Mothers of older children: help me keep the "long view" against CIO!!!

[finnegansmommy]

My sweet ds is 7 months old. I've never let him CIO and am strongly against it (in spite of ALL my IRL friends being CIO-ers.... :cry).

I guess I need some reassurance.

If you have a child who is preschool or older, and you did not CIO, and you did in fact have things happen like, oh, all-night nursing, nursing to sleep, night waking....do your children eventually become easier sleepers? (As in, go to bed more easily, bedtime not a struggle, etc.)

My SIL did not CIO on either of her 2, but her 1st only co-slept for 6 months. At 9 she has a long, drawn-out, procrastinating bedtime routine every night. Her son coslept for 2 YEARS and is now a "dream sleeper" who has no problem flopping into bed and sleeping for long stretches. I'm wondering if the cosleeping on the front end will pay rewards later?! :)

anyhow, I am firmly against CIO but on those nights when I'm so worn out I try to take the long view. Can anyone help w/ that???

[allisonintx]

my dream sleepers are the ones who coslept the longest. My procrastinator is the one I left to CIO (to some degree)

[expatmom]

My 2 older kids are great sleepers. We never did CIO with them. They were nursed on demand, night nursed, nursed to sleep, slept with us both full & part-time, woke sometimes a lot at night, didn't sleep thru the night until ( :scratch foggy memory) maybe close to 2. Now at 5 & 8 we do our pjs, teeth, story, hugs, prayers routine & for the most part they fall asleep with ease.

Dd1 is 19 months. She is just transitioning to more independance with her sleep. I still night nurse her. She is now not falling asleep when I nurse, so we are learning new ways to help her fall asleep. Tonight I snuggled & sang, then put her in her bed & said I had to go check on her brother. I asked her to try and fall asleep on her own & that I'd be back to check her soon. Suprisingly, she was asleep when I returned!! :rockon

It does eventually happen. :hug

[mamaKristin]

all three of my kids coslept, nursed on demand, never did CIO. None slept through the night regularly in the first year, not enough to count on. All three now (at age 5.5, 3 and 2) go to bed easily with a steady bedtime routine. My 'roughest' sleeper as a baby is my most easy to go to sleep now. Who would have guessed that?! :)

[klpmommy]

i'm :nak2 now, but i will come back to this when i have two hands to type

[Ali]

I did not do CIO with my now 4 year-old and he's always had easy bedtimes and has never been a "night-waker" past the age he still needed to breastfeed in the night. We never had any of the issues that people say will happen if you don't do CIO.

[erinee]

My kids are 9 and 5, and they go to bed easily. Bedtime is never the struggle, never has been, that I've seen on the nanny shows or that I had with kids I babysat. I think it's because they associate bedtime with pleasant things.

My son didn't cosleep (at least not much) or nurse, but we did parent him to sleep. We only tried CIO once very briefly. My daughter coslept until she was about 3 years, and she nursed to sleep until she weaned at 4 years. She likes me to lie down with her when she first gets in bed, but I can get up while she's still awake and she has no problems with it. She'll occasionally come in our room and make a little bed for herself on the floor next to us, but that's happening less and less often. My son has no problems with night fears or anything like that. They each have had a very brief fear of monsters at around 5, which my daughter is just now getting over, but it passed very quickly, nothing like I was when I was a kid all the way up until I was a teenager (or later). I really believe it's because they feel very secure and know we will go to them if they need us.

[finnegansmommy]

Thank you all! You have no idea how grateful I am for these real-life stories. He's not the "worst" sleeper but it is oh so good to hear about babies who were similarly treated and who grew into children who are decent, peaceful sleepers now. :yes I was nearly in tears reading the reassuring responses. :heart

[Aisling]

:yes :hug My oldest slept glued to one of our sides for 2.5 years and now she sleeps like a LOG. We put her in her one sided crib, lay with her for about 4 min, and she's out for at least 10 hrs. ;)

[EmJo]

My DS is only 14mo, but when he was around 7 mo I remember thinking, "Who's bright idea was this co-sleeping thing, anyway?" He woke up every two hours (some nights more frequently) and wouldn't go back to sleep unless he nursed, which of course kept me awake longer. He also had a very sporadic bedtime, and believe me, CIO sounded like a good idea some nights.

By the time he was 11mo, however, I was loving the family bed thing. Unless something's going on, his night wakings are down to once or twice, and he usually nurses to sleep between 7 and 8pm.

