when can they just "go to sleep" on their own?

[zak]

I probably already know what you're going to say... :giggle but... I thought I'd vent/ask anyway. ;)

Reid is waking a lot at night - not nursing anymore - just waking crying (he always cries when he wakes, is that weird?) and looking for me and my HAIR. :/ My hair has been his "lovey" since he was 6 months old. I moved his twin bed away from our King and bought a bedrail... now I'm not so sure it was good timing. He's the one who asked for his own bed with "green sheets" - so that's what I did. It's a LOT of work at night. I am up and down between the twin and King (both in our room) - oh, and the bathroom trips too. The twin is uncomfortable and I wake up with a headache or a backache or both most mornings when I've spent the majority of my time in the twin. He was sleeping longer stretches... and now back to being awake a lot at night. I'll JUST get into a nice deep sleep and I hear him cry and say "Mama hold you". I mean, it's sweet, but he wants me in the twin and he wants to hold my hair. If I'm in the twin and I get up to use the bathroom (which is a lot already... preggy bladder and all) he cries for me the whole time I'm in the bathroom. :(

I guess I'm just frustrated and want him to sleep. lol Who wouldn't? His 2 year molars are in, so I don't think it's teething related. Oh, and for naps he'll sleep for one hour and then wake and as long as I (and my hair) are laying with him he'll sleep for another 40-60 minutes.

Is it just a "this age" kind of thing? When are children capable of going to sleep/back to sleep on their own? I don't regret our night-time decisions - not in the least, but I am tired. :yawn This is the same kid who nursed every 2 hours on the DOT well past his first birthday. I can generally cope with the nighttime issues, but... like I said, I am tired. ;)

I just needed to get that out. ;) Even if you all tell me your children didn't go to sleep on their own until they were 5 years old, lol, it feels good to get this out. :)

Do you think it would be unwise to move his twin back next to our bed? I think I'd get more sleep that way... but he'd still cry when I go to the bathroom, I'm sure. I'm open to suggestions/ideas. :) I know there isn't a thing in the world I can "do" to get him to sleep... I was just wondering when it might happen on its own and some ways to cope with this issue we have at the moment. I know nighttime waking is really common through the preschool years, it's just that no one ever talks about it (well, mainstream people anyway!).

[musicmama]

I don't have any advice, just :hug


I'll JUST get into a nice deep sleep and I hear him cry and say "Mama hold you".


My best friend's son has always said "I hold you?" whenever he wants to be held. It sounds more like "ihodejew?" It's very very cute. :heart

[Ali]

My only thought would be to buy him a surrogate lovey. Maybe some sort of stuffed animal with hair? Like a horse with a tail or something. :think And talk to him about it and lay with him and kind of put it there, up by your hair and slowly transition him over to it.
My DS has had a lovey from birth that we nursed with and held when I rocked him to sleep. It wasn't long before he could find that himself in the night and fall back asleep. I don't know how introducing one later would work, or if it even would, but that was my first thought! :hug

[BHope]

My eldest was a very high needs sleeper. In her case my breast was her lovey. From day one she slept with herself curled around me. Either nursing or cuddling, in constant contact 24/7. When she was 18 months old she nightweaned due to pregnancy. It was a boundary we maintained even after my colustrum came in and she went back to wanting to nurse all night long. Anyway, I'd say that was our first step. Nightweaning. Dh took over that aspect of parenting. DD1 slept on HIS side of the bed in her side-car'd single. She still woke up at night, but usually would go back down with butt patting. (Lot's of "Sssh-shhh, daddy's here.")

We moved to this house when DD1 turned 3. Prior to moving we talked about her having a big girl room (I know people cringe at the words "big girl" but for DD1 that seemed to motivate her.) We asked her to help pick out colours and then we painted her new room. BTW she chose green too. :giggle So when the time came to move into the new house she moved directly into her new green room.

I think I posted here on GCM about that transition because I knew that we were at a do or die point.

Things we did to help her:

We had a noise machine so that the room wasn't so quiet. She was soo used to hearing Dh snore, that the silence in the room was too much.

