modesty in front of kids

[mommylove]

I had no idea where to post this question. :O I also realize there will be a ton of opinions on the topic, so the answer will be family-specific.

At what age do you feel it's no longer appropriate a child to see his or her parents naked?

I'm not talking about parading around the house naked, but showering with the child, seeing breasts when nursing (including nursing a sibling), seeing Mom or Dad get dressed -- that kind of thing.

[Aerynne]

When the child asks enough questions that the parent feels uncomfortable. This has happened to me and that's when I know it's enough.

That being said, I can see it being appropriate again someday, for example mom and teenage daughters changing in a locker room at the pool.

[rstump]

I think bathing and changing is when they begin to show they are uncomfortable. As far as nursing...I don't think it is ever really. To me that is a biological function that I would
also do in public so I wouldn't change based on age.

[Amythestmama]

:shrug My kids still take a bath with me. Its better than listening to the meltdown b/c I say no. :shifty They see me get dressed. They've never seen dh w/o clothes and never bathed with him. He's not comfortable with it. M thinks its not fair that she doesn't have a p3nis like the boys and wants 'milks like mama's ' :giggle I figure I'll know when either I or they become uncomfortable with it. AFA nursing- well, my mom openly nursed all 9 of us at home or at either grandparents home. My aunt bf her babies openly around us. So to me, bfing is just as normal as children and adults sitting down and having a meal. I want my kids to not feel embarrassed by seeing someone bfing so I make no effort to hide what I'm doing. I'm discreet but they know what's happening. I know people that think its immoest to see immeadiate family in less than full dress including socks and do not under any circumstance let their kids see the nurse the baby. :scratch Seems odd to me :shifty To each his own I guess. :rockon

[WanderingJuniper]

When the kiddos are uncomfortable.
We haven't gotten there yet. :shrug

AFA nursing I don't think there is a time when it is inappropriate.

[Codi]

I have read several times (and agree) that when they start acting uncomfortable its time to stop. Also, when they start showing signs of wanting privacy. Like, they don't want you to see them naked and go to another room to change.

I shower with my (almost) 3 year old. We actually take family showers...lol. Its so much faster that way than 3 separate showers when were trying to get out of the house. :)

As far as nursing. Never. I want my children to grow up knowing that it is a natural, normal thing and that we do not have to cover up to nurse our babies. No matter where we are. Including public places. :)

[malakoa]

:popcorn

[KLin]

My 6 yr old wants to take showers by himself, and that if fine when there in not a big rush. He sometimes tells me he wants privacy, and not to see me naked. Then he calls me to help him in the shower or after, and walks into my bathroom when I am showering :/. SO I let him know when I will be naked and he can wait or come in as he needs. The 3 1/2 yr old is fine with everything. BF is natural and not an issue with my family for boys. Little one has asked for mommy milk again now that the neighbor is BF and I feel bad not to tell his we are done. :happytears

[2sunshines]

When either the child or the parent is uncomfortable with it.

[klpmommy]

When the kiddos are uncomfortable.
We haven't gotten there yet. :shrug

AFA nursing I don't think there is a time when it is inappropriate.


exactly that for us.

[MamaPepper]

When the kiddos are uncomfortable.
We haven't gotten there yet. :shrug

AFA nursing I don't think there is a time when it is inappropriate.


I agree. . . I'm obviously not going to force the kids to watch me dress when they are say, 18, but I'm not going to hide from them either. Showering. . . they will probably want to stop that way before I care. . . Nursing. . . Never inappropriate as far as I'm concerned. I would hope that my children don't feel uncomfortable with nudity, ever. . . I'm going to try and raise them to think the human body is natural and beautiful.

I had an ex who's entire family took steambaths together in the buck. . . I always admired that they felt so comfortable around each other.

[mommylove]

Thanks everyone! DS is only 2, so I'll hold off on worrying about this for awhile. :phew

[HuggaBuggaMommy]

My ds is 7 and has been very modest around others for about two years; unfortunately that hasn't extended to me yet :shifty and he still barges in on me in the bathroom and while I'm changing (yes, we're working on the issue), and doesn't have an issue being naked around me most of the time. I'm more uncomfortable with it than he is, obviously. So, I don't go out of my way to be undressed around him, but if it happens, I try to downplay it.

[IslandHome]

I had been about the ask the same question myself..


Thanks everyone! DS is only 2, so I'll hold off on worrying about this for awhile. :phew


:yes

[DesiringHim]

This thread has been helpful to me! Thanks for all your replies.

I do have a question, though -- how do you feel about the modesty of others in front of your children? Like, where do you draw the line with extended family members, friends, etc? This thought occurred to me since my own mother has taken to leaving the door open in front of my DD when she (my mother) goes to the bathroom. She thinks she is teaching her that it is "fun." Now, my DD is only 15 months so I guess it's not a big deal yet, but I have no idea how long my mother thinks this is going to be appropriate and I don't want her doing it as a matter of normalcy for years to come. :think

Just curious if these ages change at all in respect to relatives not in the immediate family unit.

[MamaPepper]

I would, after a certain age (what age, I don't know) that it would be a little different for members outside of your immediate family. . . Unless it was a specific situation. . . like I remember my aunt changing in front of me and vice versa when I was older, but we were in a small shower room changing out of bathing suits. . . but otherwise I think it would be a bit weird.

[sweetpeasmommy]

We are still very comfortable with nudity around DS who is almost 4. I agree with pp's about when someone is no longer comfortable. Nursing is different and always appropriate.

As far as extended family, it depends. When my mom comes over she doesn't always close the bathroom door fully. At the beginnings of 3 years he would go in and that was fine. My mom was always very laid back about nudity with us. But by 3 and a half I would tell him he needed to wait for her and shut the door myself. I think she may have thought twice about it when she was changing to go swimming and he asked for some num nums. :giggle But any other family member besides my mom, I would feel a little differently.

[Maggirayne]

I do have a question, though -- how do you feel about the modesty of others in front of your children? Like, where do you draw the line with extended family members, friends, etc? This thought occurred to me since my own mother has taken to leaving the door open in front of my DD when she (my mother) goes to the bathroom. She thinks she is teaching her that it is "fun." Now, my DD is only 15 months so I guess it's not a big deal yet, but I have no idea how long my mother thinks this is going to be appropriate and I don't want her doing it as a matter of normalcy for years to come. :think

Just curious if these ages change at all in respect to relatives not in the immediate family unit.
Nursing is normal and I get a little annoyed when people try to hide their kids from a nursing woman. But then I don't mind kids looking/asking about what I'm doing. Not that I flash everyone, I don't use a cover but am covered by my shirt/DD.

With family, it depends on the context. Public dressing rooms, not a big deal. My ECed, 15 mo DD was watching me pee and in the last month has gone to solely using the big potty. She did watch me and did want to be 'big'.

With in the immediate and healthy family, I think nudity is normal and is a safe way/place to talk about our bodies. I would much rather my children see us naked than explore with a friend/neighbor child. I also do not want my kids to be embarrassed of their bodies and sexuality. So I would go longer/kids older rather than younger. And following their cues.

[malakoa]

I want to add something about others than family being nekkid around kids.

Pedophiles who "groom" their victims in to thinking all this is okay. They might say something to the parents like, "I tried to get your child to use the bathroom, so I showed him how to do it." (I'm serious). They might take the next step telling the child, "Your mom said it was okay."

Behavior like that needs to be nipped in the bud - I'm trying to teach Small that nudity is "special" and she shouldn't share her body with just anyone.

This from someone who has had her own issues with boundaries.