i want to cosleep.. but i'm scared!

[believe365]

this may seem silly to those "seasoned veterans" but i'm honestly worried about it... i'm having a baby and i would like to cosleep, but my husband and i both toss and turn A LOT during the night and i am so scared that one of us will hurt the baby.

did anyone else have these fears? and how did you quell them?

[milkmommy]

I did and still do (with regards to another) when Cecilia came home at 5lbs she a just soooo tiny I was scared very scared I know how to safely cosleep but it was just too much. I'm also the type of person that likes to be close but not necessarly always touching.. We found doing a side car crib the best of both worlds. It allowed for a safe place for baby and still allowed simple access for nighttime nursing ect. We no longer have our crib but will likely go for an arms reach cosleeper next time around.

Deanna

[Six Little Feet]

This might help.... http://cgi.ebay.ca/The-First-Years-Safe-Secure-Sleeper-For-Baby-Safety_W0QQitemZ260151624706QQihZ016QQcategoryZ121 152QQcmdZViewItem

That way baby is right there but you may sleep better knowing she is safe in her own bed

[Herbwifemama]

The first week we had dd, there was a story in the paper about a girl whose baby died "because of" cosleeping. They had a horrible picture of her in the paper holding a picture of her baby- she was my age, and her baby was my baby's age. So YEAH, I was really scared. I had the support of my local mamas AP group. It really helped to have mamas there who did and do cosleep with their kids. And don't hesitate to do a sidecar thing or one of those other things if that's what makes you feel better- but also know that every cell in your body will be alert to your baby, and you simply won't sleep that deeply for a while (of course, the first time you do, you'll start awake and wonder why your baby hasn't woken you to nurse, or something else, and in time you'll relax, and then you'll eventually WISH for deep, long sleep. :))

[believe365]

thank you guys so much for all the helpful suggestions. i thought i was being kind of a ninny about it but i'm glad you ladies understand my fears:) i will definitely check out that link later on today, thanks again!!

[Marsha]

I'd wait until you have the baby to worry about it, really. Ther e is no way of predicting right now how it will feel.
I coslept with mine IN the hospital. Take that back, not with my first, I was kind of intimidated by her in general, afraid to touch her and all that. But with my second, she was never out of my arms except for shower or other people holding her.

[Herbwifemama]

I coslept with mine IN the hospital. But with my second, she was never out of my arms except for shower or other people holding her.


I did that. :) Then one of the nurses told me not to, cause she had seen babies fall out of the bed. So I kept holding her, but I stopped sleeping. I'd only sleep when dh held her.

[Marsha]

I coslept with mine IN the hospital. But with my second, she was never out of my arms except for shower or other people holding her.


I did that. :) Then one of the nurses told me not to, cause she had seen babies fall out of the bed. So I kept holding her, but I stopped sleeping. I'd only sleep when dh held her.


Wow, my nurses would just say "oh she's snuggled up with you" or something like that when they came in to take temp or whatever it is that they do.
Personally I feel better with my babies in or on my body for awhile. Two years into it, I'd like some time with her OFF my body LOL but that's another story.

[believe365]

I coslept with mine IN the hospital. But with my second, she was never out of my arms except for shower or other people holding her.


I did that. :) Then one of the nurses told me not to, cause she had seen babies fall out of the bed. So I kept holding her, but I stopped sleeping. I'd only sleep when dh held her.


Wow, my nurses would just say "oh she's snuggled up with you" or something like that when they came in to take temp or whatever it is that they do.
Personally I feel better with my babies in or on my body for awhile. Two years into it, I'd like some time with her OFF my body LOL but that's another story.


holy cow, i didn't even know they allowed that!

[Elora]

I was scared that because of the medicine from the c/s on top of the fact that I was so completely exhausted, I would never even wake up if I rolled onto my baby. I was so terrified that I wanted my husband to stay awake and watch us sleep. He did for a couple nights (well he played video games all night so it was like a win/win LOL) and then during the day he would sleep while I was awake with the baby.

I soon realized though that I wasn't going to roll onto my ds, and that even during the night I'm so in tune that he's perfectly safe. Like God gave me mama-radar cuz he knew I needed to cosleep.

