Discouraged After Talk With Friend (PS Teacher)

[Sweet Life]

We're 90% sure we will homeschool our DS next year for Kindegarten. I'm trying to think about things just a year at a time so I don't get overwhelmed, so I'm thinking of it as a one year commitment that might stretch for 18 years or so. ;)

I'm dreading telling my PS teacher friends that we are even pondering it, but had to tell one friend yesterday. Edited to add that: Our PSs here are actually quite good, and I am certainly not on a crusade against them. I just think HS is better for our family and in particular my DS, at least for the foreseeable future.

First, she asked me if I really thought I could keep up with everything (all the kids, the house) while homeschooling. :giggle Well of course not, but regardless of how we school, I don't think I'll ever be on top of things until the kids are grown so that's a non issue. :giggle

Then, she promptly reminded me of all the merits of public school and really questioned if I could get/keep my DS on track with the 'goals' he's supposed to meet at the Kindegarten level. :no2 That's exactly the point of homeschooling, right? I get to decide (within reason of course) what we are trying to accomplish and in what time frame?

I know this won't be the last time this comes up. It was just very discouraging and I'd appreciate any words of encouragement or advice on handling this sort of situation.

[Teacher Mom]

It will become easier with time and when they see the results.

[MotherSong]

:yes I agree. My mother HS all 4 of her kids (me too) and her parents (my grandparents) didn't accept it until we grew up and turned out okay.

I had a similarly discouraging conversation last weekend w/ my MIL who was a public school 1st grade teacher. I kept quiet and let my husband talk to her, since she's HIS mother. For 4 years now, I have been saying, "it's too soon to decide where she'll receive her education" but the questions are coming fast and furious, and I need to have a better answer.

I'll be following the discussion--we need advice, too!

Love,
MotherSong

[JessicaTX]

Well, is she asking to try to pressure you into changing your mind to homeschool? Or is she really just asking to know? Depending on the way she's asking I'd either answer her questions truthfully or beandip her =) that being said though, my first year homeschooling I was uberdefensive about it and I really didn't have to be. One of my friends let me know I was coming across a bit strong when she was asking questions lol.

[birthchic]

I always just try to focus on telling others that this is the decision we've made for the next year- and that we;ll keep looking at things one year at a time. I try not to engage in discussion about it at all, unless I can discern that someone is truly curious and not simply being critical.

FWIW- I am able to homeschool and keep up with all of my housework- as well as being active in LLL and at church- and having my kids get together with other kids and enjoy outside activities. As well as having a great marriage and getting to read lots of books- which is one of my passions. LOL! It's called grace :)

I never understand the pressure about standards in kindergarten--I mean we're talking about kindergarten, for Pete's sake- not MIT! :doh

[Joanne]

You need to offer some Bean Dip:

http://happyhomeschooler.blog-city.com/bean_dip.htm

[teamommy]

My goodness, meeting the standards for kindergarten? I know it has gotten more intense over the past couple of decades, but it really will be okay. :hug I will be homeschooling a kindergartener next year also, and the academic part is the thing I am least worried about.

I was also 90% sure about homeschooling, for a long time. I am also taking it one, or a couple, years at a time. I know that when I have lingering doubts about something, they tend to come through when I am talking to others. Making a final decision on what to do for the next year, was very freeing. I feel more confident and the comments don't bother me as much. And I think my confidence shows, and people are less likely to say anything negative at all.

I hope that you are able to come to a decision and find some peace about it. You absolutely can homeschool and provide a wonderful education. People are going to have opinions about lots of things I do. But most of them have no experience with homeschooling, and so it seems foreign to them. I am trying to find a good support group so that I can surround myself with others who are on this journey as well. Maybe this would help you as well?

[Soliloquy]

really questioned if I could get/keep my DS on track with the 'goals' he's supposed to meet at the Kindegarten level.As a former PS teacher all I have to say is puh-leeze! Even in really good public schools there are kids who fall between the cracks and don't meet the grade-level standards. And, IME, the really good public schools have students that come from families where there has been a very strong foundation. The schools take the credit, though. "Failing" schools generally have students that come from families below poverty and in transition but they don't accept the blame in that situation.