So things could change for the better in the next few months. Just hang in there and pray for grace! :)

[Codi]

My ds is just over 2 yo now and for the most part, he is pretty easy to get to sleep. We have never CIO, we are also very against it. We have also co-slept since day one. And I would never change our decisions.

There are deffinately those nights when you feel like maybe it would have been easier to just let them CIO. Maybe so, but at what cost? Think about what your child loses if you let them CIO. My heart breaks for those babies left to CIO.

But just like you and I, the kids have their off days and on days. Some nights its easier than others to fall asleep and settle down....and there are those dreaded nights when it takes F O R E V E R for them to get to sleep. Its totally normal though. You have to take everything into consideration when dealing with a high needs time. Are they going through a growth spurt? Getting sick? Are they getting enough time with you during the day? There are many re
asons why babies/toddlers wake up alot at night or dont want to go to sleep. Its normal. Remember, this too shall pass. Your doing the best thing for your kids!!!

ITS SO WORTH IT!!!

:yes

[Heather Micaela]

My six year old will announce that he is tired and go to bad on his own even if we are still up - granted that is in the family bad, but still no struggle

[Teacher Mom]

Yeah, we coslept, nursed, etc. We have never had power struggles at bedtime. I have watched Supernanny before and seen parents struggle with bedtime SO much and I have to admit, that I have wondered if cosleeping contributed to us having it easy. We originally coslept so the baby would not have to wake up and cry to get our attention. I would not have to get out of bed to nurse her. Hubby could be guaranteed a good nights sleep without commosion.

And I might add that our kids hardly have bad dreams either. :shrug

[Singingmom]

I had many, many long nights with my babies, nursing them to sleep and back to sleep and back to sleep again... they are just a dream to put to bed now. One of my boys has always had a harder time going to sleep, but I think that's more his nature than anything. I'm so, so grateful that I never let any of them CIO.

[klpmommy]

I am finally back to this thread.

First- even if cio helped kids to sleep better sooner- that doesn't make it right. I was thinking this one night after reading this thread when E came into me at the middle of the night needing something. Yes, I could have taught her to do it all on her own, that I am unavailable at night, but this is *better* for her. And, yes, she still wakes up at night fairly often, but her wake ups are nearly always one minute interruptions for me & I use the restroom while up.

Second- I did cio with P. He still has a harder time with knowing when he is tired than E does. E will often tell me "I'm tired. I want to lay down" an hour before bedtime & I will find her upstairs asleep.

We taught P to cosleep at nearly 2 y/o. It was one of the best decisions we made as parents. It has made traveling so much easier. :yes The trip we took before we taught him to cosleep- bedtime was a *nightmare*. Since then we have had zero problems with bedtimes even when not at home.

[MomTo7]

:yes all mine co-slept and when I finally put them in their own room the were great. They slept better then they did with me actually. They all started off co-sleeping and eating all night and then night weaning and then off to their own rooms to make room fo rthe next one.

It's work out and we'll help by covering you in prayer. :heart :pray4

[Yuliana]

I didn't CIO my oldest. He still cosleeps w/ me and he is 7 yrs. old. I never had a bedtime routine because it wasn't something I was accostumed to. When he started school is when I got stronger about him going to bed by himself and he did. He sleeps fine all night.

I really do think it depends on the child.

[finnegansmommy]

These responses are SO helpful!! :yes Thank you so much!!! :heart

I have really struggled with 'what to do' on the sleep front...I went from reading Babywise before the baby was born to ditching that basically immediately (because it just felt 'wrong' and I am very inclined to instincts)....to reading every sleep book I could get my hands on...to spending 3+ hours a day trying to get him to sleep (by rocking..NOT NURSING, mind you!!)....to finally reading Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing and deciding that, you know what? it wasn't worth the worry. I never CIO'ed except 1 time I did let him cry for about 30 minutes and once I nursed him he just fell right to sleep. That was pretty much the start of the mental turning point--I was already against CIO but that sealed the deal. why deprive the baby of what he needs?!!

It is just nice to get these 'long views.' For now I nurse him to sleep and we co-sleep (even for naps--he sleeps, I sometimes sleep or I read/knit...) and I keep telling myself that he'll be much better off in the long run for it. Because most of my friends did CIO in some form or another, I needed some reassurance that following my gut is, in fact, an okay thing to do!!

