Is it possible to have a large family AND nighttime parent???

[lettucebabies]

I'm honestly asking
I've always wanted and felt called to have a large family... we have 2 now and I dream of having another...

but I haven't slept longer than a 4 hour stretch in over 2 years... i'm exhausted... neither of my kids sleeps through the night... my younger DD is a HORRIBLE sleeper and always has been (maybe she always will be :shrug)

How do you have more children if you are up all night long w/ the ones you have... I can only imagine adding a newborn to the mix, that would probably end my 30 min naps thought the night... and what do you do when all 3 are up, it's only my dh and I and on typical nights there are times when we are both tending to a child... how do you do that when they outnumber you?

is it only possible to have a large family if you are blessed w/ good sleepers or you use ezzo?

[klpmommy]

E is a horrible sleeper, too. We have managed okay with a third. S is by far a better sleeper than E is. I definately nighttime parent. With two I usually coslept, but with three I can't do that as easily b/c everyone wants to touch me.

One thing to remember- as your kids get older the nighttime parenting does get easier. Seriously. Most nights I have either P or E walk from their room to mine- no tears- and I can send them back to their bed with a promise I will come & tuck them back in. Which I do usually with S in my arms although if she is really out I can walk away for a few mintues. That is the extent of my nighttime parenting most nights- although some nights it happens more than once.

It isn't easy, but also with older preschoolers I can put them in front of the tv & take a nap with S.

Oh- I was Ezzoing P & I cannot imagine how doing cio at night with a sleeping kid would work at all. I think everyone would be up screaming.

[lettucebabies]

but how do you function taking care of 3+ kids running on under 4 hours of (broken) sleep a night?

[klpmommy]

Well, I get more than 4 hours at night, even if it is interrupted. But I didn't when E was a year old. While it wasn't *my* plan to wait 4 years before kids, it is what happened & I think it is a good thing. Because E didn't sleep more than 90 min stretches when she was a year old, but now most of the time she only wakes once very briefly during the night.

BTW- E was a horrible sleeper as a baby & is still a bad sleeper, but bad at 4 y/o is different than horrible at 1 y/o. My nighttime parenting looks *very* different now than it did three years ago, or even a year ago. It helps E a ton to be in the same room at night as her big brother. But the *best* help we have had is time- b/c now she can better understand things and a special bedtime routine helps as does her knowing that she can walk to my room at any time. And it is a huge improvement to be interrupted gently by her climbing into bed with me than waking up by her crying.

DH was adament, however, that if this third baby was as hard as E we were *done* having kids. But now that S has arrived and is so much easier he is ready for more- ready sooner than I am, too. :giggle Right now my philosophy is to not borrow trouble. It has been a challenge to add in baby #3, but it has worked out. We have had some struggles with nighttime parenting, but now it is much better for the most part. I am interrupted nearly every night. I am tired. But I function. Up until (check my ticker- 20ish days ago) caffeine was my friend.

[Thia]

I am really wondering this too! Dd is 3 and sleeps in her own room in her own bed and, thank God is a great sleeper! Ds, 17 mo sleeps with us in bed, but as soon as possible, he is going in his own crib. I can't stand it anymore. So, to count, it's been four years of interrupted sleep. Four years of midnight treks to the bathroom, trying to get comfortable and midnight feedings. Well, guess what? Number 3 is on the way! Dear God, whatever will we do? I am seriously considering a co sleeper, instead of right in bed with us. I have no idea how ds will handle the crib, but I hope he adjusts quickly. Right now he wakes 4+ times a night and only naps maybe 40 min a day. I know I am not getting enough rest and it's making everything worse from my around the clock sickness, prego brain, to my attitude (which is mostly resentful) these days.
And to make matters worse, dh just can't understand how tired I am!

[Iarwain]

The only time my sleep was that minimal for more than a short phase was when the twins were babies. They slept all night by age 2 and I had a short time of peace before baby #3 came along. With only one child night waking I get a pretty decent night's sleep because I just latch them on and go back to sleep with hardly any interruption. I have co-slept with all of my children. It really hasn't been much of an issue except during certain times (like when the twins were little and before I figured out that my fourth baby had issues with the dairy in my diet).

Eventually your child will sleep better and need less of your time at night. I can understand feeling like it will never end. :hugheart Parenting isn't always like what you're dealing with now. Your children are very small yet and it sounds like you were blessed with one that requires that extra measure in this regard. This is a challenging time! It will get easier and you will find ways to deal with it.

[lettucebabies]

yeah i understand that my youngest (and oldest) will eventually sleep through the night... but how to desire more children when it will just bring on that many more years of no sleep. If I got pg right now w/ #3 my oldest would be 4 when the baby is born... so 4 years of no sleep in addition to the next 4+ the new baby will bring... in addition to any more babies we add I could be looking at 12+ years of not sleeping... ... it terrifies me! I feel so selfish :blush

why does night time parenting mean you don't sleep?

[Iarwain]

why does night time parenting mean you don't sleep?