Seriously, though, the way I plan to answer that question is, "We are not concerned about the standards and goals set by a committee of people who don't even know us. We feel 100% confident that we will be able to help our children meet the goals that we set as a family. We believe that by setting the goals ourselves we will be enabling our children to pursue their dreams and interests unhindered by arbitrary timelines and mandates."

Something like that.

[klpmommy]

I am a former PS teacher & I am planning on homeschooling. I would shock the socks off the other teachers when I said that to them back when I was teaching. But think about it this way- it effects their jobs. The more families that homeschool the fewer teachers that are needed so they might not end up with a job. Plus it isn't normally the students that we wish that would stay home that are homeschooled (no, those are the ones who never get sick).

Talking to a PS teacher about HSing is pretty much like talking to the vax companies about not vax-ing.

You are doing the right thing for your family. :hug

[HuggaBuggaMommy]

Talking to a PS teacher about HSing is pretty much like talking to the vax companies about not vax-ing.


:yes2 This is so true. I think most of them just don't understand what homeschooling is, and/or they only see the *bad* outcomes of homeschooling... Plus, according to my sister (who has a Masters in school counseling), education professors are often anti-homeschooling (for many reasons) and that infiltrates into the classroom. My sister said there's an attitude of "Who are they [the parents] to think they can do a better job than me [the teacher]?"

[SilverMoon]

there's an attitude of "Who are they [the parents] to think they can do a better job than me [the teacher]?"


Yes, that defensiveness is what I've experienced in my family. Interestingly, the teachers I meet in my life are excited that I home school. I ran into my 5th grade teacher when my kids were younger and she congratulated me on our decision. I've always believed there are 3-4 options for every family to choose, and it's up to each family to decide what is right for them and their children.
If someone is truly interested or curious, I answer all the questions I can. If it turns into or begins as judgemental arguing, I change the subject. They're not going to change my mind; this is what God wants for us and someone who barely knows me or my kids won't shake that belief.

[AdrienneQW]

"We are not concerned about the standards and goals set by a committee of people who don't even know us. We feel 100% confident that we will be able to help our children meet the goals that we set as a family. We believe that by setting the goals ourselves we will be enabling our children to pursue their dreams and interests unhindered by arbitrary timelines and mandates."

Yeah. That. :tu

[fourbygrace]

"We are not concerned about the standards and goals set by a committee of people who don't even know us. We feel 100% confident that we will be able to help our children meet the goals that we set as a family. We believe that by setting the goals ourselves we will be enabling our children to pursue their dreams and interests unhindered by arbitrary timelines and mandates."


OOH! This is good. I don't plan on giving my children a conveyor belt education where at the end of 13 years, they are then "educated". Blah!! I am looking at my kids as individuals, not as just part of the crowd.

As another former PS teacher, I also agree that teachers feel insulted at parents thinking that they can do a job that takes teachers at least 4 years of college to train for, plus student teaching. I also taught at a Christian school for 2 years and one of the best teachers at the school was not a certified teacher. An education degree does NOT make anyone a good teacher.

I knew I planned to homeschool my last year teaching when I was pregnant with ds #1, but I did not have the guts to tell any of my colleagues. :O I heard nasty comments about homeschoolers all the time.


Talking to a PS teacher about HSing is pretty much like talking to the vax companies about not vax-ing.

You are doing the right thing for your family. :hug


This is so true!!

Be strong; it may not be easy,
Mary

[Piper2]

I just don't talk to non-homeschoolers too much about homeschooling. To me it's almost like we live in a different culture and they don't understand (for the most part) my struggles and and triumphs. I know enough people who do homeschool to get into discussions about it with.

I do mention it to people, especially those I'm first meeting or maybe people I haven't seen in a long time. It was interesting -- I emailed one of my best friends from high school, just telling her what's going on and mentioned that I'm homeschooling. She wrote me back saying how brave I was and how she would never have the patience to teach her children (she had a high schooler and a middle schooler at the time)...she's been a beginning band director for 19 years...and she thinks she doesn't have patience?!? :jawdrop :shrug

[AttachedMamma]

I just don't talk to non-homeschoolers too much about homeschooling. To me it's almost like we live in a different culture and they don't understand (for the most part) my struggles and and triumphs. I know enough people who do homeschool to get into discussions about it with.


