Let Grandma help or see what child can do on her own?

[Carlashelle]

We attended a family party this w/e and the bday girl wanted guests to paint t-shirts. My son had a blast painting his. Dh helped him do his name, then Tommy did the rest (lots of paint dribbled all over the shirt). Grandma scooped Bethany on her lap and practically did everything for her. I didn't have a problem with her helping to paint a "B" but then she kept holding Bethany's hand and they did a flower together. I don't even know if Bethany wanted a flower! I suggested another color, like yellow, and Gma said, "Oh, yes, for the center of the flower!" I was just trying to think of a color Gma wasn't holding! lol Then, Bethany got to dribble some purple paint on her own, at my insistence. It looked like a face, but I wanted to hear what she said about it, so I asked her. Gma interrupted and said, "It looks like a face, doesn't it?" I still need to ask Bethany what it is.

[jghomeschooler]

That sounds very frustrating. I would've wanted to say something, but probably would not have know what to say at the time, or how to say it. I don't like it when I have that problem :shifty (which has happened a lot recently :blush )
With *my* mom though, I can just tell her anything I think and she will understand and respect my wishes. She might feel a little defensive, but mostly she just explains why she was doing what she was doing, and that helps me understand why she was doing it but many times I still disagree :)

[Carlashelle]

Yes, my mom would have understood. :) This was MIL. Who, btw, we have moved cross-country to be closer to. Well, she and the rest of the family. My children barely had any family where we lived before, so this adds to my confusion. I want Bethany to have a relationship with her, obviously, but also want Bethany to be proud of what she has done. She feels no ownership of her shirt with the way things transpired. Tommy is quite proud of his.

[3PeasInAPod]

She feels no ownership of her shirt with the way things transpired. Tommy is quite proud of his.


aww, poor Bethany. :hug2 I would get some finger paints & a plain white tee & let her do it again at home! It's tough when you're in the moment & you want to say something, but don't know what to say to MIL. I guess after grandma finished the front, I would have said..."OK, lets let Bethany do her own picture by herself on the back." But I probably would have thought of that after the fact too. :hug2

[Carlashelle]

Oh, yes, that's the other thing. I think of how/what to say after the fact! lol Although, I did point out that I wanted her to do some on her own and managed to get the purple paint past Gma's fingertips! lol But, then, Gma still spoke for her on that one.

Ironic, isn't it, that children have no inhibitions about painting/drawing and adults, who do have inhibitions, try to take it over? I say that b/c my SIL had to look at a coloring book to get ideas for a picture and children know exactly what they want to do!

[J3K]

:hug

Actually , G'ma sounds really sweet. I can understand how frustrating it was to watch G'ma take over . I've been in those shoes too. But when I stood back , I could see the grandparents making an (albiet awkward) attempt to connect and "teach" the children.

If G'ma wasnt correcting or scolding , I'd let it slide. Maybe next time the situation arises you can mention how much Bethany likes to do things on her own. Maybe a comment such as "Bethany loves to figure things out on her own , it isn't always the most perfect when she's done , but she enjoys it. It'll be fun to watch her progression as she ages. "

Something to let Gma know that YOU know it isn't perfect , but you don't care.

What I did before going to visit my inlaws...I taught my kids the phrase from Magic School Bus... "Get messy , make mistakes". Ms. Frizzle is a lifesaver. Then when the kids set about doing a project with the grandparents...I'd "remind the kids" in earshot of the g'parents.... "Remember , it's not always about the final product ...it's about the adventure in getting there...get messy and make mistakes ! ". I found that the g'parents really took a step back after that.