I have completely lost control of bedtime - help!

[celestial princess]

A lot of factors have come together in the past couple of months, and our bedtime routine has gone completely out the window. There is no order or sense whatsoever. DS 4 yo generally either falls asleep by himself watching TV :( :cry or comes and lays with me on the couch and falls asleep. DD still nurses to sleep - she'll watch tv with DS until he falls asleep or just come and tell me she's tired and nurse to sleep. This generally takes place between 9:30 and 11:00. sometimes later. :bag :no

Add to this DS's characteristic 4 yo hugeness of response, DD's playing off DS response, and and trying to just get them into bed becomes the struggle I never wanted it to be. :( We used to have the sweetest little routine, that included bath time, massage, lullabies and/or stories, and DS would sweetly fall asleep while I finished up with DD. It wasn't SUPER consistent but often enough that when we started it, they generally would begin to settle right down. Now if I try a bath, they're wanting to jump around and splash in the bathtub, run around during lullabies, wiggle during massage, cry and whine during stories ... arrrrrgghhh! It happened so fast, too! Now I feel like we're going to have nighttime battles until adolescence (which is how it was when I was little, and how it was with DSS) oh I was so proud of our little nighttime routine (bad Christian!) now I'm afraid I'll never have it back!

[ValiantJoy07]

:hug2 I am only 11 months into this thing so I'm not exactly the voice of experience here...But at 4 I think you could communicate your expectations about the different steps of the night time routine and expect some follow through...Not to make this a power struggle, but communicating your expectations might just make the night easier?? I think making bed time the best time of day for every one is one of the most important things. My parents always made it special...My we'd get into our PJ's, brush our teeth, and my Mom would read outloud...Then Dad woudl tuck us in bed and play a special CD for us while we fell asleep.

Now with our toddling girl the rule in our house is and will always be no TV after 7 it messes with your sleep (haha I don't know if that's scientific fact but that's what we say)!!

Maybe turn the TV off earlier in the evening?? All that stimulation might be making it hard to get to sleep? You could communicate with your oldest at 6:30 "You get to choose one last [30 minute] program to watch and then the TV is off for the night, then we're going to start getting ready for the end of the day."
When the program is over, you could communicate "it's time to get in the tub" make it a special time with cool toys? It sounds like your 4yo is just in the stage where bathtime is no longer soothing it's a thing to play so after the program you could go right to bath, lay out your expectation "no splashing water out of the tub" but understand that 4yo are 4yo's water= fun (and little siblings follow the leader)!!
Maybe after bath you could get in PJ's and brush teeth and then just hang out in the bedroom and let the kids play (or where ever the toys are) and you could read a chapter book outloud for 30 minutes,. Keep the lights low and the toys simple (building blocks and puzzles nothing active and flashy).


As for the whining during this time I don't know for sure but it sounds like your LO's may be TOO tired and tha'ts why they give you problems with your routine?? :shrug
Maybe with the 4yo say "we're going to read our special book outloud now it's time to calm down" and expect that the quieter activity at 7pm on will mean a more relaxed child?? I know my Mom read outloud to us for a loooong time every evening and there was nothing in the world that made me more sleepy and relaxed. After you're done reading you could all climb in (whoevers) bed and get the room really dark and listen to a special CD and talk about the day untill sleep comes? Shoot for a 8:30-9 o'clock bedtime might make sleep easier to greet because they aren't overtired??

I hope you don't mind me sharing, you have way more experience mothering than I do just thought I'd share!
I've found with DD that being relaxed makes getting her to sleep easier at night...We have a very relaxed bedtime routine, the whole point of the late evening is to wind down and enjoy eachother...DH reads out loud to me while DD and I play wiht toys (or visaversa) then we do bath and quite activities untill at last nursing down...She's down around 8-8:30 every night and it only takes 3 or 4 minutes of nursing (it took us a while to figure out our stride it used to take 2 or 3 hours to get her down at night).

Hope you figure somethin gout!!! :heart

[Happygrl]

I think starting earlier would probably be a good thing.

I'm not sure if this will help but here is what I do. I have a 4yo and a 10mo and I do bedtime alone. Times are rough estimates and can be off 15-20 minutes either way.

6:15--bath time, its not relaxing for either one but they enjoy getting in
6:30--Ben is ready to get out, so I get him ready for bed
6:40--Read a short story or sing a couple songs with both kids
6:45--Start a quiet TV show for E or set her up to play quietly with a few toys in her room; then I nurse Ben alone (otherwise, they get distracted by each other)
7--Put Ben down and then, if E is still awake, we read a couple stories. I leave music or a audiobook on for her when I leave. About half the nights, she falls asleep while I'm putting Ben down.