Seriously Frustrated!!

[Beth1231]

Two and a half hours of this...

Anina falls asleep in my arms or on the boppy on my lap. I slowly get up, put her in the cosleeper, rub her back, walk away and less than five minutes later....awake and crying again. :mad :banghead :hissyfit

I needed to vent. I Just got No Cry Sleep Solution in the mail today and why oh WHY didn't I read this book before Anina was born??

:mad

[euromom]

:hugheart Ds always did the same with me. Somehow dh had the nack of being able to put ds down and he'd stay asleep, but if *I* put ds down he would *always* wake up. One trick I learned from my sister was to take a T-shirt I had already worn some and smelled like me, and when I laid ds down I would put the already worn T-shirt somewhat close to his face (but not smothering close of course) and that way he could still smell me and think I was right there and it helped him to stay asleep when I put him down. Maybe you can give that a try. ITU how frustrating it is :hug2

[klpmommy]

E had incredible mommy radar at that age, too. And in fact up until sometime after 3 her mommy radar was very, very strong (but she wasn't as needy as a little one, kwim? So don't fear!!!) Anyway, the t-shirt that smelled like me never worked, but she needed to feel some pressure against her like I was still there. So I used a pillow against her. :bag I *know* it is not recommended & I totally understand the "why", but since she was totally swaddled & couldn't escape the swaddling but needed to feel me this was the best I could come up with. I always kept it away from her face & she didn't roll b/c of the swaddling. But even now at nearly 4 she likes to sleep with a blanket all shoved up against her back (actually, so do I, but I use a pillow). But I think she was older before we figured this one out. Like I said :bag but sometimes I had to get away from her. DH & I did watch a lot of tv with her asleep in my arms.

The other thing that helped was me not moving her, but moving me *very* slowly away from her. I know that moving her to the crib was too hard on her- those sheets were cool, I was warm. She was comfy & my moving her- no matter how gently- was not keeping her perfectly comfy, etc. So it ended up working better if I lay down with her already in the position she was going to sleep in (by this point we were fully cosleeping- it was never the plan, but out of desperation), so she was in our bed safely swaddled, then I would wait until she was asleep & back up a few inches, then a few more, then a few more until I could escape. The slower transition plus not moving her from her warm comfy spot helped a lot.

:hug2 It does get better eventually.

[RealLifeMama]

Why don't you justnurse her to sleep in the cosleeper, and then slip away?

[Katigre]

She will outgrow that - it is totally normal. :yes My DS did that too, and you know where he is now? Asleep in the other room without me and I know he won't wake up anytime soon :).

What I did those early months was park myself in bed next to DS or with him on my lap with the laptop computer and a book. Or I would wear him in a carrier if I needed to get things done around the house.

This is how his sleep patterns went (all of this is without me holding him/laying next to him - if i layed next to him or held him, he slept a lot longer without waking)

As a newborn - he would wake within 5-10 minutes of me getting up.
Once he was 3-4 months old it was every sleep cycle (so every 15-25 minutes)
When he was over 6 months it was after 45 minutes to an hour
At a year old, it was over an hour
Now at 18 months I nurse him to sleep and get up right away - and he doesn't wake up until it's time for his midnight nursing (and FWIW, he has been gradually nightweaning himself over the past 6 months too - he is down to 1-2 nursings per night instead of the 'every 2-3 hours' that he was under a year old).

Hang in there! It does get better!

[HomeWithMyBabies]

My youngest slept next to me or in the sling, and I couldn't move him or myself or he would wake up right away! It's very normal.

I love NCCS, but it's really not for new babies. Most newborns can't be expected to stay asleep on their own. :hug2 It really will get better.

[Jilly]

Why don't you justnurse her to sleep in the cosleeper, and then slip away?



This is what I always did - suprisingly I never broke the co-sleeper doing this!

[erh384]

I was about ready to write a similar post. My 9mo dd has INCREDIBLE mommy radar... out cold... limp, no facial expressions... I lay her down and almost immediately she's awake.

:hugheart I know what you are going through... it has gotten better... and is getting better each day (honestly)... but its still very frustrating each time it happens.

[RealLifeMama]

I love NCCS, but it's really not for new babies. Most newborns can't be expected to stay asleep on their own. :hug2 It really will get better.


I agree with this. Honestly, I love how Pantley gives all that advice about putting your baby down to sleep and then comes back later and says something like OK, I just told you to put them down drowsy, but ignore me- hold them!

It doesn't feel like it now, but it really does get better. Just enjoy holding your sleeping newborn if that is what is needed, or sleeping with your new baby. They eventually will sleep! (says the mom that woke up in the middle of the night totally engorged and had to wake her sleeping baby . It was easier to wake the baby than to get up and pump! A few months ago, I never thought I'd see the day.)

