.

DD absolutely amazed us by sleeping something like 8 straight hours the first night - before, we were lucky to get more than 4! When she woke, dh helped her go back to sleep with very little protest from her. Since then, we've had good and bad nights, but even on the bad nights she's only awake twice, and she nearly always goes back to sleep quickly, though sometimes dh ends up sleeping in her bed. Before nightweaning, she would usually sleep for 3-5 hours and then be awake every hour! So this was definitely the right time for dd, and it has been fairly painless all round.