Spin-off of Recent Sleep Questions

[Marsha]

We have a 5 yo dd who still requires someone to lay with her to go to sleep. And when she wakes, she joins someone in their bed, we have a weird version of muscial beds going on. But usually she wants me.
So, my question is, I still nurse my two year old to sleep (usually at the computer) and until two days ago, just laid her on the couch, and when I went to bed, took her to bed. That way if she woke up, I just picked her up and didn't lose my place in a show or my book or what have you.
Now, I have a twin bed for her, so I've been laying her down there. But I go and join her when she wakes, because she has never once ever been to sleep by herself, and has no understanding of it.
I've still been thinking she was a baby.
But am I setting her up to be like the 5 yo?
Because neither one of us care for her insistence on joining us, but neither one of us are willing to deal with it right now, either.
I just tend to do what takes less time, which is taking care of them immediately.

[ArmsOfLove]

I just think your 5yo is normal and you are parenting her at night :hug

[Marsha]

She doesn't keep us awake or anything, so that's a plus. :heart

[SouthPaw]

:shrug are you wanting to change the way things work, or just wanting to know if you could, or just wanting affirmation that what you are doing is ok? :think

if like the way your family dynamic works, there's nothing wrong with keeping it the same. if you would prefer to change it, there are ways to gently parent children to sleep mostly on their own. i am always available for my kiddos, even if we are not sleeping in the same room, and if someone needs help, i help them. can you clarify a little more what opinions/information you're searching for? :grin :hug

[Marsha]

You know, come to think of it, I do;'t need to change anything.
I was remembering the 1 1/2 hours of laying with dd1 to get her to fall asleep at night, and I'll do just about anything to NOT do that again.
But the problems was that I was still forcing a nap.
I think I'll be much more likely to drop the nap this time around, and get the night time sleep to work better.
I don't "mind" that 5 yo joins us, but I don't really like it either if that makes sense.
But unless one of us gets up and goes to sleep with her, she will stay awake crying.
So in the interest of sleep, she gets to sleep with us.
I have big feelings about training my baby to sleep w/out me, while allowing the 5 yo to do so , I guess.

Though the only training I'm doing right now, is putting baby in her bed, and joining her when she wakes to nurse her back to sleep and then I end up falling asleep, too.
(I am getting woke up a lot bwetween the two of them, but I guess it's a phase that has to happen)

Did that clarify anything?
I think I was asking if it is okay and not infantilizing the 5 yo to come join us in bed.
AND was wondering how not to create teh same dynamic with the younger one.

[SouthPaw]

i remember in DH's family when i would visit sometimes everyone (ages 4-21, plus mom and dad) would start out in their own beds, and by morning everyone (7 people??) would be in the same one :giggle it wasn't every night but it was normal and i always thought it was sooo sweet. :heart i was never allowed to climb in bed with my parents and i remember curling up outside their door because i didn't want to be alone :sad2 i think you're doing great :heart