co-sleeping with bigger kids and new baby

[Ali]

Edited to clarify my questions! :grin


I never planned on co-sleeping. In fact DS did not sleep with us for his first 2.5 years. I was very happy and comfortable with that until DH deployed to Iraq in 2005 for 15 months. With him gone, I just felt better sleeping in the same room with DS. When the rooster is gone Mama Hen wants her chicks in the nest, you know? So I slept with DS in his room (he had graduated to a full-size "big boy" bed) the whole 15 months DH was gone.

DH got back last December and I ended up working it out where I tuck in DS, then sleep with DH until he leaves for work (about 5:00am), and then I slip in with DS for the rest of the night. DS sleeps better and in later, when I am with him. On weekends, I just sleep with DS the whole night, since DH isn't waking up to go to work. Also if DH is snoring or if he is just moving too much in the night and I can't sleep, I just sleep with DS. DH is a bit hurt by that, so I try try try to sleep in with him as much as possible, but honestly I sleep with DS far more often than DH.

DH has been gone for training for the last 5 weeks and is coming home tomorrow. I mentioned to DS tonight that I might sleep in with Daddy when he's home and if DS needed me, he can always call or come get me. DS had some tears over that and it kind of surprised me, but in these last couple years, he has become very attached to having mama in bed with him. I reassured him that I or Daddy would always stay with him if he felt scared etc. But that's just not good enough for him. And frankly, I don't mind continuing to sleep with DS, but it does bother DH. :shifty

That I don't worry about too much, because I figure as DS gets older, he'll be less and less caring if I am in there with him. But right now we have a new baby coming in November, and I don't know how to balance sleeping with DS and caring for a newborn at night. If I sleep with DS, I think all the night feeding and comotion/crying is going to disturb his sleep and he's very sensitive to not getting enough sleep. We all really pay for it when DS is short on sleep. :hissyfit But sleeping seperate from DS is likely to be upsetting to him and cause him to wake earlier anyway. I think he'd feel bad that I'd be with the baby, but not him. :(

My ideal is to have DS in his own room and the baby in his/her own room at 6 months. I like my space when I sleep. I sleep better. My ideal is not to have a family bed. But our lives haven't been ideal with DH gone, so I made changes and was content with co-sleeping for a season.

Now, the other kicker is that DH will be gone for another deployment starting this December and I think it's nuts to even worry about getting the kids to sleep in their own rooms when I'm going to feel better with them both in with me again for the next 15 months anyway. :sigh

Anyway, my questions are:

Those that do the family bed/co-sleep - at what age did you kids start sleeping in their own rooms? Was it "encouraged" by you, or did you let them decide?

Does anybody else sleep more often with their kids that with DH? I feel so weird about it, but it's been working fine for us provided I make a good effort to spend as much time as possible in with DH to help him feel better about it. DH has some sleep issues that make both of us concerned about having a child in bed with him (he can jerk violently in the night and I have been the recipient of being clonked accidentally a lot). I deal with it, but it's hard and frequent enough that it wouldn't be safe for a baby in the bed. This what I kind of feel bad about.

When a new baby comes, does it interfere a lot with the other co-sleeping kids' sleep? Does the baby wake them up/keep them up in the night?

[klpmommy]

:hug2 Except for the deployment, a lot sounds like what we do/did over here. DH never wanted to cosleep, but for us it became a necessity b/c that was the *only* way E would sleep. He is not at all for cosleeping this time around either, so our agreement is that we will try it w/o cosleeping, but if I can't get enough sleep we will start cosleeping.

There was a period of probably over a year- maybe two?- where I slept with the kids far more than dh. Honestly I don't mind cosleeping part time- start out with dh then go in with the kids. It has only been recently (past several months) that I have spent most of the night with dh.

For us- being able to immediately respond to E kept P from waking up. But that didn't work the other way around. I am totally clueless as to how this is going to work out with a new baby b/c I usually join the kids around 5:30-6am until wake up & they like to snuggle - one on each side- during that time, so if Binkiness is with me I don't know how that is going to work out. :nails

Oh, as for sleeping with dh- what if you were in the middle next to him & kept the baby on the outside either in your arms (the only way E would sleep) or in a cosleeper sidecarred to the bed?

other than that, :popcorn to see what ideas you get 'cause I am going to need them soon.

[zak]

:popcorn I need ideas too!!

Reid is still very needy at night (for Mama) and I'm wondering how this will work when our new babe arrives (October). He's been in a twin bed for over a year now (he has always slept with us in our King). We started out having it butted up next to our King and then right around his birthday he asked for his "own" bed with green sheets ( :giggle ) so I moved his twin (still in our room but up against a different wall) away from our bed. I got tired of all the up and down at night to check to see if he had to go to the bathroom and when he wanted me to snuggle him I always felt so cramped either between him and the wall or the bedrail... so I recently moved his twin back next to our King.