My husband works a different shift than us though so we don't sleep at the same time...if he were in the bed I might make him sleep on the other side of me, and put the baby between myself and the wall :shifty Not saying that's necessary for everyone, but my husband has actually put a hole in the wall with his knee while sleeping and not woken up. So he doesn't get to sleep next to the baby :P

[Herbwifemama]

I coslept with mine IN the hospital. But with my second, she was never out of my arms except for shower or other people holding her.


I did that. :) Then one of the nurses told me not to, cause she had seen babies fall out of the bed. So I kept holding her, but I stopped sleeping. I'd only sleep when dh held her.


Wow, my nurses would just say "oh she's snuggled up with you" or something like that when they came in to take temp or whatever it is that they do.
Personally I feel better with my babies in or on my body for awhile. Two years into it, I'd like some time with her OFF my body LOL but that's another story.


holy cow, i didn't even know they allowed that!


Well, they technically didn't "allow" it, it was just something I did. I refused to let go of my baby once they gave her to me. (Took them a while to do that, but :shrug :cry) They did all their exams on my lap. The ear thing, and the PKU, etc. The key words to look for are "rooming in"- even dh was allowed to stay with us! :)

[hopeforchange]

i had an arms reach co-sleeper and dd wouldn't sleep in it :) she wanted to be in my arms...that's how we started cosleeping. one morning about a week after she was born, i had been up all night. every time she would go to sleep and i'd try to put her in the cosleeper, she would wake up. so after hours of this, i finally slid into bed with her still in my arms and slept for several hours!!! :yes i was ecstatic...and she was in our bed from then on!

be careful of your dh sleeping next to the baby, but i think you'll find that you will always be aware of her :yes

[SouthPaw]

honestly i don't let my DD sleep on the side next to my DH because he WILL elbow her in the face, flop an arm over her, etc. not trying to be a downer but :shrug i don't have any illusions that having a baby in the bed will turn a fitful sleeper into a peaceful sleeper. i would definitely recommend sidecarring the crib and keeping the baby in the side away from your DH. also, to set your mind at ease, make sure you follow all the safe cosleeping arrangements like not having blankets over baby or pillows within reach, and never cosleeping on medications or if you are EXTREMELY tired. some of the nights DD was up all night, when she finally fell asleep i would put her in the pack n play instead of bringing her to bed because i knew i would be OUT of it.

all that, and we are still cosleeping part time at 9 months. :grin i think it is very conscientious of you to take all of the factors you stated into account :yes accidents DO happen when not all safety or common sense actions are taken - so it is great that you are really thinking it over.

[Herbwifemama]

And in our first weeks, dh was the only one who could get her to sleep, and she would sleep on his chest. Then she would slide over to his side while they were sleeping, and she would sleep between us. Some daddies have good instincts. :heart (eek! I just realized that could be construed to mean OTHER daddies don't have good instincts - I don't mean it like that. I just mean that not ALL daddies will elbow their newborns!)

[SouthPaw]

:yes my DH is an EXTREMELY heavy sleeper but also talks and moves in his sleep... a dangerous combo b/c he is all over the place but you have to literally turn on all the lights, scream, and whack him with a stick to wake him up.... so it definitely depends on your DH! i don't trust my DH with any nighttime parenting due to his sleep issues, and it's not a reflection of him being a bad parent, just that we split the roles and he takes over where he is at his best :grin

[Marielle]

same as ainsleesmommy here. We were all worried in the hosptial about cosleeping but it happened accidentally. Then with #2 it happened on purpose and the first nurse to question me saying "we don't allow that" was the one to hear "well then give me a waiver to sign because he's not going anywhere".

My babies slept in the crook of my bent arm until they were able to move around on their own by crawling,etc. That kept them close enough to nurse, protected from daddy moving and in the case of #2 from sibling movement. My arm also made sure that the covers were far from getting near their faces (yes I slept with a cover). I would never have been able to sleep with them even in a sidecare. I'm just not wired that way andwhen my oldest finally slept in a sidecarred bed at the age of 3 it took me a while to actually get some sleep.