[Beth1231]

I'm now halfway through the book and already trying little things that she suggests today.

Last night, I finally gave up and buckled Anina into her carseat and rocked her to sleep. She does cry some off and on, but I'm right there talking to her. Anyway, she slept for SEVEN HOURS without a peep. Now I just need to figure out how to teach her to do this in her cosleeper. Thank you for all your advice and sympathy. Last night was just so hard. I'm very grateful for that carseat today.

[RealLifeMama]

Lots of babies sleep in their carseats when they are little. It is a more womblike environment. I would not want to sleep flat on a uncushy surface like a co-sleeper or crib if I were a new baby, either.
Have you seen the baby hammocks? If we have another, I will definitely try to invest in one.

It must be so hard to put the baby down and rock them to sleep while they are crying. Does she not like to be held?

[Maggie]

Luke just wanted to sleep *on* me at that age. :hug2 Maybe lying right next to you, touching you, would work.

[illinoismommy]

I'm now halfway through the book and already trying little things that she suggests today.

Last night, I finally gave up and buckled Anina into her carseat and rocked her to sleep. She does cry some off and on, but I'm right there talking to her. Anyway, she slept for SEVEN HOURS without a peep. Now I just need to figure out how to teach her to do this in her cosleeper. Thank you for all your advice and sympathy. Last night was just so hard. I'm very grateful for that carseat today.


does she have symptoms of reflux? reflux babies like to sleep in carseats :shrug

[Maggie]

She does cry some off and on, but I'm right there talking to her. Anyway, she slept for SEVEN HOURS without a peep.
I don't want to offend you and I really think you're a great mom, but I don't really agree with this. She wants to be held. She's crying because she wants to feel her Mommy's arms around her. I know it's frustrating and hard. The first few months, especially. But you'll get through it. IMO, 2mo babies aren't really meant to sleep that long, or they rarely do, anyway, especially if the way to do that is letting them cry when you know what they want. I'm sorry if this was harsh, Beth. I didn't mean it to be. :hugheart :hugheart

[AmyDoll]

Carseats aren't really the best places for babies to sleep, either. I'm sooo sorry to be "Debby Downer"
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/130/117747.htm

At 2 mos old her enviornment is you. :hug She's programmed by God to know when you're not near. Even her biorhythms are regulated by yours - it's amazing. When she's sleeping on you or near you - her heart beat, her breathing, her temperature all match up to yours. Which is really important bc her systems are still immature. She knows that she's safer with you right beside her.

Swaddling might help her sleep a bit longer.

A neat book that you might enjoy is "Our Babies, Ourselves"

[Katigre]

I second swaddling! It is wonderful :).

[RealLifeMama]

I agree with Maggie and AmyDoll. That is why I was asking if she didn't want to be held. .
I was a bit worried about you when I read this thread, because I don't know why you were seeming so adament about making sure your baby was put down away from you. I was worried you might be having PPD issues that make you not want to hold your baby or nurse the baby to sleep. :hug2
ETA:
I thought later maybe you are just worried that you should not nurse a baby to sleep? Don't worry about those negative voices that say "don't do that!!" because they are just plain wrong! God designed babies to be nursed to sleep.

[illinoismommy]

Carseats aren't really the best places for babies to sleep, either. I'm sooo sorry to be "Debby Downer"
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/130/117747.htm


That's pretty scary, their heads didn't have control so their head tipped forward.... good to know, thanks. I never let Maya sleep in her carseat although it was suggested for me for her reflux and apparently that is a common thing to do for reflux babies because they like to sleep slightly upright in bouncy chairs, carseats and swings.... I will remember this if I have another baby with reflux. I didn't try it because I was worried the carseat might tip over entirely or something.

[3PeasInAPod]

well, my ds napped in his carseat in the house quite a bit between 3-4 months. He had colic though too. The carseat we had ,had a recline position, so he was actually laying down, just slightly propped up...so there wasn't enough gravity for his head to slouch at all. :shrug The article was informing, but It looks like these babies were sitting vertically.(& they were 5 weeks old..my ds had head control at 10 weeks) :shrug
Beth I understand the desire to want your baby to be asleep for some of the time without you right there. I think the best way to accomplish that is nurse her down where she sleeps (where your scent is too). Then after some time, you can slip away. You can also try rolling a blanket up length wise & tuck it around her side (not near her head) to act as part of you so she feels something near her. I would just also make sure I was wearing her often & sleeping with her when I could. :hug