Thank you, ladies! what a lovely group!

[Ellen]

Just yesterday a friend of mine was telling me how glad she feels that she decided not to let her second child cry it out. She tried Babywise with the first, and was miserable and depressed for much of his first year. Looking back, she says that every one of those time she let him cry, it hurt her. When her second came along, she committed not to let her cry. They did not cosleep, but she or her husband faithfully got up to nighttime parent every time the baby cried for them. I think her baby was probably about the age of yours when I remember her struggling with being really tired and wondering when things would change. She read The No-Cry Sleep Solution and made gradual changes to help the baby sleep longer and longer stretches. I don't remember when exactly things changed, but now at around 18 months their girl is sleeping through the night most of the time. But the important thing to my friend is that she feels so good about her decisions this time around. She commented that despite all the work it took, she feels no regrets about choosing not to let her CIO. It's also clear to me that this baby is more securely attached than their first was. It's worth it!

[kandykidsaturn]

I've never done CIO and Chloe sleeps like a dream. I mean, as any 4.5 year old does, she procrastinates to go to sleep, but, once i tell her its time to go to sleep, we cut off the lights, and i rub her back and rock her. She sleeps for 12 hours exactly, every night. And always has, it's fantastic. :) no cio is worth it 100%! :yes

[loveberry]

Alex coslept from birth until 7ish. He's 10 and an easy sleeper now, does his routine himself, jammies, bathroom, teeth, book, bed. I go in to kiss him goodnight and most of the time he's crashed on top of his book already. :heart

[finnegansmommy]

these responses are great!!!

I also remind myself that a few friends I know who have cio'ed it have actually LOCKED their bedroom doors to prevent older children from entering...I don't get that at all??? seems mean. my mom always let us crawl into bed w/ her. and we were decent sleepers.

things are really going well so that's good. my ds co-sleeps and that's how I get rest (esp now that he's nursing a lot at night with 2 top teeth coming in!). granted, every so often I feel very "touched out" but in general the night nursing/co sleeping is really a blessing. now that i have reassurance that he probably WILL be 'easier' at night sometime, I feel better.

I do wonder if I shouldn't implement a bedtime routine now, though. (now it's--bath if a bath night, diaper, nurse...)

[klpmommy]

I keep my bedtime routine *very* simple. potty, brush teeth, one or two books, prayers, tuck in with sleep friends (and each kid has a different way they like to be tucked in), one song, lights off. the more complicated my bedtime is, the harder it is to follow. S's routine is that she nurses, or I bounce her on the exercise ball, or I walk around until she falls asleep, etc. When she gets bigger I will start a similar routine to P&E's.

[finnegansmommy]

I keep my bedtime routine *very* simple. potty, brush teeth, one or two books, prayers, tuck in with sleep friends (and each kid has a different way they like to be tucked in), one song, lights off. the more complicated my bedtime is, the harder it is to follow. S's routine is that she nurses, or I bounce her on the exercise ball, or I walk around until she falls asleep, etc. When she gets bigger I will start a similar routine to P&E's.


useful, thank you! at what age do you start the simple routine? (I agree-I want something basic and not complex....)

[klpmommy]

I think I start around a year to 18 m/o. :think It has been a while with E & I am not even close yet with S.

[jtidwell]

useful, thank you! at what age do you start the simple routine? (I agree-I want something basic and not complex....)


We started very early, before DS was six months old. We just kind of fell into it. :) He's 15 months old now, and as he's grown, we've changed parts of the routine when they stopped working -- often the changes were driven by him. He's very opinionated!

Around 7:00, playtime is over, and we go upstairs for a bath. Bathtime is playtime as well -- I'm in the tub with him -- and we have fun! Daddy takes him out, dries him, and dresses him in PJs while I get out and clean up. We brush teeth, nurse on one side, read books, nurse on the other side, and.... poof, he's sleepy! He pops off, flops face-down on the futon, and falls right to sleep 90% of the time. :heart

(But then he wakes up two hours later, and then two more hours later, and so on all night. :yawn We're taking him to a sleep specialist next week to start to diagnose the cause of frequent waking, or find ways to cope with it, at least. DH and I are on the ragged edge these days. But no CIO! We're determined to work through this gently!!!!)