:yes Also, every HSing family has their unique style, so you can't compare with them either.

It's just the nature of the beast that a PS teacher will tout the PS system. Her career depends on it! What helped me was an extreme paradigm shift about education (the same way I had a paradigm shift in thinking about birthing, extended breastfeeding, alternative medicine). I don't try to emulate any school system. I do not and cannot copy what they are doing behind the walls of an institution. I am re-inventing it to fit my DD's needs. If someone spent a week with me to assess whether I am "on track" w/the PS system, they would be disappointed. But I know what my DD needs better than anyone else and I know her strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else.

You will develop thicker skin over time and you'll surround yourself with people who support you b/c you need to create a "team" of people to walk with you on this journey. That PS teacher is not on your team...she is not in your corner cheering for you. Don't waste any time with people like that.

cindi

[CindyLou3]

I understand your fustration. My SIL is a public school teacher so you can imagine I have heard it all. It gets easier with time, I don't remember when the last time I had any negitve remarks from her. She has actually brought me home a book or too from time to time which has been nice. I think what helped me threw the first few months was a homeschool my support group. They really helped remind me that I have to do what is best for MY family and to remind me of ther bigger picture on why we homeschool.

[SouthPaw]

First, she asked me if I really thought I could keep up with everything (all the kids, the house) while homeschooling.

"yes, definitely!"

Then, she promptly reminded me of all the merits of public school and really questioned if I could get/keep my DS on track with the 'goals' he's supposed to meet at the Kindegarten level.

"of course! we're super excited about working toward our goals"

:shrug and if she tries to get down to nit picky details, "you know, i have a lot of plans and ideas, but i really don't see the need to spell them out, plus that would take a while! it's going to be fun though and we will learn as we go"

or alternatively, perhaps she may even have good advice or ideas that could help you. if she is truly interested in how you educate, it's really just 2 professionals bouncing ideas off each other. i am friends with a 1st grade teacher and we talk ideas and methods all the time :grin i would definitely not view her as an adversary, but as a friend who, once she understands your goals, could be a potential support.

[CelticJourney]

Talking to a PS teacher about HSing is pretty much like talking to the vax companies about not vax-ing.

And just when I defended homeschoolers on this board as not making negitive generalizations about ps teachers. I have many ps teacher friends. I had 1 (one) who had a problem with it until I explained that I felt the ratio of teacher to children was so out of wack that I saw no way they could be expected to do their job to the best of their abilities. She whole heartedly agreed and we went on from there.

My suggestion for dealing with her negativity would be 1) don't talk about your struggles - same as with someone who is negative about AP, 2) find out what the 'goals' are for Kindergarten. I found them to be so simplistic that I went on to the first grade goals for ideas. Use them or not, you can say you read them and 3) know WHY you want to homeschool for yourself and then don't feel you have to defend those reasons.

[klpmommy]

Talking to a PS teacher about HSing is pretty much like talking to the vax companies about not vax-ing.

And just when I defended homeschoolers on this board as not making negitive generalizations about ps teachers. I have many ps teacher friends. I had 1 (one) who had a problem with it until I explained that I felt the ratio of teacher to children was so out of wack that I saw no way they could be expected to do their job to the best of their abilities. She whole heartedly agreed and we went on from there.

My suggestion for dealing with her negativity would be 1) don't talk about your struggles - same as with someone who is negative about AP, 2) find out what the 'goals' are for Kindergarten. I found them to be so simplistic that I went on to the first grade goals for ideas. Use them or not, you can say you read them and 3) know WHY you want to homeschool for yourself and then don't feel you have to defend those reasons.



I was an elementary school teacher for ten years. I was the only person I knew who was a teacher in the two public schools I taught in who found hsing "acceptable". Maybe I was just in weird places or something, but I never talked to another ps teacher who thought hsing was a good thing. The one exception I know of is my FIL- also a ps teacher. The ladies (with few exceptions they were all ladies in elem) I worked with believed in PS and they thought I was strange for wanting to homeschool my future kids. That is my experience with ten years of teaching- nine in public schools (five spent in a very nice district & four in a low socio-economic district) & one in a private religious (Jewish) school.

