continuum concept and sleeping

[simplegirl]

:nak2  i had never read up on tcc until this week when it was brought up with weaning.  it really made a lot of sense to me.  now i haven't read the book, just the link from joanne's page.  ds1 has sleep issues and we've slowly gone from nightweaning, into the crib, backscratch weaning, but now dh sleeps in the same room with him.  dh doesn't want to, but we ALL sleep best that way.  ds1 night wakes 2 or 3 times/night.  in your opinion, is the need/want issue w/ extended nursing the same with sleep issues?  is sleeping near someone a valid "need" for an almost 3yo?

[simplegirl]

bump

[Myrtle]

I haven't read the book either (although now I intend to!) but I did read a little about it online. I think the need/want issue with sleep could be the same with extended nursing. It's hard for me to get my mind around some things, and to step out of the culture I've been raised in to address issues like this. Just the term "extended nursing" shows a different way of thinking. In a lot of cultures, it's just nursing. I guess "extended" would be nursing a pre-teen for them. :giggle Anyways, I think that it could be a real need for a three yr old to sleep in contact with someone, and I think that, in line with the idea of the continuum concept, one who has his sleep need met will be a more secure person in the long run.

Now, part of me wants to say that a three yr old should be able to sleep in his own bed (mostly that's my side talking b/c that's the part of me that gets kicked occassionaly by the three yr old readjusting herself as she sleeps in my bed), but the rest of me wants to say that I've just been conditioned by Western parenting ideas to think that way, and I really need to do what's best for *my* three yr old instead of holding her up to some standard set by some guy who wrote a book.

Without mulling it over too much yet, I'd say that maybe it isn't a *need* as much as a *want* for a child to sleep in contact with another person, but it's a valid *want*, if that makes sense. I'm 31, and I sleep much better with someone in the bed with me. Pre-kids, I always slept better if dh was home than if he wasn't. Do I need someone to sleep with me? No. But it's nice, and I prefer it. And I'm old enough to take care of myself and think rationally about the noises I hear. For a child, the world is a very different place, so maybe it could be a need to have that sense of security, the knowledge he's not alone, the closeness that comes from sleeping near another person. Hmmm. :think I'll have to keep thinking on this one.

[simplegirl]

it's weird b/c i never grew up knowing that it was even an option to sleep with someone, i guess that's what happens when you cio/crib sleep from day one. i don't regret one minute of co-sleeping w/ ds1 but now dh and i are missing our nighttime time (don't necessarily mean sex) and i'm just wondering if TCC is applicable w/ sleeping with a child as it is w/ weaning. i guess i could just get the book and read it since no one wants to discuss here ;).

[Myrtle]

I was adopted, so I came with cio instructions. Mom said she didn't know any better, and since I did come with instructions... :doh
Anyways, I know what you mean about missing your nighttimes with dh. What I wouldn't give for a cuddle or two! But I don't regret cosleeping either. I am looking forward to when dd wants to be in her own bed, but I'm not willing to force the issue. She has a toddler bed she slept in for a couple of nights, but then she wanted to be back with us. We moved the toddler bed into the bedroom, so she wouldn't be lonely, but she hasn't slept in it once (except for an occassional nap). I'm not sure that TCC is as applicable with sleeping as it is with weaning, but I do think it makes sense.

I don't go for the evolutionary take of the concept, but I do think God gave us certain desires that would be in our best interest to heed. Like the maternal instict and whatnot. So maybe there was a time it was more beneficial physically for children to sleep near their parents or siblings. In a lot of places, kids might not sleep with their moms and dads, but they sleep with someone. Maybe it was safer, maybe it fostered closer relationships, maybe for warmth? I dunno'. :shrug But as a child gets older, I think nursing probably has more benefits even today than does co-sleeping. If I was going to pick and choose, I'd stick with nursing over co-sleeping, but that's just me.

I never even thought about sleeping with my babies when I was pg with dd. Didn't even know people did that. But I know a lot of people talk about worrying about baby down the hall, and lots of moms have anxiety associated with the baby being in a different room, so I think the TTC does apply to sleeping. I guess how important nursing vs. co-sleeping is would depend on the child. Some kids could move to another bed without much of an upset while weaning would be traumatic. Some kids could give up nursing, but would be terribly upset if they couldn't sleep with mom and dad. I think TCC, from the little bit I read, is more applicable to individuals on an individual basis rather than having to take the whole thing and apply it all regardless of how it works with your family. Does that even make sense? It's kinda' like AP'ing. You take what works for you and use it, and don't force what doesn't work just to fit into a certain category. That's the heart of AP'ing, I think. And I think TTC is like that.

Just my fairly uneducated opinion. :shifty

[simplegirl]

i think you're right laura. as much as i wish tcc and cutting ds off from co-sleeping (in a sense) would work w/ sleep, i'm not convinced it does. dh played some roll-playing games w/ ds1 tonight about how our bedrooms weren't that far apart and they talked back and forth btween rooms w/o yelling so ds could know how close we really are...it was neat...who knows if it will work :shrug

[Dana Joy]

as the kids get bigger I find myself moving away from TCC because of cultural mores and my own selfish wants. I haven't read it in awhile and so I cannot remember much of what was said about sleep. But I think the need to have a warm loving body next to a child is a genuine need.

[kandykidsaturn]

what is tcc? :shifty :blush

[Dana Joy]

The Continuum Concept http://www.continuum-concept.org/

[kandykidsaturn]

so basically ap parenting in a nutshell? lol

[Myrtle]

so basically ap parenting in a nutshell? lol

that's kinda' what I though, too.

[Myrtle]

i think you're right laura. as much as i wish tcc and cutting ds off from co-sleeping (in a sense) would work w/ sleep, i'm not convinced it does. dh played some roll-playing games w/ ds1 tonight about how our bedrooms weren't that far apart and they talked back and forth btween rooms w/o yelling so ds could know how close we really are...it was neat...who knows if it will work :shrug

neat idea! hope it works