Hubby is already talking to Reid about Papa helping him at night when the babe comes. :heart I'm thinking I'll let Hubby sleep on the side of the King that is nearest Reid and the twin and I'll lay on the other side with the babe (and it's closer to the bathroom and will be easier for me to get up from that side). Tho... Reid is incredibly attached to my hair... :sigh I don't know how this is going to work. He'll want to be able to reach my hair in the middle of the night.

I'm quite worried about night time parenting when the new babe comes. :nails Hubby has never been a part of helping Reid at night - it's always all been on me (mostly because we were cosleeping and EBFing anyway - what was there for him to do, really). I hope we can make a smooth transition. Reid doesn't always sleep through the night (rarely, actually) and I'm hyper aware of his waking because I don't want him to have a pee accident in the bed - so I'm always asking him if he needs to pee. :rolleyes

[Ali]

This family bed idea is all new to me, so thanks for helping me brainstorm on the logistics of it all! :lol

As far as having me in the middle and the baby on the other side of DH, that just results in me getting woke up more by DH's tossing about. We've looked into a king-sized bed and that may be an option after this next deployment. :tu That would help, but the other issue is the loud alarm clock and DH rumaging about at 5:00am for 30-45 min every morning. I can't even sleep through all that. It was fine when DS was a baby because he was waking at that time to nurse anyway and by 2 months, I had him in his own room in a crib. Now all the sudden, I am about to have 2 babes in bed with me! :heart but :jawdrop

For now, I'm focusing on how it will work between me, DS and the new baby. Basically DH will be leaving 2-4 weeks after the baby is born :(, but that does mean I can postpone us integrating him in the equation.

Kimberly, it's good to know if I can respond to the baby quickly that may limit DS waking up. He is a sound sleeper until those last couple morning hours, so I *think* that part may be ok. We'll just have to see about our new little one's personality! I just feel so overwhelmed about it all, since we're going from 1 to 2 kids and just trying to meet everyone's needs, and getting everyone enough quality sleep, including DH and me!

[greenjellysnakes]

We have DD (23mo) and DS (1mo), and here's how we co-sleep. DD starts the night in her cot in her own room. DS starts the night in a bassinet next to our bed. As soon as DS wakes for the first time, he comes into bed with us. If I'm late to bed, I just bring him straight in with me. DD sometimes wakes during the early hours of the morning, and DH goes in to her and helps her get back to sleep. We started this in the last few months of my pregnancy, to get her used to him comforting her. If it takes him too long, or if she wakes more than once, he brings her into bed with us. Usually she is in with us by about 5:30am every day.

Her waking through the night is not usually caused by DS waking, as he usually never cries long enough for her to wake up (the only time he really cries is when I change his diaper - he hates it!). I don't really know when she will sleep the entire night in her own room/bed. At this stage, this works for us (though four in a queen does get squishy sometimes!), so we're in no hurry to change it. The only problem I have is that DH gets up for work at 6:30, and though DS and I can sleep through the alarm no problems, DD can't, so of course she then wakes the rest of us up.

I don't know that I've answered your questions or helped at all, but just wanted to let you know it can be done. I was stressing about how it would all work with two kids, but you just have to play around with it for awhile until you discover what works best for everyone.


I am totally clueless as to how this is going to work out with a new baby b/c I usually join the kids around 5:30-6am until wake up & they like to snuggle - one on each side- during that time, so if Binkiness is with me I don't know how that is going to work out. :nails


While baby is tiny, perhaps you could sleep with her on your chest? DS likes to sleep on my chest sometimes, while I cuddle DD by my side.


Reid is incredibly attached to my hair... :sigh I don't know how this is going to work. He'll want to be able to reach my hair in the middle of the night.

I'm quite worried about night time parenting when the new babe comes. :nails Hubby has never been a part of helping Reid at night - it's always all been on me (mostly because we were cosleeping and EBFing anyway - what was there for him to do, really). I hope we can make a smooth transition. Reid doesn't always sleep through the night (rarely, actually) and I'm hyper aware of his waking because I don't want him to have a pee accident in the bed - so I'm always asking him if he needs to pee. :rolleyes


DD is attached to my hair too. She is the main reason I haven't cut it all off, though I really want to! Having said that, she has learned to fall asleep without it, though of course she'll hang on to it if it's there. Perhaps your DH could start helping Reid during the night now, before baby arrives. I'm convinced our transition from mama-comfort to papa-comfort during the night was made a lot easier by the fact we started before the baby arrived. One less change for later.


I just feel so overwhelmed about it all, since we're going from 1 to 2 kids and just trying to meet everyone's needs, and getting everyone enough quality sleep, including DH and me!


:hug You will all do wonderfully integrating your new little ones into your families/beds. Try not to stress too much (though I know I did... easier said than done!) :giggle