Okay, we can't take anymore.. Getting him to sleep on his own...

[hey mommy]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get C to go to sleep on his own? He's 5 for those who don't know..

And ideas on how to get him back to sleep after he's woken up in the middle of the night(or, 3 or 4 in the morning).

I have been sitting w/him until he went to sleep, but I can't take it anymore. My left knee is messed up and sitting there locks it up and makes it un-usable(is that a word??). And I'm tired and just can't handle doing it anymore..
That is at bedtime...

In the middle of the night, he's generally awake for 1-2 hours and expects me to be there the whole time. He wants 'snuggles'(me w/my arm around him or at least sitting next to him), but when I'm up in the middle of the night, that's the last thing I want. I suggested to dh that maybe we could put his blow-up Spiderman bed under our bed so on the nights he wakes up he can pull it out and sleep on it next to our bed. At least he'd be in the same room w/me when he needed me nearby. DH said "fine, if that's what you really want to do", but wasn't all that thrilled w/the idea b/c he doesn't want C getting used to sleeping in our room all the time..

DH says that C is dicating our nights and it's getting out of hand... I kind of agree w/him. We're all sleep deprived and grumpy b/c of this.

HELP!!!!

[Teacher Mom]

this is one of the reasons we co-slept. We like our sleep!

We did it until it was too crowded and then told them it was time for them to leave the "nest"

I would let him sleep in your bed or room and let him move back into his bed or room when he is ready. He is just needing you for some reason now. Give him love and assurance and he will be confident to go back before you know. I do not know too many 16 yo still sleeping in the family bed :shrug

[The Tickle Momster]

Janice, I'm guessing you've tried this, but just in case. Can you tell him, I'm going down and put 5 dishes in the d/w, then I'll be back. Come back, stay for a few minutes then do it again. 5 is arbitrary. Pick some task that will take just long enough for him to be alone for a minute. Then do it again. Make sure you always go back. As he gets more comfortable with this, you can stay away longer. You'll also be better able to tell if he can handle 1 minute or 3 some nights. We did this with dd who will be 6 in a week. She can go to sleep on her own now. It may take a few weeks, but he's old enough (imo) to start going to sleep on his own.

I wrote the above with the assumption that this is not new for you to have to stay with him.

Being able to go to sleep without you may help him get back to sleep in the night. Until then, I think the temporary sleeping space would be great. Would dh agree to a trial run, until C doesn't need it anymore? Can dh take over in the night? Just tossing out ideas here.

[MarynMunchkins]

What does he do if you're not there with him? Because, honestly, Banana does that, and she's on her own. She can read or play in her room. She can get herself a snack at night. But I'm sleeping. :shrug

If he's up for 2 hours at a time, I'd tell him to entertain himself while I sleep. :shifty

[katiekind]

At that age, our youngest had a little nest beside our bed that he could come to when he needed middle of the night reassurance.

And for long periods of time he would just start out the night in his nest. Since he was our youngest child, we didn't care about this a bit. All our older kids had migrated out of our bed and wouldn't even want to be in with us, so we had living proof that kids outgrow this need and it was a non-issue to me with the youngest. I knew that he'd move out eventually in his time.

So generally he would have bedtime stories in our bed or his bed in his room, then move down to his little nest immediately or fall asleep in his room and come into our room during the middle of the night. If he woke up and needed reassurance, I could hold hands with him over the side of the bed or rub his back a bit while I stayed lying down and then he'd fall back to sleep. He also had story tapes he could play on a tape player beside him as he fell asleep.

[Marsha]

we stil have to lay w/our 5 yo to get her to sleep. she comes in and joins us if she wakes in the night, but she goes right to sleep. If it's 5:30 or past and she tries to go back to sleep and can't, she gets up and watches a video, usually around 6:00.
She will go to sleep in 10 minutes if you lay with her and will cry for over an hour if you try leavng, even if you say you will check every 5 minutes (and DO) .
The "books" don't work very well with this child.

[hey mommy]

He can't sleep in our bed b/c there is no room. He thrashes around and no one gets any sleep. Except him when he eventually falls asleep and pushes us out of bed. Co-sleeping just does not work in our house. We don't mind co-sleeping on weeekends, but week-days, no way. So IN our bed is not an option(I thought I wrote that in my OP..maybe not).. He doesn't go right back to sleep, so we alwasy end up mad b/c he's thrashing around and moving constantly..