[Ellen]

I do wonder if I shouldn't implement a bedtime routine now, though. (now it's--bath if a bath night, diaper, nurse...)
[/quote]

FWIW, I wish we had started with a consistent routine earlier (involving more than just nursing until she's asleep). That's one thing I hope to do with Baby #2. While nursing to sleep is wonderful, I would like for the next one to have some other sleep associations that would make bedtime more predictable, and easier for others to put the baby to sleep sometimes.

[finnegansmommy]

I do wonder if I shouldn't implement a bedtime routine now, though. (now it's--bath if a bath night, diaper, nurse...)


FWIW, I wish we had started with a consistent routine earlier (involving more than just nursing until she's asleep). That's one thing I hope to do with Baby #2. While nursing to sleep is wonderful, I would like for the next one to have some other sleep associations that would make bedtime more predictable, and easier for others to put the baby to sleep sometimes.
[/quote]

yeah, this is what I'm thinking too....right now my dh is coaching a few nights a week but once he stops I'm thinking we might go ahead and start a bedtime routine of getting ready for bed, a book, a song/prayer, and then having my dh rock our son for a while before I nurse him. some nights--tonight was one--ds actually seems to respond BETTER to rocking...when he's super tired I think rocking soothes him better. but that way once he's no longer nursing to sleep, maybe we can transition to the rocking to sleep, and slowly to just...parenting/backrubbing to sleep or whatever it ends up being!!

[klpmommy]

E *had* to nurse to sleep until I weaned her from it b/w 18 & 22 m/o. Then we transitioned to snuggling to sleep.

S sometimes nurses to sleep, sometimes I bounce her to sleep on my exercise ball. Sometimes I walk around & she falls asleep.

One thing I want to do is make sure that *I* am part of the falling asleep routine. It makes travel so much easier.

[kandykidsaturn]

i did bedtime routines from the day we got home from the hospital! They were very simple, bath, book, bottle, bed. I read to chloe before she was born. I read books that i was reading out loud. (I'm going to get my masters as a teaching reading specialist here guys, don't think i'm weird! lol) You just have to find whats age appropriate and appropriate for your particular child :)

[Zipporah]

Here's an CIO anti-testamonial-DD is 4 and a shocking sleeper despite me trying CIO. The best way to get her to settle (and the only way to get her to nap in the afternoons) is to co-sleep. Why go through the pain of CIO if it doesn't work anyway? I'm pretty sure that 'easy' kids are 'easy' despite CIO and 'HN' sleepers will be just as "HN' (if not more so) with CIO.

[cmecu2]

I think it just depends on the child. I don't necessarily think that any one method of parenting reflects on how the child goes to sleep when they are older. Both of my girls go to bed easily. One was breastfed and the other was not. The breastfed child sort of coslept but it was when we nursed at night, we both fell asleep and until either Travis or I woke up and returned her to her bed. The formula fed child never coslept. I nursed when Allison wanted to but we also had a schedule to of when she ate last and so forth. There were times we did CIO if we did everything we could for them and nothing made them happy that was one of those times. But both go to bed easily and fall asleep easily.

I think it has more to do with establishing a good bedtime routine or at least it is for us. We did better as far as establishing a bedtime routine earlier with our 2nd child but we did it with both of them and still do. I think every child is different and you can't necessarily predict how they will be as an older child when they are infants. So don't get discouraged. :hugheart

[Ned]

I'm pretty sure that I read somewhere that the longer you leave the baby to cry, the more brain cells are actually damaged or killed off. I may have read this in my training as an EC teacher, can't rememeber, but from that point on I knew I just couldn't let my girls cry - it was too important!

[cmecu2]

I'm pretty sure that I read somewhere that the longer you leave the baby to cry, the more brain cells are actually damaged or killed off. I may have read this in my training as an EC teacher, can't rememeber, but from that point on I knew I just couldn't let my girls cry - it was too important!


I am trying not to take this statement personally regardless of research. My youngest went through a period of having colic when she was about 6 months old or so. And there didn't seem to be anything that made her happy. And for the sanity of myself and my husband we just had to lay her in her crib and let her cry. We made sure there wasn't anything else that was wrong with her before we resorted to that. For any mom that has been in our shoes can understand where we are coming from and how hard it is to deal with. Even holding her didn't work or nursing, nothing she just cried anyway. And it was only at 1 am in the morning or around that time. Maybe they know something more than they did back then it was 8 years ago. But I would like to think more on the positive side that I didn't kill my babies brain cells by doing that and making her dumb or something. She's a straight A student and very intelligent.