Honestly I was surprised at how negative the teachers I worked with viewed homeschooling- whether it was b/c of the "lack of socialization" or lack of "parental experience/knowledge" or maybe b/c like me, they had spent so much time & energy getting their degree & finding a teaching job. I don't know why, but I know what my experience was. I never had another ps teacher that I worked with say anything positive about homeschooling.

I made the comment comparing ps teachers to vax companies. I'm sorry if it was an offensive comment. It was not intended to be that way.

[ArmsOfLove]

it might be easier for those of us who are committed to homeschooling versus 90% sure or seeing it as another viable option. I just tell people (ps teachers or not ;) ) that we're fundamentally opposed to the entire structure of the public school system and have no desire to subject our children to that system. Usually there's a little bit of a shocked look and not much more talk about it :giggle

When just talking with ps teachers I've known I share that one of my frustrations is that when you put 30 children of one age in a room with one adult who is not allowed to provide moral guidance you get a group who believes that age expected *means* appropriate and then you get 18 yo's still acting like 5yo's. Most agree with that rather readily. I also speak of "teaching to the test" and how that goes against real learning. If nothing else I point out the horrible test scores in our state and/or country compared to the rest of the world :shifty

[illinoismommy]

This was covered on the other thread, but I do find that teachers are taught in school to believe in the public school system and so they do. I think that there is a general ignorance about why people homeschool and what their goals are-- many times not to keep "on grade level." I'm sure she means the best though.

I like Crystal's approach :giggle

We started telling people early and so no one will be shocked, although our family occasionally makes anti-homeschool comments :rolleyes

[Soliloquy]

but I do find that teachers are taught in school to believe in the public school system and so they do. I think that there is a general ignorance about why people homeschool and what their goals are-- many times not to keep "on grade level."

FWIW, at the University where I got my degree in education homeschooling was presented as a wonderful idea.

[illinoismommy]

but I do find that teachers are taught in school to believe in the public school system and so they do. I think that there is a general ignorance about why people homeschool and what their goals are-- many times not to keep "on grade level."

FWIW, at the University where I got my degree in education homeschooling was presented as a wonderful idea.


That's neat, what did they think was wonderful about it?

[Singingmom]

I also taught in ps and found the same attitiude about hsing was very prevalent. And the teachers I spoke to about it did seem to take it personally. I get the vaxing comparison. PS is the socially normalized institution we are going against if we choose not to use it. It's not meant to be a slam, it just makes sense to me. And I vax. :)

Reminding that well-meaning teacher friend about your one-to-one student teacher ratio ought to simplify things. The hardest thing about teaching in ps was having 25-30 students in 1st grade and being expected to teach them all how to read and write. Your dc will have a trememdous advantage just by having her very own reading and math tutor. :)

[illinoismommy]

Reminding that well-meaning teacher friend about your one-to-one student teacher ratio ought to simplify things. The hardest thing about teaching in ps was having 25-30 students in 1st grade and being expected to teach them all how to read and write. Your dc will have a trememdous advantage just by having her very own reading and math tutor. :)


:rockon

[deena]

Hugs. The years I homeschooled, my two best friends were public school teachers, very skeptical of my decision. :crazy2. They caused me to feel guilt and second guess myself. If yours do that to you I recommend getting some homeschool friends to talk to about homeschool stuff and keep the conversation with the PS teachers onto other topics.

[Sweet Life]

Thank you for all the input.

I love the beandip. :smile

FWIW, my friend definitely was trying to talk me out of HSing. At the same time, I do not believe she is concerned for her career at all but rather that she is someone who truly believes that PS works, and works well, and wants to 'save' me from making a big mistake. Especially in our school district (which is considered very 'good' by state standards)

Another friend of mine is a former PS teacher, is planning on HSing her two DDs, and is a huge source of encouragement right now. :yes So I too have seen where it can go both ways!