Right now at bedtime we tuck him in, I read him a book, turn on the music then leave. He plays quietly and then comes and gets me when he's ready to go to sleep. Then I sit w/him until he's asleep. Last night I left right before he went to sleep, and I told him ahead of time that I was going to. The first time I went in there he got up 2 min. after I walked out of the room. We ended up doing this 3 times before he finally went to sleep.

I guess the actual going to sleep part doesn't bother me as much as it does DH.. He firmly believes that C should be going to sleep on his own already..

As for the night waking, if it wer 5 or 6 a.m., it wouldn't be so bad... It's like 2 or 3 or 4. What does he do during this time? He plays in his room for a while and then he comes and gets me to sit by him.. But then when I do, he doesn't go to sleep. It'll take like 2 hours to convince him to go back to sleep. And then he sleeps in the next morning, which he can't do b/c we have to get up and get ready for school at 6:30 starting tomorrow.

I think tonight I'll blow up his spiderman bed and stick it under my bed so if he wakes up, I can just pull that out and he can sleep on it. He didn't wake up last night, but his bed was soaked(different issue for another time.).

[MarynMunchkins]

You know, it might solve itself once he starts school. I know a regular routine and school wears my older two out and they're much easier to get to sleep. :)

[Joanne]

Janice,

With all the love and respect I have.......

Your son is either special needs of some kind *or* you've missed some major marks with regard to his development.

Have you looked into SID? Aspergers?

I get a wonky feeling from your posts regarding him and I sense a level of "okayness" on your part that should not be present given what I've read of his behavior.

[hey mommy]

Yes, Joanne, I have thought about it. Thank you. :) I posted in the SN board about it.. We also had a speech evaluation today and she agreed w/me on the SID thing and that it was definitly worth looking into...

Oh, and out of curiosity, what do you mean by you've missed some major marks with regard to his development.? Does that mean I just really stink at parenting?? I'm confused...

[Joanne]

you've missed some major marks with regard to his development.? Does that mean I just really stink at parenting?? I'm confused...

It's hard to talk to you when you post like that. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I expressed my concerns directly but kindly. :shrug

I did not mean to imply that you stink at parenting. I do think, though, that you've accepted as normal things that are not developmentally age expected.

[milkmommy]

:hugheart I'm going to ask a question that might come off as really stupid sounding :shifty Have you ever tried telling him its bedtme and allowing him to fall asleep on his own or just leading him back into his own bed? :blush I hope that doesn't sound likea stupid question and this is why I ask. Cecilia began sleeping on her own to some degree around 9 months and was in her own room bed by 2. She does (as a whole) very well unless shes sick, when illiness occurs she still needs me to lay with her and needs to be near us. (Thats fine) the trouble I have is I always over estimate how LONG she needs that extra comfort and a 24 hour bug turns into 3 months of sleeping with us :giggle Everytime we get to a point where well frankly its no longer cute shes up multiple times she takes forever getting down to sleep shes grumpy so we say enough and that on X night were going to put her back into her bed in her room we ALWAYS expect that she will fuss and hate it and that we will have to "retrain", Yet EVERY time its like she just needed us to say enough and transationed back just fine. Shes done the same with tranitional milestones.

Deanna

[hey mommy]

you've missed some major marks with regard to his development.? Does that mean I just really stink at parenting?? I'm confused...

It's hard to talk to you when you post like that. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I expressed my concerns directly but kindly. :shrug

I did not mean to imply that you stink at parenting. I do think, though, that you've accepted as normal things that are not developmentally age expected.


I'm sorry.. I didn't mean it to come out that way.... It was also hard to tell by your post if you meant that I had done something to mess him up or what. You didn't hurt my feelings, I just honestly did not understand what you meant by that.. :)

Deanna, putting him back in bed means doing it a million times a night, him not getting enough sleep and taking 1-2 hours to actually get to sleep. And him saying "I don't know how to go to sleep on my own".
He had to be rocked utnil he was 22 months, and then started going to sleep in his bed, but only w//me sitting next to him. We've gone through stages where I did not have to sit w/him, but for the most part, I've had to sit w/him.