BUT I was extremely opposed to cosleeping before having kids. Even while pregnant. Then my son had other ideas and the night I fell asleep with my newborn on my chest in bed and actually got more than 30 minutes of sleep (actually 5 hours!) both hubby and I were sold on the family bed. And it's always been a FAMILY bed.

[SouthPaw]

oh yeah, what size bed do you have? for us, it was SO much better when we got a cal king :rockon

[kikidee]

Before I had DD, I thought I would *never* co-sleep. I used to be such a heavy sleeper,and was constantly kicking the cats or rolling on them in my sleep, so I would joke about how "no way!" could I co-sleep with a baby. But then, like someone else said, it happened by accident at the hospital. The LC taught me how to nurse while laying down, and I fell asleep! I freaked out and told the nurse the next morning, and she said "Honey, that's why they have nursing positions like that! You'll wake up when she wakes up, don't worry" and so I continued doing it. We had an Arms Reach co-sleeper, but DD wasn't a huge fan of that. It mainly was there to hold my books and glasses :)

I would prop a pillow up next to me, and then stretch my arm out on that pillow with DD laying on it. I don't know how to describe it better than that... but it felt very secure and I never felt worried.

Just see how it all feels when you have your babe -- you'll figure it out!!

[believe365]

honestly i don't let my DD sleep on the side next to my DH because he WILL elbow her in the face, flop an arm over her, etc. not trying to be a downer but :shrug i don't have any illusions that having a baby in the bed will turn a fitful sleeper into a peaceful sleeper. i would definitely recommend sidecarring the crib and keeping the baby in the side away from your DH. also, to set your mind at ease, make sure you follow all the safe cosleeping arrangements like not having blankets over baby or pillows within reach, and never cosleeping on medications or if you are EXTREMELY tired. some of the nights DD was up all night, when she finally fell asleep i would put her in the pack n play instead of bringing her to bed because i knew i would be OUT of it.

all that, and we are still cosleeping part time at 9 months. :grin i think it is very conscientious of you to take all of the factors you stated into account :yes accidents DO happen when not all safety or common sense actions are taken - so it is great that you are really thinking it over.


thanks, i just want to be sure i have my bases covered. i mean, dh has a tendency to go all UFC on me in bed, i've been bowed in the face, kicked in the back, shoved off the bed... granted it's made me a fairly light sleeper now and when i feel it i fight back, lol... i just don't want to take the chance that either of us will accidently beat up the baby mid-REM cycle:(

i think i'll see if dh will rearrange the room so that our bed is near the wall, either that or get an affordable, dependable sidecar as mentioned, in case things in the bed just don't work out. but i hope they do... :pray4

[J3K]

cosleeping can also include having the child in the same room with you in their own bed. It doesn't necessarily have to mean sleeping in the SAME bed.

Some factors that indicate NOT having the baby in bed with you :

You or dh smokes in bed.
You or dh drink alcohol before bed.
You or dh take medications that make you sleepy.
You or dh are violent sleepers.
You have a water bed.


If any of those things hold true for you , I'd opt to have the baby in the same room , just a separate bed.

It WILL get easier when your baby arrives in the flesh , and you can ascertain what temperment the baby has.

[believe365]

cosleeping can also include having the child in the same room with you in their own bed. It doesn't necessarily have to mean sleeping in the SAME bed.

Some factors that indicate NOT having the baby in bed with you :

You or dh smokes in bed.
You or dh drink alcohol before bed.
You or dh take medications that make you sleepy.
You or dh are violent sleepers.
You have a water bed.


If any of those things hold true for you , I'd opt to have the baby in the same room , just a separate bed.

It WILL get easier when your baby arrives in the flesh , and you can ascertain what temperment the baby has.


yeah none of those things pertain to us except the violent sleeper recently. and that's really odd too, because it JUST started happening, maybe two or three weeks ago. we have a 4lb chihuahua who used to sleep between us at night, and he never had a problem with it. *epiphany* i think he's only been doing it since he stopped sleeping with us... (he was having trouble with potty training, so we have to put him in his own bed for now). maybe i should bring him back to bed, dh might calm down! lol