Are side-cars really co-sleeping?

[Calliope]

After much emotional wrangling, I purchased a custom mattress for our co-sleeper. I bought the co-sleeper originally because we only have a full-size bed and I admit that I was nervous about co-sleeping. Well, the mattress that comes with the co-sleeper was so hard that DS couldn't sleep comfortably in it, so we wound up co-sleeping anyway. I really enjoy co-sleeping, but my back hurts most mornings because our bed is just too small. Last night with the new mattress, DS slept happily and comfortably in the co-sleeper all night. I, on the other hand, still woke up sore because I scuttled as far as I could to the edge of my bed to look longingly over the 8 inches that now seperated my son and I. I felt lonely, empty and slightly hearbroken. Am I ridiculous? You can call it whatever you like, but the "co-sleeper" didn't feel at all like co-sleeping. There were no cuddles! He was all by himself in that tiny bed, even if it was only a few inches away.

I am so confused and conflicted now. I had thought to eventually transition to a side-carred crib, but how is that different? Unless someone is sleeping in the crack, it is STILL a seperate bed and just not the same.

I'm rambling. Someone help me explain my feelings to myself because I'm totally lost and sad right now.

[klpmommy]

:hug2 I cosleep with S in the crook of my arm. I start her off in her own space & bring her to bed when she stirs. I always sleep better when she is with me, too.

[AttachedMamma]

We didn't have the $ to purchase a co-sleeper. We had this giant, solid wood cradle that I got for $20. I don't think DD slept in it one single night. :scratch I ended up having her next to me and I had a body pillow on the edge of the bed. We have a king size bed, though. It worked wonderfully for us and DD never fell out of bed or got scrunched between us. Every baby is different. Follow your heart and find something that works for all of you. :heart

[Sarai]

ITU. :hug2 When DS was first born, I started him out in a basinette pulled as close to the side of our bed as possible (we did not initially intend to cosleep). I would actually sleep with one hand on the basinette just so I could be closer to him. This morphed into cosleeping because it was so uncomfortable, and because I wanted him closer to me. I liked him on my chest. :heart

[klpmommy]

:think what about putting the full mattress & the crib mattress on the floor rather than on bedframes so that you could have more room, not worry about R falling out of the bed (or you :shifty ), you could even push one side of the bed (probably dh's) against a wall. The mattress *feels* bigger when you don't have to have a "safe zone" for not falling off the bed.

[abbiroads]

yeah, it doesn't sound *exactly* like cosleeping, though it still sounds like it could be good, if it works for your family.

[Aisling]

I think there's a flexibility in co-sleeping, and, really, I don't get hung up on whether something qualifies for a title. :hug The best any of us can do is find the sleeping arrangement that is most reassuring *and* gives us the most rest. I think that having mama at arm's reach and there as soon as you need her is incredibly special and comforting. :hug :heart :heart

[MaybeGracie]

I think that having mama at arm's reach and there as soon as you need her is incredibly special and comforting. :hug :heart :heart

:yes

[mwwr]

What about getting a bigger bed, or if that is not a possibility, putting a twin next to your double? You will eventually want a twin if you don't already have one, so maybe you could justify the expense better. If the co-sleeper is making *you* lie awake, I'd say it is not doing its job. :no2

[Firebird Rising]

The way I've had it told to me was that co-sleeping was when the child is in the same room. Bed-sharing is when they're in bed with you.

Co-sleeping is whatever works for you that keeps your child in close proximity. For us, that's meant a whole realm of things.

At one point, it was DS in a bassinet, then he was in bed with me (bed on floor), then he was in the crib-side-carred up to the bed, then he was back in bed (bed on frame), then he started the night out on the floor until 4am and then came to bed, then he got to night-wean with daddy in the big bed while mommy slept on an air mattress in the next room. Right now, we have the night-weaning arrangement still, but I have moved the air bed into the same room. Our next step is to take the king off the frame, slam it against a wall, put DS's sleeping place over there, DH on the outside, a space for a night-stand, then a twin bed, then the bassinet next to the wall on the other side. All beds will be off frame 'cause we can't fit them in any other way.

Co-sleeping is what works for you, really. I can guarantee it will morph into many many things as your little one grows. :phew

Jen D.

[Iveyrock]

well, when DS's crib was sidecarred, I slept in the crack ;). I would nurse him down the first time and roll away. I would sleep on my tummy unitl he woke up next, and then sleep with him on my arm the rest of the night. He switched sides throughout the night, so there were nights I wound up half way in the crib... but it worked for us. :)
Now we have two queens on the floor. That feels luxurious, let me tell ya.

[J3K]

Ashley nailed my definition....there really isn't one. :yes

I consider anything in the same room to be cosleeping. For the longest time my dd slept in our closet. We'd modified my closet and put some blankets on the floor and it was a happy scenario for everyone involved.

I'm sorry the side car isn't working out. Your babe is still so tiny I can see why it felt odd to you. As your baby gets to be six-eight months old and wiggling all over the place...I'll betcha the side car will be the perfect answer for co sleeping !!

I had a crib in our room with all the kids. Rarely did they actually join us in bed. Ds slept in funny positions and kept us up , dd1 hated being held and rather enjoyed being in her own space , and dd2 eventually ended up in our bed. She's ten now and still snuggles before going to her own bed in her own room...just about every night. Just a couple of hours a night...but it's what fits for us.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

Instead of concerning yourself with fitting a definition just find what works for you and your family. It takes some experimenting but it's worth it. :yes

[morninglory]

we got a big crate crib from some friends of ours, and took the front bars off of it. put cinder blocks under our box spring, and mattress, and it was the exact hight of the crib mattress....there is barely a crack at all, and i find myself curled up in her crib alot of nights.....hahaha....

[Katigre]

Instead of concerning yourself with fitting a definition just find what works for you and your family. It takes some experimenting but it's worth it. :yes
ITA. 8" of space between you and your DS doesn't mean you are/aren't fitting a cosleeping ideal. Did he sleep well? Great! Don't worry about it :).

[hink4687]

I think there's a flexibility in co-sleeping, and, really, I don't get hung up on whether something qualifies for a title. :hug The best any of us can do is find the sleeping arrangement that is most reassuring *and* gives us the most rest. I think that having mama at arm's reach and there as soon as you need her is incredibly special and comforting. :hug :heart :heart


ITA! :yes I also second the recommendation of pushing the bed up against a wall. Its amazing how much bigger that makes your bed since one of you can sleep up next to the wall.

[Yuliana]

I read somewhere online :O that co-sleeping was sleeping in the same room while bed sharing was actually sleeping on the same bed.

[milkmommy]

We sidecarred the crib and it absoultly was cosleeping. Everyone here does better if we kinda have our own space yet as said before there is a huge comfort being with in arms reach of another for comfort. Here NO ONE gets sleep if wrapped up in the arms of another I can't stand being held by DH when I'm ready to fall asleep and DD had never slept well being held by me :shrug side carring gave all of us the space we needed yet I was right there for nursing right there if shes needed my touch in a nightmare etc. IIt might not be some ideal deffination of cosleeping but it deffiently was cosleeping. :shrug

Deanna

[mollobe]

We have an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper that is mostly used as a bed-side table. :giggle Sometimes we put DS in it for the first stretch at night, but then I pull him into bed with us when he wakes to nurse. I'm thinking we'll be needing to put our mattress on the floor within the next couple months as DS learns to crawl. At least our guest room will then be gaining a Queen size bed! It only has a twin right now, so when couples come to stay with us one or both people have to sleep on the floor. :/