I'm sure that this wasn't meant in a harsh way and I'm sure I took it that way. :shrug

[Ned]

Oh no no no - my first cried till 2am with colic every night till 3 months old. I spent endless hours walking the hallway, jigging her up and down. It did take a toll on me but then I started putting her down after my mother prompted me, it didn't feel right. It wasn;t long after that that I remembered what I had read, Something triggered it and although it made it harder on me, I just coudlnt bring myself to put her down again which has a lot to do with why we started Co-sleeping. We would usually drop on the bed, dog tired. I always hoped I wasn't making my baby dumb but didn't know what else to do with her. I felt too guilty if I *let* her cry.

Anyway, I guess what I meant was for those Mums who do have a choice, it might be better not to do it if you're able for yet another reason - a scientific one.

Don't take things personally (well I know its easier said than done - sometimes its nearly impossible to say things whether its fact or not without someone getting upset). I am just presenting the information I have for interest if nothing else. The original comment was asking about LONG TERM CIO so I presented some info that could be about long-term. Nobody wants to engage in the idea that their baby might be getting dumber whether we can help it or not. We are only human butt its always good to be informed. Was wonering if anyone else had heard of it?

[cmecu2]

Thanks for clearing that up for me. I had never heard of that so I'm sure that's why I took it like I did. Thank you for explaining to me.

[milkmommy]

We cosleep as needed sometime returning back after long times away... My DD first sleept "apart" at around 9 months when shes just did better in her own space crib but sharing a room, at two shes decided her own bed in her own room was a nifity idea.. Yet weve had at least a dozen diffrent times where shes returned to our bed or room to some degree. :shrug Depending on age and maturity we had boundries on say not getting up treating bedtime as sleep time limiting how long mommy daddy will read books sing songs get water stuffed animals ect and sometimes those boundries did bring tears but no even now CIO is not an option and yes shes does bedtime quite well.

Deanna

[Beth1231]

In my very worst moments when I was suffering with PPD, I let Anina cry for maybe 5-10 minutes before my conscience would hurt me too much to let it continue and my anxiety was spiraling out of control. In other words, it was a nightmare that just made everything worse. In those handful of times, I would scoop her up and soothe her breathy sobs and tell her I would never do it again. :cry

She's 7 months old now, is rocked and nursed to sleep and the most I let her cry is the 30 seconds I desperately need to pee. :P~ I know it's really really hard when it's 3AM and you desperately want sleep (boy do I ever!) but if you really think about it, CIO is just going to mean an hour or two or three of screaming. And a terrified, shaken baby that has no one to turn to in the middle of the night. Definitely not sleep for anyone. And even if CIO did "work" for all of what, three nights all it would take is a tooth coming in, a little cold or the telephone ringing at the wrong time to make is so you have to put yourself and your precious baby through that torture AGAIN. It's just not worth it and that line of thinking helps me in the darkest moments. :hug2 :hug2 :hug2 :hug2

[Six Little Feet]

I am trying not to take this statement personally regardless of research. My youngest went through a period of having colic when she was about 6 months old or so. And there didn't seem to be anything that made her happy. And for the sanity of myself and my husband we just had to lay her in her crib and let her cry. We made sure there wasn't anything else that was wrong with her before we resorted to that. For any mom that has been in our shoes can understand where we are coming from and how hard it is to deal with. Even holding her didn't work or nursing, nothing she just cried anyway. And it was only at 1 am in the morning or around that time. Maybe they know something more than they did back then it was 8 years ago. But I would like to think more on the positive side that I didn't kill my babies brain cells by doing that and making her dumb or something. She's a straight A student and very intelligent.

I'm sure that this wasn't meant in a harsh way and I'm sure I took it that way. :shrug


I am sorry. This really bothers me. This board is clearly against CIO yet you justify your choice. My baby had colic and nothing helped. But I held her through it. I put her need first. I held her and comforted her through those periods. Was I beyong tired. Yep. Did I cry with her at times. Sure. Did she cry alone. No.

I am sure your daughter is fine now. but that is not really the point.