[milkmommy]

:think I'm wondering if there is a kind of processing delay :think :hug2

Deanna

[hey mommy]

I don't know but I'm now sitting here in tears reading this SID website realizing how badly I have failed him.. Or maybe it just seems that way. There are so many things that I just brushed off, or dh brushed off... We had him evaluated for autism when he was 2 and the lady said that he did have autistic tendencies that we should keep an eye on. Now I'm wondering if they are more SID issues and if I had persued(sp?) this earlier he could have gotten help earlier.

I'm going to make an appt. w/his dr. after I stop crying so that I can get a referral to a OT for evaluation..

[milkmommy]

:hug2 Cecilia has SIDS you did NOT fail him. You did not cause this and you are NOT a neglectful parent quite the opposite you've recgonized an issue and have seeked help. NONE of these evulations comes easily. (especially if dealing with govermental insurance and forcing them to admit yes your child needs help ask how i know :/). There is help for the SIDS child OT/PT/ST has worked sheer miricles with Cecilia. :hugheart

Deanna

[hey mommy]

Thanks.. Now I just have to convince DH that there is really something going on and I'm not just crazy. He just brushes me off and says "oh he's just slow like me".. WeLL DUH! I believe he has the same problem!! We're just a family w/a messed up sensory factory.. LOL

[Joanne]

I don't know but I'm now sitting here in tears reading this SID website realizing how badly I have failed him.. Or maybe it just seems that way. There are so many things that I just brushed off, or dh brushed off... We had him evaluated for autism when he was 2 and the lady said that he did have autistic tendencies that we should keep an eye on. Now I'm wondering if they are more SID issues and if I had persued(sp?) this earlier he could have gotten help earlier.

:heart :hugheart There is a lot of overlap in SID and AS kids symptoms and behaviors. Don't let the possibility of AS scare you. There is a very large spectrum of people, lots of support, resources and help. Many incredible people have walked that path before you (relatives and the people on the spectrum) who will be able to help should it be needed.

In some ways, getting info on what is going on with him will make things easier for you.

Now I just have to convince DH that there is really something going on and I'm not just crazy. He just brushes me off and says "oh he's just slow like me".. WeLL DUH! I believe he has the same problem!! We're just a family w/a messed up sensory factory.. LOL

I am praying for you in that regard. I don't post this to discoruage you; instead I am posting out of empathy. My xh "dismissed" my concerns on my oldest and SID. Basically forbid me from following up on what I now know were sensory related issues. I ended up doing some OT at home. It wasn't the best situation, but even that amount of bumbling OT helped tremendously!

My xh had a kindergarten report card that talked about "can't keep his hands to himself". I intuitively knew that it was him sensory seeking ..... which means he has the same issue and saw Andrew as normal. (Of course being scared and a jerk factored in this case, but won't in yours!)

[hey mommy]

Well, fortunatly DH has learned not to argue w/me about this stuff.. He may not totally believe it, but he knows that I will persue it and if he's not going to be on my side, we'll do it w/o him. We had to do that w/the autism evaluation. My mom ended up going w/me. The speech evaluation y'day he was kind of unsure about, but I convinced him that it's at least worth looking into. Plus he isn't around C as much as I am, so he doesn't see the stuff I see. And deal w/the stuff I deal with. So, I know he's not going to stop me or anything like that, it's just going to take someone other than me telling him that this is what it is..

[Danette]

:hug2 In the meantime... I think the spidy mattress on your floor might work... did you try it the past couple nights? Travis has a hard time getting to sleep and will wake often at night. I finally had to tell him that he could come in and lay down next to my bed as long as he didn't wake me up. I left him a blanket and pillow. For several mornings I would find him next to my bed sound asleep. After a while he realized the floor was not comfortable and would move back to his bed.

BTW... Travis is on the high functioning end of the AS.... most people don't even notice till they spend a bunch of time with him. I've often wondered if the sleep issues are because of the AS or if the sleep issues increase the AS behaviors. I really don't know with Travis. And it seems to cycle... we have a few good weeks of sleep followed by a few bad weeks... and so it goes.

And my dh is the same... he let me go through all the testing I wanted as long as our insurance covered it.... but he doesn't believe the results. :shrug I'm not sure what that would take. :/