She sleeps with the closet light on because otherwise "it's too darky"

We'd put pillows on either side of her to simulate "bodies" up next to her, and then we'd tuck her blanket in to her bed so that she wouldn't kick off her sheets and end up cold. Plus, the tucked in blankets kept the pillows in place.

We put an old T'Shirt around her pillow so that her bed smelled like us.

We insisted that she fall asleep in HER bed instead of transitioning her. Going to sleep in our room or the living room and then waking up in her room was scarey. We found that if she woke up at night, in the same place she'd fallen asleep, she did much better.

That ment that for a while I had to sit on the floor next to her holding her hand. After awhile I sat in the hallway while she laid in bed. Pretty soon I could tell her, "Mama's right next door watching the news. I will come if you call. But know that I'm near." Now, it doesn't matter where I am at or what I'm doing, I can send her to bed and she's comfortable. And YES she goes to sleep ALL ON HER OWN!

We also talked to her about what she could do if she woke up in the middle of the night. I explained that she was welcome to call for Mommy or Daddy, and we would come in and pray with her. But, if she wanted, she could always pray to God herself and ask God for good dreams. I told her it was okay for her to go back to sleep on her own if she wanted to. But I did stress to her that if she did indeed need us, we would be there in a heartbeat.

We also modeled praying to God for sweet dreams. "Dear God, thank you for Mommy, Daddy, DD2, Grandma, Papa, and Aunt Sherry (because this is how her prayers start. LOL.) Please help me have good dreams. Help me to relax. Help me to take deep breaths. God, help me dream about nice things." Then we'd discuss some nice dream options. Puppies, swimming, lollipops, playing with DD2, her teddy bear, cuddles with mommy and daddy...

She's three, so a little older and better able to understand and articulate. But these are some (or most) of the things that we did to help her transition. We tried to be sensitive to her needs, but we also knew it was time to change the way things were. We knew she was ready, whereas 6 months earlier, she just wasn't. So for her, the time was right.

[Katigre]

For a lot of my friends' kids it was about age 3 when something 'clicked' and they started going to sleep much easier and sleeping through the night on their own.

[MarynMunchkins]

Even the kids that weren't used to co-sleeping took until 3 or so before they started going to bed peacefully. :)

I did have a friend whose ds liked her hair, so she took him to Clair's and bought one of those fake hair ponytail thingies. :giggle He was happy with it. :shrug

[zak]

I did have a friend whose ds liked her hair, so she took him to Clair's and bought one of those fake hair ponytail thingies. :giggle He was happy with it.


I need to do this. :yes

[zak]

Thanks for all the tips! :) Sounds like 3 is "the age"... we've got a while to go!

I'm sure he just has some maturing to do... but I think the pseudo-hair would be helpful to me NOW! :giggle

[bostonsmama]

i would move the bed back by your bed for sure. :yes he's not getting used to sleeping on his own in it with you up and down between the two all the time anyways, kwim? it would be way easier for you, and more comforting (or the same, at the least) for him to move it back :yes you'll need all the rest you can get in your upcoming months :hug B still doesnt go to sleep on his own and still wakes (crying sometimes as well) his bed is between our bed and the wall, yet he always ends up in our bed, even though he's been starting out in his own bed for a good year. :shrug :giggle it doesnt bother us at all... dh helps a lot at nighttime too. would reid let your dh lay with/by him at all so you can get more rest? if 3 is the magic age, we're approaching it FAST. we'll see how it plays out here, lol. it would be nice for him to just lay down and go to sleep, but i just truly dont see that happening anytime soon at all, lol.

[canadiyank]

I nightweaned both kids at about age 2, and while a difficult decision, it helped night-time stuff tremendously. Kiri was about 3-3.5 when we could tuck her in and leave, before that we lay down with her every night. Aliah was a little before two when we moved her in with Kiri and then we lay there/read/play on laptop until she fell asleep. Then one night dh decided to tuck them in a come back and check on them and it worked. :shrug Aliah won't go to sleep by herself if K's not there, so last night when K was at the school play I lay down with her until she went to sleep (she's 2.5). To answer your question I'd say age 3-4, probably? :think