[StewardofLOs]

:yes2 I'm with you on this one Playful Mommy. btdt with colic and PPD--at the same time. Holding DS didn't necessarily make him stop crying, but it told him we were there for him. As a wise mama said in another thread, "no one in my house cries alone"

[cmecu2]

I am trying not to take this statement personally regardless of research. My youngest went through a period of having colic when she was about 6 months old or so. And there didn't seem to be anything that made her happy. And for the sanity of myself and my husband we just had to lay her in her crib and let her cry. We made sure there wasn't anything else that was wrong with her before we resorted to that. For any mom that has been in our shoes can understand where we are coming from and how hard it is to deal with. Even holding her didn't work or nursing, nothing she just cried anyway. And it was only at 1 am in the morning or around that time. Maybe they know something more than they did back then it was 8 years ago. But I would like to think more on the positive side that I didn't kill my babies brain cells by doing that and making her dumb or something. She's a straight A student and very intelligent.

I'm sure that this wasn't meant in a harsh way and I'm sure I took it that way. :shrug


I am sorry. This really bothers me. This board is clearly against CIO yet you justify your choice. My baby had colic and nothing helped. But I held her through it. I put her need first. I held her and comforted her through those periods. Was I beyong tired. Yep. Did I cry with her at times. Sure. Did she cry alone. No.

I am sure your daughter is fine now. but that is not really the point.


Well I left this part out because I didn't want to judged when I said it but on those nights we did that it was for her good and ours. Why? Because I guess I just wasn't strong enough like you or other moms on here and for the sake of myself and the safety of my child we put her in her safe crib and walked away for awhile. I remember one night my husband was sitting on the floor up agaisnt the wall crying while she cried as well. Are we proud of having those feelings of utter helplessness? No we aren't. But should we be condemned for that.....absolutely not. Were we putting her need first.....yes the need to be safe because we were frustrated and feeling completely helpless at that time.

I wasn't justifying why we did what we did NOR was I advocating CIO at all. There are many things that are done now like say a sling or other methods that we did not know about then and possibly could have tried to see if that worked. However we did not know. But that statement about killing brain cells was taken the wrong way by me and for any other moms that have ever done CIO I didn't want them to feel like they were "dumbing" up their child as well by this statement. But the poster cleared it up for me and that's all that was required and things were fine. Just a simple misunderstanding is all. It didn't require anything more.

[mamaKristin]

I wasn't justifying why we did what we did NOR was I advocating CIO at all. There are many things that are done now like say a sling or other methods that we did not know about then and possibly could have tried to see if that worked. However we did not know. But that statement about killing brain cells was taken the wrong way by me and for any other moms that have ever done CIO I didn't want them to feel like they were "dumbing" up their child as well by this statement. But the poster cleared it up for me and that's all that was required and things were fine. Just a simple misunderstanding is all. It didn't require anything more.


Much as we as a board are against CIO in any form, it's really hard to go back and undo the past. There is also newer research available to counter routine, 'controlled' CIO. However, what's done has been done, and we can't fix what happened before.

[Six Little Feet]

I do not think you should beat yourself up about you choice. You first post was more vague.

I do understand about feeling defensive though. I have to work on that when bf-ing issues come up. I ca't ebf and when I am faced with the research it about how much better it is...ouch.

[cmecu2]

I understand that, with my first daughter I just plain gave up when it came to bfing. Not that my family was unsupportive but I just didn't have the support that I would have liked. I had one friend that was very supportive but she lived in another state. So I just gave up with it.

[Beth1231]

I think it's important to clarify that when we DO admit that we let our babies CIO for whatever reason that we REGRET our decision and that we have made every attempt since then to make sure our babies do not cry alone. That way no one (like myself) walks away from the computer feeilng unsettled by another Mama's tale of letting their babe CIO for whatever reason (especially when the topic is about the "long term" affects).

I'm not a mod, nor trying to be one but those are my thoughts.

[hink4687]

No CIO ever here and we have the world's best sleeper! Goes to bed around 8ish by just reading a few books to him and leaving him a few to read on his own. Then he'll read himself to sleep and sleep until like 9:30 ish the next morning. And on top of that he takes a 2-3 hour nap! He loves sleeping. He still sleeps with us most nights but not because he cries for our bed...its just because we prefer him with us. :) I also think that having bedtime always be a pleasant experience has been a huge thing for cooper. its never been this scary ordeal where he was left alone at all so now that he's a little older he loves it. Your definitely doing the right thing mama! :heart

[ArmsOfLove]

One thing I found with our big cryer is that he was OVERtired by the time we were getting him to bed. I had to learn the early signs of tired and get him at the first signs. Once I figured it out--I kid you not, he came and asked me to help him go to sleep at 4pm for a few days while he caught up with sleep :jawdrop

[loveberry]

Wow, Rene, your story is very powerful! Thank you for sharing it!!!