[hopeforchange]

anwyn would never sleep without me :shrug i just got to where at night, after she went to sleep, i just stayed on the couch and watched TV or got online on my laptop until i was ready to go to bed and take her with me. i went through spells of trying to lie her down when she was asleep and nurse her and then sneak away, but i always ended up running up and down the stairs every 15 minutes when i did that, and it wasn't worth it to me.

at 12 mo., she is just now getting to where she'll sleep for an hour or so at night when i lie her down...the i usually have to go nurse her again to get another 45 min. to an hour. that's just what being a mommy is about though :heart i learned to enjoy my downtime at night on the couch :) i know that prolly won't be feasible with the next child, since i'll have dd to take care of too, but we'll just see how it goes :yes

just enjoy her sleeping on/with you. she's so little right now! she needs her mama :heart

[bananacake]

Anina falls asleep in my arms or on the boppy on my lap. I slowly get up, put her in the cosleeper, rub her back, walk away and less than five minutes later....awake and crying again. :mad :banghead :hissyfit


This is the story of my life, but the no cry book is helping :)

[RealLifeMama]

ii learned to enjoy my downtime at night on the couch :) i know that prolly won't be feasible with the next child, since i'll have dd to take care of too, but we'll just see how it goes :yes

just enjoy her sleeping on/with you. she's so little right now! she needs her mama :heart


I just have to echo this. I didn't realize how precious that time is when I only had one child. And when I had my first, there was no one to tell me these things, so I focused on trying to change things when she was a precious little babe, not realizing how soon she would be past that stage, rather than enjoying what was. :banghead

[something glorious]

i just wanted to echo the mamas who pointed out how little and needy your sweet anina is at just 2 months :yes :heart she *needs* to be held and nursed and held some more. my *salvation* in the infant months was my mei tei sling. DD was content b/c she was close to mama, and i had both hands free to accomplish things, etc. i hope you can find a solution that works for you, and is still sensitive to your daughter's needs as a newborn baby. she is still in that precious '4th trimester' where she is still simply an extension of mama's body :yes

[Eowyn]

Oliver just turned 4 months, and is only within the last week or two, sleeping when put down. It's okay to hold her. She'll learn as she matures. If you don't have a mei tai already, get one. They're a lifesaver. I'd be stuck on the couch without mine. Ollie has been riding on my chest or back since he was a few weeks old. :tu

It's only for a season, and it's a comparatively short one. :hug Can DH take her for a bit so you can get some sleep? The housework can wait. One of my favorite lines ever is, "So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep." :heart :happytears

[Beth1231]

Eowyn, I also really like that poem :yes

This is a bit of an update (and explanation). I honestly don't like rocking her to sleep in the carseat when she is crying (even off and on), I know it's not the best thing. But I also know after two and half hours, my nerves are near shot and sometimes that makes for a very unpleasant night for everyone involved (I won't elaborate anymore on a public board). I've only resorted to it a few times. And if my husband is home, I let him rock her and so forth when I'm emotionally done.
So far, Pantley's book is helping tremendously. I'm already trying several of the smaller ideas that she has and keeping a log of Anina's naps and how she goes to sleep, etc. Last night, I was able to nurse her, rock her to sleep and put her in her cosleeper all within half an hour! Talk about two totally different nights, wow.

I also wanted to clarify that she usually wakes up to nurse every 3-4 hours all night and morning. :) And I LOVE holding my sweet baby girl and nursing her to sleep and rocking her and all the other precious memories. I'm probably moderately crunchy on the sleep thing and I think CIO is cruel. Just to help some of you who don't know me and I know have the best intentions in helping me, I wanted to fill in a bit.

She's a very easy-going, mellow baby most of the time. My "seriously frustrated" thread came on a very out of the ordinary night. But I know you sweet Mamas had no way of knowing that. Thanks so much for all of your advice and comments. I read them all.

[RealLifeMama]

I am glad that last night went better. I was checking this AM to see if there was an update from you, even though I usually don't come on in the AM.

If your nerves are shot from all the crying, or you think you are having some post partum hormonal issues, I strongly suggest getting some Rescue Remedy for those extra trying times, and then get some Postpartum Rebalance by Wishgarden Herbals to take during the day. It really helped me. This is the first baby I have used these things with and it made a huge, huge difference in my being able to relax and enjoy my baby.

[Maggie]

:hug Glad last night went better. If you are very emotionally distressed and need a few minutes to calm down, that's one of the few times I think it's OK to let a baby cry, especially if you or DH are with her. Having a composed mama is important; it's hard to be gentle when your nerves are about gone. I've been there, too. :hug2