It doesn't always. I have six kiddos (including a 12 mo who nurses 3-4 times a night) and sleep pretty well when I'm not dealing with insomnia of my own.

Are there possibly other solutions for your particular situation that would make it work better for you? You sound very tired. :hug2

[lettucebabies]

why does night time parenting mean you don't sleep?


It doesn't always. I have six kiddos (including a 12 mo who nurses 3-4 times a night) and sleep pretty well when I'm not dealing with insomnia of my own.

Are there possibly other solutions for your particular situation that would make it work better for you? You sound very tired. :hug2


yes i am... i've been reading NCSS for toddlers and trying to do our plan... and yes as a result i'm more exhausted

we co-slept w/ my youngest up until a couple weeks ago... i'm tired getting up all night long to go to her, but am not getting any more or less sleep than when she was sleeping w/ us... her sleeping has been getting progressively worse and worse over the past year w/ her sleeping in our bed, that and the fact that my dh needs to get up early for work yet cant get ready cause we are prisoners in our own room trying not to wake her (our house has 2 master bedrooms- ie no bathroom doors- i've bought curtains to hide the lights white noise and nothing is working) i also NEED to get up before her... I NEED and want to start my day w/ God (15 min at least)

maybe i should start another post looking for some solutions... gosh the only times i come to this board is when i'm at my whits end... sorry :blush

anyhow yes i'm tired and feel at the end of my rope..it's just a horrible no good very bad day for me as i'm thinking we should not have any more children... when my heart's desire is different... i just don't see how a balance can be struck between having a large family and night time parenting...

[Rabbit]

i just don't see how a balance can be struck between having a large family and night time parenting...


Night time parenting my two is a breeze. I get a minimum of ten hours sleep a night, and can take a two to four hour nap during the day, if I didn't use all the time I had to sleep during the night.

It's not about night time parenting. It's about your children's high needs at night.

[lettucebabies]

i just don't see how a balance can be struck between having a large family and night time parenting...


Night time parenting my two is a breeze. I get a minimum of ten hours sleep a night, and can take a two to four hour nap during the day, if I didn't use all the time I had to sleep during the night.

It's not about night time parenting. It's about your children's high needs at night.


Thank you ... I have never throught of it that way... it helps me put it into prespective... that an having a break down and leaving the kids w/ dh to have some time alone... :giggle
I got a tad more sleep last night and what I think I really need to do is make a plan and STICK to it... and stop feeling guilty!

[Firebird Rising]

Hi Heather, I don't know you, but I wanted to let you know that I saw that your kiddos were fairly close together and I think that's probably part of what you're dealing with as well. My SIL has a really hard time with her two b/c they are 17 mths apart and very needy still (2 yr old and 9 mth old).

Does your husband help with night-time parenting? We night-weaned my 23 mth old at 18 months when I was pregnant. At that time, DH took over ALL nighttime parenting and will continue to do so until DS is ready to transition to his own bed. Our plan is that we will try to do this with each subsequent child so that I am free to work with the youngest one at night.

We have also done a LOT of adjusting with nap-times and sleep schedules. We found that if DS gets a nap at 12:30-1:00pm, he only sleeps about 1.5 hrs and then goes to bed well at night at 8:30. If he naps anywhere after 1:30 pm, he sleeps at least 3-4 hours and going to bed at night is HORRIBLE...

Are you getting up and going to another bedroom to help your children or are they in the same room as you?

Hope things get better soon. Truly, I know that my SIL is going through the same thing :hug

Jen D.

[lettucebabies]

Thanks Jen...
Well see we did that w/ my older dd when younger was a baby... but got out of the habit... YDD freaks when dad comes into her room
yes i am going into another room as we are in the process of moving her to her own room (w/ her sister) co sleeping is 100% not working anymore for any of us

See I'm confident (although felt defeated yesterday) that w/ a little work, prayer and a consistant plan I can get her sleeping through the night (for the most part)... I guess my worry/concern is do I jsut start this all over again when we add another baby? I know she will eventually grow out of it, but then there is another baby and then another, so on my part it's not just a phase that I can see the end of in sight kwim?

[naechelle]

Hi Heather,
:yes It is possible to have more kids and nighttime parent. Don't forget that as you have more children, your other children will be older and not need you as much in the night. We have night parented and co-slept with all of our children. Our oldest is 11, the next down is almost 9. Neither sleep with us, or rarely even come in (only if they are ill, or have a nightmare), our 5 yr old sleeps with us about once a fortnight but lays along the end of the bed with a blanket, or on a mattress on the floor. (I have one of those pull out kiddie sofas near our bed). Our 3 year old has just began sleeping through most nights, and our 11 month old is up a lot, but co-sleeps with us.I just put him to the breast. He is quite restless.And now I am expecting number 6. After 12 years of broken sleep I find that you get better at doing things without opening your eyes...getting milk for cups at 2 am, taking a toddler to the toilet...
You definitely go through stages where you are more able to cope with sleep deprivation than others. :hug2I hope things get better for you really soon. I will pray for you when I'm awake in the night! :pray4
Blessings,
Renee