[Charlie U]

Rebecca was the CIO baby for too long. It didn't help her sleep. It's made her much more clingy and much more distant now. (I work every single day to bond with her.) She has bad sleeping habits. She does great some nights. We just got out of a solid week of her not wanting to go to sleep before 10 or 11.

Rachel was my cosleeper. She stayed in our bed for 6 months. It was the worst 6 months of my life. :shifty I didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time. I trained myself to wake up every time she moved. She went into her crib with no fussing or complaining at 6 months. She's a great sleeper.

(Slightly OT, I was talking to a woman at church about how much I regretted listening to the "experts" with my oldest rather than parenting with my gut. She said she did the exact same thing and occassionally brings it up to her oldest who, in turn, will tell her not to worry about it. It's just so funny and so sad to see generation after generation making the same mistakes. At the same time, it's so satisfying that we've learned from them.)

[Ned]

Wow, there are some good points here. I agree though that if the babies safety is at risk (as in we feel like we are about to crack - you MUST walk away and get some sort of help, even if it is a forum for a few minutes. Just put Bub in a safe place and walk away for a minute. If you feel like you are going to hit the baby or something, then you are making a great choice to walk away for a minute or so. After all, we have all heard of incideneces where Mum has cracked (or Dad, or De facto, babysitter) and the baby has ended up injured or worse.

:hugheart :hugheart :hugheart to all those who struggle with the difficult nights and :pray4. tell God, you feel like you gonna crack and you need help NOW! I do understand the tears at 2am. btdt!

[Soliloquy]

If you have a child who is preschool or older, and you did not CIO, and you did in fact have things happen like, oh, all-night nursing, nursing to sleep, night waking....do your children eventually become easier sleepers? (As in, go to bed more easily, bedtime not a struggle, etc.)

:yes Absolutely, and I understand your need to see the big picture on this. :hugheart

Gracie (who is 4) was an all-night nurser for a long time. For a loooooooooong time, she couldn't fall asleep w/o nursing. She now tells us when she's tired and ready for bed, gets in bed, and falls asleep in a few minutes. :yes We never did CIO or anything even close to it.

Simon is almost 2 and sleeps through the night most of the time. I did initiate his weaning because this pregnancy made nursing intolerable :bheart but we never let him CIO. We used a combination of The No-Cry Sleep Solution and Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning method.

Anyway, both kids fall alseep easily the vast majority of the time and we don't regret our nighttime parenting at all. We are expecting our 3rd child and we plan to meet all of his/her needs, day or night, just like we did with the first two. :heart

[CelticJourney]

I have a 13yo and 10yo (and a 2yo who is till co-sleeping) and the only bed time problems we have is the 13yo loves to read and will stay up too late if she has a good book (we homeschool so it's no biggie). Other than that, no problems at all.

When you look at other children irl, remember that nightime issues can sometimes be physical like Rene was talking about or they can be about how connected the children are to their parents during the day - it might be that last effort to connect after a very disconnected day.

[Linnis]

My son is now 16 months and sleeps mostly in his own bed most nights. He started co-sleeping from 2-3 weeks in but he also learned to sleep alone thanks to nap time and going to bed hours before DH and I. :)

At around 9 months I moved back nursing in the night time routine so he was no longer nursing to sleep, it came before stories and rocking. So he hardly ever nurses to sleep and hasn't since around 10 months.

Sometimes DH and I wonder if CIO would make it better in the long run like so many of our IRL friends promise but we're willing to take the risk of not doing it.

He's actually had his own big boy bed for a month and will ask to go to his own bed and loves to stretch out or sleep on his tummy with his bum in the air. :giggle

It will get better and I remember the 45 minutes of crying no matter what I did to get him to sleep. :hug2

[finnegansmommy]

Thank you! These have been very helpful. My son is not nearly as difficult a sleeper as he could be (I'm realizing)--he has to be nursed/parented to sleep, but tend to sleep at night for stretches of 3-5 hours usually. not too bad. (we co sleep) I just wanted some perspective on whether he'd eventually be able to fall asleep on his own without waking up several times a night. sounds like yes. :) THANK YOU for the reassurance it is so helpful!